Chapter 42
Cora
Despite waking up with every muscle aching, the first thing I notice is the warmth of his skin against mine.
We used the same soap and shampoo last night, but somehow his scent is different, intoxicatingly so.
His fingers flex on my lower back when I shift a little. It's insane to me how just being near him wakes up so many different parts of me. My life is a complete mess right now, but lying with him in this bed makes it all feel like a distant thing as if it happened to an alternate version of me.
The woman in bed with Eddie Yarrow right now isn't the same woman who lost a dear friend yesterday in such a brutal way. She isn't the one who lost her brother, because even though he's very much alive, he's not the man she loved. Sadie is gone. William won't be happy about her life choice.
Yet, in his arms, none of it matters.
He's a good man, doing good in the world, and despite the fact that he didn't come from a family running a fortune five hundred business or isn't connected to the upper echelon of society or other political families, his life has had meaning, possibly more so than any man running for office. He has endangered his life to help others. He's put his money where his mouth is so to speak, and that's more than most politicians can say.
I don't know when I decided that despite what William thinks, I choose Eddie. I want to be a part of his life. I want to grow with him. He's what I choose, and although he made it sound like he has nothing to offer me, I know better. He cares for me. He'll risk his life for me. He doesn't care how that looks to the outside world, and that means the world to me. He isn't saving face or wondering what the sound bite or optics look like. He just wants me. It's literally that simple, and I want to live in the simplicity of that with him. I want privacy from the public. I don't want to have to worry about what others think or if they're judging me for living my life.
I wonder if this is how Sadie felt. If this is what she fought for and just went about it the wrong way. A dull ache settles inside of me with thoughts of my sister. She deserved so much better, and although I can tell myself not to have regrets where she's concerned, I know it'll take more than just the thoughts to ease the pain from my mistakes.
"I can smell your brain working," he whispers, pressing his lips to the top of my head.
I look up at him. "Think you can silence those thoughts for a little while?"
His hand is warm when he reaches down and cups my jaw. "You're hurting."
"Be gentle then," I whisper, angling my head up so he can press a kiss to my lips.
He keeps his eyes locked on me as he traces a finger down my body, swirling his attention over the tip of one breast before moving lower.
I shift a little, doing my best to hide the pain I feel because I know he'll stop if he thinks he's hurting me.
My mouth drops open, eyes threatening to close when he sweeps that finger over my clit. I roll my hips, seeking more attention, my body aching in a different way now that he's touching me there.
"Please," I beg when he seems quite content to just trace the rim of my opening rather than dip his finger inside of me.
I lift my leg, hanging it over his hip so he has better access but instead of pressing inside of me with his finger, he lines up the tip of his cock and sinks inside of me.
My stomach twists with need at the sound that rumbles from his chest, it's a pleasured pain sort of noise, and it makes me feel like a goddess.
"Every day," he whispers, mouth only an inch from mine. "Need this every day."
He rolls his hips, slowly sinking inside of me before pulling back only to do it again and again and again.
His tongue swipes across my lower lip, seeking entrance, and I give it, unable and unwilling to deny this man anything.
"I understand now," he pants. "I was such a fool."
"Please," I beg again, wanting everything he has to offer.
His hips pause, his body joined fully with mine as he urges my face up so we're mere inches apart and looking into the other's eyes.
"I waited my entire life for you, Cora. I'm certain it was always meant to be you."
Tears leak from my eyes as I take in his words because I feel exactly the same way.
"I won't ever let you go," he whispers. "There isn't a thing in this world that would make me walk away from you."
He looks pained as he pulls back before slowly sinking back into me.
"I'd die for you. I'd die without you."
Another pull and push, and it has my body lighting on fire .
"I'll kill any man who even thinks of hurting you again."
His jaw flexes when my body gives into the slow burn of orgasm, my core clenching around him.
"Fuck," he grunts, holding off as long as he can.
He pulls back and I feel the warmth of his orgasm coating my lower belly, his cock pulsing against my skin.
"We need to have a conversation about birth control."
I chuckle, pressing my forehead against his chest before remembering the injury there. I groan in pain as I pull my head back.
"I don't want to face the world today," I mutter instead of agreeing that we need to talk about a lot of things. "Can we live in this perfect bubble for just a little while longer?"
"As long as you want, baby," he says, pressing a gentle kiss to the uninjured part of my forehead.
Despite our agreement, the silence around us feels heavy, and I know we can't avoid life, and that includes the conversations we really need to have.
"You said a lot of stuff when we were making love," I hedge, worried that the use of the "L" word might send him running in the opposite direction.
"I did, and I meant every one of them," he assures me.
"I never thought I'd fall in love," I confess.
"I told myself I couldn't," he responds. "My entire life, especially these last ten years since I saw what it meant for Noah, I never wanted it, but it has a funny way of sneaking up, doesn't it?"
"Do you think it's weird?"
"What's that?" he asks.
"Doing this so late in life."
He shakes his head. "I think it's going to happen when it's supposed to. I just never thought it would happen to me."
"Regrets? "
He looks down at me, a small smile playing on his lips. "Only that I didn't find you sooner. I'd love more time with you."
I shake my head, pulling in a deep breath. "You're not that old."
"I feel ancient."
"You've had a busy life. Maybe it's time for you to slow down."
"I can't stop working," he says. "Please don't ask that of me."
"I'd never," I vow. "What you're doing is important."
"You're sure about that? I don't want it to cause problems down the road."
I shake my head. "It won't."
"If you stay with me, we'll end up living in the Cerberus cabin. There will be lots of people in and out all the time. It'll be a little chaotic."
"I like being around people," I tell him. "I've been so alone for a long time. Other than Faye, I've had to get lost in work and the garden in order to not be so lonely. A little chaos sounds great, honestly."
He shakes his head, his smile getting bigger. "You have no idea what you're asking for. Some of the guys aren't too impressed with me. I have a lot of apologies to make."
"Tell me about them," I urge, and he does.
He tells me what he can about cases the guys have worked on and how he let his own opinions about love and relationships interfere with Hemlock and Zara's relationship. He confesses his regrets for the damage he might've caused them, but it seems they made it through to the other side.
He tells me more about Cerberus New Mexico and how the guys there peeled off one by one, giving me more details than he gave the night he told me about losing Noah. I listen intently as he shares a lifetime of memories, regret, and pain. I laugh when he does, speaking about silly things, and it seems he has had some good in his life, but confesses something was always missing, and he attributed that to his work and the impossible task of ending sex trafficking forever.
"Now I know it was because I was missing you," he whispers as he smiles down at me.
It should be corny, something a woman so close to forty should roll her eyes at, and maybe if he were anyone else, I would, but the sincerity in his voice tells me he fully believes what he's saying, so I believe him too.
"I love you," I whisper, saying the words in a romantic fashion for the very first time in my life, relishing in how natural they feel on my tongue.
His eyes soften as he inches closer, whispering, "I love you, too," before pressing his lips to mine.