Chapter Twenty-Seven #2
‘That was a poor choice of words,’ he admitted quietly, but his voice was still thrumming with repressed emotion. Frustration and anger had caused him to rage at her. His cruelty had not been intentional, but if a dog bit, was it any less of a beast for doing so?
She gritted her teeth. ‘Explain the situation, and I will no longer be ignorant. Will I?’
‘After returning to Skadisberg, Hans bought passage for himself and Sonja to leave Thrudheim during the coronation celebrations. It is clear Sonja colluded with him and concealed it from her family too.’
‘Oh…’ That did seem rather damning. ‘I take it you have put a stop to their plans?’
His broad shoulders rippled with a deep, flexing breath. ‘I did, and I have suggested to Sonja’s father that she be married swiftly to the man her family have already picked out for her. A man that I approve of at least.’
‘Helvarsen?’ she gasped, dreading the reply.
Magnus nodded stiffly.
‘Hypocrite!’ she yelled the insult as if she were tossing over a card table.
Magnus swivelled towards her, a stunned expression on his face that quickly hardened to granitelike indifference. ‘How am I a hypocrite?’
‘You married me! Your people do not approve, and you did it anyway—that was your choice. Just as it was mine to accept you. I understand that you want the best for your brother and Thrudheim. But surely their happiness must count for something? To condemn Sonja to marry a man so…dull and old? How could you? After what happened to Helga, how could you?’
‘I have to!’ His eyes narrowed. ‘What choice is there? I must ensure that Hans is married to someone of importance in the British aristocracy. It is the only way to ensure Thrudheim’s peace and survival.’
‘You think you will fail in that task?’ A bleak sadness enveloped her, and her chest tightened as his next words confirmed her fears.
‘I already did…when I married you.’
An unexpected sob broke from her throat, and she cursed herself for being so easily hurt by mere words…
especially his. ‘You shouldn’t have married me, then!
’ she yelled through a rush of tears, and then, because she was humiliated by her own behaviour, she added, ‘And just so you are aware, these are angry tears! Because I am furious with you! Furious that you insisted I marry you when it is obvious you are incapable of kindness! Ruin would have been easier to bear than being married to a callous brute such as you!’
His eyes narrowed with stubborn pride. ‘Is that so? Because believe me, I would never have chosen you if I’d had any sense!’
Each breath was more painful than the last. She thought of their countless nights of lovemaking, their blissful days in the summer lodge—had that all been lies?
She’d thought they were growing to understand each other.
But he didn’t even trust her enough to write her own speech or value her opinion when it came to Hans.
Each blow only confirmed her suspicions—that she was never good enough to keep someone by her side.
‘I see. Has Hans asked to marry Miss Sonja, or have you made assumptions about that also? And, where were they travelling to? To Helga perhaps?’
‘How did you know that?’
‘Have you ever considered that your sister, facing one of the most challenging times in the life of a woman, might want her lover with her? That Hans and Sonja—’
‘Are what? Taking my sister’s lover to join her and her husband? Do not be so vulgar and ridiculous!’
‘So, I am vulgar, ridiculous, and stupid? While you are more than happy to marry off an innocent woman to a man twice her age, simply because she dared to defy you? You torture yourself for what happened with your sister, and now you will ruin your relationship with your brother as well! There is little I can do about that, but I will not be your puppet! I will make my own speech, even if it is terrible.’ She strode over to the desk and snatched up the speech holding it up. ‘At least, the words will be my own!’
Magnus stalked towards her, closing the distance between them until he was staring down at her in that imposing way of his.
She was sure he didn’t even realise how terrifying he appeared, and stupidly she found herself railing against it.
She was fed up with being afraid and constantly apologising for being herself.
She had lived with her father’s disapproval.
Now it seemed she would suffer under her husband’s as well.
At least she didn’t love her husband—not after what he’d done, so the scorn would burn less.
But even as she stared up at Magnus, she knew she was lying to herself, because she did love him, even now.
This imposing, deeply repressed man who tried to balance the good of his country with his own hopes and dreams, who had been abused and hurt by those who should have loved and cherished him.
She loved him, and she hated herself for it, for being so weak and stupid that she would love a man who could never love her back.
‘Don’t!’ he warned.
‘Don’t!’ she snapped the word back at him with a bitter sneer.
‘That’s all I have ever heard! Don’t be so silly!
Don’t be so stupid! Don’t be so emotional!
Don’t! Don’t! Don’t! Do you know what it made me do?
’ She scrunched the paper in her hand, the satisfaction emboldening her enough to tilt her head up in defiance.
‘It has forced me to act! I know you do not want to hurt them. For once, try not to control everyone and everything around you! It will only make you miserable and alone.’
‘Selina, stop it!’ he hissed, grabbing her wrist before she could throw it into the fire. His body curving over hers as if they were reeds bending in the wind.
She glared back at him, her jaw firmly set. ‘There was no scandal with us, no love. Why should we marry so easily when Sonja and Helga cannot? It is not fair, and your decision has ruined two lives—possibly even three—if Hans cannot forgive you! How can you live with yourself?’
‘What?’ He blinked, leaning back in confusion.
‘You said your father burned all of Helga’s love letters.
That Sonja was sent away from the palace and forbidden from joining Helga in Norway.
Sonja’s family still strictly manage her correspondence—but they let her attend balls and parties and walk freely around the city.
Why do you think that is? Why do you think Sonja is trying to arrange transport to Helga? Why do you think Hans is helping her?’
Confusion split his face, and the grip on her wrist lightened, as understanding slowly dawned in his eyes.
‘I may be stupid and vulgar. But I know when a person is in love, and I have seen love in Sonja’s eyes only once, and that was when she was looking at a portrait of your sister!’
Magnus sucked in a sharp breath and raised his eyes to the ceiling as he muttered what was presumably a Thrudheim curse.
She was sick of his strained forbearance with her, and his constant disapproval, he was just like her father.
His affection for her reluctant and resigned.
She pushed past him, but it was like trying to push through a blocked door, and she stumbled, catching herself on the side of the desk with a cry of pain.
‘Selina!’ he yelled, wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug as if to stop her from injuring herself any further.
But it was too late, he had broken her heart.
She stilled at his touch and closed her eyes, hating how her body sank into the heat of him.
It was as if their bodies longed for one another, despite their hateful words.
‘Let me go,’ she pleaded. ‘I am sick of you despising me!’
‘I could never despise you. I am sorry,’ he murmured, his lips brushing against her ear and causing a shiver to run down her spine.
‘You are not at fault, I am. You are right to call me a callous brute, for that is what I am. I realised that the first night I came to your chamber. I have wanted you from the first moment I saw you. I think I was lying to myself by insisting that our marriage was solely a matter of honour. It isn’t…
I couldn’t resist you. Not then, and not now.
I wish…’ He stopped speaking as if unable to continue.
Pain and guilt dripped from every shaken word, and his hands were tight, clutching the fabric of her dress, but not holding her back in any other way.
She could break from him easily, and she was determined to do just that.
She couldn’t turn to face him though, couldn’t let him break her heart again.
Already it felt like a wounded animal in her chest curling up into a defensive ball.
He wished things were different, and so did she.
‘I will make my own speech. I beg you to talk calmly to your brother, to see things from all sides…but I know my opinion has little sway with you. After the coronation I will go to London. Perhaps my absence will ease your suffering.’
‘Selina…’ Her name was a plea, against her ear. But she had nothing left to give. Her hands snaked around his taut forearms, and she pulled them away from her, breaking free from his embrace and releasing herself from his grip entirely.
‘Do not join me tonight. You are not welcome!’