Chapter 36
Charlotte
I don’t know what to do.
It’s like everything is moving in slow motion, and it’s all happening so fast. Holly blew up at Ben, and then she took off. Gavin marched away, and Ben followed him. And all of it is my fault.
Despite feeling like I’m being ripped in every direction, Holly is the one I am most worried about. So I go after her.
“Holly,” I call out, rapping my knuckles against the locked door of the bridal suite. “Holly, please open the door. I just want to talk. Please.”
“I just want to be alone,” she calls back, clearly still crying.
“I understand. And I’m sorry,” I say, my cheeks burning with hot tears. “But you have to believe me, I never meant for this to happen. Any of it.”
“I don’t know what to believe,” she says. “I can’t trust anyone.”
“I know,” I say, pressing my palm to the door. It’s quiet for a moment, but I feel connected to the girl on the other side. Despite everything, I feel like we share something special. It feels like I’m in danger of losing it, and it’s breaking my heart.
Suddenly, the door opens, and my head jerks up to see Holly standing there. Her hair is a mess, and so is her makeup. I bet her heart's a mess too.
“Do you still have feelings for him?” she asks. “Because from my point of view, when I walked up on the two of you talking, it looked like you do. So I need to know. Did you agree to this job just so you could see him again? Or try to get him back?”
“Oh my gosh, no,” I shake my head. “Holly. I did not know when I accepted the job from you that he was the groom.”
“So why didn’t you say anything when you found out?” she asks.
“Because…I didn’t want to lose the job,” I admit. “I…I need it.”
Her eyes trail down to my belly where my hand is subconsciously resting.
“I see.”
“But also…I loved planning your wedding, Holly. I always try to connect with the brides I work with, but when I met you, I really liked you. I didn’t want to lose that.”
Holly studies me, looking for truth in my words.
“And the baby isn’t Ben’s?” she asks again.
“Of course not. It wouldn’t make sense time-wise.”
“Thank God,” Ben’s voice comes from behind me, and I whip around to see him standing there. “Sorry, but I needed to reiterate my relief more than once. You understand.”
I literally have no idea what I’m even supposed to say to that, but Holly responds by slamming the door in both our faces. If I had to guess, it was for Ben.
Of course, he doesn’t get the memo.
“Holly? Holly, please talk to me,” Ben says, and we can audibly hear the lock bolt into the door. “I don’t think she wants to talk to me,” he says.
“I think you’re probably right,” I cringe.
Ben turns and runs his hands through his hair, holding them on his head for a minute. “How did this happen?” he asks. “How was everything good and then went so terribly wrong?”
We slowly walk towards one of the fire pits and sit down. The entire place is a ghost town, other than the brewery. If I had to guess, it is where everyone is hiding.
“Well, first off, the universe hates us,” I say.
“Seriously,” he agrees. “I mean, what are the odds of all of it?”
I shake my head and sigh. “I don’t know.”
Ben shifts in the chair, his hands in his pockets and a hardness in his jaw that resembles Gavin's. It makes me curious what Allie looked like because while he favors Gavin; they are also very different. There’s a softness to Ben that Gavin doesn’t have.
Gavin’s jaw is more square. His brow is deeper.
As if Ben can read my mind, he nods up at me. “I have to know, Charlie…why my dad? Of all the men to rebound with, why did it have to be him?”
“Well, first of all, I didn’t know Gavin was your dad.
In case you forgot, you never introduced me to any of your friends or family at all.
And secondly, I didn’t exactly choose him.
I was at the Cantina Azul with Josie; we were drinking, and I was feeling a little daring.
I approached him, but I didn’t know who he was. ”
Ben shakes his head again. “This is crazy.”
“Yeah,” I say softly. “It’s crazy how little choice we have in who we fall in love with.”
I stop, and so does Ben. Then he turns and looks at me. “You’re in love with him?” he asks.
I bite my lip. The old Charlotte would deny it. She’d try to take the words back and make excuses. But that girl isn’t me anymore, and I’m done lying, even to myself.
“Yes,” I simply say. “I am in love with him.”
“Jesus,” he lets out.
“I didn’t expect to fall for him, believe me. The man drives me fucking insane.”
Ben’s eyes widen, and I just throw my hands up. “Yes. I dropped the F-bomb.”
“God, you really have changed,” he says.
“Yes and no. I’m still me, but I’m not afraid of life anymore. Or love. Or taking chances.”
“So if you love him, then why didn’t you tell him you’re pregnant?” Ben asks.
“I was going to,” I say, and it’s true. “I just wasn’t sure when the right time would be. I mean, until recently, we haven’t even been getting along.”
“Holly said she sensed some tension,” he says with a hint of a smile.
“Yeah. He’s kind of infuriating, honestly,” I admit.
“Now you know how I feel,” Ben says, and I smile slightly too.
“Infuriating. Stubborn. Smug. But also…” I trail off in another direction. “Sweet. Funny. Compassionate. Strong. Charming.”
“Alright, alright. I get the picture,” Ben says, and I giggle. Then we both sigh.
“You gotta fix things with Holly,” I tell him.
“She’s going to have to open the door first,” he says, and he’s not wrong.
“She will. Keep trying. She deserves to be chased,” I say, and we both stand up.
“You’re right,” he admits. “I’m going to let her cool off for a bit and try again.”
“Good idea,” I say. “I’m going to go back to my cabin and pick up the pieces of my life…or attempt to.”
Ben offers a genuine smile, and I head off.
“Hey Charlie?” he asks, and I bite back a smile. I give up. He’s never going to call me Charlotte.
“Yes?”
“So do you. Deserve to be chased, I mean.”
Once I walk inside my cabin, I close the door behind me. Josie is sitting on the bed, waiting for me.
“I was wondering where you were,” she says with genuine concern.
“I was talking to Ben,” I say.
“Not Gavin?” she asks.
“No. I was trying to talk to Holly because I feel terrible. She didn’t really want to talk,” I say, sitting down on the bed with a defeated sigh. “Then Ben showed up and tried to talk to Holly, but Holly didn’t want to talk to him either. So Ben and I ended up talking.”
“And how did that go?” she asks, and the tears break.
“God, I don’t know, Jo,” I say. “All of it is such a mess. One minute we were having a snowball fight and the next minute I’m telling Ben I am pregnant.
Everyone happened to walk up exactly when I was telling him.
Now Ben knows I slept with Gavin. Gavin knows Ben is my ex.
Holly knows I am Ben’s ex, and everyone knows I’m pregnant and I just–”
I stop talking because I am crying too hard. Josie hushes me, pulling me against her.
“It’s okay,” she says softly. “We will figure it out. All of it.”
“How?” I ask, pulling back. “How can any of this ever be okay? Gavin won’t speak to me. Holly and Ben’s wedding is ruined. I might be out of a job, which is really inconvenient because babies are not cheap and I really need the money. Especially if Gavin is through with me.”
“I don’t think Gavin is going to be through with you,” she says.
“How do you know?” I sniff, wiping my nose. “I omitted the fact that he is going to be a dad…again.”
“You just said it,” she tells me. “He’s been a dad before. I don’t think turning a blind eye is characteristic of him.”
“Yeah, but there’s one big difference,” I say somberly. “The mother of his other children was the love of his life.”
“You don’t think Gavin is in love with you?” Josie frowns.
I thought he was. I was almost sure that was the direction things were heading. But now? After everything that’s happened? If I’m being honest…
“I don’t really know.”