17. Amorette
AMORETTE
T he first night I slept with the door locked. I tossed and turned, cracking an eye open anytime I heard the faintest noise. I didn’t trust Grey. I didn’t trust any of these men, and my paranoia in the dark had been shooting through the roof.
But Grey never came crashing through the door to hurt me or have his way with me. He didn’t do anything other than watch several episodes of Spartacus from the other end of the couch, keeping his hands to himself. Then when I said I was tired and ready for bed, he only nodded.
* * *
I stood up to fold the blanket I had eventually spread over my lap.
Maman would have verbally berated me if I’d left it in a messy pile on the couch.
I missed her since she’d been gone, and even though I wished she were still here, I was glad she didn’t have to live through my abduction. It would have broken her heart.
To keep my love for Maman alive, I often did things the way she would have done them, even when they were things I hated.
Like making sure the dishwasher was started before bed, no matter how many dishes were in it.
That or handwashing. She had been a neat freak, and I felt closer to her when I followed her routines.
That was how I found myself tucking the blanket back inside the table, carrying my plate and glass from earlier into the kitchen, and figuring out where everything was in the cabinets.
For a few glorious minutes, I’d forgotten I was being held against my will, no matter how pretty the prison. This was normal. Domesticated. What I did when I hung out at my girlfriends’ houses.
Then Grey had shattered it all.
He’d brought his own dishes into the dark, sleek kitchen, skimming his fingers across my hip as he stepped up behind me.
“Mm, mamí . I didn’t realize when I said I’d keep you that I’d get a maid too.
Although, you shouldn’t worry about the dishes.
” His voice lowered as his fingers pressed against my lower back.
Fire burned through me, locking me in place because what the hell was this?
I couldn’t be this screwed up in the head.
“Blanca comes in once a week to straighten the place up. I’ll have to make sure I’m here to protect her from you.” The grin was unmistakable in his voice even without looking up at him.
That was the wake up I needed. A reminder that I’d hurt someone. A woman.
Without thinking, I threw my elbow as hard as I could into his stomach and lifted my foot to stomp on his toes. I didn’t get that far. Between one breath and the next, he had me pressed up against the wall, face first, with his body glued to mine.
Pain screamed through my body as I tried to control my breathing.
His dark chuckle stirred the hair on top of my head as he spread his legs wide enough that I couldn’t kick him. The most I could do was hit the inside of his ankles, but I didn’t have enough force to incapacitate him, much less do any lasting damage.
After a minute of persistent struggling, I blew out a hard breath and sagged against the wall, frustrated with myself for getting in this situation.
Shit. I had provoked him into this, and what did he do when I hit him? Restrained me. He hadn’t done anything else, only molded his body to mine to hold me against the wall.
“Are you done?” His voice was like warm bourbon dripping over me and, damn it, I didn’t want to like his voice. Especially when it was laced with amusement at my expense.
“Yes. My mistake. I don’t like being teased, and I forgot myself,” I said through quick pants. Not true, but I needed to give him a reason, and I hadn’t wanted to tell him the truth. I was lashing out against my circumstances. “You can release me now.”
Grey pressed me harder against the wall, and this time, his erection rubbed against the small of my back. How had I missed that?
I stiffened.
“I’ll let you go, but the sooner you realize I’m not your enemy, the sooner you can settle into life here. You won’t like the alternative.” He pushed away, and the cold air that rushed in at his absence sent a chill down my spine.
Clearing my throat, I went back to the sink to rinse off the dishes. “What if I want you to be my enemy?”
He snorted and moved around me to grab a bottle from the cabinet as he went about making a protein shake.
“You might want me to be, but I’m not. Despite what you might believe, my brother took you away from that place for a good reason.
He was trying to help you. We’re trying to help you.
We don’t want you to die, but we can’t sacrifice ourselves either.
” He said all of that so matter of factly while focused on his task.
It was me who stopped what I was doing to watch him.
I got what he was saying. I even understood it. They were trying to be good people, but how was I supposed to find it in myself to want to stay here? To do whatever sort of fucked up job they found for me? This went against everything I believed in, and that was a hard pill to swallow.
One that I choked on repeatedly today.
“What about those other women, Grey?” At my use of his name, his gaze flashed to mine.
Dark green pools stared into my soul. “Why help me at all? There were other women in far worse shape than me. Other girls. Some were you—” I choked up on my words.
I couldn’t even say it. My next inhale through my nose burned as I tried to hold the tears at bay.
Never did he take his gaze away from mine, and I appreciated that.
He was accepting the ugliness I was trying to unload.
It took someone strong to hold the eyes of someone in pain, no matter the cause.
And I was in pain, all right. The kind of pain that ripped at my chest because I was warm, fed, and safe, not knowing what kind of fresh hell those women were going through every day. But I could imagine…
“Randall liked playing with me. I had a few bruises, but nothing serious. Other women cried constantly, and when they weren’t crying, they were in a state of catatonia. Why didn’t he take one of those girls?”
Goddamn it. Hot tears started to fill my eyes and my nostrils flared. It took every ounce of strength I had to not let them fall.
Grey sighed, put the scoop back in the protein container, and walked toward me, slowly. “The only answer I can give you is, they weren’t you .”
“That doesn’t make any fucking sense!” I screamed.
He raised his hands, and when I didn’t move away, he gently pulled me into his arms. I didn’t return the embrace.
I couldn’t. Because even though I was weak enough to accept the comfort, I couldn’t give in all the way.
I still needed that line in the sand. And tomorrow, in the light of a new day, I’d pretend this never happened.
One arm went diagonal from my shoulder to the opposite hip, holding me tightly. The other petted my hair. As soon as he hugged me, the tears became even harder to fight back. It was like my body thought it was okay to let go because someone was there to catch me.
I struggled to breathe past the lump in my throat and squeezed my eyes tight. One fucking tear from each eye escaped, but no more than that. Grey’s smooth skin was warm under my cheek, and I knew he felt the wetness. But he didn’t comment.
As good as it felt to be held by another human, I didn’t want him to hold me, not when he didn’t stop what was happening to those women. I pushed back, and for a second, I thought he would fight to keep me there, but he opened his arms, bracing one hand against the counter.
“I’m going to finish cleaning up these dishes, and then I’m going to bed.”
He nodded, his expression unreadable. Then it was as if he came to some kind of decision because he randomly nodded again.
“You can take the guest room. Remember what I said about the windows. I have to do some work tomorrow, but I’ll train you in the afternoon.
” After finishing his drink and cleaning up his mess, he stopped beside me and smirked.
“And, mamí , fight me all you want. It turns me on.”
Then he left me standing in the center of his kitchen. A door, probably to his bedroom, shut. Not thinking too hard about what happened, I finished loading the dishes in the dishwasher, started it, and headed to the bedroom.
I didn’t sleep much.
There were too many thoughts swirling around my head. Trying to make sense of what was happening. Analyzing Grey’s actions to find holes in his kindness. If he had acted like Andre, this would be a no-brainer. I could hate him because he threatened me.
If he had taken me away from that other place like Lafe, I could hate him by association. But he was making it really fucking difficult for me to keep treating him like the villain.
* * *
The next morning it felt like I had a pound of sand under each eyelid.
Sounds were coming from the other side of the door, so that had to mean Grey was awake.
Groaning, I stretched and twisted back and forth to crack my back.
Now that it was morning, I felt foolish for thinking he would try to break in on me.
There had been too much opportunity for him, or any of the brothers for that matter, to hurt me if they’d wanted.
So, where did that leave me?
Was it fair for me to keep lashing out against them when they were trying to help me? Or at least Grey. He was the only one I thought wasn’t a complete fucktard.
Those stupid questions were on repeat inside my head so much they were giving me a headache.
I put a pin in it for now and got ready for the day in the bathroom.
I picked out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt from the dresser to wear.
The pants were too long, requiring a few rolls at the bottom, but they had drawstrings. The t-shirt was only a little too big.
I found Grey in the kitchen, making eggs and toast. What was with these men and cooking?
He glanced up, none of the heat or playfulness from last night in his gaze. “Morning. Are you convinced I’m not the bad guy now that I didn’t try and break into your room?”
How had he known I’d expected him to? I slid up to the counter, pressing my palms against the cool granite, ignoring his question.
“ Mamí , you have a very expressive face. And you look like shit. So, was I right? Were you waiting for me to come take advantage of you? Were you sorry that I didn’t?” His voice was tired, like he’d been up for hours already.
I glanced at the clock, and it was only eight.
“I don’t think you specifically are the bad guy.
But you’re not a shining knight, either.
Can you blame me for being cautious after what I’ve gone through?
” That almost had my mind taking a path I didn’t want to go down.
If it did, I’d end up driving myself crazy.
He shrugged as he separated the eggs on two plates and started buttering the toast that popped up. “I can’t say I blame you, but you’re going to have to come to terms with it sooner rather than later. You’re only trying our patience by acting up.”
My ire tried to build, but my tank was running on empty.
“Here, eat.” He slid a plate over with a glass of water that was already poured on the counter.
“Something important popped up today, and I’ll be leaving in a couple of hours.
No one will be coming in for you to try and make a grand escape.
” A flicker of a smile coasted over his lips, but it was gone before I really had a chance to see it.
“We’ll train when I’m back. Don’t try anything. ”
He picked up his own plate and glass and walked off. Leaving me once again with his kindness and my thoughts. Fucking hell.
I needed a distraction, so I carried my food to the couch and turned on the TV. Luckily, it wasn’t too complicated of a setup. I found the Golden Girls streaming and settled on that. The light hilarity of the show was mind-numbing.
After two episodes, Grey returned, carrying his dishes to the sink. He was dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans, so whatever he was doing wasn’t related to fighting.
Grabbing his shoes out of the hall closet, he walked over and sat in the chair to put them on. If he felt the weight of my stare, he never let on. He never even looked at me at all.
And to my very reluctant dismay, that bothered me.
“If you need something, there’s a panel by the front door. Push the red button, and it rings to my cell. The black button rings to Andre.” Then Grey left.
He fucking left. No look over his shoulder, no goodbye, nothing.
So, what did I do? I cleaned up the dishes and tried to snoop in his room but found the door locked. Then I sat on the couch and watched TV like a good fucking girl.