Chapter Twenty-Four
Magnus’s shoulders and arms stiffened at Selina’s innocent question, but he found he couldn’t deny her anything anymore. She was so giving and open in every way that to keep it from her seemed churlish, and wouldn’t it be better coming from him?
After all, he wasn’t proud of what he’d done, but perhaps she might understand if he explained why he’d done it.
‘Only, I spoke with Miss Sonja at that hideous soirée Lady Nora hosted, and well, she seemed to think…’ Words seemed to fail her, and he decided that he would certainly prefer to explain it himself than have Miss Sonja do it for him.
‘What did she say?’ he asked gruffly, shame clawing up his throat, and making it difficult to speak.
‘Not much. But she implied you were the cause of a great divide within your family—that you betrayed Helga in some way. And that your father had been very…unkind to you growing up.’
‘Miss Sonja is as much to blame for what happened with Helga as I am. She should never have helped her in such foolishness.’ He shook his head, dropping it back against the wooden recliner with a sigh of defeat.
‘No, that’s not fair… I did betray her. If I’d behaved better, I might have been able to help her. ’
‘What happened?’
Magnus took a deep breath and tried his best to explain it as if he were describing some long-forgotten event in Thrudheim’s history.
‘Our father was a cruel and violent man. He expected perfection from myself and Helga at all times. Less so with Hans, who came so much later and was considered a spare heir by then. My father was determined to rebuild Thrudheim’s independence, and he feared that anything less than excellence from his children would jeopardise our country.
His methods were harsh, and every hour was accounted for with lessons or approved exercise.
There was no time for frivolous play. We were tested regularly and beaten with a riding crop if we made mistakes.
Frequently I was denied meals or forced to stay awake while my father lectured me. ’
‘Oh, Magnus, that’s awful!’ Selina wrapped her arm around his chest and squeezed him tightly. He smoothed a hand over the cloud of her hair and smiled at the way it sprang back in defiance.
‘One day, when I was thirteen, he began to strike Helga with the crop. I cannot even remember why. But I finally stood up to him and snapped it in two. He beat me for that, but he never hit Helga again. My sister and I had always been close, and we took comfort in our shared misery. But after that incident he was determined to make us rivals. Something that affected me far more than my sister because I was never as good a scholar as she. I could not live up to her brilliance, and I see now that my father took our affection for one another and twisted it into a competition for his approval. When Helga succeeded, she was rewarded and I was punished. I became jealous of her treats and freedoms. She was taken to London and Paris, while I worked on the ships. When we turned eighteen, we were given a reprieve from the tests and competitions. I was sent to study at Oxford, and Helga enjoyed the London Seasons with our mother and Hans. I thought as adults our rigid training would finally be over, and in a way it was. I went to live in Copenhagen, fulfilling my duty to Thrudheim by pandering to the Danish court, and fighting in their wars. Eventually I negotiated Thrudheim’s independence from the Danes.
And yet, when I returned, it still wasn’t enough to please our father.
He only declared that Helga had made the greatest sacrifice of all—by agreeing to marry a powerful Norwegian man of the Timber Aristocracy, and he expected me to do the same.
I had been enjoying some light-hearted affairs, and he was furious about them.
Even though they meant nothing to myself or even the women involved.
He thought I was behaving shamefully. Perhaps I was… ’
Selina raised her head, a defiant and outraged look in her eye. ‘Your father is the one who should be ashamed for how he treated you. But I am a little confused. Helga agreed to the arranged match?’
Magnus nodded firmly, gathering her close to his chest, her presence a balm to his soul. ‘She did. I do not understand why. Perhaps she simply wished to appease our father until she could arrange her escape.’
‘Is that what happened? She tried to run away?’
‘Yes.’ Magnus sighed. Now came the confession that would change Selina’s view of him forever.
‘I discovered Helga exchanging love notes through Miss Sonja. I never found out the name of her beau, but he couldn’t have been a decent man, because he never came forward to try to save her.
However, I did find her writing a reply to him, agreeing to leave on a ship that night—with no talk of marriage—and worse, she had agreed to steal several pieces of Thrudheim jewellery to pay for their new life together!
I couldn’t believe my sister would do something so base and stupid.
She had been a paragon of virtue, and yet she had decided to betray Thrudheim for love… ’
Selina flinched beneath his arm, and he took a deep breath before continuing.
‘But, I confess, I was also bitter after the years of constant comparison, and the sacrifices I’d made to protect her.
She’d betrayed our people and…me. We argued about it, loudly.
I let my emotions get the better of me, and I was deliberately careless.
She begged for me to be quiet, but that only enraged me further. ’
He’d known her father would hear them. His parents were only in the room above them in the tower, and sound carried in that part of the palace—especially in the quiet of the night. Their father had found out because of him, and the regret threatened to engulf him.
‘Your father heard you arguing?’ she guessed.
‘He slapped her, and I had to hold him back until he swore not to hit her again. Then I was ordered out of the room. I waited outside, but all I could hear was Helga’s weeping and her room being ransacked.
When my father left, all of her love notes had been found and burned.
Miss Sonja was dismissed from the palace, and Helga refused to speak to me.
She was married within the month—earlier than planned.
I stayed in Thrudheim with Hans, and my parents’ ship sank in a storm on their return from Norway. I was to blame for all of it.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ she murmured, reaching up to cup his face. He closed his eyes, loving the tenderness of her touch, but feeling too ashamed by what he’d done to return it. He didn’t deserve pity.
Bitterness twisted in his gut. ‘I would not be surprised if Miss Sonja were seeking revenge for Helga by seducing Hans herself. They were the closest of friends.’
Selina shook her head. ‘I do not think Sonja has any intention of seducing Hans. They are friends, in her mind at least. She even asked me to warn him against speaking with her, and I believe her sincerity. After all, she had no problem in telling me how much she hated you…and your father.’
Magnus nodded grimly. ‘Everyone hated my father, and for good reason.’
Lifting her head, she brushed a kiss against his lips. ‘I am sorry for that. But I do not think you are to blame for what happened.’
Magnus closed his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. ‘You are the only one.’
‘I am glad we came here,’ Selina murmured softly. ‘I feel as if I understand you better now. Perhaps if you were more trusting and open with Hans, things might improve between you.’
‘After how he behaved with Sonja?’
Selina tilted her head with a frown. ‘What has he actually done? Has he compromised her? Asked to marry her?’
Grumbling, Magnus shook his head. ‘Should I wait for him to make such a mistake?’
‘You cannot control people… It’s not fair or right, and you will only push Hans further away from you by doing so.’
With a heavy heart he nodded. ‘Perhaps you are right.’ A pained look entered his eyes, and he whispered softly, ‘My greatest fear is becoming like my father. But after his training… I do not know how to be any different.’
‘You are nothing like him,’ she said firmly.