Chapter 21
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
Ker
No matter what he did, Ker couldn’t stop thinking about the phone call with his mom.
So, his dad was gonna try and talk him into moving back to Fitchburg to take over the chain of grocery stores. No fucking way was that gonna happen, regardless of what his parents wanted! Why couldn’t they understand that running those stores wasn’t what he wanted to do with his life?
He felt his thoughts starting to spiral, felt like there was no way out.
On Tuesday evening, he went to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, hoping it would help him get back in control. He listened carefully to other people share their stories. A triumph here, a downfall there, but nothing really helped his mood.
Even his sponsor, Bob, noticed something was off with him. “How are ya doing?” he asked Ker when the meeting was over. “You don’t look so good, my friend.”
“Same old family shit,” Ker spat. He didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but he couldn’t help himself. “And now I have to spend time with them next week.”
“You wanna talk about it?” Bob queried. “You know I’m always here.”
Hmmm, talk about it? Maybe that’s what I need to do. Ker got an idea. “Thanks anyway, Bob. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think you can help me with this one. But I might know someone who can.”
“As long as it doesn’t involve going back to your old ways. And remember, I’m just a phone call away.”
Ker walked home, feeling a bit more hopeful as he thought of a possible solution. But for now, he’d sleep on it. He needed to think it through and be sure it was the right decision. Asking for help was a struggle for him. It made him feel weak, and that terrified him.
Ker was leaving for Fitchburg in less than a week to spend Christmas with his family. His hands trembled, and he began to sweat just thinking about it. Why had he agreed to go? Sure, it was Christmas, but it wasn’t like he actually wanted to see his folks. Okay, he was doing it for Sharon. And his two-year-old nephew, Colt. It would be nice to spend time with them. He’d suffer through three days with his folks to spend time with his sister and her family.
At least he and Ash would spend the weekend together before he left. An early Christmas celebration before the misery that would follow.
He’d been thinking that maybe there was something he could do to prepare for the trip. He paced the floor of his living room, chewing at the nail of his right thumb. Perhaps Ash could offer some advice? He had a supportive family, and as a cop, he had to have lots of experience with difficult situations. Scanning the room for his phone, he grabbed it off the counter of the island that divided the living room from the kitchen.
Before he had a chance to change his mind, he texted.
Hey Ash. Got a minute to chat?
Sure. Call me.
“Hey, Ker.” Ash answered the call on the first ring. “What’s up?”
“So, you know I’m going to see my family for Christmas, and just the thought of spending three days with them is making my skin crawl.” He spoke quickly, words running together. “I mean, it’s fine that I’ll spend time with Sharon and Colt, but I don’t know if I can handle all the time with my dad. Mom’s okay most of the time until Dad starts in, and then she just jumps on that bandwagon, and I dunno if I can take it …”
“Hey, Ker, slow down.” Ash spoke over Ker’s rambling. “Breathe.”
Ker stopped, nearly falling onto the navy club chair in the corner of the room. Just hearing Ash’s voice caused a slight moan of relief to escape from his mouth. “Sorry.” He panted. “I was getting a bit overwhelmed, I guess. I didn’t get a chance to tell you yet, but my mom called a couple of days ago to make sure I was still coming home for Christmas.”
“Did she think you had changed your mind?” Ash asked.
“I dunno. Maybe? But she said that Dad wants to talk to me, and I know what that means. ‘Oh, son, come home and take over the business for me. I can’t do it anymore, and so now it’s your responsibility,’” Ker mimicked his father.
“Jeez,” Ash uttered under his breath. “Okay. Slow down. From what you’ve told me about your family, I can understand why you’re feeling that way. Do you need me to come over? We can talk this all out if that would help.” Ash’s tone was calm, and Ker could feel himself relax even more. Calling Ash had definitely been the right decision.
“Thanks, but I don’t want to put you out. But talking about it on the phone would definitely help. Umm, that is if you have time.”
“I’m just sitting here trying to find something interesting to watch on TV, so I definitely have time.” Ash chuckled. “So do you just want to talk about what’s happening in your brain, or do you have something specific in mind you think I can help with?”
“A little of both, I think,” Ker admitted.
“Okay, then. Where do you want to start?” Ash asked.
“As I told you, my folks aren’t always the most supportive people, especially when it comes to my reluctance to follow in Dad’s footsteps. You, on the other hand, have a great relationship with your family. What can I do to deal with this situation? How can I make my folks understand that my life isn’t in Fitchburg, no matter how they feel about it?”
Ker paced his living room, then finally sat in his recliner, waiting. He could almost hear Ash thinking at the other end of the phone.
Finally, Ash said, “First, when your dad starts to talk to you, don’t interrupt. I know it’s gonna be hard to stay silent, but just let him say what he needs to say. Try to stay calm. I understand that’s easier said than done, but keeping your cool and not breaking in with objections right away is the best way to take control of the situation.”
“Shit,” Ker said. “This is really gonna be hard.”
“Yeah, it is,” Ash agreed. “But think of it like this—if you immediately jump down your dad’s throat with objections, he’ll get defensive, and before you know it, you’ll both be yelling at each other, right?”
“Um, yeah. That’s kinda how it goes,” Ker admitted.
“But if you stop and listen to what your dad says, then calmly , and I can’t stress that word enough, calmly explain why that doesn’t work for you, there’s a better chance he might actually hear at least some of what you’re saying.”
“Okay, I guess I’ve got nothing to lose trying it your way. After all, it’s clear that my way hasn’t worked yet.”
“I’m not saying he’ll hear everything,” Ash explained. “But he might hear something this time. And that could be the start of some better communication between the two of you.”
“Understood. Anything else?”
“You said your sister understands and supports you, right?” Ash asked.
“Yeah, she’s just not really vocal about it with my folks. I think she doesn’t want to get on their bad side, and I guess I can’t blame her.”
“Yeah, I get that, too, and it’s okay. But I suggest that you try and warn her ahead of time that this is gonna come up during your visit. Even if she won’t stand up to your parents, she can be support for you after the discussion since you’re probably gonna need someone to talk to at some point.”
“Thanks so much for taking the time to talk this through with me, Ash. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem.” Ash’s voice was soft and sincere. “Remember, I’m here for you. And that goes for when you’re at your folks’ too. I’m only a phone call away. You can call me anytime.”
“You’re amazing.”
“Thanks, but it’s just that I care about you, Ker.”
“I know. I’m just not used to that,” he admitted.
“We’re still on for this weekend, right?”
“Absolutely. Looking forward to spending it with you.”