Chapter 29 #2
My chest swelled. “That’s nice of you to say.” I squeezed a dab of lotion onto the back of her hand and massaged it into her skin.
“I mean it. You’re much more interesting than I first thought.”
“Am I? What makes me so fascinating?” I turned over her hand and massaged her palm.
She relaxed against my side. “I said interesting, not fascinating.”
I started on her thumb, rotating each joint. “What would it take to bump me up to fascinating?”
She let out a contented sigh. “You could rescue a puppy or something. Maybe lead a classroom of kids to safety during an earthquake.”
My hands stilled. It was like she’d injected my veins with ice water.
I’d never rescue an animal or children or live up to her expectations.
Like I’d never lived up to Zara’s. I couldn’t go through that pain again.
Better to cut this off right here. “That’s not really my style.
I’m more of a save-twenty-five-percent-on-overhead kind of guy. ”
“Too bad.” She melted onto my shoulder. “After tonight, I thought you might have a softer side.”
My chin rested on her temple, so I knew she’d feel it when I shook my head. I wasn’t what she needed. She’d been right to keep her distance. I wished I was as strong as she was.
I forced myself to say, “Maybe we should finish reviewing that report on Monday. You’re probably too tired to do it tonight, and I know I am.”
She chuckled. “Are you trying to seduce me, Cole?”
“No. I think you should go home.”
Her body stiffened and she straightened so fast her head knocked against my jaw, sending pain shooting through my molars. But it didn’t rival the ache in my chest.
“You’re right.” She tugged her hand out of mine and flung off the blanket. “Where are my shoes? Oh, there they are.”
When she stood, it was like she’d put on a suit of armor with her four-inch heels.
I wished I hadn’t pushed her away, but it was for the best. We could be partners in the office, but being romantic partners was a nonstarter.
I’d already failed at that once, and I never played a game I didn’t think I could win. Not when it could hurt Bridget too.
She slipped her laptop into her bag. “I hope Caitlyn feels better tomorrow. Remember, give her a dose of the Tylenol every four hours as long as she has a fever.”
“Should I wake her up tonight to give it to her?”
“No. You can give her some if she wakes up and can’t go back to sleep. Otherwise, wait until morning.”
“Thank you for everything.” And for reminding me what we can’t be.
Her smile wobbled. “See you on Monday.”
Each tap of her heels against the wood floors as she walked out of my place was a nail in my aching heart.
Mason and I met up at the gym before dawn as we usually did on Monday mornings.
“How was your weekend with Caitlyn?” He started his reps on the leg press.
“She had a cold, so it was pretty low-key. We made dinner, watched a movie. Have you ever read Property of the Rebel Librarian? It’s pretty good for a kids’ book.”
“Back up. You made dinner?”
“Bridget did. She came over on Friday night.”
“Bridget, your co-CEO, came over?”
I finished my biceps curls and slowed my breathing while I waited.
“Yeah. We had some reports to review.” Too bad I’d acted like a dick and sent her away.
Reviewing the reports on my own while Caitlyn watched a movie wasn’t the same as doing it cuddled on the sofa with Bridget.
Though if she’d stayed, I’d have been tempted to put my hand under her skirt, and we probably would never have gotten around to the report.
“Is something going on there?” he asked.
I considered lying, but my brother and I always told each other the truth. “Yeah. Something was. We fucked in Costa Rica, and now it’s messing with my head. You know.” I shrugged.
“No.” He paused, mid-press. “I don’t know about fucking my co-CEO. That sounds like a terrible idea.”
“I know, and I almost did it again on Friday, but I sent her home. That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?” I started another set of curls.
He planted his feet. “Why are you even asking? Of course it was. Don’t you remember the scandal that happened a few years ago over at Synergy? The COO was fucking his secretary. The secretary ended up quitting. Do you want O’Brien to have to quit?”
“She’s not my secretary. We’re peers. And who’s to say I wouldn’t be the one who quit?
” My trainer would kill me if he saw my erratic reps.
My smartwatch flashed angrily about my heart rate.
But I had to say what I’d been thinking all weekend.
“We’re fantastic together. Would it be so terrible to be partners in the office and also after hours?
” The hope I felt had to be embarrassingly plain on my face.
“Partners?” He put his hands on his hips and glared at me. “Like, it’s not just fucking? You actually care about this woman? You want to build a life with her? I thought you hated each other.”
“We did. Before Costa Rica.” I got off the machine and told him what happened during the retreat. How our animosity and competitiveness turned into cooperation. Then something more. “And now we’re back, and she’s all I think about. I think I…I might…”
“Love her?”
“No!” Love was messy. Uncontrollable. It finished in pain and regret.
“Then what? How do you feel about her?”
I scratched the back of my neck. “She’s smart. Compassionate. Capable.”
“Those are facts. Keep digging. How do you feel when you’re with her?”
“Annoyed, sometimes. But mostly…strong. Calm. Peaceful.”
“Happy?”
“Hell, what’s that?” I chuckled, but I couldn’t manage my usual smirk.
“Exactly what you’re describing. It’s the way you feel when you’re with the person you love.”
My watch beeped about my heart rate again, and I smacked it to silence it. “That’s not what I felt with Zara. With Zara, I worked hard to impress her and give her the life she deserved.”
“But you don’t feel that need with Bridget.”
“Well, I do, but she’s more mature. She’s nine years older than me and confident. So fucking self-aware. She knows what makes her happy, and she won’t put up with my bullshit. I’m afraid she wants more than I can be, like a hero. And she makes me want to…to bring my best self to her, you know?”
“Sorry, man.” He leaned forward and gripped my shoulder. “You’re in love.”
I winced. “My life would be so much easier if I weren’t.”
“Nothing you can do about it now, though. Other than accept it. Be the man she needs. And tell her how you feel.”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
“Then things are going to get pretty fucking awkward.”
And messy. I hated messy. And so did Apex’s board.