Chapter 16 #2
Her words pierced the silence like blaster fire. Ellard’s knees wilted, and he dropped, a gel-couch breaking his fall.
“Did you hear me?” Spots of color highlighted her cheeks.
“Pregnant?” He swallowed, certain his hearing deceived him.
She sighed. “Yes.”
“You…pregnant?”
“Yes,” she snapped, her chin lifting in challenge. “And before you ask, Mogens is sure.”
Panic, like he’d never felt before, blasted through him. Thoughts roared through his head, and his feline took over. Flight. He traveled halfway down the corridor before his humanoid self thought better of the action.
Unwilling footsteps took him back, and he found Gweneth curled up on her gel-seat, silent tears running down her cheeks.
Something twisted inside him. She was his mate. He knew this even as he knew that tying herself to him wasn’t her best option.
“We’re having a kitten?” Even in his state of shock, he didn’t doubt her words as truth. If she expected a child, then he was the father.
“Yes.”
“All right. What do you want me to do?”
Her mouth tightened. “You don’t have to do anything. I just thought you should know.”
“Gweneth, I’m no catch. I’d be loyal. I’d love you and our kitten, but I could never hold them. Not safely.”
“I don’t want you to take responsibility for me and our kitten because you feel guilty. I need love like Camryn and Jannike have. I won’t settle for less.”
“I understand. Let me help you as a friend.”
“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea. Ellard, you don’t understand.
I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you.
When I look at you, I don’t see a handicap.
I see a strong, loyal man who would do anything for his friends.
I don’t want you to commit to me because you think it is the right thing to do.
I deserve a male who loves me without reservation.
If I say yes to you now, what is to stop you from changing your mind later?
We wouldn’t be proper mates. Nothing would hold us together. ”
“Our kitten would—”
“No. I won’t allow my child to be put in that position.”
“Our child,” Ellard countered. “Nothing has changed since we were on Narenda.”
“Not true.” Gweneth faced him without flinching. “You rejected me. I’m telling you about my pregnancy because it’s the right thing to do. You should know you’re going to be a father.”
Ellard stared at her, attempting to read her mind. Despite engaging his feline senses, he discovered nothing of use, no clue as to how he could fix this breach between them.
“You should go now,” Gweneth said.
Ellard stared at her for a fraction longer and realized he needed to regroup. Nothing he said now would help the situation, one of his own making he had to admit. She needed time. He needed time.
“Com me if you need anything.”
“I don’t need you.”
“Com me,” he insisted.
After a brief pause, she gave a grudging nod.
“Thank you.” Ellard turned away, confident she would com him, but the knowledge didn’t halt the turmoil rising in his gut. His feline snarled, the cry of displeasure echoing through his head.
Mate. Mate. Mate.
The word, the thought repeated over and over until he wanted to growl and roar at the accompanying pain.
This wasn’t how he’d imagined this meeting.
Ellard headed along the corridor, flinching at the close of the door behind him.
It sounded like a full stop on the problem.
Pregnant. He was going to be a father. Dizziness assailed him, his stomach pitching as shock did a dance through his mind yet again. A father.
Without knowing how he got there, he found himself in the rear garden, striding amongst the formal floral beds toward the stand of trees at the rear.
The clash of swords came from the practice area, and Ellard headed in that direction.
Lynx and Ry practicing together. Shiloh stood watching and offering words of encouragement to both feline shifters.
Shiloh glanced at him, frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“Gweneth is pregnant.”
“What? How?”
Ellard barked out a laugh. “The usual way.”
“Birth control?”
“She took birth control,” Ellard said. “At least, that is what she told me.”
“What’s the problem? You love her. Even I can see you love her. I saw the two of you together.” Shiloh’s brows drew together. “Wait. What did you do?”
“I told her I held no interest in pursuing a relationship with her.”
“What?” Shiloh shut his mouth with a click. “Why would you do that? She’s been chasing after you since she first arrived on Viros. I’ve seen you looking back.”
Ellard swallowed to rid himself of the lump that had taken up residence in his throat.
“Look at me. I’m nothing to look at, and I’ve lost my arm.
I can’t hold a kitten—not easily. It takes me longer to get things done.
I’m handicapped, and I don’t want to put that extra pressure on a relationship.
When I had my Stores it wasn’t so bad, but now… ”
“Rotten luck losing your Stores.” Shiloh clapped him over the back. “But you’re still alive. Don’t let Father’s prophecy become true.”
Ellard pulled his face. The instant he’d lost his arm, his father had wanted Jarlath to replace him with an able-bodied soldier.
Jarlath had refused and forced Ellard back to the land of the living.
Ellard snorted inwardly. He’d become stubborn and believed his life over, but Jarlath hadn’t put up with his sorry-for-me attitude.
“I did save the girl. That has to count for something.”
Shiloh grinned, and for an instant, Ellard felt transported back to their childhood. He’d been the sensible one while Shiloh, aided by Lynx, had created trouble and chaos. “You helped the girl become pregnant. What are you going to do?”
“I want—she’s my mate. I know this, but how can I saddle her with my problems?”
“Look at it this way, Ellard. What would you do if another male came along and wanted her?”
A savage growl escaped him, shocking him with its intensity.
“Your answer,” Shiloh said lightly. “You want the child?”
“Yes.” He never hesitated, which gave him pause.
“You need to woo her. Apologize and become her mate.”
Ellard snorted. “You make it sound easy.”
“Wooing a mate is never easy, but the heartache and uncertainty is worth every stressful sec.”
Ellard turned and stalked back toward the castle.
“Where are you going?”
“To start my wooing.”
“Women like flowers,” Shiloh called after him. “You could pick some before you go back inside.”
Ellard halted. “I might need help.”
Shiloh sketched a bow. “At your service, brother.”
Flowers picked, Ellard caught his breath as he knocked on Gweneth’s suite door.
The scent of the brocken flowers filled the air, sweet and fragrant, their white petals and red throats contrasting against the pale pink fern leaves.
He hoped Gweneth would enjoy them. He juggled the flowers and awkwardly knocked with his foot again.
Sheera opened the door. “Come in. What pretty flowers.”
“They’re for Gweneth.”
“A good start.” Sheera’s voice held approval.
“Ellard, what are you doing here?” Gweneth asked, and her tone sounded distinctly cool.
“I was wrong. Thickheaded and stubborn. I want to make it up to you.” Ellard handed her the flowers.
She accepted them, pausing to sniff them before handing them to Sheera. “Why should I let you do that? What is to stop you from changing your mind again?”
“I deserve that.” Ellard took a deep breath and dredged for the right words to persuade Gweneth to his way of thinking.
“I think of you all the time. You’re the first person I think of when I wake in the morn.
You’re the last person I think of in the eve.
I dream of you.” He paused. What else? “I can’t promise not to make mistakes in the future, but know I’ll try hard to always do the right thing. ”
Gweneth’s dark brows rose. “I see. Anything else?”
“I will love you and our kitten. I will support you—”
“Will you allow me to continue working with the Indy crew?”
Ellard paused, aware of the silent dare in her words.
They both knew Jannike struggled with her mates on this point, especially since her pregnancy.
Gweneth was already pregnant. He forced himself to nod and made a mental note to offer his services to Ry.
Where Gweneth went, so did he. “You’re part of the crew. That doesn’t need to change.”
She nodded, her green eyes without expression. “Good.”
His gaze wandered her face, coming to an abrupt halt when he reached the spot of her facial tattoo. It had disappeared, and he could see her face was free of the paint she and the other female crew sometimes wore. “What happened to your tattoo?”
“The strangest thing. I shifted the other night.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I don’t know if I can do it again, and I didn’t try because I haven’t been feeling well. Mogens said I should wait until I felt ready. He also suggests that pregnant felines try not to shift too often—for the good of the baby.”
“Has the tattoo reappeared on your back?”
“No.”
“I see.”
An uncomfortable silence bloomed between them, and Ellard wanted to move. He fought the urge. Finally, when he could bear the hush no longer, he said, “I want you, Gweneth. You and our child. Will you give me another chance?”
“I’ll think about it,” Gweneth said. “Sheera, please show out Ellard. I wish to have a rest.” And she turned away, disappearing into her chamber.
Once the door closed behind Ellard, Gweneth strolled back out to her reception room to spend time with Sheera.
“Ellard is sorry. I can see he loves you.” Sheera dropped onto a gel-chair, her red jumper and black trews a contrast with the cream syn-leather of the chair. She flicked her wrist and a float table appeared along with two glasses of juice. “Why didn’t you tell him you forgive him?”
“He hasn’t groveled enough,” Gweneth said.
“Groveled?”
“He needs to prove his intent. His love. My father spent rotations making me feel worthless because my feline half made me different from the other people on Ornum. I’m not going to let anyone treat me as inferior.
If Ellard wants me, he’ll fight for the honor.
I want him to realize I don’t care about his exterior.
That’s not important to me. It’s what inside that counts.
I want Ellard to realize he doesn’t need to worry about other felines, other beings and what they think.
He’s a good feline. Loyal. He has a big heart, but he needs to trust that I have the same traits, that I can be his best friend. Ellard needs to trust me.”