25. Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-One
Duncan
My phone buzzes just as I’m walking to the team bus waiting in the hotel parking lot. Our three-game series against the Carolina Hurricanes was disappointing, and we’re heading home with one win.
When I look down and see Finn’s name on my screen, my stomach sinks. I haven’t talked to Ava today, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t longing to hear her voice.
Since the kiss, we’ve texted and made a brief phone call, which I think my matchmaking niece initiated. Ava’s voice was pensive and Scarlett did the majority of the talking until David had her get ready for bed.
Overall our conversations consisted of updates on the latest Nathan news, which just re-confirmed that the overrated actor deserves a good punch in the face. I regret not being the one to give it to him.
We did not, however, talk about The Kiss which left me hungry for more. More of Ava. Seeing her more, talking to her more, more of her in every way possible. Now, here I’m left questioning if she felt the earth move, too.
I did my best to push all of those feelings in the back of my mind and focus on my job. But with Tea Time spotlighting us for the world to see and my teammates bringing ‘The Kiss’ up every chance they got, it was nearly impossible.
The Ava genie is out of the bottle, and there’s nothing I can do about it. More importantly, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to put her back in.
“You gonna get that, Denier? It could be your girlfriend,” Wallace taunts. “You know the one I’m gonna sweep off her feet…”
Scowling, I grunt, generating a laugh from him. The two of us have come to an understanding. Levi understands that Ava is completely off-limits, and I understand that him ribbing me about stealing her is not going to stop.
My relationship with him is pretty hate/hate, but we’re co-existing. I’m realizing that most of what he says is all about getting a reaction. And my reaction gives him extreme enjoyment. Learning to keep that reaction low-key where Ava is concerned is a work in progress.
Just like everything concerning Ava right now.
“Hey, Finn,” I mumble, rubbing my hand up and down my face. “What’s up?”
“How’s my favorite goalie today?” I grumble something unintelligible at his happy tone, and his laughter rings through the phone. “That good, huh?”
“I’m looking forward to getting home and away from people. I need some serious R it’s life off the ice, too. “The usual. I may need some new ideas.”
“Have you talked to Ava?” I freeze. The question hangs in the air. The feel of her lips under mine comes back to me full force, sending shivers through me. “If the pictures are any indication, you need to have a conversation about feelings.”
“A little bit here and there over the last few days.” I lean my forehead against the bus window, staring at the cars in the parking lot. “She gave me the latest update with what’s happening in the press. Do I need to be worried about her safety?”
What I’ve heard from both Ava and my teammates, who apparently love gossip, is that Nathan is looking more desperate and foolish by the day. The foolishness isn’t a surprise, but the desperation concerns me.
“Caro is keeping a close eye on the situation. According to her, Nathan’s team is working earnestly to rein him in.” Coach Stone and Coach Nolan walk onto the bus and take their seats, and we start our journey to the airport. “His ego is having a hard time letting go. With a movie premiere coming next week, let’s see what he does. And you evaded my question about talking to Ava…”
Blowing out a sigh, I don’t say anything right away. The fear that grips me when I think of discussing what’s happening with Ava leaves me speechless. I’m not ready to open myself to that exchange again…yet. “I haven’t, at least not about that.”
“I think I found your problem. You’re distracted,” Finn says triumphantly, like he’s solved all the world's problems.
“You think?” I grouse. Of course, I’m distracted. That’s obvious to me and everyone around me. What’s not obvious is what I can do to pull myself together that doesn’t include talking to Ava about how I’m feeling.
A call comes through, and I glance at the screen to see Ava’s name. My heart jumps and my grip tightens on the phone before I decline the call.
“Sarcasm isn’t going to help you know,” Finn quips. “You need to figure it out, and soon. Maybe talk to David and see how he got his head together after Fiona passed. He had a hard time for a little bit there, too.”
David was a mess after Fi passed and it definitely impacted how he played. But then he worked through it. I know our situations aren’t the same, but the effect is. At this point, I need help getting my head together, and David is the perfect person for me to ask.
“That’s a good idea, Finn. I’ll reach out to him. Gotta go, we’re at the airport.”
“I’m here if you need me,” he squeezes in before I disconnect the call.
Right before getting out of my seat, I text Ava quickly, letting her know I’m getting on the plane and will get back to her in a bit. After hitting send, anticipation zips through me. Immediately, I slip my phone into my pocket and stand up.
I walk into the bus lane behind the Wolverines' physical therapist. Walking down the stairs and onto the tarmac, I feel a buzz and then another. The corner of my lip lifts, knowing it’s Ava. Without pulling my phone out I continue making my way to the plane.
When I’m finally on the plane and settled, I draw my phone out of my pocket. My heart is drumming through my body just seeing Ava’s name on the screen, but rather than opening her text, I send one to my brother.
Me: Hey. Will you be around to talk sometime this week?
David: I’ll have time Tuesday afternoon. Does that work?
Me: That works. Thanks.
David: Everything okay?
Me: You’ve been watching my games, right? What do you think? Me: Better yet, what does Scarlett think? palm to forehead emoji
David: laughing emoji I was wondering when you’d reach out. David: It’s sooner than I thought. David: You can be a pretty stubborn guy.
I roll my eyes and shake my head. Look at him calling the kettle black. I’m not the one who sent everyone home after Fiona died because I’m ‘I need to take care of everything by myself’ stubborn. That was him. Mom couldn’t even get him to see reason.
But rather than heading home, like David demanded, she booked a room at a bed and breakfast a town over until he called for help. Mom knew he would ask, but she also knew it needed to be when he was ready.
Grief is a strange animal.
Me: Takes one to know one.
David: Of course it does. We’re related eye roll emoji David: I’m glad you asked Dunc. Hopefully I can help.
Me: Thanks. Me too.
A sense of relief washes over me at the realization I don’t have to figure all of this out by myself. Sometimes, I forget I have people who support me. It’s easy to become someone who believes you must handle everything yourself, especially when you’re the person on your team who protects the goal.
I can’t win or lose a game, but my position puts me in a place of being responsible for how much we win or lose. It’s easy to place the game on my shoulders, even though I will never put any points on the board for my team.
Hopefully, my brother can help me. I need to get out of my emotions and get my head back on straight so I can focus. I have to get this under control whether things work with Ava or not. Being able to compartmentalize is key to everything.
Maybe David can help me regarding Ava, too. I never told him how I felt, but I’m sure he knew because Fiona did.
Her rejection nearly broke me once, and the fear of it happening again is paralyzing me. Last time, I was able to push all my feelings down, which is why I’m in this position. Losing Ava devastated me, but I somehow recovered.
This time, I need to find a way to process my emotions. If this has shown me anything, it’s that if you don’t process feelings when they first show up…you will have to address them at some point.
I lean back against the seat just as the plane starts moving on the runway. Some guys are playing a card game, and I can hear them razzing each other with every turn. The lighthearted tones make it easy for me to focus on them and breathe.
There’s no point in dwelling on what I can’t control until I figure out how to address it because there’s nothing I can do right now.
The puck is the other goalie’s problem, and I’m just a spectator on the opposite end of the ice. Closing my eyes, I settle in for the plane ride home.