Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
ROMAN
My hackles go down and my wolf fully relaxes finally once we’re back in our territory, safely inside the compound with Lochlan and Jareth on either side of me.
“Oh wow, that was crazy.” Loch’s words are slightly slurred, and he punctuates them with a giggle. He stumbles a step and then turns unsteadily on his feet to face Jare and me, grabbing our jaws in each one of his hands and giggling again. “Are you two going to kiss again? It wasss kinda sexy.”
“Shit, what’s wrong with him?” I growl, gently taking his face in my hands and looking into his eyes. His pupils are dilated and it looks like there’s a faint glow around his irises. “Is it some kind of fae spell? Did they do something to him?”
Cassius moves closer, bringing his nose up to the side of Loch’s neck.
A threatening sound rumbles instinctively in my throat, and I bare my human-shaped teeth at him.
He responds to my protective posturing with an eye roll and inhales deeply.
I have a damn good nose, but all I can smell is Loch’s intoxicating scent and way too much of the fae realm clinging to him, obscuring anything else like an overpowering cologne.
“He’ll be fine,” Cas declares. “He fed on a fae. Probably a lot, considering how loopy he is. Fae blood is good shit, but it’s basically absinthe.
A little sip of it and you’ll feel incredible, too much and you’re drunk until you work it all out of your system.
Some vamps become addicts after their first taste and spend centuries as fae pets just to get the occasional taste. ”
“Great, another thing for us to worry about,” Jare mutters.
“He’ll be fine,” I repeat Cas’s first assurance through clenched teeth. “Is there anything we can do to help him clear it from his system faster?”
“Some of your blood will help, and then he really just needs to sleep it off and prepare for an epic hangover tomorrow.”
“Okay, thanks.” I realize everyone else is still lingering, and I nod to each of them. “Thanks to all of you for your help. I owe you each a favor.”
Loch gets sympathetic pats on the back from everyone and promises to check in on him tomorrow, and then the three of us are alone.
I pick a few strange purple leaves out of Loch’s hair and brush some of the unkempt strands off of his forehead while he just stares at me with a look of dazed adoration that makes my heart thunder and fills my wolf with a deep sense of satisfaction.
“Come on, your room is just around the corner.”
“Don’t leave me,” he gasps and reaches for me, digging his fingers into my biceps a little too roughly.
I wince and pry his sharp talons out of my skin, warm blood trickling down the backs of my arms for a second before the wounds heal.
“We won’t leave you. I’m going to feed you, and then we’re going to stay with you while you get some sleep, okay?” I run my fingers soothingly through his hair again, and he nods, then sways into me. I laugh, sweeping him easily into my arms to carry him since he’s so unsteady on his feet.
I glance back at Jareth, and the look on his face is like a dagger straight through my chest. He knows, or at least he suspects, and I can’t lie to him much longer. One problem at a time though.
“You coming?” I take a step in the direction of Loch’s room and tilt my head to beckon Jare after us.
He hesitates, and another quiet growl vibrates in my throat.
“Come on, Jare. He’s going to want to see you when he sobers up.
If you go home now, he’s just going to pop up in your garden in the morning. ”
He sighs and follows me.
JARETH
Roman lays Loch down gently in his bed. It’s impossible not to notice the tender way he keeps touching him, brushing his hair back and stroking his fingertips over Loch’s forehead, his cheekbones, his jaw, like he can’t stop himself, like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.
Roman looks over his shoulder at me with concern in his eyes. “Are you okay seeing me feed him? You can take a shower if you don’t want to be here for it.”
I’m sure he’s worried that seeing Loch feed will trigger my trauma, or maybe he just doesn’t want me to see how intimate it will be, since they’re—
No. I can’t bring myself to even think the word.
I don’t need to torture myself with any of this.
He’s wrong; when Loch wakes up, I’ll be the last thing on his mind.
I should just go home and leave them to their happily ever after.
I can hardly breathe though even thinking about it.
I want to scream and cry and fucking break something.
I want to tell Roman to forget I ever existed and to just let me grow old in my forest all alone.
But for some goddamn reason, I shake my head instead and make my way over to take a seat on the foot of the bed.
Roman watches me silently for several long seconds before he turns his attention back to Loch.
“I can’t believe you both came to find me. You’re both so sexy and pretty and nice,” Loch rambles, and I can tell Roman is trying not to laugh.
“You’re welcome,” he says patiently, tugging the collar of his shirt to the side and tilting his head to give Loch access to his jugular. “I want you to have a little drink, so you’ll start to feel better, and then you’re going to get some rest.”
Lochlan barely hesitates, his fangs elongating and sharpening almost instantly and his face twisting into something predatory and terrifying, but somehow beautiful at the same time.
He sinks his teeth into Roman’s throat, and Roman gasps, his eyelids fluttering and his expression melting into one of pure bliss.
I was right, it is intimate. More than that, it’s sensual.
I must be some kind of masochist, because even though my heart feels completely fucking shattered, it beats faster.
Roman pulls Loch onto his lap, sliding his hands down to cup Loch’s ass, both of them letting out soft moans as he feeds.
My cock swells and my breathing speeds up to match my thundering heart rate.
There must be something truly wrong with me that this is turning me on even though I know I’m losing them both.
“That’s enough,” Roman rasps, and his grip on Loch’s hair tightens.
Loch doesn’t stop feeding though. That’s enough to jolt me out of my dazed moment of horny confusion.
I lean forward, put my hands on his back, and send a soothing flow of magic through him to relax him.
It seems to work, because he eases up enough that Roman is able to pull him off, and I guide him back down onto his pillow.
The glow in his eyes is already less noticeable, but they’re still unfocused and his pupils are still dilated.
He has a droplet of Roman’s blood clinging to his bottom lip, and maybe it should disgust me, but it doesn’t.
This might be the last time I touch Loch at all, maybe that’s why I use my thumb to catch the stray smear of blood and press it between his lips for him.
His hot tongue laps at my fingertip and then he sucks it for a minute, his eyelids starting to droop with exhaustion.
He grabs my wrist when I pull my thumb out from between his lips.
“I love you, Jare. Beautiful mage, my magic man,” he murmurs. “I asked the fae to fix me, but he was bad, he just wanted to hurt me.” He sniffles and brings my hand to the side of his face, nuzzling it like I’m some kind of security blanket. “I just wanted you to love me again.”
“Shh, I know.” I lean over him and brush a kiss to his forehead, cool and smooth like granite now that he’s a vampire. “Get some sleep, okay?”
“Stay?”
“I’ll stay,” I promise, and he finally lets go of my hand and closes his eyes.
I crawl off the bed slowly, careful not to jostle it too much. Now that Loch is taken care of and all the immediate danger is over, every frayed string that’s been holding me together snaps. I bury my face in my hands, and I don’t even bother trying to fight the sobs that rack my body.
Roman’s arms wrap around me from behind, strong and familiar, and that only makes me cry harder. How am I supposed to let them go?
“Come here,” he murmurs, and he nudges me to move. I have no clue where we’re going, and I don’t really care, so I just let him steer me without bothering to look.
I hear a door open and close, and then Roman gently pries my hands off of my face. We’re in Lochlan’s bathroom. He grabs a clean washcloth off of a shelf next to the large shower, dampens it under the tap, then brings it to my face to wipe away the tears and snot.
“Stop it,” I snap, batting his hand away.
“Stop what?” He frowns and lets me take the cloth from him so I can clean myself up.
“Stop being nice to me.” The cloth isn’t enough, so I lean over the sink and splash some water onto my face.
I growl under my breath—a much less intimidating growl than Roman can manage, for the record—when a dry towel is thrust into my hand while my face is still dripping wet.
“You have a mate now. He’s the one you should be taking care of, not me. ”
I finish patting my skin dry and turn back to face Roman.
With my tears dried up, I’m left with rage instead.
Rage at the unfairness of this whole thing, at Roman for daring to be fated to Loch, even though part of me knows it was never up to them, and rage at myself for holding on to the hope for so long that maybe one day Roman would see how silly he was to wait for a fated mate and realize our love could be enough.
He doesn’t say anything.
“That’s what this is, right? Lochlan is your fated mate?”
“Yes.”
I was wrong; the tears haven’t completely dried up.
A fresh wave of them streams down my face and I do the only thing I can think to do with all of these confusing, painful feelings inside me.
I shove Roman right in the chest. He doesn’t budge, of course.
So, I do it again. And again, crying harder each time I push him, and he stays firmly in place.
Fuck, it’s such a perfect goddamn allegory for our entire relationship.
“Jareth, listen to me.” He cups my face in his large hands and holds my gaze with a serious look in his dark eyes. “I thought that when I found my fated mate, all the feelings I have for you would change.”
I let out a quiet whimper that bubbles up into another full-on sob.
“No, baby, listen,” he says again. “Everyone always told me that when you find your fated mate, you don’t even want to look at anyone else.
I didn’t think I could ever stop caring about you, but I thought it meant I wouldn’t want to kiss you anymore, that I wouldn’t ache to touch you every time I got near you, that I would stop wanting to fill you with my knot and listen to you moan my name for hours. ”
Heat rushes through me and the shock of what he’s saying is enough to stop my tears in their tracks.
“So, what? You’re going to ignore the fated mate bond you’ve spent your whole life waiting for?” I scoff.
“I don’t think I can,” he says gruffly, and his eyes flash yellow and wolfy for a brief moment, confirming that there’s no way his wolf would ever allow that to happen.
“Then we’re out of fucking options, Rome. Just let me go, okay? I’ll go home, you’ll stay and take care of Loch, and eventually the feelings will fade. You won’t think of me anymore, and I’ll find a way to be happy just knowing that the two of you are happy.”
“I can’t.”
He slams his mouth into mine, and I know I should tell him to stop, but I can’t.
It’s selfish, but I need just a minute of comfort, of pretending like my world isn’t shattering.
It’s rough and desperate, all tongues and biting teeth, our mouths opting for feral chaos instead of a consistent, steady rhythm.
We take turns licking into each other’s mouths, swallowing each other’s moans, and panting briefly into the space between our mouths before diving in all over again.
My cock aches and my skin crackles with an overflow of magic.
Roman wrenches himself away from my lips with a pained groan, like letting go of me is the hardest thing he’s ever done. I wipe my hand over my damp mouth and brace myself against the sink while I catch my breath.
“Where does this leave us?” I ask reluctantly, not really wanting to know the answer.
Roman looks at the door and then back at me with pleading in his eyes.
“I might know, but we all need to talk when Loch is up for it. Will you at least stay until then?”
I shouldn’t.
But I nod anyway.
“I’ll stay.” At least until Loch wakes up and we can all get some closure.