Chapter 9
NINE
ROMAN
Fuck.
This is bad. This is so bad.
Auri was right. There’s no way Lochlan isn’t my mate.
Not with a kiss like that. I’ve kissed a lot of people in my life, and it’s never felt like…
I rub my forehead, sinking to my knees in my room.
Like home and pack and belonging. The only thing that’s ever compared is kissing Jare, but that was different—even though it felt fucking incredible, I knew he wasn’t my mate.
Fuck. A frustrated growl tears through me, urging me to go back to Lochlan, but I can’t. I’ll end up in his bed if I do, and then what? How the fuck am I supposed to tell Jare about this? I’m gonna lose him.
I inhale and get a strong whiff of Lochlan just as he raps on my apartment door.
“Go away,” I growl quietly, knowing he can hear me.
“Please talk to me, Roman. I’m so confused right now.”
I can’t. I can’t look at him, can’t be so close I can touch him.
“I need a few minutes please.”
“Did I do something wrong? Please tell me how I upset you?”
Before I can think better of it, I’m on my feet and swinging the door open, but as soon as my wolf lays eyes on our sad, broken mate, I soften completely, all my will crumbling to the floor. I have to soothe him. It’s my job.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Loch. Of course. You’re so fucking perfect.”
He tilts his head. “What?”
My mind scrambles to come up with something that isn’t a lie but keeps some distance between us. The truth isn’t happening.
“I respect you and I shouldn’t have kissed you. My friendship with Jare means a lot to me, and I can’t… I can’t hurt him.”
Lochlan’s face screws up with anger. “He dumped me. He won’t care.”
“Come on, Loch. You know he didn’t end things because there weren’t feelings. He still cares for you or he wouldn’t have fed you. I can’t be selfish.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and pops his bottom lip in a pout. Adorable. “Maybe you could talk to me instead of whatever the heck that just was.”
“That was a mistake.” My wolf thrashes, clearly disagreeing with me.
Lochlan’s irises turn pink at the edges as he studies my face, then he inhales deeply, his eyelids fluttering. Of course he can smell my arousal, and trying to deny its existence would be futile.
“You want me.”
“I’m attracted to you.”
“But how? You hate me.”
“I don’t,” I blurt quickly, spurred on by my wolf. “But it can’t happen. You still love Jare too, right?”
“Yes,” he whispers. “But I blew it and he won’t forgive me and I don’t even know why. I know he doesn’t like vampires, but I thought because it was me, it would be different. I thought maybe we could have an amazing life. Not anymore.”
He doesn’t know and it wouldn’t be right for me to tell him why Jareth is so broken up over this.
“You should get some sleep. I apologize for disturbing you.”
“Why is it different with you and Jare? Feeding, I mean. I can barely stomach the scent of blood unless it’s him or you. Do you know why?”
I know why it works with me, but I don’t have a clue why it works with him and Jare. I shake my head, taking the cowardly route.
“Maybe because you feel comfortable with us.” Ugh, what a cop-out.
“You’re not telling the truth. I can smell it when your scent changes.”
“Of course you can,” I mumble. “Loch, please, I’m doing what I think is best for everyone. Can you just let it go?”
He drags his bottom lip through his teeth, briefly displaying his sharp, gleaming white fangs. Gods, he’s a beautiful vampire.
“Okay, Roman. I’ll leave. I’m such a fuck up,” he mutters that last part.
“No.” I grab his arm against my best judgment. Touching him in any way is a bad idea, but I can’t let him walk away defeated. “You’re wonderful, and it’ll work out. Somehow.”
He gently pulls his arm away. “You don’t believe that, but it’s okay. I’ll go now.”
I watch him walk back to his room with his head down. My wolf is absolutely losing it, whimpering and thrashing, urging me to follow Loch, and if there was any doubt left that the man is my mate, it would be clear now.
I have to talk to Jareth, but what the fuck do I say? “Hey, funny story, fate is an asshole?” “I fed the man you love and it felt like paradise?” “Would you consider a threesome?”
I close my door and shuffle back to bed, no happier than I was when I got up a while ago. I have no idea what to do next or how to calm my wolf, but I know that climbing into Loch’s bed would be the worst thing I could do.
I squeeze my hard cock, blowing out a frustrated breath and mentally trying to soothe my wolf. He wants Loch close again, his weight on my lap, his teeth in my neck, taking what he needs and knowing that I’ll always take care of him.
Ugh. I am so fucked.
JARETH
I can’t sleep.
It’s the second night in a row, so instead of tossing and turning like I did last night, I’ve decided to sit under the moon with my tea leaves. I need to know how Lochlan is doing.
Digging into my velvet pouch, I pull out a couple of the strands of Lochlan’s hair that I’ve carefully gathered each time I find some in my home. I never knew I’d be using them for a spell like this, but I’m desperate.
I’ve never been particularly good at the location spell, but I’m hoping the connection I have with Roman will help boost it since they’re together.
Sitting in my courtyard, the moon shining bright in the sky and providing enough light for me to see, I mix my components into the mortar and pestle—a bit of lavender, mixed herbs from my garden, the dried tea leaves from the cup Roman drank from, and Lochlan’s hair.
At the last minute, I feel compelled to sprinkle cinnamon into the mixture, so I do that before lighting my candle; purple, to help strengthen my psychic connection to Loch.
Then I sit back and whisper the words I’ve been studying all day.
The mixture begins to spark and hum with energy, and as it does, my body warms. It’s working.
I close my eyes and really focus on Lochlan’s gorgeous face, his strong body, the joyful smile I was lucky enough to see every day for so long.
His face is so clear I can almost smell him, but then the vision shifts.
His smile turns deadly, his fangs protruding dangerously from his lips as he attacks someone, tearing their flesh from their bones and covering himself in their blood.
He sneers at me, licking his lips before returning to his morbid meal.
I flip the bowl over, immediately losing my connection to him, and my shoulders slump.
He wouldn’t do that, I know in my heart he wouldn’t be a heartless killer, but it’s impossible to think of him without remembering what was done to me.
What if his vampiric nature takes over and he can’t help it? What if he hurts people? Or worse?
Unshed tears sting my eyes as I lean my head back to let the moonlight fall on my face. Gods, I would give anything to turn back the clock and show him how important he is to me before he made such an epically bad decision.
Deciding to clean up my mess, I flip the bowl over again, but I gasp as I see how the tea leaves fell. Oh gods. A message.
I run my fingers over the leaves, jumping slightly when they fizzle and snap. Oh. Oh no.
Lochlan is in trouble. I read the leaves intently, looking for subtleties. I don’t feel Roman’s energy with him, which leads me to believe he’s done exactly what he did to me and pulled a disappearing act; a feat I bet is much easier now that he’s a vampire.
Fuck. I need to find Roman. He’s told me how to get to him before but I’ve never done it. No time like the present though. I’m used to waiting for him to decide to visit, but this feels urgent.
Lochlan’s life may depend on it.
LOCHLAN
Creeping through the darkness of the compound, I wonder for a moment how I’m going to get out of here without Roman’s help, but I have to. I’m screwing everything up and now the only sort-of friend I have is uncomfortable with me too.
I need help, and not the kind Cassius, Roman, or even Jareth can give me. I need to reverse what’s happened to me. Maybe then I can try to salvage my relationship.
As I walk, I try to ignore the warm tingle still dancing on my lips from Roman’s kiss, but it’s useless.
Why did it feel so good? So right? And his blood…
It was delicious. It was like feeding from Jareth—warm, filling, sustaining.
It tasted sweet and cinnamony, like my favorite breakfast pastries I used to eat before my change.
My stomach growls with want, but I keep walking until I find a door that leads outside.
The underworld is dark, as expected, but the terrain isn’t what I thought it would be.
I guess I pictured it looking like a Gothic haven, but except for the lack of sunlight and cars, it reminds me of a moderately sized city.
The major difference is the inhabitants.
With so many faceless beings floating around, it’s immediately clear that this isn’t the mortal world.
Some of the beings who pass me have more fully formed bodies, with horns and tails, and I assume they’re demons. Everyone ignores me though.
I step out beyond the gates, taking in the craggy rocks surrounding the compound, then look around. One of these beings has to know how to get out of here.
A small figure bounces by me as if skipping, and there’s an air of lightness and innocence surrounding it.
“Excuse me.” I hurry behind it and when it turns to face me, my breath catches. It appears to be a young person, not quite a teenager. Half her face is scarred with horrific burns while the other half is unblemished.
She smiles at me. “Hello.”
“Hi. Um, can you tell me how to get out of here? I mean back up where the mortals live?”
She pokes my chest several times. “You are not dead.” Her voice sounds strange, disconnected somehow.
“No,” I answer. “Well… kind of, but I don’t belong here.” I correct. “I’m a vampire.”
“You don’t belong here,” she singsongs. “I will find the guards.”
“No, please. I just want to go home.”
“Guards will help.” She skips off before I can stop her, disappearing into a mist.