Chapter 7
CHAPTER
SEVEN
Ash
Ash had a lot on his mind as he cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. He’d spent a good part of the week thinking about his friendship with Ker, and tonight was no different. The more time he spent with him, the more he hoped it would turn into something more than friendship. But then his brain started overworking, and that led to nothing good.
Ker had a history of drug use. Based on that alone, Ash really needed to move slowly here. Did he, a police detective, really think he could have a relationship with someone that had that struggle? After all, he arrested drug users for a living, didn’t he? Was there any way this could work? Hell, he didn’t even know if Ker was interested in a relationship. Would he even want to date a cop?
Argh, this train of thought is getting me nowhere. He turned on the television and began channel-hopping. Maybe he could find something that would take his mind off Ker.
One of the movie channels was doing a back-to-back presentation of Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy, one of his favorite series. He came in toward the beginning of the first movie, and while he wouldn’t stay up to watch all three, it would keep him entertained for a while.
As he watched Frodo and Sam and Pip setting out on their journey, he remembered a conversation he’d had recently with Ker about these films. It seemed that his new friend was a fan of both the books and the movies, just as he was. They’d spent a ridiculous amount of time discussing them, including the fact that both Legolas, as portrayed by Orlando Bloom, and Viggo Mortensen’s Aragorn were hot. Smiling at the memory, he suddenly realized that he was, once again, thinking about Ker. A yawn convinced him that he should probably go to bed, but once there, he continued to ponder the situation with Ker and whether or not friendship, and maybe eventually something more, was really wise. Maybe he needed to talk this through with someone more objective than him.
Sleep did not come easily for Ash that night.
“Hey, Hank,” Ash said, returning to his desk. They’d both be leaving work shortly, and Ash was hoping to talk with Hank for a few minutes. “Do you have any plans after work today?”
“Not really, why?” Hank looked over, his eyes curious.
“There’s something I’d like to talk with you about. How ’bout I buy you a beer at the Gray Whale?”
“Works for me.” Hank smiled. “Are you ready to go now?”
“Let me just put this paperwork away.” Ash turned to the file cabinet next to their desks.
Phil was working the bar when they walked into the Gray Whale, and he greeted them as they sat. “What’ll it be, boys?”
“I’ll do a Whalers draft,” Hank answered.
“The same for me. And put both on my tab, please, Phil.” Ash responded.
“So, what’s up?” Hank was always one to get right to the point.
“First of all, I want your word that anything we discuss is just between us, okay?”
“Of course. You’re like my brother, for God’s sake, Ash. If you want this just between us, I won’t talk about it with anyone.” Hank’s voice was low. “Now spill.”
“Okay, so you know I started hanging out with this guy I met at A Helping Hand, right?” Ash asked.
“Yeah, Walker something, right? You haven’t really said much about him. Is there a problem?”
“Well, he told me that he has a history of using. Specifically, oxy.” Ash sipped his beer. “At first, I didn’t think much of it. He kind of played it down and said it was in the past, but it got me to thinking about how I’ve dealt with users in the past. After all, we’ve seen our share of folks strung out on all sorts of shit over the years.”
“That’s the truth.” Hank stared at him. “So what’s bothering you? The fact that he used in the past, or the fact that you haven’t had a very high opinion of drug users up until now? Are you developing feelings for him?”
Ash sighed. “Shit. All of it, I guess. We’ve become pretty good friends, and sometimes—well, if I’m being honest, most of the time—I’m hoping we could be more than friends, but can this even work? A former drug user and a cop? Am I crazy to even think about pursuing this?”
“First of all, breathe. You’re gonna get through this. I’ve got your back, and I know your family does as well.” Hank’s hand landed on Ash’s shoulder, and he gave it a small squeeze.
“Thanks. This is all I can think about, and it’s driving me crazy.”
“Okay, let’s go through what’s bugging you and see if we can figure a few things out. What do you know about his past usage?”
Ash went through everything Ker had told him. Years of being a detective helped him remember all the important details.
“So it sounds like he’s been keeping his nose clean for the most part. Do you believe him?”
“I do. I haven’t seen any indication that he might still be using. And he’s going to meetings and has a sponsor that he calls when things get rough.”
“That’s good. Okay, so it appears that he’s not using right now and is doing things to make sure he doesn’t slip again. What’s next?”
“Well, I guess when I stop and think about it, I haven’t been especially understanding about the users I’ve known. I think it’s the nature of our work, but we always see the bad side of these things and tend to think of users in the worst possible way. I don’t wanna think of Ker like that, but honestly, it kinda creeps into my brain sometimes.”
“I get what you’re saying.” Hank nodded. “It’s helpful if you just keep reminding yourself that these folks are people, just like you and me. That goes for Ker as well as anyone you might encounter as part of the job.”
“Thanks. How’d you get to be so smart?” Ash asked.
“When I was younger, I had a cousin who got hooked. It started off with pot, then escalated to pills, and later, heroin. It was awful. Most of my family turned their backs on Dan, but I couldn’t. Neither could his mother. My aunt and I did everything we could to try and help him, but nothing worked.” Hank’s voice broke as he spoke. “He OD’d when he was just twenty-two. His mom constantly tried to remind the rest of the family that he was still a part of us, and that we should all do what we could to try and help him, but that message fell on deaf ears.”
“I’m so sorry, Hank.” Ash kept his voice soft.
“I still think about Dan and what he went through. So I constantly remind myself that everyone’s going through something, and we’re often not privy to their struggles.”
“I really appreciate you talking to me about this, Hank. It definitely helps. And again, I’m sorry about Dan.”
“Thanks.”