Chapter 25
Gavin
“Billiards must be a game that you get worse at with age,” Elias says as he sinks a striped ball into the corner pocket. This, of course, is after I missed my last shot.
“The fact alone that you called it billiards instead of pool shows your age, little brother, so I wouldn’t be so smug,” I say, taking a sip of my beer.
Summit Suds Brewing is packed with friends and family tonight.
Most of them are hanging around the bar top, drinking beer, and catching up.
I love that about weddings. It seems like it takes people dying or getting hitched for family and friends to come together.
It’s wild to me because once we are all in the same room, it’s always a great time.
Elias and I are in the corner playing pool, taking a minute to ourselves.
“Says the man who has sunk the white ball twice in this game,” he points out. “That tells me your head is elsewhere.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, focusing all my attention on the game. Well, my outward attention anyway.
“Liar,” he says. When I don’t respond, he goes on. “How’s working with Charlotte going?” he asks.
“Great,” I say.
“Oh really?” he asks, not buying it. I’ve always prided myself on having a pretty impeccable poker face. Elias prides himself on being able to see through it.
“Sort of,” I admit. Elias’s grin grows. “Alright, it’s been mostly a nightmare,” I say, and he laughs. “But as of recently, it’s much smoother. We agreed on a cake flavor and the band. So overall I’d say we’re on the up and up,” I say, finally sinking a shot and pivoting to take another.
“Interesting. How about the relationship on the unprofessional side?” he presses.
“Now I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.
“Hmm. So all those glances you two have been giving each other when you think no one is paying attention–”
“Has it been obvious?” I ask quickly, and his grin spreads.
“I knew it,” he says.
I take a step closer to him, my back to the rest of the room. “I’m serious, Elias. Has anyone else noticed the tension?”
“Tension. Looks. Smiles. That lip bite she does right before sliding her glasses up her nose. You know, that girl really does have a sexy librarian meets Lois Lane look about her.”
“If Ben noticed or god fucking forbid anything else came out, do you have any idea the trouble that would start?” I half whisper, half yell.
“Oh I do,” I say. “You’re in deep, no doubt.”
I rake my hand through my hair. “I just have to make it through this week. That’s it. Then we will be home free.”
“Home free to do what exactly?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s not like whatever is going on between you two is going to just abruptly end as soon as your son says I do. Also, whose idea was that awful green color? It looks like Oliver’s spit up.”
I ignore the last part. The more of that color I see, the more I see things from Charlotte’s point of view. Still, I stay on topic. Or try to.
“I don’t think you’re seeing the full picture here,” I tell him. “Charlotte and I cannot be involved.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s closer to Ben’s age than she is to mine. Because…” I trail off. I guess that’s all I got. “In many people’s eyes, an age gap like that would be taboo.”
“Since when do you care what other people think?” he asks. “And hasn’t Ben dated older women before?”
“Yeah, like five years or something. Nothing like this,” I say.
“I still don’t see why it matters. Unless offending your son for dating his soon to be wife’s new bestie isn’t the only reason you’re hesitant to have feelings for Charlotte.”
“I don’t know where you’re going with this,” I say, even though I know exactly where he’s going.
“Maybe you have conflicting feelings about caring for a woman who isn’t Allie?” he asks carefully. Even when her name is said gingerly, it still stings.
“There will never be another Allie,” I say.
“Here’s the thing,” he says. “I believe that. Allie was one of a kind. For someone who found their partner young, you hit the nail on the head. You couldn’t have done better. But having feelings for another woman doesn’t mean you love Allie any less.”
“I get that,” I say. I’m holding my pool stick with one end on the floor, turning it in my hand as I think about all of it. “But I feel like moving on means leaving her behind.”
“You can’t leave a woman behind that is always in your heart,” he says.
“You know as well as I do that there’s always room in your heart for more people.
It’s like the way you feel about your kids.
Having Ben didn’t change the way you felt about Madison,” he explains.
I look over to my oldest child, Madison, who is laughing at the bar with one of Holly’s friends, as usual, lighting up the room.
“I guess that makes sense,” I say. “But it still feels very complicated.”
“It is complicated,” he says with an easy laugh. “It’s love. It’s the most complicated thing on the planet. But it’s worth it. It’s worth chasing and going out on a limb for. It’s worth fighting for and defending if it comes down to it. If your heart is in it, that’s what matters the most.”
I think about her for a minute. The way she pushes her glasses up her nose, bites her lip, and the way her laughs sounds, not just a giggle but when she really lets it out.
Her taste in music and her views on things.
She’s something else. A puzzle. Straight forward and mysterious all at the same time.
“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now,” Elias says.
“It’s hard,” I say. “And confusing. Because Charlotte is…bewitching. But Allie was my soulmate. There will never be anyone else like her.”
“That’s true,” Elias agrees. “But there will also never be anyone else like Charlotte either. And she’s the one standing in front of you.”
I nod and swallow, watching Charlotte across the room as she talks and laughs and sips what looks like a Dr. Pepper. I know deep down that my brother is right…about all of it.