Chapter 10
Kyle
Now
I’ve already been seated at the corner booth for ten minutes when six o’clock ticks by.
Dressed in slim-fit jeans, a sheer, skin-tight black shirt, and my favourite leather jacket, I must admit that I’m looking a little slutty.
Intentionally. Because after Bren’s had a beer or two, I fully intend on taking off my jacket.
What’s the point of going to the gym every day if I don’t get to show off my body once in a while?
I glance hopefully towards the door but don’t expect Bren to arrive on time. To calm my nerves, I pull out my phone and scroll Instagram, in need of a distraction.
“Bar stool too good for you these days?”
Bren’s voice startles me, my head snapping up. His eyes sparkle with mischief, his lips curling into an easy smile. He’s in snug denim jeans—I want to get a look at his ass—and a white T-shirt that hugs his biceps and showcases his tatts.
“Hey Bren.” I’m not sure if I should stand or remain seated.
What I’d really like to do is pull him into a kiss.
“Thanks for doing this. Please…take a seat.” I motion to the other side of the booth.
“They have burgers, chicken parma, tacos—your typical pub food. I thought you might be hungry after work.”
Bren slides in, placing his phone on the table. “Yeah, sure, why not? Let’s eat. I’m fuckin’ starvin’.”
“Okay, I’ll go order and grab us some beers. You wanna look at a menu?”
“Nah, just get me whatever you’re havin’.”
I nod, shuffling out of the booth. “Okay, back in minute.” Once I’m standing at the bar I take a sidewards glance at Bren; he looks as nervous as I feel.
When I return to the booth with two beers, Bren reaches for his wallet.
“How much do I owe you, man?”
I wave my hand, dismissing it. “Fuck off, Bren. It’s just burgers and beers.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence and I realise I don’t know how or where to start this conversation. My palms and armpits are embarrassingly sweaty and let’s not mention my erratic heartbeat. “Um…I guess I should start by apologising for the other night. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”
Bren takes a few generous mouthfuls of beer before responding. “Are you takin’ your meds?”
Well fuck, I wasn’t expecting that. I drop my eyes down to the table.
“Yeah, I’m taking my meds.” It’s a hit to my pride but I force myself to straighten up and meet his gaze again.
“I’ve been stable for years. I’ve got a good doctor that I see regularly, and she adjusts my meds if needed.
” Truthfully, I’ve been struggling to fall asleep—too wired and too many racing thoughts—but I’m certain it’s just the shock of seeing Bren and nothing more.
“Good to hear you’ve got it under control.
” Bren shifts uncomfortably. “Look, Kyle, I know you said you wanted to apologise, but honestly, you don’t need to.
It was a lifetime ago and we were just two messed up kids.
We both fucked up more times than I can count, and life turned out pretty good anyway.
You married some rich guy, got the family you always wanted, and against all odds I got my shit together too.
I love my business, and I’m happily married to a great—”
The server appears with our order, and I use the time to collect my thoughts.
Once she’s out of earshot, I lean forward, needing Bren to understand how serious I am.
“Bren, I get where you’re coming from, but it’s important for me to say I’m sorry.
I’ve thought about you a lot over the years.
There’s been so many times I wanted to contact you, but I didn’t think you’d see me after what I did.
And, considering how you’ve reacted, I guess I was right.
But I am so sorry, Bren. If I could go back in time and do it differently, I would. ”
I study Bren’s face, but I can’t get a read on him. When we were younger, I always knew what was going on inside his head without him saying a word, so this is unnerving. Bren stalls, taking a bite from his burger and chewing slowly.
At least we’re not yelling at each other, and Bren doesn’t look like he’s about to do a runner, either.
“Kyle, there’s no need to drag it all up. I forgive you, alright. Get on with your life and don’t give it another thought. It’s all good, man. Let’s enjoy our food and drinks. Tell me about James and your family or somethin’.”
Wishing I was drunk, I scull half my beer before speaking again. He’s saying he’s forgiven me, but it doesn’t feel like he has. Bren was the one who texted and suggested we talk, now he’s saying there’s nothing to talk about. It just doesn’t add up. But I move on and answer his question.
“I met James when I was twenty-two, not long after I started working as a paramedic. It was—”
“You did it?” Bren interrupts, a smile spreading across his face. “You became a paramedic?”
My heart swells with pride, but deflates just as quickly.
“Yeah, I did.” I avert my eyes, swallowing down the bitter taste of failure.
“I gave it up when we had Lu. Lucinda is our daughter. I probably rushed into it too fast with James. He’s fifteen years older than me and we had this sort of civil ceremony about a year after we met.
He was—how should I put this—persuasive.
It wasn’t legal at the time, of course, but the equivalent of a wedding.
Lu was born about eighteen months after that.
We were one of the first gay couples granted access to IVF in Australia. ”
Bren listens intently, eyes narrowing like he’s trying to solve a puzzle. “Fuck, that was fast. You were a dad at what, like, twenty-four?”
I bite into my burger and nod.
“Lucinda, huh? Nice name. You got a photo of her?”
Opening my photo gallery, I scroll to a recent photo before passing my phone over. At first, Bren’s eyes widen as if shocked, but then his face softens, and he smiles.
“The Davies genes sure are strong, ain’t they? She looks just like you.”
“Yeah, she does,” I agree, taking the phone back.
“She’s beautiful, man. You must be proud.”
For the first time since Bren sat down, he really looks at me, with all his walls down, and I see him: the boy I used to know better than myself. All the air seems to evaporate from the room, and we remain silent, eyes locked on each other. It’s both intimate and terrifying.
Bren breaks the moment by picking up his beer and finishing it off. He sets the mug back down on the table with a thud. “Hey, you want another?”
“Sure, why not,” I say. “It is a special occasion.”
Bren heads to the bar, and I relax back against the booth, happy to take a breather from the intensity of…whatever this is. I shouldn’t have two beers on my meds but fuck it.
I love the way Bren still calls me Davies; rolling off his tongue like the last two decades haven’t been lost to us.
Bren returns, beers in hand, and I only get a few mouthfuls down before the questions start again. When did he become such a big talker, anyway?
“What does James do for a living? Seems like you hit the jackpot with that fancy house overlooking the bay.”
“He’s a lawyer. He was wealthy when I met him, but not long after he made partner and now, well, we’re filthy rich. We only moved into that house about a year ago. Before that, we lived in South Yarra. But I can tell you one thing for sure: money doesn’t buy you happiness.”
“Funny how only rich people say that shit.” The annoyance in Bren’s voice is clear. “So, you sayin’ you’re not happy?” he adds.
“Not really.”
“But you love your daughter, right? You always wanted kids, even when you were sixteen.”
“Of course I love her. But teenagers can be, you know, fucking know-it-alls. She doesn’t need me anymore and I feel…useless. Invisible, I guess.” This is the most honest I’ve been with anyone in a very long time, and it’s picking at a wound I’d prefer to keep closed.
Bren screws his face up. “What the fuck, Kyle? She needs you now more than ever. Teenagers like to push the boundaries, but, underneath that, they still need to know you’ll kick their ass if they step outta line.”
I don’t want to talk about Lu anymore, it’s too painful. “Enough about me,” I say firmly. “What’s your story? When did you get out?” The look on Bren’s face has me immediately regretting bringing up the topic.
He shoves the last of his fries into his mouth before answering. “I was in there for seven, good behaviour and all that. After I was released, I got a job fittin’ kitchens in new homes. I was lucky. You remember Jason?”
I nod.
“He knew the guy that owned the company, and he got me the job. Otherwise,” Bren shakes his head, “don’t know where I’d be right now.”
Bren leans back, stretching his arm along the back of the booth. “Then I met Chris—that’s my husband—and we’ve been together nine years, married six. I opened Beautiful Bathrooms in 2019 and even with COVID fuckin’ things up for a while it’s goin’ okay. Gotta say, I love bein’ my own boss.”
I smile, pleased that Bren landed on his feet after getting out of prison. “I’m really happy for you Bren. Have you and Chris got any kids?” I already know they don’t because Jeff told me, but it seems like the polite thing to ask. I add, “Do you see Ethan?”
“Nah man, no kids. We thought about it, but it costs a shit ton to do IVF and findin’ a surrogate is difficult.
But I guess you already know that. We used all our savings to start the business, and then it didn’t turn a decent profit until two years ago.
At forty, I guess I’m gettin’ too old to start a family now.
As for Ethan, I don’t even know where he is.
I thought about tryin’ to find him when I got out, but figured he’d be better off without me. ”
Bren’s eyes drift across the room, the topic clearly making him uncomfortable.
“Maybe one day he’ll come looking for you. I think you’d be a great dad, Bren. What kid doesn’t want a badass dad with tatts who swears too much?”
“Fuck off, Davies.” Bren’s face breaks into a smile that warms my heart. I’ve missed his smile so much. If only I hadn’t wasted all those years.
“Do you still live in Frankston North?” I ask, keeping up the pretence of pretending not to know. “The neighbourhood’s almost middle class now. There are some damn nice houses there.”
“Yeah, who would’ve fuckin’ thought?” Bren shakes his head. “Me and Chris bought that nice weatherboard house next to Corey’s. You remember Corey, don’t you?”
“Yeah, you serious?” I laugh, recalling an image of the house next to our high school mate. “That place is really big, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is. We gutted it and did a full reno job. It’s perfect. If anythin’, it’s too big for just the two of us.”
“I thought you liked it when it was big?” I tease.
“That didn’t take fuckin’ long. Quit it Davies,” Bren says, but he’s smirking right back at me.