Chapter 31
A PACKAGE DEAL
A skill you’re really good at?
Cole: Financial analysis. Give me fifteen minutes with a balance sheet and an income statement, and I can give you a company’s five-year outlook.
Bridget: I can optimize the hell out of a supply chain. Plus, I know how to fold fitted sheets correctly.
COLE
“Hi, Daddy,” Caitlyn said when she picked up the phone on Tuesday night. “Why are you calling? We talked last night, and you beat me at Mathlon this morning.”
I winced. I had a lot of mistakes over many years to make up for. “I’d like to call you every night before you go to bed to ask about your day and tell you goodnight. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
I snorted. “Don’t sound so excited about it.”
“Sometimes you forget things, so you might forget to call.”
Pain stabbed through my heart, and I leaned against the cool stainless-steel door of my refrigerator. “Baby, I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel like you can’t depend on me. I’m going to do better.”
“Okay.” I could almost hear her shrug.
“Are you feeling better? Did you go to school today?”
“Yeah.”
She then told me what the class turtle ate, the game she and her friends played at recess, and what they were learning in science.
I listened, asked questions, and even pulled her two best friends’ names out of my mental storage.
When she’d run out of stories, I asked, “Cait, do you like your school?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Why ‘definitely’?”
“I like my teacher and my friends. It’s fun.”
Fun. That wasn’t a word I’d use to describe my experience at St. Marcellin. “Would you like to go to the same school as Liam and Logan?”
She hesitated. “I like Liam and Logan. But they don’t like their school. They don’t get recess, and they get a lot of homework.”
“No recess?” That wasn’t what I remembered. I remembered playing pickup soccer and baseball and football.
“Nope. And their art class sounds terrible. Logan says they have to do the art the way the teacher does it, and they get graded.” Her voice dipped low, like art grades were a travesty.
Then she brightened. “I made a snowflake picture in art class. We drew the snowflakes with pastel crayons, then we painted the background with watercolors, and we sprinkled it with salt, and the salt made pretty patterns that looked like more snow.”
I didn’t remember doing art in school. We’d learned art history, but I never held a paintbrush. It was one reason Zara and her artistic abilities had fascinated me so much. “That sounds beautiful.”
There were a few beats of silence. “When my teacher lets me bring it home, would you like it?”
“I’ll hang it on my wall.”
“Really? But your apartment is all brown, and my painting is blue.”
Bridget had said something similar regarding my decor. I glanced around my kitchen. When my designer had walked me through it, I’d thought the neutrals were soothing. Now they seemed dull and lifeless. “It will be a striking contrast. I’ll love it. Just like I love you.”
“I love you too, Daddy.”
“Goodnight, baby. Can you put your mom on?”
“Mom! Daddy wants to talk to you.” I winced as she shouted.
A few seconds later, Zara murmured something, then I heard the click of a door closing. “Cole,” Zara said.
“Cait said she’s feeling better,” I said. I took a step away from the spotless refrigerator and leaned on the counter.
“She is. Her fever’s gone, and she went back to school today,” Zara said. I heard a door close on her end of the line. “Thanks for checking on her.” There was a puzzled note in her voice, like Why are you calling us?
“I’m interested in our daughter.” I hated the defensive tone of my voice. “I’d like to talk to her more often. Every night, if that’s okay.”
“Okay.” The way she drew out the word, I could tell she didn’t believe me any more than Cait had. I vowed to prove them both wrong. “She said you guys stayed home all weekend watching movies and playing cards?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Cards were the only game at my place.”
“She liked it. She liked Bridget too.”
“That’s good.” I like her too. I wished she could have spent the weekend with us, but my head was fucked up. She needed—no, deserved—a man who was soft and supportive. And that wasn’t me. Zara knew that about me.
“She said you seemed more present than usual. Not working as much.”
“I’m trying.” I dragged myself into my living room and sank onto the same unyielding cushion where Bridget had urged me to do better. “I’m sorry I haven’t always seemed like it. I want what’s best for her, and…sometimes I don’t know what that is.”
“What are you saying, Cole?”
“I’m saying I’m not going to fight for more custody.
Not right now. Not while I’m CEO. I know I don’t have the time she needs.
I also won’t insist on sending her to St. Marcellin.
She likes her school, and having joy in learning is worth something.
” I sucked in a breath to say the most difficult part.
“I’m sorry I didn’t make the time for either of you while I was focusing on my career.
You needed more from me. You both deserved more. ”
“Where is this coming from?” I could picture her puzzled expression, the scrunch of her round nose.
“I found some perspective. I thought I was right, that I had to be right all the time, which meant everyone else was wrong. Bridget has shown me we can do more together than we can if we fight each other. I’m sorry I was an ass to you and a negligent parent to Caitlyn. I’m going to make it right.”
“How are you going to do that, Cole?”
“By starting small. I had groceries delivered today. Only some fresh fruit and pantry items. Did you know how cheap macaroni and cheese is? It comes in a box.”
She laughed. “Groceries are a start.”
“Can you recommend some games and books to keep at my place for Cait?” I gazed across the room at my bookshelves.
My designer had arranged a few leather-bound books and other objects on them, but I’d make room for books we could read together.
“I’ll ask Bridget too. She has a niece who’s Cait’s age. ”
“This thing with Bridget sounds serious.”
“I…I don’t know. I’d like it to be, but I’m not sure we’re right for each other.
” She’d been chilly to me in the office, and she’d rushed out early today to meet with her sisters.
I needed to straighten things out between us, but how could I be worthy of her without fundamentally changing who I was?
“I wasn’t the man you needed. I don’t want to hurt Bridget the way I hurt you. ”
“Cole, we were kids when we got together. We didn’t know who we were, much less how to be what the other needed. Plus, you didn’t try very hard.”
“Ouch, but…fair.”
“You know it’s true. Though if you’re willing to think about something beyond yourself and your work, maybe you’re ready for a relationship.”
I sat up straighter. “You think so?”
“Cait really liked Bridget. And she’s driven like you. You could be good together.”
“Maybe you’re right, and if Bridget and I share the CEO role, we can find balance.
” Dividing up the role and acting as partners could mean less work for each of us.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to have a week with Cait next summer, when she’s out of school.
We could take a trip, do some hiking and kayaking. ”
“I’m not sure I trust you after you so royally fucked up Thanksgiving.”
“I know. Again, I’m sorry.”
There was a beat of silence. “If you keep going the way you are now, we’ll see.”
“I understand. I’m glad Cait’s better. I’ll call her tomorrow night.”
“Okay. Night, Cole.”
When I hung up, I set an alarm on my phone for 8:00 the next night. We’d all see if I could pass the test I’d set for myself. Because if I passed, I might be good enough for Bridget too.
When Bridget took off her glasses, I looked up.
This was the moment I’d been waiting for all day, through nine meetings and a working lunch.
She set her hands on the seat of her chair, lifted her chin, and arched her back before she stood.
When her silky blouse strained across her chest, I felt a tingle in my groin.
Whoever came up with the idea of our sharing an office was an evil genius.
She closed her laptop and unplugged it. “I’m calling it a day.”
I was across the room before she’d finished speaking. Standing what I hoped was a respectful distance from her desk, I asked, “Can we talk for a few minutes?”
She glanced at her phone. “I can be late.”
I winced. Making her late for wherever she was going wasn’t ideal. “Are you sure?”
She gave me a weak smile. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“It isn’t work. It’s personal. Would you rather talk here or somewhere else?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “We can talk here.” She walked to the door and shut it. “What’s up?”
She wore a floral blouse in pinks and reds over a slim charcoal skirt with matching red heels.
She looked beautiful despite the creases under her eyes.
We’d both put in a lot of hours on this call center deal.
I wondered if she was going to a holiday celebration after work. Or a date. Acid bubbled in my stomach.
“Cole?” she asked.
I closed the distance between us, not enough to touch her but near enough that she could see the rawness in my expression. “Can we try again?”
She squared her jaw. “Try what again?”
“Try us. Like in Costa Rica.”
She glanced at the door behind her and leaped away from it as if it’d burned her. She pointed to our seating area a dozen feet away and sat in her usual chair. I followed, sat in the other chair, and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees to catch the words she muttered in a low voice.
“Why now?”
“Because I…” I cleared the lump of self-preservation from my throat. “I miss you. I miss us.”
She stared at me, searching, like I was a candidate for an internship and she was trying to figure out if I was the hardworking kind or the lazy kind who’d be more trouble than he was worth.
“I care about you,” I said. “As a person. As a woman. We’re fantastic co-CEOs. And we were incendiary as lovers. We could be so good together.” I held out my hands, palms up, hoping she’d rest her hands in mine. “Please think about it?”
Every instinct cried out against letting her think about it. My lizard brain wanted to take her in my arms and kiss the faded stain off her lips, remind her of what we had on the retreat. But I held firm.
“You pushed me away on Friday.” She leaned back in the chair. “Where is this coming from?”
“Friday, you said you wanted someone who rescues puppies and children. That’s not me. I am who I am, Bridget. Flawed. Selfish sometimes. And I’ll always work too much.”
“That makes two of us.” The shadow of a smile teased at her lips. She glanced at my extended hands, and her eyes widened. “You’re wearing the bracelet.”
The bracelet Cait made me poked out from under my sleeve. “Yeah. She likes it when I do.” I straightened it so the word DAD was centered on my wrist. “And so do I. Letting you walk away was a mistake. I want to fight for you. For us.”
“How will it work?” she asked. “What will the board say?”
“We’re a package that’s too good to refuse.
We close this deal, then we continue to kick ass until the ninety days are up, just like you said.
Together, we’ll show them the projections, plus our overall numbers.
Finally, we’ll tell them about our relationship and our proposal to continue as co-CEOs.
They’ll accept us.” I infused every ounce of confidence—and I was ninety percent confidence by weight—into my stare.
“And you want this? You want…us?” She shifted forward.
“I want you. I want to be with you. Here—”
“Not here.” Her blue eyes were wide as a virgin’s in a slasher flick.
“Okay, not in the office.” I turned my palms over and set them on my knees. “Not until we come out to the board.”
“No touching in the office ever,” she said. “It feels icky.”
My heart slowed. We were on familiar ground. A negotiation. I lifted my chin. “Then, I can give you a hand massage.”
She glanced down at my hands. “Only with the door shut.”
“Fair. Home offices are fair game though.”
“After work hours. With laptops closed.”
“There’s a no-panties rule on Fridays,” I said, struggling with every muscle in my face not to break.
“Absolutely not!” She leaped to her feet.
I rose and captured her hand in mine. “All right, I cede that point. But we’re agreed? We’re together, secretly, until the ninety-day presentation. After that, we tell the board we’re a package deal.”
She looked up at me with those big, beautiful eyes. “Wouldn’t it be easier to keep things platonic?”
“There’s been nothing easy about these past two weeks. Not for me. Don’t you want it too?”
“Jesus, yes, I do.” She said it like a prayer. I bent to drink the words from her lips, but she slipped out of my grasp. “No touching in the office, remember? This won’t work if you can’t remember the rules.”
“Understood.” My brain started to calculate. “You have plans tonight. Can you come over tomorrow?”
She shook her head. “Foundation committee meeting. Friday’s out. I’ve got plans with my girlfriends.”
“Saturday? Caitlyn’s with Zara this weekend.”
“I’ve got plans in the morning, but I could come over after that.”
“Perfect,” I purred.
“Okay. I do really have to go now.” She bit her lip as if she didn’t want to leave.
I wanted to bite it too, but I had to show her I respected the rules. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”
The next two days in the office were going to be torture.