8
LEIFUR STOOD ON the quay and watched Astrid check herself onto the boat tour. She accepted the waterproof overalls they offered her, and he watched while she pulled them on and then went to sit on the starboard side, looking out to sea.
He sighed. He already felt bad about upsetting her.
Why hadn’t he just explained that he was struggling with the whole idea of the boat tours and he didn’t see why he needed to go through this charade of checking out one of their competitors?
He knew how to drive a boat. He knew about the responsibilities he had for the safety of everyone on board, and he knew how to follow a sonar signal to help with finding a whale.
Hell, he knew where the whales were without it.
He’d spent enough time on these waters to know more than the captain of this boat knew.
But none of that was Astrid’s fault. It also wasn’t her fault that he didn’t particularly want anyone on his boat, despite knowing that it was necessary according to Jonas.
Against his better judgement, he checked himself in for the tour and managed not to bite the head off the tour guide who gave him safety instructions. He needed to make things right with Astrid. Keep hold of the feeling he’d had yesterday, before he knew who she was .
‘ Hae ,’ he said, standing next to her but holding back from taking a seat on the bench beside her until he knew he was welcome.
‘ Hae .’
At least she was still speaking to him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
She gave a small nod. Was that an acceptance?
‘Really. I’m sorry. I don’t know whether Jonas told you much about my situation?’
She shook her head. He had to hand it to Jonas. He’d been very discreet about the whole thing. There weren’t many people who would keep quiet about doing such a big favour for someone.
‘I didn’t want to stop fishing. I had to.
I lost the family business, and the only thing I have left is my fishing boat.
Jonas agreed to go into business with me.
It means I can keep the boat, but it’s hard to hand over control to someone else.
And hard to let other people call the shots about what happens on my boat. ’
Astrid shifted around so that she was facing him. ‘Thank you for apologising,’ she said with a small smile.
She was unsure of him, and it made him a little sad to know that it was down to him she was guarded. It might take some time to get back to the easy conversation they’d had yesterday.
‘I thought we got on okay yesterday,’ she said, echoing his thoughts. ‘And then today it was like your grumpy identical twin had turned up.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Leifur said again. ‘I wasn’t expecting you to be Astrid. I guess I was already in a bad mood.’
‘Because?’
He sighed. ‘Because I’ve always been captain of my boat. And it doesn’t feel as if that’s the case anymore.’
‘Jonas is a good guy. He’s not going to do anything to undermine your being the captain of the boat. It’s not his style.’
‘I know.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I think I’m scared that Brimfaxi won’t feel like she’s mine anymore.’ And she was all he had left of the legacy his father had left him.
‘ Brimfaxi is your boat?’
He nodded. ‘And was my father’s before me. I don’t know if I have made the right choice.’
‘Look,’ said Astrid, her expression softening.
‘I have a feeling that after we’ve been on this tour, you’ll feel much better about everything.
It’s the unknown that’s sometimes the scariest part of anything new.
’ She shifted across the bench, gesturing for him to sit next to her.
Then she leant towards him and said in a lower voice, ‘And we don’t have to do it like this.
We might think of better ways. But let’s be in it together. ’
Her face was so hopeful when she looked at him, her eyes shining, making him feel better in a way he didn’t deserve after the way he’d treated her earlier.
‘I’d like that,’ he said. ‘If you’re sure it’s alright.’
‘Of course it’s alright,’ she said, catching her hair in her hand as it blew across her face.
They were underway, and the wind had picked up.
‘Let’s just have a good time. I understand that you will have concerns about how things are going to operate, but I think I know Jonas well enough to know that anything is up for discussion. He’s very fair.’
That made Leifur feel even worse. He was so grateful to Jonas, yet that wouldn’t be apparent to Astrid by the way he’d behaved.
‘I know I’m coming off as ungrateful and like I want to call the shots instead of Jonas, but that’s not it. God, I’d love to start this morning over again.’
She laughed. ‘Everyone has a bad day once in a while, Leifur. You’re allowed. ’
‘Thank you.’ He paused, the silence between them easy. ‘So, do you think we will see some whales?’
‘I’ve got a good feeling about this,’ Astrid said, grinning at him as she pulled a hand-knitted beanie hat out of her pocket and pulled it on, stuffing her hair inside.
Over the course of the next three hours, they were lucky enough to see a handful of humpback whales and some minkes.
Each time they spotted something, Astrid was so excited, she grabbed his arm, and every time, he found himself on edge, waiting for the next time because it felt so…
It was wonderful, that’s what it was. This woman was smart, forgiving, enthusiastic, and he was already sorry that he’d have to say goodbye to her after the trip.
Her enthusiasm was infectious, and he had to hand it to Jonas for recognising that she would be an enormous asset on a trip like this.
As well as being upbeat, despite the rocky start to their day, she was a mine of information about the whales, whispering snippets of information into his ear periodically.
They were doing their best to blend in and be part of the tour and Astrid had said to him she was worried the other customers would wonder why she was on the tour when she knew so much about the whales already, when he’d asked her why she was whispering.
‘You must have seen a lot of whales,’ she said as the boat headed back to the harbour.
Leifur nodded. ‘I have. And it’s hard to say without some equipment to check, but I think we would have seen more on the other side of the bay.’
Astrid tipped her head from side to side. ‘It is hard to know. They must have tried and tested areas. I guess they’ve been doing it for years.’
‘But what if they’re happy to see those couple of humpback whales? They might know they’re a sure thing and not be putting much effort into actually looking. ’
‘That is quite a conspiracy theory,’ Astrid whispered, her eyes wide.
‘Could it be true? How territorial are humpbacks? When I was fishing, I used to see them in the same area for a few weeks at a time, but I don’t know if that was a coincidence.’
Astrid smiled and shook her head. ‘No, at this time of the year they are starting to migrate from warmer to colder water. It is possible that they have a preferred feeding area. They will be here over the summer months and then will head south to breed.’
‘If they’re feeding here, they are probably competing with the fishermen, huh?’
‘Probably. Sardines, anchovies, herrings, that’s what they’re after. What did you fish?’
‘Capelin. Not last year though,’ he said.
‘Really? Why?’
Leifur shrugged. ‘I don’t think anyone knows for sure, but they didn’t return to Icelandic waters like they usually would.’
‘What did you do? Can you catch something else instead?’
‘By the time we missed out on the capelin, it was too late. We fish on a quota basis, and all the other quotas were allocated, so it’s hard to do anything if you’re unlucky like we were last year.’
‘So that’s how you lost the business? Could you have pitched for a different quota this year?’
‘I could have,’ Leifur said. ‘But the fishing industry in Iceland is changing. It’s getting harder and harder to compete with the industrial fishing companies.
They are taking over small businesses like mine and taking the quotas.
They are operating on a huge scale and can drive prices down because they’re relying on quantity.
It makes it hard to make a living with one boat. It was time.’
He gazed out to sea, wondering for the umpteenth time whether he’d made the right decision.
He felt Astrid move closer to him and then felt her hand slip into his, giving it a squeeze.
The past few months had been the loneliest of his life, and her hand in his felt like a huge stride towards not feeling like that anymore.
He squeezed back and turned to her and smiled.
‘Thanks,’ he said, hoping that somehow she would realise how much it had helped.
‘You know, we’re not that different,’ Astrid said, looking out to sea with a thoughtful look on her face. ‘It’s not exactly my dream to be a tour guide on a sightseeing boat. It wasn’t part of the plan, but it’s the best I have at the moment. It’s that or work for my sister.’
‘And that would be worse than working with me?’
She shot him a smile, and his heart did something that took him by surprise.
‘Yes, I think it would be. I can’t get into a situation where she’d be paid to boss me around. That’d be much worse than working for you, even if you’re as grumpy as you were this morning.’
He laughed. ‘That is saying something about your sister. My brother used to work for me, and he didn’t seem to mind my bossing him around.’
‘He’s younger?’
Leifur nodded.
‘That’s the natural order of things, then,’ said Astrid. ‘Gudrun is younger, so I think it would go to her head if she was finally the one in charge.’
‘Are you bossy to her?’
Astrid laughed and shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. Although maybe you would have to ask her. I’m making fun of her, but she is very good at her job and she loves it. I couldn’t stand being inside all the time.’
‘What does she do? ’
‘She’s the manager of Snug. The homeware store on Laugavegur.’
Leifur shook his head. He wasn’t into shopping or homeware.
‘It’s a very cool shop if you ever need a pillow or a scented candle.’
‘I can’t think why I haven’t been there.’
‘Are you telling me you have more than enough pillows and candles already?’
‘Something like that,’ he said, thinking about his functional but cosy cottage that was devoid of both pillows — except in the bed, which was surely the only place a pillow was needed — and candles.
‘So you live in Hafnarfjoreur? Where I saw you yesterday?’
‘Yes. That is my garden, I guess.’
‘Wow. Amazing to live so close to the water like that.’
‘It’s beautiful,’ he agreed. ‘But quiet. That’s perhaps not always good,’ he added, thinking she might assume he was some kind of hermit, being thirty-six and not living in the city.
‘Well, if I lived there, I’d be spending all my free time gazing out to sea too,’ she said softly. ‘The city is on the water, but it’s not the same. It’s hard to find the quiet here.’
It was on the tip of his tongue to invite her round to his house. Maybe suggest they take a blanket down to the shore and contemplate the horizon together. But that would be weird. Unprofessional, maybe...
‘When are you getting your boat back?’ Astrid asked, stealing the chance away from him.
‘Ah, in a day or two. They are almost finished.’
‘I can’t wait to see her,’ she said.
Leifur’s heart swelled. She sounded as if she really meant it.
Almost everything Astrid said brought her a step closer to bridging the gap that he’d created this morning.
He felt as if they were as close as two almost-strangers could be after spending a morning together.
Admittedly, the fact that she had been so forgiving was the only reason it had happened, and he was still silently berating himself for behaving so badly earlier.
Still, he felt the need to show her he could be redeemed.
‘Would you like to come out on Brimfaxi with me? I’ll take a test run to see that she’s running okay after being dry for a few weeks.’
‘I’d love to,’ Astrid said. ‘Thank you for asking me.’ Her eyes caught his, and the sincerity in her gaze did something to his insides.
She understood what all of this meant to him even though they barely knew each other.
Whether it was their shared love of the sea or whether it was because both of them were at a point in their lives where it wasn’t certain what the future looked like, Leifur didn’t know.
But he felt that something special might be within touching distance.