14 pretending too well
Five days later, I've learned something important.
This situation has escalated.
Not in a subtle, easy-to-ignore way. Not in a "people will forget about it soon" way. More in a this has somehow turned into a full-blown narrative and I was not consulted kind of way.
"It's getting out of hand," I say, staring at my phone like it personally created the problem.
Jess doesn't even look up from hers. "It's been out of hand."
"No, this is new," I insist. "This is advanced out of hand."
Riley, sitting between us on Jess's bed like she belongs here-which she does-leans back against the headboard, scrolling with a level of calm that feels deeply unhelpful.
"How bad?" she asks.
I turn my phone toward them.
It's another video.
Of course it is.
This one is from the game five days ago-the intermission. The angle is slightly off, filmed from a few rows up, but it catches enough.
Me sitting there. Him standing in front of me.
The way we're talking like we're not aware of the fact that people are watching.
The way it looks-
not fake.
Jess leans closer, eyes lighting up immediately. "Oh, this one's good."
"It's not good."
"It's very good," she corrects, already replaying it. "The tension? The eye contact? The fact that neither of you looks like you're pretending anything?"
"I am pretending," I say.
"Not convincingly," Riley replies.
I take my phone back, scrolling down.
The comments are worse.
I lock my phone for a second, then immediately unlock it again like that somehow helps.
"This is misinformation," I say.
"This is observation," Jess corrects.
"This is people making things up."
"This is people paying attention," Riley says.
"That's worse."
Jess shifts closer, resting her head briefly against Riley's shoulder before straightening again, like it's automatic. Riley adjusts slightly without even looking, her arm brushing Jess's in a way that's so natural it's almost annoying.
"You guys are getting dangerously believable," Jess says.
I don't hesitate. "We're not believable."
Jess raises an eyebrow. "Have you seen this?"
"I've seen it," I say. "It's taken out of context."
"There is no context," Riley replies. "That's why it works."
I scroll again.
Another clip.
This one from the café.
Shorter. Closer.
The way we're sitting across from each other, talking like we're not actively trying to control how this looks.
The comments stack under it.
I pause at that one. Then scroll past it like I didn't see it.
"That's not accurate," I say.
"That one's very accurate," Jess replies.
"I don't act like that."
"You absolutely act like that."
"I don't."
"You do," Riley says. "You just don't notice it."
I lock my phone again, dropping it onto the bed like that ends the conversation.
"It's just for show," I say. "That's the whole point."
Jess hums. "Yeah."
Riley doesn't say anything.
That's worse.
I glance between them. "What?"
"Nothing," Jess says.
"That wasn't convincing."
"It wasn't meant to be."
I exhale, running a hand through my hair. "People are reading into things that aren't there."
Jess tilts her head. "Or they're reading into things that are."
"There's nothing there."
"Then why do you keep watching the videos?" she asks.
"I'm not watching them."
"You just watched three."
"I was verifying."
"Verifying what?"
"That they're wrong."
Riley's mouth curves slightly. "And are they?"
"Yes."
She doesn't respond. Which somehow feels like a response.
Jess grabs my phone again before I can stop her. "Okay, wait-this one-"
"No."
"You need to see it."
"I really don't."
"You really do."
She hits play anyway. It's another clip from the game. Closer this time. Me adjusting the jersey.
Him standing in front of me. The way I look at him when he says something. The way he-
looks back.
It's subtle. Not obvious unless you're looking for it.
Which apparently-
everyone is.
I reach over and pause it.
"That's nothing," I say.
Jess makes a noise that suggests she strongly disagrees. "That is not nothing."
"It's a conversation."
"It's a look."
"It's not a look."
"It's several looks," she corrects.
Riley watches me more carefully now. "You didn't notice."
"I noticed."
"You didn't think about it."
"I didn't need to think about it."
Jess narrows her eyes slightly. "Think about what?"
I hesitate, just for a second.
Then I shrug. "Nothing."
Jess doesn't believe that for a second.
Neither does Riley.
I grab my phone back again, locking it like that somehow gives me control over the situation.
"It's still not real," I say.
Jess leans back, clearly entertained. "Sure."
"It's not."
"I didn't say it was."
"You implied it."
"I implied that it looks real."
"That's different."
"Not to everyone else."
I don't respond to that. Because I don't like how easily she says it. Because I don't like how easily it makes sense.
Riley shifts slightly, her shoulder brushing Jess's again. "You react to him differently."
"I don't."
"You do."
"I react the same way I always do."
Jess smiles. "You really don't."
"I do."
"You didn't argue with him at the game," she says.
"I did argue."
"Not the same way."
"That's subjective."
"That's obvious," Riley replies.
I look away, focusing on literally anything else.
Because I don't want to think about that. Because I have thought about that. Because-
I think about the way he looked at me during intermission.
The way he noticed something as small as my expression and decided it mattered enough to fix.
The way I fixed it.
Without making it difficult. Without pushing back the way I usually do. Without even thinking about it.
"That doesn't mean anything," I say.
Jess glances at Riley. "She's spiraling."
"I'm not spiraling."
"You're thinking too much."
"I'm thinking a normal amount."
"That's not normal for you," Jess says.
"I'm very thoughtful."
"You're selectively thoughtful."
"That's still thoughtful."
Riley's voice is quieter when she speaks again. "Are you sure you're in control of this?"
I don't answer. Because I don't have a good answer. Because the more I think about it-
the less sure I am.
I pick my phone up again, staring at the screen for a second before setting it back down.
"This is still fake," I say.
Jess nods. "Of course."
Riley doesn't say anything.
I look at them both.
"It is," I insist.
Jess smiles. "Sure."