Chapter 27
Zane
“You know, this isn’t that much different than mixing together a protein shake,” I say as I prepare a bottle for Bentley.
We’ve been giving him a mix of donated breast milk and formula.
I know Similac isn’t the same as a pre-workout mix; I tell myself it is for the sake of feeling like I know what I’m doing.
Bentley is sitting in a bouncer, waiting surprisingly patiently for his bottle as I talk to him like he’s one of the guys at the gym.
Ashlyn and I were up most of the night, in a good way.
In fact, after she figured out that all the little man needed was a relaxing bubble bath, it actually ended up being an amazing night, even if I am tired to my bones today.
“Alright, one milk bottle neat, straight no chaser for you,” I say, holding the bottle up to Bentley to feed him, all the while grabbing a bottle of beer for myself. “And one bottle of low calorie, low flavor beer for me. Cheers,” I say, tapping the two together.
I take a long pull from my bottle, and he guzzles from his. I watch him. His hands find mine, wrapping around my fingers with a firm grasp. I can’t help but smile.
“You’re growing on me, you know that?” I admit, brushing the top of his hand with my thumb.
“So let’s talk. Just me and you. Man to man.
” I sit down on the chair in front of him, feeding him as I nurse myself–beer that is.
“Full disclosure? I have no idea what I’m doing.
I never thought I was going to be a dad.
Not that I didn’t want to be. I just figured if it hadn’t happened by now, it wasn’t going to happen at all. ”
I pause to take a sip and readjust the bottle in my hand.
Bentley stays quiet other than his milk-chugging.
I chuckle. “Damn, Little Man. You really can throw it back,” I say.
“I mean, darn. I guess I’m going to have to watch my language from now on.
I guess I’m going to have to make a lot of changes. ”
I set my beer down and watch Bentley for a minute.
I take in features: blue eyes, curly strawberry-blond hair, and a pronounced nose.
“You know something? You do look a little like me,” I say, and while I’m talking to him, I’m thinking out loud too.
“You know, with a face like that there could be a future for you. You look like a lady-killer already.”
Bentley slurps down the rest of his bottle, and I pick him up to burp him.
“Listen, speaking of good looks. We are going to have to come to an agreement, okay? All this up all night stuff isn’t working for me.
Don’t tell anyone I said this, especially Cal, but when I don’t get enough sleep, I get wrinkles.
Well, I could get wrinkles, and that’s kind of a big deal. ”
Bentley burps in response, and I laugh, then hold him so I can look at his face.
“Listen, I’m competing with twenty-seven-year-olds here. I need my beauty sleep,” I say, and Bentley coos at me, his little lips forming an O shape.
“I know, I know. It’s laughable that my career depends on my lack of crow’s feet. But that’s the life of a model,” I say, and Bentley yawns, his little eyelids beginning to droop. “Sure. Now you want to sleep.”
I carry him into the bedroom and lay him in his crib, feeding him his pacifier and turning on the circus animal mobile.
“Ashlyn did a good job decorating this nursery for you. She’s good at a lot of things,” I say.
Bentley’s eyes are closed as he suckles.
“Do me a favor, Little Man. Go easy on her, alright? Let us get some sleep. She really wants nothing more than to take care of you. And I want nothing more than to take care of her. And that’s kind of hard to do when neither of us can walk a straight line. ”
I walk out into the living room and whip the burp cloth off my shoulder just as the door opens. Ashlyn and Demi walk in, arms full of bags, laughing about something.
“Listen, the Jonas Brothers have always been better than One Direction,” Demi says. “Joe is a snack.”
“Maybe. If you’re into that whole lanky, bad-boy look,” Ashlyn says. “And honestly, I’m more of a Backstreet Boys fan myself.”
“You always have liked older guys,” Demi says, and while I like the turn this conversation has taken, I’m going to lose my mind if they wake Bentley up.
“Shh!” I whisper-yell, waving my arms. “He’s asleep.”
“He’s asleep?” Ashlyn echoes. “You got him to go to sleep!”
“I did, but he’s not going to stay asleep if you girls keep cackling about falsetto-singing boys,” I tease.
“Are you jealous?” she asks and my lips curl into a smirk as I snake an arm around her and pull her closer. Then I remember we aren’t alone. I think Ashlyn does too because her face flushes and she looks down, biting her lip.
“Don’t stop on my account,” Demi says. “You two are so cute together, it’s gross. In fact…why don’t you go out?”
“Go out?” Ashlyn asks, and Demi just smiles, setting all her bags on the counter.
“Yeah. Let me watch Bentley. You two go have dinner or go to a movie or whatever you want,” she says.
“Are you for real?” I ask before turning to Ashlyn. “Is she for real?”
“Yes, oh my god,” Demi laughs. “It’s just a baby. I’ll be fine.”
“That’s what you think,” I say. “You don’t know him. He’s cute and small, but he’s hiding his true identity.”
She laughs again. “I’ve babysat before. I can totally handle it. Now go. Go have fun.”
Ashlyn seems to still be in shock by her offer, so I grab her hand and pull her towards the door. “You don’t have to tell me twice,” I say.
“Thank you,” Ashlyn says.
“Yes, thank you,” I call back. “We owe you.”
As I lead Ashlyn to my Corvette, she laughs. “The way you’re acting, you’d think you’ve been a dad for years.”
“Listen. I’m sleep-deprived, I’m out of my element, and if I am being honest, I could really use some grown-up time,” I tell her as she gets in the car.
She smiles up at me. “Listen to you. Grown up time. You even sound like a dad.”
“Yeah, yeah…” I say, closing the door. I don’t care what I sound like. I don’t care how it looks. It’s been a long couple of weeks, and I am excited to get some alone time with Ashlyn.
We head downtown, music playing, windows down. The wind runs through her hair. She pulls it away from her smiling face, and I can’t stop looking over at her. She watches as we pass the well-known restaurants and bars, the places I usually frequent. As we drive further, I can tell she’s curious.
“Where are we going?” she asks.
But I just smile and say, “You’ll see.”
Eventually, we come to a small main street area in a neighborhood. I parallel park and get out, rounding to her side and open the door for her.
“A pub?” she asks as she steps out.
“An Irish Pub,” I clarify.
“It looks…”
“Don’t judge it by its looks,” I tell her. “It’s old. A hole in the wall, but I promise it won’t disappoint.”
We go inside and she perks up a little. Irish music is playing through the dimly lit pub. The walls are a mix of brick and wood, covered in Irish logos and photos.
“This is cute,” she says, and I grin.
“Come on,” I say, taking her hand and pulling her to the bar.
We take seats on two open stools, and within seconds, the bartender walks up. “Holy shit, I haven’t seen you in ages!”
“Hey, Alex,” I grin, and Ashlyn looks surprised.
“You’ve been here before?” She says, like she didn’t believe it a minute ago.
“Been here before?” Alex says. “Before he started selling pictures of himself in his boxers for a living, Zane was in here every week.”
“You were?” Ashlyn asks.
“I was.”
“This is where he came to get away from his bougie friends and his judgey parents,” Alex explains, setting two glasses of Guinness in front of us. Ashlyn looks at me, but I just smile. I don’t say anything because I can’t. It’s true.
“Of course now that he’s rich and famous, he’s forgotten about us,” Alex goes on.
“That’s not true,” I say after swallowing my first sip. “I just got busy.”
Alex shakes his head, and Ashlyn giggles, taking a sip of her beer. More people come in, pulling Alex away from us, and I turn my attention to Ashlyn. She sets her beer down and I chuckle. She has a Guinness mustache and she notices it, smiling and licking it off.
“Do you like it here?” I ask.
“I do. But I’m going to need to know more about this secret life of yours,” she answers.
“What do you want to know?” I ask. And I really mean it. As guarded as I have taught myself to be over the years, something about Ashlyn makes me put that guard down. I want her to know everything about me. And I want to know everything about her.