Chapter 11 Luna
Luna
Every inch of my study desk is covered with things, but they are all in their designated place.
My laptop lies in front of me, open with my final thesis report for my master's – my textbooks stacked beside it on the right and my journal in front of me with the page open where I track all of my PhD applications. I haven’t applied to many in quantity; I gave it my all for the ten places that I applied to.
It has been a long and productive day. I haven’t seen Cooper since two weeks back when I was over at his place baking, laughing and being lost in our own world.
We agreed to take time off from hanging out because we wanted to focus on our projects, considering that they would single-handedly decide our future in our fields.
A lot rode on my final presentation going well today.
I couldn’t afford to be distracted, no matter how much I missed seeing Cooper’s lopsided smile and the sharp smile lines.
Even if Cooper is a master with his paint brushes, his final painting for his postgraduate would take him time and effort.
I strike off the things that I completed from my journal and do a final skim read of my report before I press the submit button on the screen.
With a final click of the mouse, I have finished my master’s.
One year of hard work, stress, pain, loss and hope are all over.
Excitement and anxiety emerge in my stomach.
I did my best with the PhD applications and the interviews for them – I will get in somewhere for sure, but I can’t shake the feeling that I will be missing something major if I leave.
But right now, what matters is that I am going to meet Cooper by the riverside for sunset; our favourite time to be there, when the sun says goodbye for the day and settles into its long slumber.
I rush to the shower, freshen up and pull on a woollen sweater to keep myself warm from the particularly chilly autumn wind.
I close my room and walk towards the stairs, but I slow down when I pass by Apollo’s room.
It still hurts to look at it and remember that he isn’t inside.
I haven’t been able to go inside since he died, and today isn’t any different.
I try to gather the excitement of meeting Cooper and run down the stairs, but I pause right at the end of the stairs to look over at my parents cuddling on the couch.
My heart glows because they still found happiness in each other after losing Apollo.
My parents – Kate and Vikram – met each other thirty-five years ago, in a library.
They couldn’t be more different from each other; Appa is an art critic, and my Mum is a mathematician.
However, they both reached for the same novel from either side of the aisle, which sparked a conversation between them.
Things progressed quickly, they fell in love, got married and had Apollo in a few years.
He was their golden boy, and losing him to his split-second decision was like a dagger to their chest. But their love for me and each other still keeps them strong.
I am so glad that I convinced them to let me stay at home with them for my master’s, even though they wanted me to study elsewhere and gain experience.
I couldn’t leave them after everything happened.
While I am lost in thought, Appa turns towards the stairs and notices me standing there, admiring them.
I observe the details on his face – I haven’t really noticed him ageing for so long.
His hair is still dark, even after years of growing old; freckles are scattered over his dark brown skin, and he has a smile so bright that it can bring light even to the darkest days.
‘Hi kanna, come say hi to Appa,’ he says cheerfully.
‘I finished my final presentation – which went well – and also submitted the final report,’ I say as I walk over to my parents.
‘That’s amazing, Muffin! Congratulations on finishing the course. We are so proud of you.’ My Mum says without letting a second pass. Her face immediately brightens as she says that; she means it.
‘Thanks, Mum.’ I hug them both from behind, and they quickly turn to kiss my cheeks on either side.
I kiss the tops of their heads in return.
I love my family, but a sharp pang runs through my chest every time I remember that I can’t share such moments with Apollo.
‘Okay, my darlings, I’m heading out,’ I say, trying to distract myself from thinking further about him.
‘Are you meeting Cooper?’ Appa asks teasingly as I reach the door.
‘Yessss,’ I sing-song as I walk out the door and close it behind me.
I reach the riverside as the sun slowly starts making its way to the horizon, leaving a trail of colours in its path.
I pause for a second to take in the majestic beauty of nature and close my eyes to truly appreciate the parts of life that people often take for granted.
I waltz towards our favourite bench, but Cooper is already sitting there.
A grin appears on my face as I run over to Cooper, give him a quick kiss and sit next to him. Cooper returns the smile, but he sits there silently, looking at me. ‘Someone is in a good mood. Does that mean your presentation went well?’
‘It did! I’m glad it’s over now. But I am also looking forward to what’s next.’
A few seconds later, Cooper reaches behind him to grab something. He brings his hand forward to reveal a box that has ‘Cafe Leche’ printed on it. My eyes light up, and I involuntarily let out a squeal. ‘This is a gift for finishing your course.’
I tilt my head to look at Cooper, gratitude overflowing in my heart. ‘You know me so well, Mr Cooper Murphy, I hope this is the delicious pastry that I think it is.’
He nods towards the box in his hand, inviting me to open it. I grab it from his hands and open it, only to find a smaller box inside. I pick up the smaller box, and the velvety blue material is smooth in my hands. It looks like a jewellery box, and my heartbeat quickens as I look at Cooper.
Cooper’s hand immediately goes to his shirt’s neckline, and he pulls on it – a habit I’ve noticed that comes out when he’s nervous about something – but he’s trying to look normal so that he won’t ruin whatever surprise is waiting for me. ‘Open it,’ he says softly.
I lift the top of the box open to find a small pendant tied to a silver chain. It was a dainty silver chain with a guitar pendant.
‘I thought you could always carry a piece of your brother close to your heart,’ Cooper says, his voice shaky.
My body goes rigid, and I am left speechless for a second as my mind races with thoughts. I stay silent without responding to Cooper.
‘Oh no. I made a terrible mistake, didn’t I?
I’m sorry if this was insensitive because you did tell me that his inability to play the guitar after the accident worsened your brother’s depression.
What was I even thinking? I shouldn’t have bought this.
Let me take it back and retu—’ Cooper goes on a spiral.
I place a hand on his mouth to stop him from rambling further.
I turn to face him, revealing my eyes shiny with tears.
‘I love it, Cooper. This is so thoughtful of you.’ I rub the pendant with my fingers as my heart resumes racing against my chest. My stomach tightens as I try to grapple with the fact that I have fallen in love with Cooper.
And that opens the door to getting hurt.