Chapter Thirty-Two
Izzy
The buzz of my phone woke me up, even though I’d been in the lightest of sleeps since turning in. I looked over at it in the darkness, and it was him.
I sat up and swiped through the lock screen.
Blake: I really need to talk to you before work tomorrow. It’s important.
“Fuck me ,” I croaked, turning off the phone and setting it back on the nightstand. I rolled over and let the tears of disappointment fall, mourning the relationship we’d barely even begun. I knew it was coming all day, but that didn’t soften the blow.
I took a deep, jagged breath. I’d respond because I wasn’t a jerk, but not tonight and probably not before work in the morning.
If he could ignore me for hours, I could do the same.
Only, when my alarm went off at six, he’d sent three more texts.
Two a.m.: Please call me first thing in the morning .
Four fifteen a.m.: I’m already up, so you can call whenever .
Five thirty a.m.: It’s important, Iz .
Wow. I felt the Iz in the very core of my heart. He’d ignored me all day yesterday, and now, when he wanted to make sure the work bases were covered, he used that nickname?
Screw him.
I silenced my phone and dumped it into the bottom of my purse when I went into the living room to grab clean underwear out of the laundry basket. I didn’t really need to have the phone handy since Blake was the only person who ever texted me anyway, right? I showered and got ready for work, feeling miserable the entire time.
I was pathetic.
But when I got to Ellis and stepped into the elevator, I realized that I wanted to text him. To hear what he had to say and give him a chance to explain. Blake had always been a good friend—he was a very good person, that was clear—so he deserved my trust and patience.
There was no reason to assume the worst.
I rifled through my bag until I found my phone. I texted, What’s up? You get tired of ghosting me and need an Izzy fix?
I kept the phone in my hand, expecting a quick response. What I hadn’t expected, though, was for Pam to be standing outside of my office when I got off the elevator, pacing like she was waiting for my arrival.
“Hey, Pam,” I said, hoping I hadn’t forgotten an early meeting or something. “How’s it going?”
She frowned before saying, “Fine, thanks. Can I talk to you in your office?”
Blake
I pulled the phone out of my pocket as I exited the conference room.
Izzy: What’s up? You get tired of ghosting me and need an Izzy fix?
Holy shit, she’d responded. I felt my pulse kick up as I hit the button to call her.
It went directly to voicemail. Shit.
I glanced at my watch—nine thirty—and realized I was probably too late. Pam liked to get separations out of the way first thing in the morning, so Iz was probably already gone.
I pushed through the door to the stairwell and started down the stairs toward Izzy’s floor. It was a stupid move, running to her office, but I felt like I had to know that fucking instant. I sprinted down four flights of stairs before straightening my tie, checking my phone, and then stepping onto the HR floor, trying my best to look casual and professional.
“Blake,” Adam Carter, one of the new IT guys, said with a nod, walking down the hall as if it was entirely normal for me to be skulking about in stairwells.
“Adam,” I muttered in response before turning the corner.
“Hey, Blake.” Pam stopped walking. “I was just coming to see you.”
“Yeah?” I said, looking past her, in the direction of Izzy’s office.
“Yes. We finished all twelve of the separations.”
That made my gut clench, which was stupid as fuck because I’d known it was happening. I tried for detached when I said, “Everything go okay?”
She nodded. “The Boston employees didn’t seem surprised, for the most part, and I think they were happy with the severance.”
“Good,” I said.
“I felt really bad for my new generalist, though,” she said, pursing her lips. “She seemed shocked.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and wondered if I had any more Tums in my desk. I said, “It’s never easy, is it?”
“No, but I think she’s really young and was putting a lot on this job.”
“Ah.” I wanted to puke.
“She was one of those applicants who was so… enthusiastic in her interview that I just had to hire her. She seemed to really love it here.”
I swallowed and wished she’d stop talking.
“So what brings you down to our floor?” she asked.
“Uh.” I tugged at my tie and seemed unable to come up with a word. Any words at all. What the fuck is wrong with me? I said, “I misplaced my phone and thought I’d check down here.”
She glanced down at my pants, where I was certain the shape of my phone was obvious.
I said, “I have to go now.”
Once I was in the elevator, I pulled out my phone and texted Izzy: Are you okay?
I hadn’t realized how certain I was that she wouldn’t respond until the vibration of my phone scared the shit out of me.
Izzy: Fine. HBU?
HBU? I responded with I just saw Pam .
Izzy: Ha ha samesies
I hated this. I didn’t want work to ruin what we had. I didn’t want this hanging between us. I texted, So again—are you okay?
Izzy: I’m fine. Ellis is very generous with their severance packages.
I didn’t know what to say to that. I texted, Can I call you?
Instead of her answering, my phone started ringing. Izzy was calling me .
I lifted the phone to my ear. “Hey.”
“So I have two questions,” she said, and the sound of her voice made me miss her like I hadn’t seen her in years. “I don’t want to be a hard-ass, especially since you’ve kind of been my favorite lately, but I need answers.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Okay…?”
“Okay.” She cleared her throat before saying, “When did you find out Ellis was firing me?”
“You didn’t get fired, you were part of a workforce reduct—”
“Blake.” Her voice was tight. “When?”
Fuck, I didn’t want to answer that. I sighed and said, “Yesterday morning.”
“Oh—wow.” She breathed out a noise between a cough and a laugh that was definitely not good. “More than twenty-four hours.”
“Well, I was—”
“Question two,” she interrupted, sounding like her teeth were gritted. “Did you have any part in the decision that I should be one of the eliminated?”
I felt even more queasy than I’d felt before. “Yes.”
I heard her shocked inhalation through the phone. I said, “But I didn’t know that—”
“Nope. Blake.” She talked right over me, her voice stiff and distanced. “You have no idea how much I respect your honesty. I’m sure you made the right business decision and didn’t let your personal feelings interfere.”
I had no idea if she was being sincere or sarcastic, so I said what was in my heart. “Please let me bring you a pizza.”
“No.” She cleared her throat again and said, “I mean, no, thank you. I have to go.”
“Wait.”
“What?”
“Are we okay?” I asked, feeling like I needed to brace my arms on my knees and put my head between my legs so I didn’t pass out.
“I don’t know. I don’t really think so.”
“Iz.” For the third time that day, I had no fucking idea what to say. “Please tell me we can be okay.”
“I can’t.” Her voice was louder now. “Because no matter how I look at this, we’re not okay. Josh thinks you fired me so we can date—which I don’t actually believe, but that’s definitely a shitty scenario to ponder. And I think that VP Blake fired his most expendable employee, who he didn’t like enough to give a heads-up or at least warn before she stayed up late working on reports that would never be looked at. So no matter what, this feels gross.”
“I texted you.”
“In the middle of the night,” she snapped. “And all you said was to call you. That’s not a warning.”
“You have to believe me that I didn’t know you were on the list until Brad told me yesterday morning.”
“But you said—”
“I was looking at employee numbers and data when I made the decision—no names. It wasn’t even until I talked to him about us that I realized you were affected.”
“Wait, what? You told him about us?”
“Yes,” I said, realizing I hadn’t meant to share that yet. “I met with him yesterday morning to discuss it.”
“Oh, my God, Blake—what if that’s why?” She sounded even angrier as she said, “You told him we were involved? What if that made him add me to the list?”
“Come on—it doesn’t work that way. It didn’t work that way. It was already decided before he knew about us.”
“ Us? ” I thought I heard her sigh, which made me feel like shit, and then she said, “There is no us , Blake.”
It felt like I’d been punched, and I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right. I knew I had, but she just couldn’t mean it.
“Don’t say that,” I said, knowing I sounded desperate. “Please let me come over so we can talk.”
“I have to go.”
I stood there for the longest time, just staring at the phone in my hand after she disconnected the call.