Chapter 2
WINSTON
Eight months later…
The lipstick has smeared.
I grind my teeth together, staring down at the napkin Dove left on the nightstand after that night. She kissed it and signed her name below the lip print.
God.
Her lips.
I miss them. I want them. I want them right now. If I think hard enough, I can almost feel the softness of her mouth again mine. I can almost smell the sweetness of her perfume and the taste of rum on her tongue.
I want to go back to that night. I want to relive it again and again.
I told her I’d haunt her, but she’s the one haunting me. Every single night I wake up from a wet dream, my cum smeared all over my stomach. I haven’t done that since I was a teenager. I’ve never…wanted like this before.
I’ve tried finding her. I even hired a private investigator to search for her, but all I had to give him was this napkin and a photo she and I took together.
The problem with the photo is that it’s blurry and only captures her side profile.
We were laughing and I can’t even remember what we were laughing about.
I just remembering thinking she had the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen.
I loved that her happiness reached her eyes.
I think I fell in love that night.
And now I’m left to love a woman I can’t find.
“Dr. Warrick?”
The napkin is easy to fold, since the creases are so deep and engrained in the paper. “Yes, Olivia?” I slip it into my wallet, where the small thin square will be safe. I never want to lose the only thing I have from Dove.
The only thing I have that she has touched, besides me.
“I’m just reminding you that you have a surgery soon. Can I get you a coffee or anything beforehand?”
“That would be lovely, Olivia. Thank you. You know how much I need my coffee.”
“Four cups a day, every day, and you always want a cup before surgery too.” She smiles.
Olivia has been the best assistant I’ve ever had. She knows me better than I know myself. My habits, my moods, my emotions, and she even knows events in my life better than I do. Without her, I don’t think I would make it through the day.
“Oh, Dr. Warrick? Your father called and he wants to speak with you when you have time.”
A heavy sigh escapes me, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. I come from a very wealthy family. My adopted parents own the Warrick Medical Group, which owns hospitals across the country, including Warrick General Hospital, the hospital where I am currently chief of surgery.
“Did he say what he wanted?”
“No, but he did want to remind you that your brother’s birthday is next week, and the family is getting together to celebrate.”
My eyes round. I’m shocked that I’ve forgotten my own brother’s birthday. I’ve been so caught up in finding Dove and performing surgeries more frequently, that it completely slipped my mind. I rub my temples, hating that I forgot about Wyatt.
My parents were so busy working for the Warrick Medical Group that I took on the responsibility of raising my two younger brothers.
I didn’t miss anything while they were growing up.
If they had a basketball or football game, I was there cheering them on.
I was the first to take them to celebrate their birthdays.
I’ve been their shoulder to cry on after their hearts were broken, because that’s what older brothers do.
And I’m older by a decade. My parents adopted me when I was six, after I’d been bounced around from foster home to foster home. When The Warricks took me in as their own, I promised myself that I would never give them reason to get rid of me.
I promised to be the best son and brother they could ever ask for.
“I can’t believe I forgot,” I groan.
Olivia giggles, pushing her round pink frames up her nose. “It’s okay, Dr. Warrick, I bought him that grill I saw you looking at last week. I knew it wasn’t for you.”
I sink into my chair, relieved that Olivia is always thinking ahead. “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver. I should have bought the grill when I was looking at it. I apologize for you always having to come around to make sure my life is together.”
“Dr. Warrick, if me buying gifts, reminding you of appointments, patients, or anything else helps you save lives, then it’s the least I can do. I don’t expect you to remember everything when you’re so busy doing what matters most.”
I lean back in the chair and grin, folding my hands across my stomach. “You need a raise, I think.”
Olivia brightens. “I think so too.” She presses the side of her Bluetooth earbud.
“Dr. Warrick’s office, please hold.” She presses another button, and says to me, “I’ll catch up with you later.
I’ll be right back with your coffee, but you need to do your ritual.
You always practice the surgery first so you know the motions and every step. You need to start now.”
“Superstitious, Olivia?”
“Um, yes. Especially since tonight is a full moon. You know you’re going to be busy and not go home for another day. It always happens. I don’t know how you aren’t more superstitious.”
She presses the button again, listens, and scrolls through the calendar on her phone. “Sorry, that day doesn’t work. What about three weeks from now? Tuesday.”
At the person’s response, Olivia pinches her face before rolling her eyes.
“He’s a busy man. A doctor. Chief of surgery.
If you want a meeting with him, you have to work around his schedule, not the other way around.
Oh, Tuesday will work now? Great.” She presses another button, grinning at me again as she grabs the door handle. “Motions. Rituals. Get to it.”
She leaves me alone and I can hear her answering calls from her desk on the other side of the door.
I’m so glad I have her as my assistant. Truly, I have no idea what I’ll do if she ever decides to leave.
I know there’s no room for a promotion for her, being my assistant, so all I can do is pay her a great wage, be a decent boss, and hope that’s enough to make her stay.
Hopefully, until I retire.
Clicking a few buttons on my screen to get to today’s surgery schedule, I find the patient’s name and surgery details to begin going through the motions of every movement I’ll make.
I sit at my desk with my hands up as if I’m a puppeteer.
I’m a conductor, a maestro, gliding my hands in the air with perfect precision.
In my head, I imagine every cut, every organ, every vital step that I can’t miss if I want this patient to make it off my table alive.
Until my phone rings.
The loud blast startles me and my hands change direction, flinging away from the imaginary patient. I would have cut a vein if that happened in real time, and the patient could have bled out, which is why I give Olivia my cell phone before I go into surgery. She takes care of any missed calls.
I have a system. I have a strategy. I cannot be changed or interrupted, or I will become an aggravated asshole, Olivia’s words, not mine.
She’s right, though. I have control issues.
The phone rings again and I tug it out of my coat pocket, seeing the private investigator’s name flash across the screen.
I shouldn’t answer it. I have a surgery to prep for, but he might have information on Dove, and then that’s all I’ll be able to think about.
She has taken over my every thought. I’ve become determined.
Obsessed, even. Every day that goes by that I don’t have her in my arms, I spiral further down the well of need.
“Anything?” I answer without saying hello, keeping my voice quiet so Olivia doesn’t storm in here and yell at me for not doing my ritual.
He sighs. “I think I’ve narrowed it down some. There weren’t many people traveling with that name to Costa Rica. The problem is finding all the flights that flew to Costa Rica and home again. There aren’t a lot of people named Dove, but there are more than you think.”
My temper burns within my chest and my teeth grind together, impatience gripping my tongue. I do not like waiting. It’s my poorest quality. I am not a patient man.
“It’s been eight months and that’s all you have for me? We know this about the airlines. Why is it so fucking difficult for you to find her?” I whisper harshly, peeking out the window to see if Olivia is looking at me. “What’s taking so long?”
“I only have her first name. I don’t have her airline, the seat she sat in, the company she worked for. You have given me almost no information.”
“You’re fired. I’ll find her my-fucking-self.” I toss my phone on the table, my heart pounding in my chest. I do my best to breathe in and out, to calm myself before surgery. I’ll need to leave any minute to scrub in.
Finding Dove has taken over my every thought. I’ve even debated the possibility of retiring so I can spend my days searching for a woman I’ll most likely never see again. I have the money. I could live the rest of my life without worrying and be fine.
But I love this job too much. I’m only forty-five, and I was the youngest doctor ever appointed to be the chief of surgery at this hospital.
I know it’s because of who my family is, but no one can argue that I’m not a good doctor.
“Dr. Warrick.”
I didn’t even hear Olivia knock. I’m rubbing my temples, trying to soothe the headache creeping in. I’m so foolish. I’m risking too much. Dove probably wants nothing to do with me. She’s probably moved on with her life. She might be dating.
Internally, I sneer. I hate the thought of that.
She belongs to me.
I know she felt what I felt that night. It wasn’t just the liquor that made that memory unforgettable. There was something magnetic about us together and I want that feeling again. I want to chase it. Catch it.
And make it mine.
“Yes, Olivia?” I grumble, tired of the self-inflicted chaos swirling in my mind.
“Do we need to reschedule the surgery? Are you okay? I can go get medication. When was the last time you ate? Did you forget? Again?”
Yes.
But she doesn’t need to know that.
“I’m fine, Olivia. I’ll be on my way in a minute.”
“Hmm,” she hums, clearly not believing a word.
She closes the door behind her, then lowers the blinds. “Okay, talk to me, Dr. Warrick. What’s going on?”
I shake my head. “Nothing. Just a long day. I’ll be fine.”
She narrows her eyes, pressing the button on her earbud. “Hold please.” She crosses her legs and plucks the earbud from her ear. “Stop lying and talk to me. You’ve been different ever since you came home from vacation eight…almost nine months ago? It’s been a while. What is going on with you?”
“I can’t discuss my personal life with you.”
“Why not? We’ve worked together for years. If you don’t consider me a friend, then our relationship is much different than I thought.”
“Of course we’re friends.” I soften my gaze and tone. “I apologize. You’re right. But now might not be the time, considering I have about five minute to go scrub in.”
“Five minutes is plenty of time. Leave out the details. Go.” She taps her fingers on the edge of the armchair, her patience wearing thin.
I can relate.
“I met someone in Costa Rica. I had the best night of my life. She left a note, no number, I have no idea where she’s from, where she works, and I don’t know her last name. The need to find her is consuming me.”
“Did you try making a video and posting it on social media?”
My brows rise and I rear back because…social media? I’m too old for social media. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with that.
“Yeah, you know. A video. You’re good-looking and you’re a doctor. I bet you’d go viral. You know, we should make an account. I could post you every morning. We can—”
I hold my hand up to stop her because she’s getting too excited. She talks faster as the ideas slam into her, and then she becomes impossible to understand. “No, Olivia. I don’t do social media.”
“Then, you must not want to find her that badly, or you’d do everything you could, right?”
I lean my elbows against the table, fold my hands together, and groan when I realize she’s right. “Fine. Fine—”
She squeals, jumping out of her chair to do a happy dance.
“But this isn’t a permanent thing, okay? We do this to find her. That’s all.”
“Mm-hmm.” She’s tapping away on her phone and then turns it to face me. “You’re ready. We’ll take the video when you’re done with surgery.”
I snatch the phone from her and give her my signature “really?” expression. “DoctorSilverFox. Have you lost your mind? That cannot be the username.” I stand, pointing at the device. “Fix it.”
“I can’t change the name for a certain number of days.” She pouts to hide how funny she thinks this all is. “Oh, no.”
“You better be glad I can’t survive this place without you, because that’s sneaky. People are going to think I’m conceited.”
She snorts.
“What?”
“Sorry, Doctor, but anyone who looks like that”—she waves her hand up and down my body—“is a little conceited.”
I grin with a roll of my eyes. “I don’t know if I like that logic. I can’t stick around and argue with you, though. I need to hurry to the OR.”
“Go. We’ll talk later. You didn’t do your ritual or have your coffee.”
“I never got my coffee.”
“It’s on your desk.”
My gaze darts around the desk, not seeing the cup at all.
She exhales, tapping away on her phone. “It’s there.” She points, and I follow her finger to the cup sitting on the edge of the desk.
“When did you bring it to me?”
She smirks. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
I snag it, take a sip, and groan when the warm caffeine hits my soul.
“You’re slick, Olivia. If you weren’t on my good side, I’d be worried.
” I check my watch and curse. “Damn, I’m going to be late.
We’ll talk later.” I hurry out of the office, not bothering to shut the door, and speed walk down the hallway.
The coffee tastes delicious, giving me the pep in my step that I need. It’s a temporary solution for a long-term problem.
A permanent solution would be Dove.
I will find her. I don’t care how long it takes. If social media doesn’t work, I’ll figure out something else. All I know is that I refuse to live the rest of my life without the happiness of holding Dove again.
She’s a want.
She’s a need.
She’s the life I have forgotten to live all these years.