CHAPTER NINE
“OH! WHAT IS THIS?”
Vivienne’s eyes widened with wonder as she took in the spread of jams, jellies, bread, and pastries littering nearly every available space on the table in the drawing room.
She picked up a thin, rectangle box wrapped with a small red bow. Pinching the ribbon between her fingers, she pulled, and the bow unraveled. When she opened the box, she found herself unable to hold back a gasp as she stared back at a string of rubies inlaid in gold settings.
The gems sparkled beneath the light filtering through the window. Beautiful and elegant and befitting the neck of a duchess.
Oh, it was hard to remember that the duke was a stuffy, boring man with hardly an interesting thing to say when he gave her such beautiful gifts. But no matter how much she loved the necklace, she knew she could never be happy with the man. It would be a terrible marriage.
“Please excuse me,” Clara rasped, her expression crumpling as she gazed at the necklace moments before she rushed out of the room and left Vivienne alone with her mother. For several seconds, she stared after her, wondering if she’d said something to upset her.
“He also sent along this,” her mother said, now downstairs after “miraculously” feeling much better after the snowstorm prevented them from returning home anyway.
Her mother handed her a letter. Vivienne broke open the seal and read out loud. “‘ All the glittering jewels could never surpass your beauty. Duke Oliver Hastings.’” She fluttered her hand to her face and pretended to swoon. “Oh, what an original love letter!” she exclaimed. “How my beauty surpasses blah blah blah.”
“Vivienne Winfield!” her mother chastised. “It is a generous gift.”
“It is exactly like all the rest from my other suitors!” She dropped the letter onto the table, not at all feigning disgust at the words. “Is that all I am, Mother? Beautiful? Is that all I can ever be to a man? Am I nothing more than a show horse bred for a man’s pleasure?”
Again, her mother gasped, now fanning her face. It reminded her that Edward still had her fan, and she wondered what he had done with it.
“You are a respectable young lady, and I will not hear such words from your mouth.” The other woman gestured toward the letter discarded on the table. “You will write him back, thanking him for such thoughtful gifts.”
With a sigh, she held out the necklace and admired the way it sparkled. “The jewels are quite lovely. But to wear them means to accept his inevitable proposal.”
“You certainly could do worse than a duke.” Her mother continued to drone on about Duke Hastings’ fantastic qualities, but when Vivienne heard a quiet shuffle from the hallway, her attention snapped toward the open door.
Only to find Edward staring back at her. His gaze darted from the necklace in her hands to her face. Betrayal distinctly flashed across his eyes, and she didn’t miss the underlying hurt within their depths.
But before she managed to call after him, he turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway.
Vivienne slumped into a chair, massaging the ache in her temples now that they were the only two in the room. “This was rather forward and rude of the duke, don’t you think? To send the gifts here ? To another man’s home? Could he at least have waited until we returned to the palace?” She shook her head and glanced toward the frost accumulated on the window. In a murmuring tone, she said, “And to send a servant in this weather…”
Her mother nonchalantly fanned her face as the window drew her gaze to the snow flitting to the ground. “You are not courting the viscount, at least not officially. As far as the duke is concerned, he has no competition for your affection. He can very well do as he pleases.”
“Mother—”
“Vivienne,” she interrupted, lowering her voice as if to keep anyone from hearing their conversation from the hallway. “This might very well be our last day here. You must get Lord Beaumont to kiss you by the night’s end.”
“It’s impossible.”
“Ha!” She fanned her face faster. “You did it once within hours. You can do it again. Don’t make me remind you how important this is.”
“I know.”
She hefted a sigh as she placed the jewels back into the box and left it on the table. Although she wanted nothing to do with being married to the duke, she also knew she couldn’t throw away his offer of marriage when to do so could possibly destroy her family. She was fortunate to have such an offer. She knew that.
But it caused her heart to ache, nonetheless.
“Do you love him?” her mother asked quietly. They both knew she wasn’t speaking of the duke.
“Love is not a factor after what I face.”
“I loved and still love your father. I’ve always wanted you to find love for yourself as well. I’ve wanted it for you and all your siblings.”
Vivienne crossed the room in several strides, stroking the short strand of hair beneath the rest where she had cut it to give to Edward weeks ago. Could he have disposed of it after all this time? “I have loved him my entire life. In different ways, of course, throughout the years. But I would think I would be heartbroken to lose him now.”
“Then you mustn’t give up.”
Tears pooled in her eyes as she placed her hand over her belly. The task to make him fall in love with her, too, seemed impossible. But if she had one more day to catch his eye, then she wouldn’t rest until she accomplished the feat.
Vivienne rubbed her gloved hands together for warmth. An anxious breath escaped her as a cloud of frost from where she stood at the base of Edward’s tower. A dim light flickered from his window, but knowing he was up there caused nervous butterflies to flutter about in her stomach. She wasn’t normally one to give into anxiety, but her entire future rested on one more adventure.
The snow had stopped, and judging by the gossip circulating the estate, most everyone predicted the majority would melt before tomorrow afternoon. One more day to woo Edward certainly was not enough time. A part of her feared his rejection should she fail.
The rock in her hand seemed to grow heavier the longer she stood staring up at the tower. The anxious part of her urged her to flee back into the house and let the matter drop. But another part of her recalled Edward’s tears earlier that week.
Why was he upset? Had something happened? What was the root of his sadness?
Remembering the devastation in his eyes gave her the courage she needed to pull back her arm and throw the rock toward the window. It missed the glass and bounced off the brick instead.
But Edward seemed to hear it, as the window creaked open moments later.
“Edward!” she hissed in the darkness. “Let down your hair!”
Right on time, his head appeared over the sill with a scowl on his face. “Might I point out that your hair is marginally longer than mine ?”
She only smiled at him, enjoying the way the dark strands fell over his face. His hair was chin-length at best. But she did so enjoy teasing him.
Plus, she found a moment to appreciate the silhouette of his build against the backdrop of the light from his room. He was handsome and had a body type she just adored—tall and long-limbed, but with enough muscle to make her feel safe and secure.
“Bundle up,” she ordered. “You’re coming down tonight.”
“I…” Edward cleared his throat from above. “I can’t tonight. I’m not…I’m not feeling well.”
“Oh, pish posh. If you are scared of me, why don’t you tell me outright?”
“I am not scared of you,” he defended. “I cannot do this.” He gestured between the two of them, though his meaning was lost on her. Was he speaking of their friendship? A romantic tryst? Sneaking out? Or was he truly not feeling well?
“You are going to have to be clearer,” she sang, “and stop speaking in riddles.”
He leaned against the window, and only then did she notice how pale he looked, almost as if he had been ill all day. “If we are caught, it will ruin your chances with the duke. I can’t do that to you.”
A long, frustrated sigh escaped her. Mostly frustration at her situation. She was not interested in the duke, but she could not dismiss him entirely because of self-preservation and the good reputation of her family.
But she also needed to reel Edward in, so she told him the truth. “Duke Hastings is unsuccessfully trying to woo me. Now get down here, or I will find a way to climb up there.”
“Vivi…” Her name on his lips was almost pleading. Perhaps a warning.
“I have time.” No, she didn’t. “I want to find the right partner. Not the wrong one.”
After a long moment, he ducked back inside and closed the window behind him. And then the light snuffed out from within.
Her heart fell at the sudden dismissal, falling out of her chest and splatting on the ground. The man was secretive, keeping things from her. Why couldn’t he speak his mind? Tell her the truth? Confide in her?
Rather, he was dancing on eggshells, careful not to break them beneath his feet. But what if those eggshells were stronger than he realized?
Her pulse jumped when the window opened again, and the same sheets she’d climbed up the other night tumbled over the sill. Hurriedly, she picked up her heart and slammed it back into her chest as she watched him throw one leg over the side of the window, quickly followed by the other.
Suddenly, she realized how he might have felt watching her climb up as she watched him climb down. Her heart clung to her throat, terrified he might slip on the slick stone and fall and break a bone or two.
But when his feet landed on solid ground, she relaxed. Climbing towers was not an ideal way of sneaking around and spending time with someone she cared for, but she would do what she must to make this work.
Not giving him a chance to recover from the feat, she giggled as she took his hand, and the two of them raced away from the estate and closer to the forest bordering the property. Edward led her through an obscure path to prevent someone from spotting them, and soon, they raced into the cover of the trees and into the safety and solitude of the forest.
Edward slowed first, gasping and breathing heavily as if the short journey had exhausted him.
“Sitting behind a desk all day slowing you down?” She playfully pinched his side, and he responded with a weary smile. Somehow, he appeared even paler than before, truly struggling to breathe. “Edward?”
He held up a hand as if to say to give him a moment, and she made a mental note not to run again lest he collapse entirely. It was almost comical the way he no longer had the lungs he used to years ago, as if the desk truly had stripped him of physical exertion.
After a few moments, he lowered himself on a root jutting out from the ground and leaned back against the trunk of a large tree. The sight of the tall trees surrounding her, jutting roots, and low, overhanging branches brought back many memories of hours spent with her childhood friend. Oh, the adventures they’d had within these forests!
“Our secret place is much different now that we’re adults, isn’t it?” she asked, running her fingers over the damp bark of what used to be her tree. She’d climbed as high as she could one day just to glimpse the edge of the world.
“You simply need a bit of imagination.” He gestured toward a group of pines, much larger than she remembered them. “Over here we have the ballroom. And this…” He motioned toward the tangled roots to his right. “It’s the valley of fire and destruction.”
“I remember!” she laughed, picking up her skirts and stepping over a few of the roots to reach into the nearby tree. And then she gasped as she spotted a cluster of pinecones. “New treasures! Come look.”
But he shook his head, still struggling for breath. “In a minute.”
She tsked, wagging a finger at him. “The bedsheet rope is not the best idea. We need to think of something else.”
“I used to have a trellis I was able to climb down.”
“What happened to it?”
He shrugged sheepishly. “I got caught. Clara had it removed.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Oh, I must have been sixteen or seventeen then.” He snorted, shaking his head. “And then I managed to hide a ladder in the sky parlor above my room. I promptly got that taken away after I failed to return to it fast enough after…” He rubbed the back of his neck in a sheepish manner. “After the masquerade. A servant found it. And once again, I was caught.”
The fact that he was locked in his room every night was concerning enough. Since he was at least sixteen? “Why are they doing this to you? You are the lord of the house. It doesn’t seem right.”
He pressed his lips together, visibly shrinking away from her and closing himself off. Like everyone else, he wouldn’t speak of the reasoning behind such drastic actions. But if he didn’t want to divulge the information, then she wouldn’t press him. At this point, she knew she was missing some relevant information. He wasn’t in legal trouble, which she had written off days earlier. A controlling sister, perhaps?
It seemed as if Clara controlled estate affairs, which only made sense when she was years older than him and had to take over when their parents had died. But then did that mean Edward didn’t have a backbone? Or was something else going on that she couldn’t figure out on her own?
Finally, Edward pushed himself to his feet and joined her beside the tree. A soft smile reached his mouth as he picked up one of the pinecones and turned it around in his fingers. “We never did finish that game of treasure hunting, did we?”
“No, we certainly did not.”
She watched as he stripped a small, wet, flexible branch from a tree, stringing on an eye-sized pinecone followed by another.
“Tell me the truth,” she demanded playfully with a hand resting on her hip. He glanced up with an alarmed expression, at least until he seemed to notice her kittenish attitude. “You know who organized the masquerade, don’t you?”
He returned her grin with one of his own. “If I tell you,” he said, reaching across the space between them to place a finger against her lips, “I must swear you to secrecy.”
Wordlessly, she nodded.
He dropped his hand. “My friends and I set it up every year. Tobie chose the location this time. It’s one of Barnaby’s vacant properties.”
“And I never received an invitation?” She gave him a mock pout. “I had to resort to stealing one. I’m most disappointed.”
“You were seventeen when the invitations were sent, apparently.” He laughed, stringing on another few pinecones and tying a knot in the branch between each one. “Eighteen and older only. But no older than thirty-nine, and only if we deem one worthy of an invitation.”
“Would I have received one?” She fluttered her eyelashes at him, and he grinned.
“And risk the warlord’s hot iron against our throats? Not likely.”
“Oh.” Her spirits fell when, once again, her father’s position threatened how she wanted to live and not just go along with life like a porcelain doll. The harsh restraints on her lifestyle were why she’d done reckless things in the past. Because she wanted the thrill of adventure.
And of course, that desire had gotten her into deep trouble.
“Turn around,” Edward instructed softly.
Giving him a curious glance, she did as he asked, facing the other way. But then her heart picked up as she heard him approach, stopping directly behind her. His heat seeped into her back. His breath caressed her ear.
And then he draped the strand of pinecones over her neck, tying it in the back with a few tugs.
She blinked rapidly as emotion crashed into her, her fingers caressing the beautiful gift. She had received gorgeous, expensive jewels from the duke, but they paled in comparison to this simple offering. Because the gift was heartfelt, filled with friendship, promises, and dare she think it, love.
“Perhaps our treasure hunt is over now,” he murmured near her ear. “Because we found the most exquisite jewels lying at the bottom of the sea.”
“I love them.”
Before he could see how her eyes pooled with emotion, she spun around, grabbed a fistful of his coat, and pulled him down for a kiss. Heat sparked between them. Stronger than ever when so much time had passed since their last kiss. The heat from his soft lips jumped into her body, filling her with the most pleasant warmth from the man she cared about most in the world.
But she was still scared, afraid to give him a chance to either kiss her back or reject her advances. Therefore, she broke the kiss all too quickly and ducked out of their secret spot while her laughter trailed behind her.
“Catch me if you can!” she called back to him.
She broke out of the treeline and faced a glittering lake reflecting the light of the moon off its rippling surface. It took a moment to locate the small boat resting upside down on the rocky shore, but when she found it, she brushed off the layer of snow gathered on it and tipped it over with great effort, relieved to find it in good condition after all these years.
Edward appeared out of the trees, his gait slow and his expression dazed. She’d clearly taken him off guard with the kiss. And the way his heated glance took her in… He’d undoubtedly felt something with their shared kiss. Would he want to try again?
But this time, she needed him to take the reins. She’d cast the line. Now would he bite?
“Don’t get your shoes wet,” he cautioned as they pushed the boat into the water until it scraped against the bottom of the lake. “Your toes will never forgive you.”
She settled down on one of the two benches, allowing him to push them the rest of the way into the water before he hopped in after her. The boat rocked with the movement, and before he took the opposite seat, his hand brushed over his heart, his breathing labored at the simple action.
“Edward?” Worry leaked into her voice, as this wasn’t the first time he’d struggled with a physical activity. “Are you up to rowing? I’m fully capable of handling it myself.”
“Hmm?” he asked distractedly before his gaze landed on her. “No, I can do it.”
He dipped both oars into the freezing but not quite iced-over lake, the boat cutting smoothly through the water while a serene stillness descended upon the night. Vivienne inhaled a deep breath, enjoying the way the fresh air created a pleasant chill in her lungs. High above them, the silver stars twinkled like gems on the dark canvas.
It was one of the most beautiful nights she’d ever experienced. But it likely had to do with the company she kept as well.
“It’s beautiful,” he murmured, echoing her thoughts out loud. “I enjoy looking at the stars. There is so much we don’t know. So much I want to learn. There’s not enough time…” He cleared his throat and tore his gaze away from the sky. “Not enough time to learn and observe like I wish to do.”
“Your work must keep you busy. I can’t imagine what responsibilities you must face every day.”
The rhythmic splash of water as the oar dipped into the lake brought a measure of peace into her soul. Somehow, she knew everything would turn out all right. She didn’t need to fear the future as much as she currently did. Things would work themselves out.
But she needed to help it along.
They rowed in silence for several minutes, each enjoying the stillness of the atmosphere, not needing to converse to fill the hush. She felt as if she could remain by his side, not a single word uttered between them, and still feel a measure of peace and comfort in his presence.
She glanced across the boat to find him staring intensely at the water, a frown puckered on the corners of his mouth. His attention seemed far away, almost distracted. But she couldn’t deny that she liked the way his mouth curved when in deep concentration, that she liked how a strand of black hair fell over his eye as he rowed. She enjoyed watching the movement of his arms as he rowed slowly, with unhurried movements. A cloud of breath escaped his lips, and despite the cold growing steadily chillier, he didn’t complain once. Rather, it seemed as if he enjoyed the bitter sting just as she did.
What was he thinking about? Could he possibly be pondering a future with her? Or was she too hopeful?
Nervousness raced through her stomach as she tried to find a way to broach the topic of the future. Their close friendship had successfully returned after years of separation. But she needed something more. Wanted something more.
“Hmm,” she said slowly, leaning back and gazing up at the stars to avoid looking at him. “You are twenty-three, no?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Almost twenty-four.”
A pause. “Yes.”
Despite his obvious reluctance to want to speak about this, she barreled through while feigning ignorance of his discomfort. “I suppose Edilann law states you must be married by the time you turn twenty-four as a titled lord. Where are you hiding the women lining up at your door?”
But rather than earning a chuckle at her jest, he remained quiet.
She lowered her gaze to find him staring out over the dark waters of the lake, a troubled expression on his face. He’d stopped rowing, the boat now floating aimlessly in the middle of the body of water.
“I’ve never thought much about marriage,” he finally answered. “It has always seemed like…like a distant dream I could never reach.”
She furrowed her eyebrows. “Why? You are plenty handsome enough, if that’s your worry.”
This time, her words inspired a chuckle and a cheeky look. She much preferred seeing a smile on his face than a frown.
“There are no women lining up at my door.” He shook his head and leaned an arm against the side of the vessel. “I have not been able to attend many outings, and therefore, I am simply a name rather than a face to most people in our circle.”
Her face twisted into skepticism. “There are no women you are interested in, then? None at all?”
Oh, how she wanted to kick herself for sounding so…desperate. For being too involved. And perhaps a little too obvious. But tonight might very well be her last night to reel him in. And after her departure? Well, she wasn’t sure how to woo him nor court him if he was an unwilling participant in society.
“It doesn’t matter,” he murmured before he closed off even further, shrinking back in his seat.
She tightened her fists in her lap, terror building up within her. Because she knew what she must do, what she must say. The truth she must speak. If he were to reject her, then he must do so knowing he was also rejecting their child.
“There is something I need to tell you.” She braved lifting her head to meet his eye. “At the masquerade. When we… Well, when things went a little too far between us…”
“Forgive me,” he interrupted, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning close enough for her to see the distress in his eyes. “I was not thinking clearly. I did not realize what damage I could do to your reputation. And when I learned who you really were, I was in a panic. I did not react as well as I should have, and for that, I am sorry.”
“You were cold to me.”
Edward released a long sigh and nodded. “I know.”
“Did you not intend to find me?” A bubble of hysterics rose in her throat. Or perhaps it was bile, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was she was nauseous and terrified and uncertain. “I searched for you for weeks, Edward. I attended every social gathering possible, but I was convinced you made empty promises and abandoned me, telling me lies and running away. You seemed interested in me then. What was it that changed your mind?”
“You think I abandoned you?” he argued back. “I was bedridden for two weeks after the masquerade. I’ve been…sick. And every time I tried to leave the house, Clara prevented me from going. Why do you think I organized the ball behind my sister’s back?” He gestured to her. “It was to lure you in, because I didn’t know how else to find you.”
“And how well did that work out for you, Edward? Hmm? When you were disappointed to learn of the identity behind the mask?”
“Disappointed?” He threw his hands up in the air, losing control of his careful emotions. “My best friend I’ve ever had was behind that mask. Imagine my horror when I realized I might have ruined her life.” His voice cracked, and her heart cracked along with it. “My only disappointment has been that you stopped visiting me after my parents died. I have other friends, but it’s not the same as the connection I shared with you.”
“My parents’ reason for visiting was gone. What could I have done? I was just a child then.”
“And so was I.”
“Confound it, Edward! I love you!”
At the unexpected declaration from her mouth, he burst into tears, shaking his head as he covered his face with his hands. “You cannot love me. Do not do this. I beg you.” He continued to sob, a distressing, heartbroken sound. “I beg you, Vivi.”
Vivienne sat back in her seat, holding her hands tight against her heart as it began to shatter. But no matter how hard she tried to hold in the broken pieces, they slipped between her fingers and scattered to the bottom of the lake.
She had her answer.
And now she realized it was in her best interest to not tell him about the baby. No one could know the truth, not even him, when she must pretend the baby belonged to another man.
As tears trailed down her face and froze to her cheeks, she took the oars from him and began rowing them back toward shore. She never knew love could hurt so much. A part of her wished she’d never had the chance to find out.
They reached shore far too fast but not quickly enough. And when she stepped out of the boat, she didn’t look back, not a single time, as she quickened her pace toward the estate.
She’d taken a chance. She’d given her all. But it wasn’t enough.
Edward Beaumont did not love her.
And now her heart was broken beyond repair.