Chapter 41 Hudson
HUDSON
Somehow, we manage to win all four of the first games against Nashville in the conference finals. I’m exhausted, but as I pull out my phone in the away locker room, the ten missed calls from Adrian, Emily, Holly, and an unknown number immediately have me on high alert.
I hesitate for a moment, but call Emily first, she picks up on the third ring. “Baby is fine, I’m fine,” she says in greeting, but that isn’t exactly the most reassuring greeting.
“What happened? I didn’t even check my voicemail, I just saw all the missed calls.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Oh my god, is that him? Does he need me to pick him up at the airport? Hudson, get your ass over here!” Adrian shouts in the background.
“Why are you with Adrian? Where are you?”
“I’m at the hospital,” she says casually. “And no rush, but you can come if you’d like. I’m technically in labor, but it could be a while with the induction. I’ve been trying to explain that to Adrian, but I think he would feel better if you were here.”
“You’re in labor? But it’s too soon, you’re not due until next month after the play-offs,” I insist, aware that I sound stupid; if she says she’s in labor, she is, but I’m so shocked I don’t know what else to say.
“My blood pressure was high at my appointment today, so they had me come here for extra testing. My kidney function is still okay, so they aren’t calling it preeclampsia, but my blood pressure is still high so they still admitted me to monitor both the baby and I, and they’ve recommended I be induced. ”
“I’m still in Nashville, but we’re going straight to the airport from here. I’ll be there as soon as I can—”
“Everybody hurry up and get your asses on the bus!” Ollie shouts from his spot next to me where he’s obviously heard my side of the conversation. “Hudson’s baby is coming!”
I smile, nodding at my teammates in thanks as the locker room erupts in applause. “It’ll be a few hours, but I’ll see you soon.”
Traveling home seems to take an eternity, but once we’ve landed, the team lets me off first to another round of applause, and I get to the hospital in record time. With how late it is, the streets are pretty clear, but I also might ignore a few speed limits.
I check in at the desk, explaining that my baby is on the way, and the security guard escorts me to the elevator and scans their badge to get me to the correct floor.
I have to check in again specifically with the labor and delivery people, this time showing my ID and getting a bracelet that I need to keep on at all times.
If I don’t and try to leave with the baby, it will apparently set off all sorts of alarms.
By the time a nurse shows me to Emily’s room, I’ve been stressed out, adrenaline way too high for hours, and I feel like it’s a huge accomplishment that I even made it here.
I’m expecting to walk into chaos, but Emily and Adrian are laughing as I enter the room.
I look around, no one else is in here, and they’re just… watching a movie?
Adrian jumps up when he sees me. “Oh thank god, you made it!”
I look around again. Emily appears to be hooked up to a lot of monitors, but other than that, everything seems pretty chill.
“I thought there would be more happening,” I admit, and Emily laughs.
“Sorry to disappoint. I’ve been trying to explain to Adrian that even though they started the medication for the induction, it can be a long process.
Especially with this being a first pregnancy.
As long as my blood pressure stays where it’s at, and the baby’s heart rate remains strong, we could be here for a couple of days before they’re born. ”
“Oh.” I let out a sigh of relief and feel my entire body relax. Adrian takes my arm and guides me to sit down on the couch next to him. “Thanks for being here. I wasn’t sure if you would want to.”
He squeezes my arm. “Of course. That’s part of the reason I didn’t travel with the team this week.
I thought someone should be in town if Emily needed anything, and obviously you can’t be.
” His admission makes my heart feel too big for my chest. Adrian can claim we need space all he’d like, that I was the one acting like we were in a relationship when we weren’t, but him staying here when I can’t feels very much like something a partner would do.
“She called me when you didn’t answer, and I knew you were in the middle of your game, so I offered to come keep her company. ”
I can’t hold back, I pull him in for a tight hug, relaxing even more when he wraps his arms around me to squeeze me back. “Thank you.”
When we pull apart, way too soon for my liking, he shrugs. “Of course.”
“Come on, Charming, don’t do that. Don’t dismiss how amazing you are.” He blushes, and it’s so adorable. I want to kiss his cheeks, to pull him back into my arms and never let go.
Emily clears her throat, reminding me that we aren’t alone. “Well, you two are as cute as ever, but now that you’re here, Hudson, we should probably try to sleep. It could be a long couple of days.”
“Is it okay if we stay? I mean, you don’t have to, Adrian, I just…”
“One of you can take the recliner and the other the couch if you’d like. The couch folds down into more of a bed.”
Adrian nods. “I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to. I also put your go-bag in the closet there if you’d like to change.”
I smile at him, prepared as always, and when I open the closet, I see that there’s a bag for him as well.
He wants this, I have to believe he does, even if he’s afraid to say it.
“I’m sorry, Emily, I know you were hoping to avoid surgery, but the baby’s heart is decelerating and you’re still only a couple of centimeters dilated,” Kathy, Emily’s midwife, confirms. “I warned Dr. Owen before I came in here, and I’m sure she’s watching the monitor. Let me see if she’s secured the OR.”
“What does that mean?” I ask, panicked even though they both seem so calm.
Emily got an epidural about two hours ago, thank god.
Before that, the pain seemed like an absolute nightmare, and she’s been calm since, but words like surgery and deceleration seem like reasons to be more concerned, right?
Adrian is standing quietly at my side, but he reaches out to take my hand, grounding me with his steady support.
Kathy is on her phone, probably talking to this Dr. Owen person, so Emily answers.
“See the baby’s heart rate on the monitor there.
” She points to the wave I’ve been watching all day.
“They’re okay right now, but the contractions are putting too much stress on them.
We’re going to have to switch to a C-section.
It’ll be okay, though, you should even be able to come into the OR if you’d like. ”
I nod, but my throat feels tight. This is really happening. Today is the day. I’m going to meet my baby today.
That shouldn’t be so surprising when we’re in a hospital literally waiting for them to be born, but the due date wasn’t for three weeks, and Emily said that the induction could take a couple of days. I thought I had more time.
“Okay! Dr. Owen is on her way to the OR. Dad, you are welcome to join us, but it’s showtime!”
The nurses all jump into action, unplugging things and grabbing equipment, reattaching Emily to what seems like portable monitors.
“What about Adrian?” I ask desperately.
He squeezes my hand. “I won’t leave. I’ll go as far as they’ll let me.”
“You can come with us to the pre-op area and help him get into scrubs if you’d like,” one of the nurses says as she starts to move Emily’s bed. “But only one support person is allowed in the OR, sorry.”
“Thank you.” Adrian nods, squeezing my hand again. “See, I’ll be right in pre-op. You got this.”
Getting to the OR is a blur, and before I know it, someone is handing me a set of scrubs.
“It’ll be a few minutes while we get everything prepared and confirm the epidural placement before you can join us.
Put the scrubs on over what you’re wearing if you can, otherwise there’s a curtain here if you need privacy.
I’ll come and get you when we’re ready. Don’t touch anything in the operating room, and if you feel dizzy or faint at all, go toward the exit door and sit on the ground.
I won’t have you passing out into my sterile field, got it? ”
I nod. I got this. I think.
Adrian hands me the scrubs as I pull them on, helping me fit a scrubcap hairnet thing on my head and booties over my shoes.
And then, we wait. I try to focus on deep breathing, but I can’t stand still, fidgeting as I think about everything that’s happening, what today means, that I’ll be bringing a baby home with me when I leave, how I wish Adrian was planning to come home with me, too.
He grabs my hand again, rubbing his thumb soothingly as he looks up at me. “Hey, everything is fine. You’ll be the very best dad.”
I nod, but I can’t help voice some of my concern. “How do you know?”
He lets out a soft laugh. “You’ve done everything you can to prepare, and you’re the best person I know. This kid is so lucky to have you.” He smiles, and his dimples soothe some of my anxiety. I feel like I can take a full breath for the first time since Kathy mentioned surgery.
But my heart rate picks up again when Adrian adds, “Anyone would be lucky to have you.” He’s staring up at me with so much adoration and longing, and I’m sick of acting like we don’t want to be together, as if Adrian isn’t the very best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I know that the nurse could come back at any moment, but I have to ask. “What about you?”
Adrian’s brows scrunch together as he asks, “What about me?”
I’m done holding back. “You said ‘anyone would be lucky to have me.’ Well, what about you?” I ask, voice cracking a little, but I force myself to go on, to tell him everything I’m feeling so he can’t brush me off again.
“Adrian, I only want you. I want you to be there for everything, every day. I love that you beat me to the hospital. I love that you were there at every adoption meeting and class, that you got to hear the heartbeat with me, even if it was over the phone. Not because you were helping me out, but because we got to share those things. I love that my memories of this adoption process all include you.”
His jaw has fallen open, but he doesn’t stop me.
“You know how much I want to be a dad, how excited I am that it’s actually happening, but it doesn’t feel right to think about taking the baby home without you being there to share that moment with.
I appreciate every ounce of support you’ve offered me, but I don’t want you there just to help me.
You’re easily the most helpful person I’ve ever met, but that isn’t why I want you there. ”
“Then why…?” he asks quietly, blinking up at me still looking confused.
I shake my head. “Adrian, I want you there so that when the baby smiles for the first time, we can both experience that, together. I don’t want to call you or text you about the milestones, about how our days were.
I want you right there with me cheering them on as things happen.
I want to already know every detail of your day as we fall asleep in the same bed together because I was there for it all. ”
I take his other hand, squeezing them. “I want us to be a family. You said this kid is lucky to have me? Well, I think they would be even luckier to have you. You’re the very best thing that’s happened to me, and I wouldn’t be here today, about to become a dad, if it wasn’t for you.
I thought I would have more time before the baby was here for more grand gestures, but this is it.
And I don’t think those were working anyway, because proving to you that you’re my first choice isn’t about those things. ”
“It isn’t?” he asks in that same confused tone, but his mouth is tilting up the faintest amount in the corners.
“No, because being with someone isn’t about big grand gestures. I think it’s about all the boring little moments that aren’t actually boring because you’re with the other person, and being with them makes everything better. You make everything better, Adrian.”
He’s smiling now, a hint of those dimples peeking through, giving me hope. “I do?”
I nod, my own smile taking over my face.
I think this might actually be working, but I’m not done.
“Do you remember when I asked you early on why you thought you didn’t deserve for people to be nice to you, to take care of you?
That it seemed like you’re always helping everyone else with no one to look out for you. ”
He nods, still smiling.
I move a hand to cup his cheek. “Well, now I’m asking if you think you don’t deserve to be loved?
Because I’m here, begging you to let me be that person, and I’m telling you that you deserve it.
That I would like to spend the rest of my life proving to you that you’ll always be my number one choice.
You are so much more than a convenient option.
You’re the only option for me. Other than this baby, you’re it for me, Adrian.
Whether you believe me today or five years from now, my answer won’t change, because I’m completely in love with you. ”