Chapter 10
A/N: hi everyone! before you read, I just want to disclaim quickly that there might be some triggering stuff ahead for anyone who has struggled with eating disorders or malnutrition in the past. all of the things mentioned are from my own personal experience with depression and loss of appetite.
I'll never talk about how bodies look, mainly because I've done sports my whole life and have always had muscle on me, so I truly don't know what it's like to be concerningly/noticeably thin, even though I did lose some weight during the height of my depression.
I just wanted to warn you guys ahead of time, since I know that Hollywood and the media have been displaying a lot of really scary things, which have probably made body dysmorphia/EDs/depression worse for some people.
so just please read carefully. I love you all so so much ??
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The next day, I was really beginning to notice how dirty my hair was.
In my malnutrition, I had noticed that even though my hair was taking longer to get excessively greasy, it stayed in a constant state of flat and thin.
In the past, I'd had thick, light brown hair that bounced around, even though it was pin straight.
But now, my pin straight hair was just a frail sheet framing my face.
I'd also been noticing the peach fuzz-like hair that had been growing on my body. It was on my arms and back especially. I remembered rubbing my arms last night and feeling tiny, almost imperceptible hairs there — ones I had never felt before.
When I was younger, I used to get eczema on my arms and legs, sometimes around my neck and collarbone, during the wintertime. But it wasn't winter right now, and somehow, my eczema had come back. I was scratching it when I woke up this morning, and it's been irritated since.
I was glad that my paleness had been starting to go away. The shadows on my face weren't quite as apparent as they were a few days ago, and it helped me feel more human again. But my hair was still an issue. The only problem was that I knew I wouldn't be able to wash it without help.
As I stared into the vanity of my bedroom, I decided that if I wanted help, I had to ask for it. Nothing will come from sitting around and waiting.
Before I could second-guess myself, I pressed the silver button on the corner of the dresser, hoping someone's voice would sound out.
"Do you need something, love?" Zade said, his voice calming me down ever-so-slightly.
I held down the button again. "Umm...could you come to my bedroom, please? I n-need some help." My voice wavered, still filled with nerves, but I was proud of myself for responding and taking the action to say something.
He didn't even respond, and just a few seconds later, I could both feel and hear footsteps echoing down the hall. He knocked a few times before gently opening my door, stepping inside.
Smiling at me, he moved to stand directly behind me, placing his warm hands on my shoulders.
"What can I help you with, my love?" he asked, and for some reason, a wave of emotions overcame me.
I'd noticed how much my mood fluctuated recently, but for some reason, tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the gravity of what I was about to admit to him.
Concern washed over his features, and my lip quivered as I looked up at him through the mirror. He spun me around in my stool as he kneeled down, and as he wrapped his strong arms around me, I broke down.
My shoulders shook as tears flew down my face, and my chest spasmed as I struggled to breathe through my sobs. He ran his hands up and down my back as he purred, letting me cry.
I didn't notice how it happened, but moments later, my other four alphas were standing around us.
"Breathe, baby," Matthias's soft voice said to me. I tried but failed miserably.
The next thing I knew, Atticus's hand reached towards me and grabbed my jaw, pulling it up and out of Zade's chest.
"In," he commanded, and I took several short bursts of air in, my chest still involuntary spasming. "Hold it." I did so, freezing as much as I could. "Out." Blowing all my air out, my body was already beginning to calm down little by little. "Good girl," he praised gently. "Again."
We repeated the process until I was mostly back to normal, and Atticus let go of my jaw. Zade lifted me carefully before taking a seat on the stool, turning me to face the mirror before placing me in his lap.
"So what did you need help with?" he asked, pressing a kiss to my temple.
I sniffled. "Well...I really need to wash my hair, but I can't do it myself. I don't think my body can handle that."
"We can certainly do that. Can you tell me what made you cry?"
I took a deep breath before responding. "Before you all came in, I was thinking about all of the ways my body has changed since it started reacting adversely to my presentation as an omega."
"Can you give us examples? Don't feel pressured —we just want to know." He ran his hands up and down my arms, as if he was trying to force warmth into them.
"Well, my hair has been really thin, and my eczema's been coming back. My face is pale and sunken in, though it's been improving over the last few days, and I've been noticing something almost like peach fuzz that's been growing on my arms and back," I said.
"Lanugo," Xander spoke from behind me. I furrowed my brows at him.
"That hair on your arms is called lanugo.
It's mostly found in infants but can reappear in adults and teenagers as a result of malnutrition.
The malnutrition causes fat loss, so your body grows those hairs in an attempt to keep warmth in and help maintain your internal body temperature.
" I could just barely see him slightly blush as he rubbed the back of his neck, like he was embarrassed.
"How do you know that?" I asked, wonder in my eyes as I looked at him. Obviously, he wasn't stupid, but I didn't think that, of all my mates, he would know what that was.
"I have a bachelor's degree in nursing," he admitted, and my eyebrows nearly flew off my face. Wasn't he the pack's hitman?
"So how did you end up here?" I asked, completely thrown off by his studies and current career path.
"During my senior year, I was living in an apartment just outside of campus, and it just so happened that Zade was right next door to me.
We became friends and he introduced me to his pack, and after some time, I joined.
If you're wondering how I got the job I have now, it's because I grew up training in mixed martial arts.
My coaches and I were planning on me going pro, and I had sponsorships lined up, but my parents wanted me to choose a more steady career.
I picked nursing, for some odd reason, and now my knowledge of the human body is able to help me with my job. Does that make sense, princess?"
"It does," I said, smiling up at him. His words made me realize that each of my alphas had intricate back stories that I had no idea about. Just how much lore were they keeping from me?
"All the other things you mentioned apart from the lanugo —the eczema, the thin hair, the pallid skin —it all relates to malnutrition. Once you start being able to eat enough, those things should hopefully resolve themselves after a few weeks." I nodded in understanding.
"For now, we can get you in the shower and give you a good wash so you feel nice and clean," Zade said, peppering kisses down the side of my face. "Do you want all of us in there with you?"
After a moment, I nodded, sure that I wanted all my alphas there with me.
Marcel stepped to my side and grabbed my hand, kissing the back of it tenderly. "I'm going to fill up your water bottle so you have it during the shower. I don't want you overheating." I blushed at his thoughtfulness and nodded, watching as he left to get me my water.
"Charity," Atticus began, his firm voice demanding all of my attention.
"I need you to make a choice for me. It goes without saying that you will be fully undressed, but I need to know if you want us to be the same way or not.
If you feel like it'll distract you or make you uncomfortable at all, then we can certainly wear our boxers. So, do you want boxers or no boxers?"
I thought on it, unsure what decision to make, before nodding my head softly. "Boxers, please."
"Sounds good," he said. "I'll go get you a change of clothes for when we're all done." Without another word, he left.
Zade kept me in his arms as he stood, before placing me back on the chair.
"Xander and I are gonna get some products for you to use so you can smell like us.
You don't have to use the rose bullshit in your bathroom when we can get you our own stuff.
And I promise we're all strongly against the use of 3-in-1s.
" I giggled softly, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead before walking out with Xander in toe behind him.
Matthias stepped closer to me and squeezed my shoulders lightly. "Do you mind if I brush your hair? It'll make it easier for us to wash it if it doesn't have any tangles in it." I shook my head, and he grabbed the brush on the edge of the vanity.
Gently, he began to brush through my hair, and I noticed myself slowly succumbing to his care and control. I watched as everyone began reentering the room one by one. He got to the last chunk of my hair, finished brushing it, and kissed the top of my head.
"We've got you," he said. "I promise your alphas will take proper care of you." He helped me up from my stool and walked with me into the bathroom.
Upon hearing the stream of the shower water, I felt a pang in my bladder. Gently, I tugged on the side of Matthias's shirt.
"What is it, baby?" he asked, bending down to bring his ear right by my mouth.
"I need to tinkle," I whispered, embarrassed.
"That's okay, sweetheart," he said. "Thank you for telling me." He lifted up the lid of the toilet and pulled me over to it.
I froze before it, shocked that he wanted me to go while everyone was in here. "Daddy, are you sure? Won't the pipes get messed up if the toilet flushes while the shower is running?" I asked, too nervous to admit my fears to him.
"This house is pretty new, so the pipes should be just fine," he assured me. I looked up at Xander as he approached us, before returning my gaze to Matthias's. "And don't worry, no one's going to judge you."
Xander moved to stand right in front of me, and Matthias stepped back.
"Hi, princess," he whispered, reaching out to cup my face in his hands.
"I understand you need to tinkle." I nodded, my cheeks flushing again.
"Listen, I really need you to do that so I can see what your urine looks like.
Obviously, I can't do a full urinalysis, but I would like to see what color it is and if there are any odors, so I can get an idea of what your body might need and if your kidneys are functioning as they should be. "
I giggled softly at his medical talk, finding his words slightly silly for such a casual setting. He peppered kisses all over my face, and I giggled even harder as he smothered me with affection.
He brought his lips right by my ear, his breath curling around it. "I'm gonna spank that ass red if you keep laughing at me."
I immediately sobered and slammed my mouth shut. He flashed me a devilish smile and nodded at the toilet. "Come on, princess," he said. "Be good."
Sliding down my panties, I looked up at Matthias. As I sat down on the porcelain seat, he stepped closer to me. "You wanna hold Daddy's hand?"
I nodded eagerly, reaching out and taking one of his hands in both of mine. I appreciated that Marcel, Zade, and Atticus seemed to not be paying attention and were talking quietly amongst themselves, already having shed their layers.
Glancing up at Xander, I noticed that he was staring intensely at the lower part of my abdomen. Looking away from him, I kept my eyes on the tile of the floor as I relieved myself.
When I finished, before I could grab toilet paper, Xander tore off a few squares, reaching down and wiping me clean.
Before tossing it in the bowl, he looked over it.
I was unsure what he was checking for, but I trusted him.
Matthias helped me stand and Xander peered into the toilet briefly before flushing it and closing the lid.
He washed his hands and then walked up to me. "Everything looks normal," he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You're just a little dehydrated, is all."
I stepped out of my panties and stood there awkwardly, watching as Xander and Matthias slid their sweatpants down, leaving them in just their boxers. Mustering up a bit of courage, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and slid it over my head, tossing it by their pile of clothes.
Matthias took my hands in his and kissed the top of my head. "You ready, sweet girl? We're gonna give you a good wash, and then the rest of the day is yours." I nodded, setting my eyes on the already-steaming shower.
Matthias placed one of his hands on the small of my back and led me in.
The shower itself was huge, and was shaped almost like a hexagon, with both a waterfall and an angled shower head.
My eyes drifted around every corner of it in awe.
I had no idea it was possible for bathroom amenities to be so luxurious and oversized.
"The shower's about fifty square feet," Marcel said.
My jaw dropped. "The one you had at your old home was probably around fifteen square feet.
We opted to make all the bathrooms and showers in the house big enough to accommodate both ourselves and our beautiful omega.
" He smiled at me, reaching out and pulling me under the angled shower head.
He ran his fingers through my hair as the warm water soaked my scalp.
"How many times do you wash your hair, baby girl?" Matthias asked, squeezing some shampoo into his palm.
"Typically, I double-wash it, but with how dirty my hair is right now, I'd probably wash it four times," I admitted, embarrassed. "I know that sounds crazy; you don't have to wash it four times if you don't want to." Matthias shook his head defiantly.
"I'll wash it four times," he said. "It's not a problem." I turned around so that my back was facing him as he quickly emulsified the shampoo in his hands before lathering it into my hair. I almost moaned from how good it felt.
His strong fingers carved into the dips and curves of my scalp, thoroughly spreading the shampoo everywhere it was needed. I closed my eyes as they rolled back in my head. Unable to hold it in, I moaned softly.
"You like that, baby?" he asked. I moaned again, louder this time and not as ashamed of showing my pleasure.
"Mm-hmm," I hummed. "Can we do this every day?" Each of my five alphas chuckled at my statement, and my cheeks flushed.
"We can do this as often as you'd like us to, princess," Xander said, reaching out and squeezing my waist. His touch shot straight to my core, that aching sensation coming back with a vengeance.
I gripped his forearm to prevent him from attempting any funny business.
"Don't you worry, sweetheart. I'm not gonna try anything.
" His laugh graced my ears again, and I really hoped he would stay true to that.
Matthias turned me around and brought my head back under the stream of water. After he finished rinsing the first round of shampoo out, he repeated the process three more times. Then he squeezed some conditioner onto his hands and coated it on the ends of my hair.
"Okay, baby," he said. "Xander's gonna wash your body while I wash your face.
It's a hydrating face wash, so I'm hoping it doesn't irritate you too much.
" I nodded, and they got to their tasks.
After some time, the faucet turned off, someone was drying me with a towel, and I was changing into a fresh set of clothes.
Atticus had only left me one of Xander's band shirts and a pair of panties. My hair was wrapped up in a towel and I was sipping out of my water bottle as I sat on my bed, recovering from the exhaustion of the shower.
The heat and the standing had taken a lot out of me, and my mouth was dry, the hollow feeling of my bones that I thought had gone away now settling back in.
Zade was already returning all of the products back to their original homes, while everybody else had changed back into sweatpants and were now sitting with me on my bed.
I leaned my head against Xander's shoulder. Normally, I'd be distracted by their toned muscles and tattoos, but right now I was just spent. I didn't even do anything in the shower —I was literally just standing there while they did all the work, but I still felt completely exhausted.
Xander reached over me to sweep my legs across his lap, and I cuddled closer to him.
"Thank you," I said quietly, before taking another sip of my water to try and quench my endless thirst.
"Of course, sweet girl," Matthias told me. "We want to do whatever we can to take care of you." He squeezed one of my thighs with his hands.
Several quiet moments passed between the five of us, even as Zade came back in and found his own spot on my bed. Slowly, I kept drinking water. I finished about half of it before realizing I was full and couldn't drink more, even if my mouth seemed to think I was in a desert.
"Daddy?" I asked quietly, frustrated at myself for not being able to keep drinking it.
Matthias rubbed some warmth into my thighs. "Yeah, baby?"
"I don't think I can finish my water." I looked down at the bottle and then back up at him. "I'm sorry. I know you want me to finish it."
He shook his head. "Don't apologize, sweet girl. You don't have to finish it all now if you don't feel like you can."
Xander dipped his head down to meet my eyes.
"Do you feel full, princess?" I nodded. "Are you thirsty?
" I nodded again. He smiled widely at me and pressed kisses all over my face.
"Then that's something to be proud of. Oftentimes, people who are malnourished and dehydrated lose their ability to tell when their body needs something.
I don't want to assume, but you probably haven't genuinely felt hungry or thirsty in a while. "
"No, that's correct," I said. "I can't remember the last time I ate because I was hungry. Nowadays, I only eat because I know I have to. And I'm never thirsty. But right now I am."
Somehow, his smile got bigger. "That's wonderful. That means your body is able to start telling you what it needs more often. I know you're not quite there with food yet, but that takes time." He pecked my forehead. "We'll get there."