Chapter 2
Chapter Two
Aria
M y head slammed into the wall, a ringing sound vibrating in my ears as I pushed at Travis’s shoulders. Panic doing its best to override all reasonable thought, I tried to move my knee so I could hurt him like Crew had taught me. But in that moment, nothing seemed to work, and my brain threatened to go blank. It was as if all the lessons I had been taught over my life were gone. And I could not get out of this.
“You think you’re so much better than me. But you’re not. You’re nothing. You follow me around like a dog begging for scraps. And you’ve done nothing for me. You want to fix me? I’m not your daddy. You can’t fix me.” Travis pressed his forearm to my throat .
I gasped for breath, my fingernails clawing at his skin as I tried to break free of his hold.
None of this made sense and honestly, it had all happened far too quickly. Travis had come over because he had wanted money.
Of course he had wanted money.
How was he supposed to pay for his pills and alcohol if he didn’t have any income? It didn’t matter that at one point Travis had been a beautiful sculptor. He could create magic and life from clay. When he was on his game, the world would weep at his artistry. I could never understand how he could bring so much life and talent with his hands.
And then he picked up a bottle. Then another. And he had drowned himself until the pickled remnants of the man who had once been my friend stood in his place.
When I had refused to give him money, he hit me.
It hadn’t been the first time he’d hit me, and I’d walked away from him that time as well.
The first time had been a mistake.
The second time had been an elbow to my face when trying to talk him out of driving.
But there would be no calling this an accident. Not when he met my gaze, and I saw nothing but hatred. The man who had been my best friend. The man who I tried to keep safe was trying to kill me. I gasped, my body shaking as I tried to hold on to those thoughts. I wasn’t strong enough.
“Trav—” He didn’t even let me finish saying his name before he thrust down on my neck even harder. I fought for breath, stars beginning to dim in my vision.
“You call yourself my friend and yet you won’t even help me. You know I’m in pain, Aria. You know I need help. And yet you hide everything from me. I don’t think you know how hard it is for me. But you don’t hide things from him . That no name asshole that has no talent and nothing. He clings on to your family as if he matters. And yet nobody in your precious bloodline really wants him. All he is is your second and third leftovers. And yet I bet you want to fuck him and he would probably let you. And frankly, he is the only thing you deserve.”
Tears slid down my cheeks as I was finally able to take a deep breath, trying to shove him away. “Get out. Get out and don’t come back.”
“Oh, you’re finally giving up on me? I thought you loved me,” he whined. “I thought I was your best friend. But you’re useless as always. Where is the money, Aria?”
“Go.”
“No. You stupid bitch. ”
And when the fist came at my face, I tried to duck, but I couldn’t quite believe he would hit me. It was as if everything happened in slow motion, and I was trying to catch up.
Pain radiated in my face, and I nearly slid to the floor, trying to get away from the next blow.
Only it never came.
Before I could blink, Crew was there.
I hadn’t even known he was in my house.
By then I was sitting on the ground, my back to the wall, trying to catch my breath as Crew slammed his fist into Travis’s jaw.
And then he hit him again.
And again.
“If you ever touch her, I will kill you. Do you understand me, you worthless piece of shit? I will end you. And they won’t even be able to begin to search for your useless body.”
“Fuck you,” Travis spat, spittle hitting Crew’s face.
I staggered up, trying to get my thoughts in order. But my head hurt, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn’t know if I was bleeding, or where my other shoe was. I had lost it somehow when Travis pushed me to the wall.
“Crew,” I whispered.
But he didn’t hear me. Or at least he pretended not to. Instead he hit Travis over and over again, and I finally moved closer.
“Don’t kill him,” I whispered. And without thinking I put my hand on Crew’s shoulder. I didn’t even hide the flinch as he turned to me, his gaze dark.
Horror crossed his face as he realized I had been afraid he would hit me in that moment. Even though I knew deep down that he would never lay a hand on me—not like there had been beneath Travis’s motivations. Crew might hate me in this moment. Hate me for who we were to each other, but he would never hurt me. At least not physically.
After all, I was the one who hurt him.
“You’re bleeding,” Crew growled.
I put my hand on my face, my fingers shaking as I realized that the corner of my lip had a tiny cut.
“Just don’t kill him.”
I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t that I loved Travis. I didn’t want Crew to kill him because I didn’t want Crew to end up in prison for life. But I couldn’t say those words. Everything tightened in my chest, and I tried to suck in air but nothing would come.
Crew looked like he wanted to help, but then Travis lunged, not coming for him, but for me. So Crew tilted to the side, took the punch, and went back at it.
I needed to stop this, needed for everything to go back to normal. Only I didn’t know what normal was, and the lights hurt my eyes, and I was seeing double.
Did I have a concussion? Was that why I needed to throw up?
Before I could even formulate my thoughts, red and blue flashing lights filled my vision, making me even more nauseous. I couldn’t track the events, my line of sight going blurry. And then I couldn’t focus as I was on my hands and knees, heaving the contents of my stomach on the floor.
Crew moved toward me, but then he was face down on the ground, his arms handcuffed behind him.
It wasn’t him.
Crew saved me.
But I couldn’t say the words, my vision going dark.
And as I passed out, my gaze on Crew’s, I couldn’t read his face.
This was the man who I knew should hate me.
And the cops were taking him away.
And it was all my fault.
“You should be at home resting,” Sebastian growled, my twin’s fists tight at his sides. My brother was always so good about keeping his emotions intact. He had been forced to because of so much loss at an early age, and because he’d been forced to raise his daughter alone for so long. But now he wasn’t hiding anything.
“I will rest after we get him out of jail.”
“Travis isn’t pressing charges. Not that he had a leg to stand on. Crew didn’t even get fully booked. Lex said he would go pick him up and take him home. We don’t need to be there.”
Translation: Crew didn’t want me there.
“He had to spend the night in a holding cell because of me.” I rubbed my throat, ignoring the burn that came from the bruises. “I just want to make sure he gets out fully.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” Sebastian let out a breath. “He was in a holding cell because the cops couldn’t figure out what was going on, and they took them both in until they found answers.”
I flinched at his tone, hating myself for doing so. I was not weak. I had a loving family, and people cared about me. All I had done was try to show Travis how much I cared. To try to keep him safe.
And I had failed so dramatically that I was hurting everybody in my life.
“Aria. Let me just take you home. ”
I shook my head, and then winced. “No. I don’t want to go home.”
“Then let’s go to my home. We won’t go to Mom and Dad’s. But you know they’re going to find out soon. You need to tell them what happened.”
“I will. I just need to see Crew.”
I had woken up as soon as my eyes had closed, but the paramedics had still taken me to the hospital. Sebastian was my emergency contact, because he was my twin, and we didn’t hide things from each other. And I had made him vow not to call anyone else.
Only everybody in our family was going to find out what happened soon. And there would be no hiding from this.
The whispers, and the concerned looks, and the deep talks about my friendship with Travis would continue. And I knew I deserved every minute of it. Everybody had been so worried that he would hurt me because they thought I loved him. It truly wasn’t the case. Not really. It was because I was worried for him. I had thought maybe, just maybe, I might be able to fix him. And how stupid was that? There was no fixing him. But somebody needed to be in his corner. Because he had no one else. He had hurt and pushed away everyone else, so I had thought maybe I could be the strong one. But I had been wrong. So wrong. And now Crew had had to spend a night in a cell because of my poor decision-making.
Sebastian studied my face, and I wasn’t sure what he saw there. Frankly I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to see.
“Go inside. He should be coming soon.”
I swallowed hard and looked toward the station, knowing Crew was in there. I had done this. Crew had every right to scorn me for who we were to each other before this. Now he would have just that much more ammunition.
Before we could open the door Crew walked out, his gaze dark, his fists bruised.
I studied his face, wondering why it felt as if I had lost something special. It wasn’t as if I ever had it.
Crew McTavish had been part of our family since he had first become friends with my cousin Lexington. He was practically family, at least that’s what everyone said.
He had dated Daisy, another cousin of mine, and when that hadn’t worked out, he had still stayed in our circles.
He was always there for us, no matter what. As was evidenced by what he had done for me last night.
And there was no way I would ever be able to repay him. Not that he would ever let me to begin with .
He had dark hair, longer on the top than on the sides, a square jaw, and a two-week-old beard. His hazel eyes changed colors depending on the light and his mood, and the small part of me that I tried to keep hidden always tried to guess what color his eyes would be the next time I saw him.
Today however, they were a dark gray. No color, no light. Just pure anger and disappointment.
Crew was bigger than Sebastian, broader shoulders, a few inches taller, but they were both decently muscular. And while my brother was covered in tattoos as he was a tattoo artist, Crew was slowly working on his ink. I had seen every inch of that ink, as well as the piercings he had used often on me over the months.
I might know his body, but I hadn’t let myself know anything else. Not that he would’ve let me to begin with.
“Why the hell are you here?” Crew asked, the ice in his tone matching his eyes.
“She wouldn’t let me take her home,” Sebastian answered, and I glared at my brother.
“I needed to make sure you were fine. Stop worrying about me.”
“He has a right to worry about you.”
I narrowed my eyes at Crew, my head pounding. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it. ”
“Stop him from hitting you? Or stop the cops from molesting me?” Crew asked, and Sebastian cursed under his breath.
“Come on, let’s go to the parking lot before they arrest us again.”
“Not funny, Sebastian.”
“There’s nothing funny about this, Aria.”
Shoulders deflating and exhausted, I let them both lead me to the parking lot, and I tried not to let them see the tremor in my hands.
But Crew noticed.
He always saw everything about me.
We stood by Sebastian’s car as Crew folded his arms over his chest.
“As you can see, I am fine. The cops didn’t have anything on me, and whatever you said to them in the hospital was along the same lines as what I said. We didn’t lie, we didn’t cheat, but I’m still not ready to hash it out. I don’t know where your little boyfriend is, but I am so fucking angry right now.”
Sebastian sighed. “Crew. This isn’t helping.”
We both looked at Sebastian and I shook my head. “Will you please get in the car? We need to have this out.”
Sebastian looked between us before throwing up his hands and eventually getting in the car. He would probably be able to hear us through the windows, but I didn’t care.
I was just so tired. “Crew. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” For an instant I saw the pure terror in his gaze, and I wanted to reach out. I wanted to hold him and tell him I was okay. And for him to tell me the same. But I didn’t have that right. And nobody knew the connection we had anyway. Or at least the connection we once had. We had both destroyed whatever could’ve been long ago.
Only now wasn’t the time to focus on that. “There won’t be anything on your record, right?”
“No. No charges. They figured out what happened. Or at least, what happened after I got there.” Crew ran his hands over his face, looking as exhausted as I felt in that moment. “You really should be in bed. He could’ve killed you, Aria. And I don’t know what he would’ve done if I hadn’t shown up when I did.”
Tears began to fall down my cheeks, but I didn’t brush them away. I didn’t have the energy. “I tried to fight back. But it was like I forgot how to. I know you tried to make sure I knew what I was doing, same with my dad, but I couldn’t think. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Crew. I’m sorry you were in the middle of this.”
He cursed under his breath again before reaching out to wipe away my tears. That made me want to cry harder. To fall into his arms and pretend that everything was okay.
I wasn’t sure if my touch would be welcomed—nor did I know if I was ready to show the world the scars of my soul with that single touch.
“I don’t want you to see him anymore, Aria. I know we already fought about this. I am tired of fighting. I just can’t look at the bruises on your neck and your cheek and not want to kill him. I know you hate me. But do it for yourself. Walk away. He’s not worth it.”
Each word was like a blow, but I understood them. How could I not when I knew the truth?
I had been friends with Travis since middle school. He hadn’t been my first kiss, but he had been one of them. We had similar interests, and he’d always made me laugh. We had never dated, but the crush I’d had on him had waned years ago. So when he had fallen into his demons, for some reason I had thought I would be the one to pull him out of it.
I thought I had been enough for him, but I hadn’t been. It hadn’t been the love so many people thought it was. It had been my desire to fix everything. And I had failed. And I kept hurting everyone around me trying to protect the person I thought needed me.
“I am done.” Crew’s eyes widened, and I continued. “ I just wanted to make sure they didn’t keep you. And I wanted to thank you.”
I heard the lack of emotion in my voice, saw the worry on Crew’s face. But he didn’t need to save me anymore. He needed to move on. Because while the puppy love I felt for Travis hadn’t been there for a long time, the deep and abiding need for the man in front of me scared me. But he didn’t want me, didn’t want my baggage, and I didn’t want to be the one who drowned him.
“Stop thinking.” He shook his head. “I’m so fucking angry, Aria.”
I stiffened but didn’t say anything.
“He could’ve killed you, and I could’ve been too late. Just go get some sleep. I just can’t.” And with that, he ran his thumb down my cheek once more, as if afraid to hurt me, before he turned and walked toward Lexington.
I hadn’t even realized my cousin had shown up, but there he was, engine running, as Crew got in without another word. As I stood there, my brother coming up behind me, I couldn’t help but wonder what else I could screw up for the day.
“Let’s get you back to my guest room, put more ice on that cheek, and then you’re going to let me feed you.” My brother paused. “This wasn’t your fault, Aria. ”
I didn’t say anything, because I knew he was lying to both of us. But I got in the car and let him drive me to his home because I wasn’t the only one in pain today.
Raven and Nora were out of the house, and I was grateful for the reprieve. I didn’t want to have to explain my bruises to his wife or daughter, so instead I took the ice pack from Sebastian and went into the guest bathroom.
I ignored the photos on the walls, the artistic pieces my father and I had each done for him. My brother had made this part of his home an homage to his family’s art. But all I could see was the lack of substance in mine. I turned on the shower and let the steam begin to billow through the room before I walked under the stream with my clothes on and sank to the ground.
This time I let the tears freely fall as I sobbed into my hands. My shoulders shook, and I had to hope that the water would drown out the sounds of my failure.
I had been so wrong. I couldn’t fix Travis. He wasn’t the boy that I had known. He wasn’t even a man I could recognize now. I didn’t know what was going to happen next with him, but I knew I needed to stop. I wasn’t like my mother who had been able to show my father what a future could be. I wasn’t like my friends who could be a touchstone .
Instead I was the one who couldn’t see the darkness until the shadows had gripped me in their hold.
And along the way, I had hurt the one man who had ever tried to care for me.
I wasn’t crying because I had lost Travis. Because I had lost him long ago.
I was crying because I lost myself.
And because I lost the man I told myself I wasn’t allowed to love.