Chapter 36 Dex
DEX
The steady beat of Brae’s heart thumped against mine. Calmer now. More relaxed. It was like we’d done battle, said things in a shared language without saying a single word.
My fingers trailed over her back, tracing an invisible design.
A clock, I realized. There was something to that—the steady tick of time, the thing it felt we were racing against in so many ways.
Because what would happen when my lease was up at the end of the summer?
Designs might be underway for my house at the ranch, but I sure as hell wouldn’t be living next door.
What would happen when we found the asshole messing with Brae? The one who’d hurt Nova?
I breathed out those worries and kept tracing the clock—the one I’d built with Waylon all those years ago. The one he’d used to get me talking, sharing. He was wise that way.
And just like then, I started talking now. “I was scared. Scared something had happened to you.”
Brae lifted her head and looked at me for a moment with those golden eyes before settling back into the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry. It was dumb. I’m not used to checking in with anyone other than Owen. Not since…”
Her voice trailed off, but I knew what she meant. Not since Nova disappeared.
Brae cleared her throat. “I’d checked on Owen right before I went to the farmers’ market, so I didn’t think about someone else trying to get ahold of me.”
I traced the intricate antique hands of the invisible clock, the pieces salvaged from one ruined piece but given new life. “I don’t want to be scared for someone.”
Shame washed over me as I spoke the words aloud. But they were one of my deepest truths. The ones I never gave voice to. “I was furious that you made me care.”
Brae’s palm pressed against the wing of my tattoo. “I get that fear. Mine’s different, but it lives in me. Caring about someone who will disappear.”
My breaths started coming quicker. I barely finished an exhale before my body was trying to suck in air all over again. The muscles in my forearms started to tighten painfully as if curling in on each other. Images flashed in my mind. All the what-ifs. All the things swirling around Brae.
“Hey,” she bit out, her voice a stinging slap as she moved to straddle me, framing my face with her hands. “Dex. Look at me. Just like you taught me. Breathe with me.”
She lifted my hand to her chest, laying it over the delicate lace of her bra, the only thing covering her. “You’re with me,” she commanded.
Pure truth. I was with her, and it scared the hell out of me. I sucked in a pained breath as Brae’s chest rose. I exhaled, feeling like I was expelling shards of glass from my lungs instead of air.
“With me.” Brae pressed my palm harder against her chest. “Look at me. Breathe with me.”
The next breath was a little less painful, but I still had to battle for it. Brae didn’t rush me. In and out. Over and over.
My lungs slowly unlocked, and there was no pain, only the residual ache of a panic attack—the ache that came from overusing muscles.
Brae’s thumbs stroked my stubbled cheeks. “There he is.”
She came into clearer view then: her phoenix on her rib cage, the wings fluttering over her lower belly and hips. Beauty and power. Fighting for me.
“You terrify me.”
One corner of Brae’s mouth kicked up. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
I barked out a laugh that sounded like I’d just smoked a pack of cigarettes. “You would, Hellion.”
Her smile came easier, but there was a tinge of sadness.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever fully trust again.
And I know why. Vincent, my ex, bailing on Owen…
on me when I wouldn’t get an abortion. My parents tossing me to the curb.
Nova vanishing.” Her voice cracked on the last sentence.
“They all left. Even if Nova didn’t have a choice.
It marked me. Changed me. Made it hard for me to lean.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for a true partnership again. ”
“I told myself I’d never get married. Never have a family. That I wouldn’t risk becoming what my father was and destroying the people I loved most.”
Grief flooded Brae’s face. Her grip tightened on my cheeks. “You will never become him.”
“You don’t know—”
“I do.” Brae leaned in, getting right up in my face. “I know because of who you show up to be, even on your worst day.”
“Hellion—”
“Be logical,” she snapped. “I’ve studied the psychology of killers. You hurt defenseless animals and like it?”
My face screwed up. “No.”
“You have a thing for setting fires?”
I knew the signs she was listing off. A sort of checklist I’d heard from profilers at the BAU.
“Do you?” she pressed.
“No,” I clipped.
“I know you care about others, have empathy for them, because you’re helping me, even when it gets you into trouble.”
I didn’t say a word in response.
Brae let out a huff of annoyance. “And I sure as hell know you harbor zero superficial charm. There’s a scowl twisting your lips so often I wonder if you even know how to smile.”
“Hey.” I jackknifed into a sitting position, bringing us face-to-face. “I’ll have you know I was damn cheery before you came along. My friends and family would say the same.”
Brae stared at me and then burst out laughing. The sound was so fucking beautiful, and I felt it as much as I heard it. It invaded me.
“What?” I clipped, fighting off the takeover.
Her golden eyes danced and glistened. “Buttercup, you got grumpy because you like me.”
“Shut up,” I grumbled.
Brae’s smile only widened. “You really like me.”
I snapped my mouth closed because I more than liked her and I fucking knew it. She owned me.
The laugh was back. “Who would’ve thought this was my vengeance for you breaking into my cabin?”
I glared back at her. “The threat of pepper spray and that damn dog almost taking my balls wasn’t enough?”
Brae just beamed. “Never enough. You being forced into liking me and being all scowly about it is, though.”
“You’re never going to let me live this down now, are you?”
“Nope,” she said, popping the p.
The sound of tires on gravel had us both turning to the front windows and peeking through gauzy curtains.
“Oh shit,” Brae squealed, hopping off me and causing me to utter a pained curse.
“Now, my balls are on the revenge list, too.”
“That’s Aster’s truck. Owen’s home!” she hissed like we were in a library.
It took a second for the words to hit. But when they did, I cursed again and leapt from the couch.
We scrambled for clothes, tossing each other the other’s jeans as we dressed in some haphazard dance. A knock sounded on the door.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Brae swore.
“Now that’s not polite,” I teased.
Yeti let out a bark, running from the back room toward the door.
“Coming!” Brae called as she buttoned her jeans.
“No, you aren’t, but you were earlier.”
The look she scalded me with should’ve fried me on the spot, but I just laughed as I pulled on my tee, and Brae rushed to the door.
She hauled it open, out of breath. “Owen. Hi.”
He looked up at his mom, a little confused at her higher-pitched tone.
“Thanks for dropping him off, Aster,” she went on.
She did a head-to-toe sweep of Brae and tried to fight a knowing smile. “No problem.”
“Mom, why’s that painting on the floor? And, Dex, your shirt’s on inside out,” Owen said as he stepped inside.
Aster choked on a laugh. “You just let me know anytime you need a little afternoon…break.”
“Aster,” I warned.
“Hey,” she shot back. “I’m just looking out for a sister.”
“Get in your rig,” I ordered, shaking my head as I spotted her nephew, Eli, watching us in the doorway. “Or I’ll tell Mav you asked for him to stop by.”
She glared at me. “You do that, make sure to tell him I shoot trespassers.”
“I think he’d risk the bullet,” I called as she walked away.
Brae just shook her head. “You’re a troublemaker.”
I leaned in, dangerously close. “You have no idea.”