Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Crew
T he scent of coffee woke me up. That bold flavor from one of my favorite beans that I had recently bought hit my nostrils, and my eyelids popped open. I reached toward the other side of the bed and frowned when I realized it was empty. It was still warm, so Aria must have been there recently, but I didn’t like waking up without her next to me.
I rolled to my back, ignoring my morning wood, and the fact that it was currently tenting the sheets, and thought back to that idea.
Since when had it become normal? Routine that Aria would be by my side?
It hadn’t been like this before. Not when we’d hate fucked and I’d hidden my feelings from the both of us. When we’d been sneaking around from the rest of our friends, acting as if we weren’t on a precipice of inevitable failure. Only now it felt as if we slept at each other’s house every evening. Not having Aria cradled in my arms, that rounded backside of hers pressed against my cock in the morning, felt wrong.
I liked waking her up by slowly sliding my cock between her legs, waking her up with pressure at her entrance, and letting her take charge by sinking down onto me. Letting her be the one to say yes. I loved that moment when I would slowly open my eyes and realize that I had palmed her breasts, her nipple pressing against my hand. I knew I played with it in my sleep, and sometimes she would wrap her hand around the base of my cock, rubbing me as she dreamed.
In other words, we always had our hands on each other. It was starting to scare me how much I wanted this.
I didn’t have a reference for whatever the two of us were. Despite having so many friends who fell into serious relationships, I’d never had one. Daisy had been the closest, and it really wasn’t even close to anything like what I had with Aria. I tried dating after Daisy and I had broken up, perhaps feeling like I was that character from Frozen , feeling not enough. Or maybe that was just what the Montgomerys had placed on me with their constant jokes about me kissing my way through the family to find my way in. I knew they were only joking, but sometimes I didn’t truly believe it. However, there might be some truth to it.
The Montgomerys were the family I didn’t have. That steadfast connection that I hadn’t been allowed to even contemplate before leaving the family that had tried to destroy me and becoming friends with the people who truly cared.
They had that foundation that held rock-steady even in the face of terror and loss.
And I didn’t have that. Hell, I was still having to deal with my father—a man who hated me even when his disease forced him to never remember me or his own reality. All because of a displaced sense of loyalty to the blood running in my veins. I didn’t want to be in debt to the McTavish name but the person in me who had begged for their acceptance still held on even in denial.
My mother wouldn’t even look at her husband but took out all her fear on me. It made no damn sense. Though I suppose it made perfect sense when I thought about the way my family operated.
And yet in this moment, I was disappointed that Aria wasn’t tucked into my side when I woke up. And not just because I wanted to slide inside her and feel her around every inch of me. I just wanted to be by her. And that terrified me more than anything .
Because what would happen next? When would she realize that we weren’t endgame?
I didn’t even know if I had endgame in me.
And how utterly pointless and demoralizing was that idea?
I finally pulled myself out of bed since the scent of coffee had grown stronger. I shoved on the jeans I had tossed off the night before, not bothering to button them. I went into the adjoining bathroom, brushed my teeth, took care of business, and headed down to the kitchen.
The sight of Aria in my kitchen wearing my T-shirt and nothing else as she danced to whatever music was playing on her ear buds nearly took my breath away. She had piled her hair on the top of her head with a clip, and she rolled her ass back and forth as she cooked breakfast on my chef’s grade stove.
Every time she would move however, the shirt would ride up slightly, and I could see a peek of the globes of her ass. I wanted to bend her over right there and slide my cock in between those cheeks, taking my fill of her and making sure she came around me.
I was a freaking monster.
A horny monster.
I padded my way into the kitchen, the idea of coffee and the draw of Aria herself too strong. I went to turn off the music on her phone, so she would be able to hear me coming up to her since she was near an open flame, and frowned as I looked down at the screen.
Travis:
Why aren’t you answering?
Travis:
Fucking whore.
Travis:
I’m going to end you.
Travis:
I’m sorry.
Travis:
I just need a little bit to get by. You know it’s about the art.
There had to be a couple dozen texts from him. All left unread, all within the last two hours.
I just stared down at the screen, feeling as if a snake would slither out and strike me if I dared even touched the damn thing.
“Oh, you startled me,” Aria whispered from my side as she plucked her ear buds out and put them in the case next to her phone. “Did the coffee wake you?” She went to her tiptoes and kissed my cheek, but I only saw that out of the periphery of my vision as I stared down at her phone.
“How long has this been going on?” I bit out .
I hadn’t meant to sound so angry, but the fury riding my veins was far too much to deal with.
Her eyebrows lifted before she looked down at the screen. Then the blood left her face, leaving her gray. “I didn’t realize he was texting again.”
“ Again .” It was as if I were spitting out the word through gritted teeth. “He’s been harassing you this whole time? Why the fuck did you not tell me?”
“Why are you getting angry at me? I’m not replying back. But I’m letting him spew what he needs to in case he really does reach out for help one day.”
“Don’t be stupid. He’s not going to reach out for anything other than to hurt you. Or money like he clearly wants. Do the cops know about these texts? Because he’s out on fucking bail, Aria, and this is harassment. And why the fuck does he need money? He has his parents.”
She stepped back as if I’d slapped her, and I cursed under my breath. Only she held out a hand to stop me when I moved forward. “Don’t call me stupid. Yes, the cops know. Yes, they talked to him. I don’t know what else they can do other than continue to talk to him until the courts figure things out. And you know that he has community service coming up to get out of the charges. It’s not the same for him like it is for normal people. His parents got him out of it and there’s nothing we can do about that. However, I realize that letting him say horrible things through a text message isn’t good for me, but one day he might reach out. He might need help. I’m not going to beg him to get clean anymore. I’m not going to get him out of terrible situations, so he doesn’t have to face his own consequences. But I will always be the person that he, or any of my friends , can truthfully hold on to during a time of crisis. He’s not hurting me right now. I know you don’t believe me, but his words in this state mean nothing. His words can’t hurt me because I’m past them. I have to be.”
“Aria.”
She shook her head. “No. Don’t give me that tone. That ‘disappointed, you know better than me’ tone. In the past his words would slice. But I can handle him by not handling him.”
This woman.
I had no words.
She was way too fucking strong. And it broke me thinking about the power Travis could hold over her if she let him. “I just don’t want him to hurt you.”
Aria met my gaze, the determination within them astonishing. “He already hurt me. But everybody is standing around me trying to protect me and I am so grateful for who you are. Who my family and friends are. I just need you to know I’m not listening to his tirades. I’m trying to be the good friend that will be there if needed, but not take what he says now to heart. Because that is what I would want if I was facing my own demons. Or running from them in his case. That might not be what you want. But it is what I would hope my friends would do.”
I licked my lips, emotions warring inside me. “You should’ve told me.”
“So you could get angry again? So you could handle it like you did before?”
I blinked at her. “He was hurting you.”
She shook her head before reaching forward to cup my face with her hands. “Not then. You walking into my home that night is something I will remember for the end of my days. I hated the fact that you got hurt because of what happened and that he could put you behind bars for even a few hours. And I will never forgive him for that. But I don’t need you to always stand in front of me. And frankly the only reason I didn’t tell you is that we are dealing with so many other things. I just want whatever it is between us in this moment to be nice. I don’t want this to always be about the drama that I always bring.”
I wanted to hate her words, to refute them. But I understood them and it annoyed me. “I bring plenty of drama too.” I moved my head to kiss her palm before bringing her to my chest. “I don’t want him to hurt you anymore.”
“I don’t want him to hurt me either. I’m going to do my best not to let him do that. I’m not sure I can block him, Crew. I have this nightmare that I do that, and he reaches out just like my dad did once to someone, and I’m not there. It might make me selfish, but I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t find a foothold in this world.”
So many emotions warred within me, and I wasn’t sure what to think. Because I knew she had the best intentions, but I did not trust that man. She might be ignoring him the way that she could, but Travis would find a way to get inside and hurt her. And I wasn’t about to let that happen.
I was so damn scared because I was falling for her. I fucking loved her. There was no falling. I had fallen long before. I had fallen in love with Aria Montgomery even when I told myself it would be easier to hate her.
“I’m sorry. For reading your texts. For overreacting. But, baby, you’re way too damn good for me.”
“That’s a lie and you know it. Though maybe it means we’re finally good for each other rather than the toxicity that could have infected whatever this is long ago. By the way, my phone was out on the island, face up, and not tucked away in secret. I don’t want to hide anything from you. Okay? ”
I pulled back so I could study her face and looked into those bright blue eyes that I loved. “I can do that,” I said. I just hoped it wasn’t a lie.
“I’m not a glutton for punishment. I promise. I’m not going to roll over anytime he begs me to. But one day he might find his way out and need that hand. And then I’m going to have to figure out what to do then.”
“I’ll kill him if he hurts you,” I vowed.
Alarm raced over her features. “Don’t say that. Because sometimes I feel like it’s the truth.” She went to her toes and kissed the bottom of my jaw before moving away to put our breakfast back on the burner.
I watched as she used my kitchen with such ease, as if she had done this countless times before.
I wanted her in my kitchen. I wanted her in my home. In my bed. And it terrified me. Because I wanted this so much. This domesticity. This idea that we could just talk to each other even when we were scared.
But it felt like something was coming.
Either Travis. Or hell, even my parents.
At the core of it, we were figuring out who we were to each other. Or maybe, I was figuring out what I was to her. Because I always knew what she was to me even when I was ignoring it. But the powers that be were circling. And someday they were going to hit home.
However, as I watched her bend over to reach for another pan, teasing a glance of that sweet pussy, I held back a groan before pushing out all thoughts of the dangers to come.
And instead I managed to be in the moment.
Though I knew it wouldn’t last forever.
“You know, I still don’t know why I’m here,” I grumbled at my best friend.
Lex just beamed. “What, you want to be at home with your girlfriend?”
“Oooh, girlfriend,” Kingston teased. “That’s a big word.”
“I’m sorry that your reading comprehension is so low that ‘girlfriend’ seems like a big word,” Lex drawled. “But it is appropriate, is it not, Crew?”
I sipped my beer and glared at the lot of them. Tonight was guys’ night, a night that I usually enjoyed. But after the fight Aria and I had that morning, and our subsequent making up when I ate her out on the counter, I couldn’t help but want to be home. Not hanging out with a bunch of dudes who were like my family and way too inquisitive.
“Not quite sure my relationship title with your cousin has anything to do with you. ”
“You see, that is where you’re wrong,” Dash put in. “Because she’s family. And you are too. However, not in the way that would make this weird.”
“Please, just stop talking,” Lexington said with a start. “And, Crew? Is girlfriend an appropriate title? Because if you just say a friend with benefits, or chick you are banging, I’m going to have to use the baseball bat we are about to pick up for the batting cage and hit you with it. And then it will be a whole thing, and I’m just not in the mood to deal with the ramifications of kicking your ass. So much paperwork.”
“Especially because we would have to clean up the blood, and whatever other liquids end up around,” Kingston said with a mock shudder.
I grimaced as the others broke out into laughter. “That is such a visual. Thank you for that. Now, let’s not ever talk about it again.”
“Seriously though, girlfriend?” Lex asked, fluttering his eyelashes.
“Are you asking me out?” I joked.
“Not when Aria claimed you first.”
“You know, this is why people thought the two of you were dating for so long,” Dash stated as he pointed between the two of us.
I shrugged and drained the rest of my beer before picking up a water bottle and heading toward the batting cage. “My girlfriend, Aria, and I are doing just fine. Don’t worry about us.”
Although that was not quite the truth because I was worried. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, for there to be an issue, or for anything that kept circling us to finally break whatever fragile hold we had in this sense of peace. Because times like this didn’t just stay as they were. They didn’t just happen for people like me. Sure, my friends could go out and find the loves of their lives and keep them, but I knew the statistics. It wasn’t always going to work.
One day soon Aria would wake up and realize she was so much fucking more than I was. That she deserved more.
She’d realize exactly what lay within her veins and leave. She’d go around the world and take photos that could rival anyone’s. She’d continue to win the awards she always blushed at and thought she wasn’t good enough for. She’d move on.
And leave me behind.
I didn’t have to work. I didn’t have to paint—no, that was a lie. I did have to paint. But it had nothing to do with income and everything to do with who I was. I might have money thanks to my family. I might like to keep businesses going and working with investments just to see what I could do with it .
But whatever screamed inside me needed to get out, and painting was that way for me.
It wasn’t a job.
It was art.
And that made me sound like a damn idiot who couldn’t make sense of what was truth and what was the artist’s ideal. I wasn’t the starving artist, but I fucking loved what I did.
Yet if I had to put down my paintbrush tomorrow, I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Not because of what I needed, but what pounded within me. And I knew it was the same for Aria when it came to her photography. She might have a chip on her shoulder when it came to her father, but she was getting past that. I saw it with the way she spoke with her dad. With the way she always had her camera on her now. She was changing, seeing the light.
And maybe that had to do with leaving Travis.
Even thinking of his name made me want to growl, but it was the truth. Travis had always been a shit when it came to Aria’s work. He’d always degraded her without most people even realizing he was doing it. He was so damn good at making sure the world knew he was the talented one and Aria “did her best.” Aria put her own work and life to the side for him and there was no way I’d ever let that happen again. Even if me standing in front of her over whatever happened meant she’d hate me and try to push me away.
Hell, maybe I was the idiot here. The one who needed to learn more. To realize that maybe she didn’t want me for the long haul.
And this was why I didn’t do relationships.
I couldn’t get out of my own damn head.
“Crew? You good?”
I blinked out of my own thoughts at the sound of Lex’s voice and let out a breath. I clearly needed more sleep if I was going to spiral like that. Aria and I weren’t that serious. Yes, I loved her, but I had no idea what she felt about me. So venturing down that path felt as if it would be better classified as a minefield.
Nothing good could come from facing Aria Montgomery and her feelings.
The best way to deal with the future was to ignore it and be there until she woke up out of whatever this was and walked away.
It would be better for everyone once she did.
I’d hate it.
Hate her.
Hate myself.
But it would be for the best.
“Yeah. I’m good. And ready to hit some balls.”
Lex merely raised a brow, knowing I was lying through my teeth before handing me my helmet. “By all means. Have fun with your balls.”
“Always do,” I snapped back turning toward the cage.
Having a projectile coming at my face at seventy miles per hour or more sounded a whole hell of a lot better than dealing with the idea that Aria only loved me for the now and not the forever.
A forever I didn’t know if I even wanted considering my parents’ idea of forever.
The crack of the bat against the first ball pushed all thoughts of my version of hell out of my mind and then I swung again. And again.
Until there was nothing left but the shell that I’d become.
Since Lex had driven me to the batting cages as I’d wanted a few beers, he also drove me home. “You know, I only asked about Aria earlier because I think the two of you are good for each other.”
I turned to him as he pulled into my neighborhood. “Yeah?”
Lex’s mouth turned up into a small smile. “Yes. You’re both good for each other even when you’re yelling at one another.”
“I don’t know if that’s healthy, Lex.”
“You only yell because you know you can trust each other completely. And you only yell because it’s for the other person. Not for your own issues. It’s weird that it took me so long to realize it.”
I blinked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Lex parked in my driveway but didn’t shut off the engine. “You both fight so hard for other people that you forget what you want for yourself. Aria went into business with the cousins at Montgomery Security because she was afraid of wanting to use her art for something other than fun. So she used her business degree to make sure Noah didn’t have to do the initial set up paperwork on his own. And in the end, every other person involved had the same idea, so Aria ended up feeling like the odd man out.”
I nodded. “I remember. We got into such a fight when I told her that.”
Lex snorted. “Yeah. You told her what she was doing rather than talking it out.”
I shrugged. “And she did the same to me when I was figuring out the gym.”
“Exactly. It took you both too long to figure out how to talk things out with each other, rather than pointing it out with sarcasm.”
“I hate when she doesn’t put herself first,” I put in simply.
“And she hates the same for you.”
“I don’t do that.” I scowled.
“The fuck you don’t,” Lex snapped. “You spend your whole day making sure your friends have what they need, that Aria is safe and putting herself out there but not risking her soul or sanity. Then when you’re not doing that, you’re dealing with the fucking problems that are your parents. And at some point, you find time for yourself and your art. I hate that you don’t try to put yourself first in that but it’s not your nature. I don’t mind that Aria is your number one goal and should be. But don’t forget yourself along the way, Crew.”
I frowned at my friend, wondering where the hell this was coming from. “Why are you saying this, Lex? You’re not usually the one who blurts out shit like this. Yet I don’t think my priorities are so cut and dry.”
Lex shrugged. “Maybe not. But I don’t want you two to fuck up what could be the best thing in your life because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared,” I lied.
My best friend laughed. “Liar. I’m scared to death that I’m going to end up alone and be the one who has the most unsurpassed and fucking elite best man speeches in the world because that’s what I’m good at but you’re the only person I’d ever tell that to. So don’t fucking lie to me that you’re secure around Aria. You never have been, and I don’t think you are now.”
“I…Lex.” I didn’t know what to say about that revelation and I felt like such a shit friend. “You want to talk about that?” I finally croaked.
“Not in the slightest. I needed that self-pity party and now I’m done. But I better be your best man.”
I shook my head. “I’m not getting married.”
“Says the man who is going to get married next. That’s the rules of a proclamation like that. Now, let’s get inside because I have to pee since I had like eight glasses of water and I’m not in the mood to get into my feels anymore. Just don’t fuck things up with Aria and hurt her or yourself and we’ll be great.”
And with that, he got out of the car, and I joined him, wondering if maybe I’d had too much to drink since my mind couldn’t help but whirl. We walked up the path toward my front door, but I paused before I made it fully to the porch.
“What’s wrong?” Lex asked.
“I don’t know. Something feels off.” The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I moved toward my garage. Then I cursed, pulling out my phone. “Fuck. ”
“What is it?” Lex bumped into me, then cursed as well when he got a look at my view. “You calling the cops?”
“Yep. Call your cousins. Someone had a hell of a time tonight. Let’s hope we caught whoever it was on camera.”
Because someone had broken into my garage, left the door open, and slashed every single tire of my most recent rides they could get their hands on. My bike, my truck, the SUV, the convertible.
Everything that Aria had ever touched.
And with that chilling thought, I dialed the cops.
And had to wonder if Travis had really gone this far…or if I had another enemy out there I didn’t know about.