Chapter 41
Libby
There is something to be said about silencing your notifications.
There is even more to be said about turning your phone off completely.
Once I know that my shop is being repaired and the doors will be closed for a solid three days, I exhale all the toxicity of the last week from my body and truly rest. It’s like not wanting to go to school on a Friday because school is brutal and being a kid is hard, and then finding out it’s a snow day anyways.
By the time we open the doors again, I feel fresh.
Wounded, but fresh. I know Dax knows better than to come around and all the shop changes are on hold.
While my brother has tried in vain to get me to talk to Dax, I’ve ignored that too.
I don’t really know how to feel about this new, more selfless version of my older brother.
If I had to guess, it’s a phase so I don’t put a lot of hope in it.
Still, his words do get under my skin a little.
Not just his, but Joni’s, Summer’s…I mean shit.
Even Tom has tried to convince me to give Dax another shot.
To hear him out. Hence the reason, my phone is off.
I’m not trying to be a bitch about it. I am normally a very forgiving person.
I don’t hold grudges, and I assume the best in people.
But considering the amount of damage the man has done to a heart that was only just recently in the remission stages of heartbreak, it’s a little hard to just wave it off.
So, I hide in my bookstore, my happy place, in the horror section because I can’t stomach romance right now, even if there is a new Evvie Solomon book out.
Despite being closed for several days, it’s been a quiet Saturday morning, and I don’t hate it.
I have my coffee, I have a new price labeler, and I am content.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Summer’s voice comes from the other side of the horror shelf. She’s dusting an already dusted shelf, but I do have to give her an A for friend effort.
“Nope,” I say, taking a sip of my iced latte, choosing to relish the little things and ignore the realities.
“Fair enough,” she says but keeps dusting. She’s not going away yet.
“Because if you do, I’m here to listen.”
“Thanks,” I say.
More dusting.
I’m about to tell her, as her boss, to go find something else to do. Of course, there is nothing else to do and I’m not that kind of a boss.
“Have you talked to him?” she asks.
I bite my cheek then force a smile because I am not going to be snappy today. Snappy leads to volatile, and volatile leads to tears, and tears mean he wins.
“I have not. And you know what?” I ask, standing up so we are face to face through the two-sided bookshelf. “I don’t plan to.”
With that, I fill in the gap with a front-facing copy of Stephen King’s Misery.
Summer is no doubt about to say something again, but I am saved by the bell. The doorbells smashing against the front door as it opens and small footsteps hurry in. A customer. Awesome. Now I have something to do, and Summer will have to find something else to do too.
“Hello! Welcome–” I smile as I round the corner to the front but instantly, my heart drops.
It’s Delilah and Poppy. And while that would normally make me giddy, there are two things strangling my excitement.
One, Dax is probably behind them. That rat.
Using his girls to persuade me to talk to him.
And two, they look upset. The latter is obviously much more important.
“Girls, is everything alright?” I ask as Poppy throws her arms around me and hangs on like the world is going to fly off its axis at any moment.
“We miss you,” she whines into my stomach and my heart literally just about saws in half.
“I miss you too. Sorry, I haven’t been feeling well,” I answer, not sure what else to say. I glance back at Delilah who is keeping her distance a little.
“So, are you better now? Can you come over again? When are you moving in with us?” Poppy blurts out a string of emotional questions.
I open my mouth to answer, though I’m not sure what I am going to say when the door chimes again.
My heart hits the floor. But it’s not Dax. It’s a woman and she’s frantic.
“Girls! Oh, my goodness, girls. You can’t run that far ahead, Aunt Jenna couldn’t keep up with you.”
“We came to see Miss Libby. She’s the book lady.”
Jenna stops when she sees me, her face sinking as she realizes who I am. “She is. Of course.”
For a moment we just stare at each other and then I look down at the girls. “What if you two spend the next fifteen minutes picking out one book each.” I tell them.
“For keeps?” Poppy asks.
“Yes. But you have to look for fifteen whole minutes. That way you know you got the best ones you can find.”
“Hooray! Come on Delilah!” Poppy trots off and after a reluctant moment, Delilah follows.
“I’m sorry they just came barging in,” Jenna says wistfully. “Emotions have been running a little high recently, as I assume you can imagine.”
“I understand,” I tell her. Then I look at her. I really look at her. Because as much as my brain made her out to be the bad guy, it’s hard for a woman not to see the side of another woman, even one who is upsetting. “Can we talk for a moment?” I ask.
Jenna looks at me, then glances over at the girls, and back at me again.
“They’re alright, I promise,” I tell her. She nods hesitantly and then follows me to the front of the store.
“Is this the window that was broken?” she asks.
“Yeah. It was a mess.”
“I saw it on the news. People are terrible,” she says.
“They can be,” I answer. And by this time, I’m over the small talk. I’m not a small talker. “Can I honest with you?” I ask.
Jenna looks away from the window. “Let me guess, you think I’m the devil?”
“No. I actually don’t,” I tell her and her brows twitch in a hint of surprise. “I know how much you love them. And I know how much you miss your sister.”
“Do you though?” she snaps. Then she bites her tongue, her harshness catching herself off guard.
“I do. My parents died.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“My dad a few years ago. And my mom when I was young. I understand wanting to guard yourself after that.”
The girls are giggling and squealing at something they see in a book and Jenna and I both look over. “You know,” she says softly. “One of the hardest parts of it all is that I see her in them every day. They’re little mini mes of Tess and it just…kills me.”
“I can only imagine,” I tell her.
“They’ve been through so much. Lost so much. And I can’t let that happen again.”
I chew my lip before going on. I know what I want to say but I want to make sure I say it right. “I know it might not be my place, but don’t you think that being taken away from their dad would be traumatic for them?”
“I know it would be. But put yourself in my shoes. He works more than he’s around.
They are with me a lot, though it’s not as much as it was in the beginning.
They actually stayed with me for six months when Tess first died.
One, because being in the house around all the things that reminded them of her was too hard on them all.
And two, because Dax was…non-functioning.
He shut down, so much so that I was the one taking care of the girls.
And when Kai stepped in and yanked him back onto the horse, I was with them then too.
I wanted him to get his life back together, in whatever way he possibly could, and I took over the parenting part.
” Jenna lets out a shaky yet strong sigh before going on and I can see the weariness in her eyes.
“I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for them.
And sometimes I don’t know what that is. And then, he met you.”
“I never wanted to take from his time for the girls. If he was slacking because of me–”
“Let me finish,” she cuts me off but there’s a smile hidden somewhere in the back of her tone.
“He changed. But not in a bad way. He was happy. Happier than I have seen him in years. And more present too. I knew it was because of a woman, even before I figured it out officially. And at first, it upset me. Because how could he ever replace my sister?”
“He could never,” I admit.
“But she’s not here. And you are. So, whatever happened between the two of you, it is crucial that you figure it out. They love you, Libby. They positively adore you. And I don’t want someone in their lives that they might lose.”
I nod, blinking back my own tears. The weight of it all hangs in the room and I don’t know what to do.
Because it’s hitting me that heartbroken or not, betrayed or not, this isn’t just about me.
As I watch the girls, listen to their protective yet wonderfully loving aunt, I realize that it’s about more than just me.
It’s about family. And loss. And hope. And love.
It hits me all at once and I have to step outside as the emotion of what I have to do crashes over me like a wave.