Chapter Twenty
Cassian
Hands hooked behind his back, Cassian was standing in the corridor outside James’s overcrowded bedroom, waiting for James to return from his shift.
Not many people were milling around. Only a few.
Thankfully, no one who had seen Cassian had bothered to ask him why he was in this particular part of the ship.
If Cassian had to venture a guess, he supposed that the stewards and stewardesses were probably intimidated by him, especially those who knew who he was.
Cassian furrowed his brow. For how long would his name continue to command such respect and admiration once people started to wonder why a man like him—rich, handsome, influential, and a few years past thirty—still hadn’t gotten married or had children?
Three years? Six? Cassian hadn’t a clue.
Bachelorhood had been embraced by some men, especially in the cities, but not by most in Cassian’s circles.
And it seemed like more and more often, those men who were unmarried, especially ones who had never once had a wife or fathered children, were seen as selfish and untrustworthy, amongst other things.
Closing his eyes, Cassian inhaled a long breath and reminded himself that whatever the price might be for eternal bachelorhood, he’d happily pay it for James.
“Lifebelts, everyone!”
Cassian opened his eyes.
“Everyone put on your lifebelts!” someone shouted as they walked down the corridor, moving with fast, purposeful strides. He stopped in front of Cassian and crooked an eyebrow. “You’re not a steward.”
“I am not,” Cassian confirmed.
“You better head on back to your stateroom. Find your lifebelt,” he said. “After you put it on, you’ll want to move to the boat deck.”
Cassian huffed a near-laugh.
“Why?” he asked.
“Just a precaution,” the man said. “At least, that’s what the officer said to me.”
“Does this have to do with the . . . sound or whatever it was from earlier?”
“Likely so.”
“I heard we kicked a propeller blade.”
“Ah, well, maybe we’re stuck, then.”
“Can the ship really not move without one measly propeller blade?” Cassian asked through an incredulous chuckle. “It’s an eight-hundred-foot ocean liner, not a schooner.”
“I’m only communicating what I’ve been told,” the man replied, holding up his hands, his palms facing out. “I can’t confirm whether or not we lost a propeller blade or even a whole propeller, only that everyone ought to put on their lifebelts and walk up to the boat deck.”
Cassian let out a huff and rolled his eyes. Whatever this was, he had no patience for it. He had to wait for James.
“Yes, yes, fine,” he lied. “I’ll return to my stateroom in a minute.”
Seemingly satisfied, the man walked off, shouting orders into each of the bunkrooms. He then returned and headed back toward the large stairwell, over to the E-Deck first-class staterooms, likely to relay the same information over there.
Cassian, though, leaned against the wall, irritation spiking his blood.
Where in God’s name was James?
Over the next ten minutes or so, men and women began emerging from each of the crowded bedrooms wearing lifebelts.
Most headed to the staircase, following orders to make their way to the boat deck.
Cassian started to chew on his fingernails, his stomach beginning to churn unpleasantly.
Even though he had faith in the safety of the ship, seeing other people heeding the orders to head upstairs was making him wonder what all of this was about.
Had they not only kicked a propeller blade after all?
After a little longer, he spotted a woman hurrying toward him from the area closer to the front of the ship, her footsteps fast and light.
Cassian noticed that, unlike the others whom he’d seen, this particular woman looked worried.
Worse than worried, maybe. Even from afar, he could see her fearful expression, her mouth agape and brows upturned.
“Excuse me,” Cassian said, walking over to meet her. “Do you know what all of the fuss is about regarding the lifebelts?”
“Titanic—she is flooding,” the woman said, slightly breathless.
“Flooding?!” Cassian spluttered.
“Yes, for certain,” she said. “Just now, I saw the seawater with my own eyes. Rising up the far stairwell, the one to the mailroom. You best make your way to a lifeboat.”
“Lifeboat?” Cassian shook his head. “That’s absurd. This ship, she is an engineering marvel. She can’t sink.”
“Maybe she’ll only flood here, then, but if they’re telling us to put on our lifebelts, I’m worried it must be more serious than that.”
Without another word, Cassian pushed past her and started for one of the stairwells closer to the bow.
Surely this woman was mistaken. Or else exaggerating.
Perhaps some water had spilled in from a porthole or something.
Because Titanic was unsinkable, with a revolutionary design, its watertight compartments heralded by newspapers as a practically ironclad safety feature, one that—
When Cassian reached the stairwell, his mind went blank, every thought about Titanic’s magnificence leaving his head in an instant because of what he saw.
Seawater.
Halfway up the stairwell. Or higher.
“Jesus God,” he muttered, clapping a hand over his mouth.
He had to leave for the boat deck, had to find his lifebelt, had to—
Cassian’s stomach plummeted. James. He had to find James!
Cassian raced back toward the other staircase, shoving past slow-moving stewards, stewardesses, and other crewmembers, most or all of whom must have been unaware of the incredible danger they were very likely in.
Titanic was one of the most, if not the most, luxurious, impressive ships in the world. Could she really sink?
Heart hammering, Cassian rushed up the stairwell. All that mattered was finding James. And then finding Ethel and John and Jacob and Ingrid and Helena. He had to make sure that every single one of them made it to the boat deck to await instruction.
When Cassian reached his stateroom, he banged on the door, but no one answered.
Hopefully that meant Ethel and John had followed orders.
But, still, where was James? Cassian raked a hurried hand through his hair, mussing it up completely as he blew out a breath.
He curled his hand into a fist and hit the wall. Dammit, where was he?!
Just then, his nighttime cabin steward came around the corner carrying a pile of lifebelts.
“You should be up on the boat deck. Or at the very least on A-Deck. Some folks are congregating there in the lounges or the Smoking Room, because of the cold,” the man said. “Where’s your lifebelt?”
“I never received one,” Cassian said.
“Here.” The cabin steward thrust one into his hands. “Now, put that on and head up with everyone else.”
Cassian put his head through the neck hole and began securing the ties around his midsection.
“Did you happen to see the man I was with the other evening?” Cassian asked.
“Yes, I did. In fact, he was the first one to communicate these orders to me,” he said. “I’ve heard them echoed several other times since, so the man must have been in the right place to hear them early, wherever he was.”
“Did you see where he went?”
“Last I saw him, he was with that woman friend of yours and your valet.”
Cassian nodded to himself. Hopefully James was still with them, then.
After securing the final tie, Cassian left for the boat deck, fear nipping at his heels, though he fought to keep himself composed.
Every once in a while, he stopped and searched the clusters of people for James’s pinchable face.
He hoped that his years of maintaining a facade of stoicism in stressful situations would serve him now.
He knew how few lifeboats were required for vessels such as this one, and he knew, too, how fast ships were said to sink.
Selfish though it was, Cassian preferred that most of his fellow passengers remain unaware of the absolute urgency of the matter, oblivious to the need for them to secure a spot in a lifeboat.
All the better for the people who were his responsibility.
He prayed that they’d all find safety before the potential chaos.
When Cassian finally reached the boat deck, he went around to the port side, where several groups of people were waiting, most of whom were not only wearing their lifebelts but their overcoats and other outerwear as well.
Cassian shivered from the cold as he began scanning the faces of the men and women around him.
And then, miracle of miracles, he spotted James.
His heart nearly flew out of his chest.
“James!” he shouted, starting toward him.
It began as a walk, but the moment he and James locked eyes, Cassian started to run, and as soon as they were within reach of each other, it took every Goddamned ounce of strength that Cassian possessed not to pull James in for a crushing hug.
“Dammit, James, where were you?” Cassian said instead.
“Where was I?” James balked. “Where were you? I came looking for you in your section of the ship.”
“Yes, well, I was looking for you in your section of the ship,” Cassian countered.
James smiled. “Great minds.” He huffed a light, somewhat uneasy laugh.
“Or maybe not so great in this particular situation. Thank God we found each other, though. It looks like they want to put people in boats. Can you believe it? It’s been .
. . what, maybe close to an hour since we stopped moving?
I mean, the ship, she seems fine, though I admit, I was a bit worried at first. I mean, the fellow who instructed me to put on a lifebelt looked—”
“She isn’t fine,” Cassian clipped through a harsh whisper, leaning in close. “James, when I was looking for you on Scotland Road, I spotted water.”
James’s face fell. Even in the yellow glow of the nearby electrical lights, it looked as though he had gone pale in an instant.
“What?!” he blurted out.
“She’s flooding,” Cassian said. “Titanic is sinking.”
“But . . . but the passengers here, the other stewards, everyone is saying that it’s only a precaution.”
“It isn’t. It can’t be.” Cassian’s stomach tightened as an image of the water flashed in his mind. “We have to catch a boat.”
James’s bottom lip began to quiver.
“I can’t,” he said.
Cassian shook his head in bewilderment, his blood running cold.
“What are you talking about? What do you mean you can’t?”
“All of the stewards here, we received instructions from the officers to keep order, to—to calm the passengers, to encourage other people into the boats.”
“So?”
“So I think I’m meant to remain here, Cassian. I’m meant to help. I’m a member of the crew, for God’s sake, not a passenger.”
“Fine, you may help for a little while, but more and more of those boats will leave, and before we lose our chance, you must board one. With me.”
And Cassian would see to it that he and James boarded one sooner rather than later, if he could help it.
“Cassian . . .” James looked at his shoes. “I haven’t forgotten our conversation in the Shampooing Room. I know you mustn’t have, either. You shouldn’t wait for me. Really. You have a whole life waiting for you in New York.”
“Oh, James, no. Of course I should wait for you. Of course I will wait for you.” Cassian took hold of both of James’s biceps and squeezed. “I’ve realized something. I’ve realized that I want to spend my life with you. Only you.”
James pressed his lips together, as though he was holding back a sudden burst of emotion, and then those gorgeous blue eyes of his filled with tears.
“Do you mean it?” he asked in a hushed and hoarse tone.
Cassian smiled, his own eyes now welling with tears, too.
“Only and always.”
James covered his mouth with his hand and only barely stifled a sob.
Cassian began to rub the man’s biceps as though attempting to warm him.
It was the most affection that he could stand to provide in a public setting such as this one, even on a sinking ship, though he wished so fervently that he could kiss James then and there.
Finally, James removed his hand, and Cassian’s chest filled with the most wonderful warmth the moment he saw the beautiful smile on James’s face.
“Alright, yes, I’ll—I’ll board a boat with you,” he said. “Whenever we can get one. Exactly, precisely the minute we can get one.”
Cassian let out a long breath.
Thank God.
Just then, an officer began to speak.
“Attention, everyone!” he exclaimed, stepping forward and holding up his hands to capture everyone’s attention. “We are about to begin boarding the lifeboats.”
Cassian wilted in relief. James did, too. He leaned forward, kissing his forehead to Cassian’s, and for that brief moment, Cassian had the fleeting thought that everything would be all right.
But then the officer continued on, shouting, “Women and children only.”