Chapter 21
Twenty-One
O ther than a couple of small groups deep in discussion, the third floor of the mall is relatively quiet. I walk into the bookstore and am greeted by a middle-aged woman at the counter. Her curly brown hair veils most of her face as she returns her attention to the book in front of her. Not a single soul lingers in the aisles as I study the books on the shelves. Not one of them is a duplicate. My guess is that Dex and her people have salvaged as much as they can from local libraries. With the world in shambles outside of these walls, it’s comforting to know they’re trying to preserve parts of our old way of life.
I find a quiet corner in a back aisle, remove my backpack, and place the candle I was given onto the floor beside me. Taking the new Sanctuary flyer from my pocket, I unfold it and read:
Future Settler,
The war raged when the waters turned red.
Untouched land was paid for in crimson currency.
Follow the path of the green general.
He knew the quickest way.
The Sanctuary
The riddles the Sanctuary leaves behind are utterly bizarre, and I’m thoroughly intrigued by the challenge. I dig out of my backpack the flyer I found in Blythe and lay it beside the other on the floor. Nothing is named, but there are little clues that can lead to something bigger—mountains surrounded by blue mist and water that turned red. It’s not clear but it is a start.
I pick up my candle and head to the aisle labeled History and scan the shelves for books on past wars. Perhaps the water turned red after a particularly bloody battle, or maybe I can find something about a general. With several selections in tow, I wander back to my corner and set to work searching for answers. I carefully read through the text about the most brutal war that took place in Stern, taking care to note battle sites and any reference to water contamination. Scouring endless pages when I have such little direction is a daunting task. It’s very possible that I’m going to leave here with no clues to help solve the riddles.
I crack open the next book and pause when a soft glow comes from the end of the aisle. Ryland. The flickering flame of his candle dances over his handsome face and reflects in his eyes as he moves closer. With each long stride, his hair sways in amber waves around his neck. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sprouted wings and took on a heavenly glow.
He sits beside me and places his light next to mine, looking at the papers on the floor. For a moment, he studies the bright pages and then leans back on the shelf behind us.
“I don’t know how I feel about your new hobby,” he says, with a cocked eyebrow .
“It’s something to do, and a little mental challenge never hurt anyone.” I pick up the Sanctuary’s riddles and use them as a bookmark. “Why aren’t you with the others? You could be living it up right now. There was a group of girls eyeing you like you were the last drop of water in a barren desert.”
Ryland bows his head and runs his hand through his hair, hiding his reddening cheeks. It’s interesting that Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome doesn’t do well with being admired. I wonder if it has always been like this, or if there was a time when he used his looks to his advantage. There’s still so much to learn about him, and the thought makes my stomach drop as I accept that I’ll never fully get the chance.
“I’m not the least bit interested in any of them,” he says, darting me a sideways glance.
I know exactly what he wants. He’s hoping I ask why not, so he can say something about me being the only girl he’s interested in. He made his feelings for me very well-known last night. I get that he’s attracted to me, and I also know his options have been scarcely limited. I’m still young and prone to mistakes, but I’m not naive enough to let him bait and hook me.
“That’s too bad. I thought a couple of them were cute,” I say, with a shrug and slide a history book in his direction. “Well, if you’re going to hang out with me, then you might as well help.”
He glares at the thick textbook and back at me. I return his look with raised eyebrows and a hand gesture that urges him to get to work. With a groan, he lays on his stomach and asks, “What am I looking for?”
I follow his lead so we are side by side. “The flyer mentions a green general. I’m thinking maybe this person made history by going to war as a new general. ”
He nods in understanding, and we both dive into our books. The library is peaceful and empty, with only the occasional turning of a page. The lack of light is hard on my eyes, but it also adds to the ambiance of a boy and a girl hidden in the back corner of a quiet bookstore. I must admit, I’m struggling to concentrate on the words before me. My mind drifts into daydreams about a parallel dimension where Zs don’t exist. I imagine Ryland and I cramming for our college history exam. We’re just two normal students enjoying the comfortable silence. As we read our feet would accidentally touch or we would brush shoulders and lock eyes. Eventually, it would be too hard to not steal a touch and then a kiss. I close my eyes and force my wild imagination to come back to reality.
Not even before the Affliction did I find myself indulging in daydreams the way I do now. Simply being near this man has me always acting out of sorts.
“What are you thinking about?” Ryland asks.
I jerk my head up and struggle to get my mouth to work. “I was—I was just thinking about how normal things now seem fictional and what used to be make-believe is now real. Things like, I don’t know, studying together. Did you ever study with a girl for a test before?” I want to slap my head with my palm as soon as the words leave my mouth. Clearly, I have little tact when dealing with a guy I’m attracted to.
Ryland clears his throat and says, “I had a girlfriend when I was in grade school. Her name was Kate, and I’d walk her home every afternoon. We weren’t allowed to be alone in her room, so we would sit on the couch and do our homework together.”
I cross my arms over my book and rest my chin on top. “Did you ever try to take advantage of your study dates?”
He laughs while turning to his side and propping his head up with his palm. “I was a teenage boy with raging hormones. What do you think?”
I’m torn by his confession. A part of me hates to think about him being intimate with another girl, but then again, I love hearing about what his life used to be like. I find myself wishing I would have known him before the world around us went to shit.
“I think you would intentionally come up with ways to touch her, but you tried to make it look like an accident. I can picture you sitting way too close when she was showing you something in a textbook or playing footsie with her while you pretended to read on the other side of the couch,” I say.
His eyes brighten with amusement. “You make my intentions sound more innocent than they were. What about you?”
“Remember, I’m a small-town girl with limited experiences. I’ve known most of the boys in Devil’s Lake since we were kids. I’ve fooled around a bit, but nothing serious. I never had a study date, or a real date for that matter, but I was okay with that. I was going off to college and would finally experience all the firsts I missed out on.”
He scoots closer to me. “Is that what you were actually thinking about, all of the things you never got a chance to do?”
I concentrate on the far end of the aisle, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes when I truthfully answer him. “Yes.”
“You know, if I were on a study date with you, it would be different from when I was with Kate.”
I give little regard to the warning sirens going off inside my head as a single question breathlessly leaves my lips. “How?”
Mission accomplished, he’s baited me—hook, line, and sinker.
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and says, “If I didn’t kiss her, it was all right, because there was always tomorrow. I let my uncertainty hold me back from pursuing what I wanted. I no longer have time to waste, and I’ve learned not to let my insecurities rule me. I’m older and much bolder in pursuing the things I want, Quinn.”
Living for the moment is a concept I’ve not been able to dabble in as an adult. Whether I like it or not, I’ve been tethered to my guilt and an all-consuming desire to right my wrongs. Every single day, I curse myself for the things I should have done differently. My choices have become heavy burdens that make my heart ache. And I’m slowly adding to my regrets, waiting for when they eventually break me.
I want nothing more than to abandon my cautious mindset. When all is said and done between Ryland and me, I don’t want to look back and second-guess a single second. For a moment, I want to play with fire and do the things I know I shouldn’t. I want to be a typical nineteen-year-old girl trapped in a bookstore with a hot guy and open to possibilities. I want to relinquish my self-control and be reckless. For a tiny span of time, I want to be like Ryland said— bold .
I lift my head from my arms, leveling my eyes with his and close the short distance between us. He stays perfectly still as my lips brush against his. They’re warm, soft, and giving as I press into them. If it weren’t for the moan he makes, I’d have thought he was turned off by my advance, but he’s toying with me. He remains unresponsive, letting me take control and do all the work. I’m dying to feel him kiss me back. Frustration has me pulling his bottom lip between my teeth and gently biting down. He smiles before giving in and deepening our kiss.
This is the kiss I yearned for last night before my nagging conscience brought it all to a crashing halt. His tongue brushes over my lips, sending shivers through my body. Every movement we make is slow and methodical, with an endless exchange of emotion—desire, reverence, contentment, and fear. Yes, there’s fear hidden in our kiss. Fear that it will end, fear there won’t be a chance to experience it again, and fear we’ll have to let each other go. I never thought I could be so terrified by one kiss.
Ryland is the first to pull away. He closes his eyes and places his forehead against mine as we catch our breath.
Since the quarantine, I haven’t had many moments I can store away as happy memories, but this kiss, this one perfect kiss, will never be forgotten. I’ll come back to it again and again when I need to remember that not everything in this world is horrific. It will be my mental refuge when I feel like reality is caving in on me. It will be the beauty that makes me keep fighting when River is safely returned to our family.
With my heart rate back to normal, I move away from Ryland. “All right, back to the green general,” I say, pointing to his book.
With a lopsided grin, he agrees and sets back to reading. I sit beside him and cross my legs, placing my book on top. We work quietly for some time, keeping on task for the most part. Every so often our gazes will meet, and we exchange smiles before turning back to the page in front of us.
Ryland is the first to finish skimming through his book. He closes it before telling me about a battle in the mountain range along the east coast. A unit of indigenous soldiers was led by a man who was promoted to general only a week before the battle.
I feverishly flip through my book, trying to tie the events with anything to do with red water. My finger slides over the words as I go, but comes to a stop when Ryland’s legs appear on either side of mine. His warm body presses against my back, and he sweeps my hair away from my neck, placing it over one shoulder. His arms circle around my waist, and his soft lips travel from the curve of my neck to my ear, sending a tingling sensation creeping up my spine.
With a shaky laugh, I ask, “What are you doing?”
“Reading over your shoulder,” he says, pressing his lips to the sensitive area behind my ear.
I purse my lips, hiding a smile. Damn him for being so attentive and attempting to give me a small piece of the life I never had.
Playing along, I go back to reading. He behaves for only a few seconds before his fingertips inch up the hem of my shirt. When he reaches my skin, he makes the smallest back and forth motion with his thumbs over my waist. The butterflies taking flight in my stomach make it impossible to comprehend any of the words on the page.
“Explain how you’re researching with your eyes closed,” he says, and his palm slides across my abdomen.
I bite my lip and force my eyes open. “I’m trying, but you’re making it hard.”
“You want me to go away?” He ends his question by kissing the side of my neck.
“No.”
I unfold my legs and stretch them in front of me, placing the book on my thighs and lean back against him. I literally stare at one word, no longer caring about what I should be reading. He works up the side of my neck again and nibbles on my ear as his hands ease their way up my torso.
“I feel bad for distracting you. This might be the only chance you get to figure out the clues,” he whispers before he strokes the sensitive area beneath my ear with this tongue.
“Why do you sound anything but apologetic?”
“You’re right. I’m not,” he says with a low growl.
He nips at my neck, and my hands clamp down on my mouth to muffle a high-pitched squeal. Without warning, he shoves the book off my lap and crawls around my body. He kneels before me and grabs the backs of my knees, knocking me off balance. I fall back on my hands. Bracing himself above me, he leans in and presses his lips into mine. He wastes no time coaxing me into deepening the kiss. His tongue slides past my lips, and I tangle my fingers in his hair. Gripping his neck, I let him guide me back until I’m lying on the floor with his leg between mine.
Our little game of make-believe has been abandoned for something real and passionate. Every logical thought I have is pushed to the back of my mind. I want his body pressed into mine and my hands on him. For one night, I need to forget everything but him.
I gather his shirt and pull it up his torso.
“We’re not alone,” he reminds me, looking toward the front of the store.
“Just your shirt. I want to feel your skin against mine,” I say, kissing his jaw.
Ryland pulls his t-shirt off, exposing the dark tattoos on his chest and arms. I want to take my time and trace each one with the tips of my fingers. I’d give anything to watch his eyes darken as I follow the roses on his hips with my mouth. Instead, I substitute the flowers for the spiraling designs on his collarbones. His head falls back, giving me access to his neck. I work my way down, sucking and biting. Pulling away, he lifts his body from mine, and I instantly miss the weight and warmth of him. But my disappointment has no time to set in as a new sensation takes over.
With his eyes glued to me, he dips his tongue below my navel and nips at the sensitive skin before licking a straight line up. He gathers my shirt until it’s bunched above my black bra and kisses the valley between my breasts. My hips lift from the ground, and I muffle a moan into his soft hair. The feel of his hands and mouth on me is unreal, making me hate the restraints of my clothes. I tug my shirt off and practically melt when his skin presses to mine.
“Fuck,” he groans, his palms sliding over every naked part of me. When his thumb brushes the underside of my breast, his gaze locks with mine. “Can I touch you here?” he asks.
I swallow past the anticipation and nerves building inside of me and nod.
“I need your words, Quinn. Do I have permission to put my hands and mouth on these hard, pretty nipples?”
Oh. My. God. Ryland has never been one to sugar coat his words. He says exactly what he is thinking with no remorse. It appears that he doesn’t hold back when it comes to sex either. His voice alone has my body responding but add the dirty words and I’m a goner.
“Yes, Ryland. Please.”
“That’s my girl.”
He holds my stare with his as he lowers the cup of my bra. The chilled air of the library brushes over me, and I ache for him to warm my skin. He doesn’t disappoint, gliding his fingers over the hard peak of my nipple. It is only a whisper of a touch, but it sends a hot wave of desire through me. My back arches from the ground, making my throbbing center grind against his thigh.
“You like that?” he asks, his warm breath brushing over my skin.
“Yes,” I hiss as his tongue follows the same path as his fingers.
He draws my nipple into his mouth and my eyes roll into the back of my head. It should be a sin for someone to ignite so much pleasure with just their mouth. He sucks and nips at my breasts, and I can’t get enough. I lace my fingers in his hair as my body moves of its own accord, searching for the right amount of pressure between my legs.
He grips the back of my thigh and lifts my leg. “That feels good, doesn’t it?”
I whimper in response and Ryland reacts by pressing his hard cock against my thigh. He sucks hard on my nipple while twisting and pinching the other.
“Ryland?”
“Tell me what you need, love. I want to give it to you.”
I bite down on my lip and squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t know if I can voice what I want, the boundaries I want to cross. No one has ever wanted me to do that before. But isn’t that what this moment is all about, getting what I want? If I hold back, I’m not being true to what I hoped this would be.
I take his hand from my thigh and slide it between us. “Touch me. I want you to make me come.”
“God, you don’t know how many times I’ve imagined you saying that to me.”
He unbuttons my pants and slowly lowers my zipper. His hand slides down my panties, giving me the chance to back out if this isn’t what I truly want, but I do. I want this memory too. I want any and all that have to do with him touching me.
“You’re so soft and wet for me, Quinnten,” he says, sliding his fingertip over my clit. He draws steady and firm circles against me. Each rotation brings me closer and closer to the release I need. When mewling sounds escape me, he places his other hand to my mouth.
“Open,” he commands and slips his fingers over my tongue when I do. I suck on him as he continues to play my body like it was designed just for him. “Save all those sweet sounds for when we’re alone and I’m the only one who gets to hear them.”
I roll my hips against his hand, his fingers stroking me closer and closer to my release. I’m almost to the edge but I feel too empty. I want him to consume me, to take and take.
“Do you want more?” he asks, tugging on my nipple with his teeth.
I nod and he slides another finger into my mouth. I suck harder as his thumb moves to my clit, and he eases a finger inside of me. When he presses against just the right spot, I clench around him. Every muscle in my body winds tight as I give into the blissed-out feeling of him inside of me.
“Come for me, love.”
My growing pleasure snaps, sending me soaring. No longer bound to this continent and my troubles. All I feel is Ryland and me, and I never want to return. But I can’t fly forever and with each slowing rotation of his fingers, I ease back to reality.
Ryland kisses me one more time before holding himself above me on his elbows. He brushes the hair away from my cheeks while his eyes catch the dancing flame of the candles and roam over me. I admire every detail of his face—the slope of his nose, his pink lips that are swollen from my kisses, and the sharp curve of his jaw, which is lightly covered in a five o’clock shadow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone as gorgeous as him.
“You’re absolutely beautiful, but you are stunning when you come,” he says, bringing his glistening fingers that were inside of me to his mouth.
I press my face to his arm, hiding my burning cheeks but peeking at him from the corner of my eyes. He sucks them clean and the lopsided grin that I adore graces his face. If only this moment didn’t have to come to an end.
Ryland fixes the cups of my bra as I fasten my pants. When I’m semi-presentable again, he pulls his backpack over to him and folds his discarded shirt into a pillow. Resting his head on top, he reaches for me and says, “Come here.”
Of course, I do as he asks. I can’t resist.
He wraps me in his arms, and I place my head on his chest, mindlessly tracing the outline of the hourglass inked into the middle of his torso. I promise myself I’m only going to indulge in him for a few more minutes. Afterward, it will be time to erect my protective walls and guard my heart again.
“Quinn.”
My shoulders are gently shaken, and I begrudgingly open my eyes. I’m on my side, and my head is on top of a familiar tattooed arm, warm breath brushes against my ear, and four sets of eyes look down at me.
“Good morning, sunshine.” Wes smiles. “It looks like you had a good night. Did you sleep well?”
“Yes,” I groan, rolling onto my back and looking at Ryland beside me. He meets my stare with a smile and a groggy “Good morning.”
“Where exactly is your shirt, Ry?” River asks, with a slight grin.
Ryland and I both look at his bare chest. Holy shit!
“I used it as a pillow,” he lazily replies, giving no hint as to what transpired between us last night.
I take in the entertained looks on the faces above me. Thousands of assumptions running through their heads as they itch to bombard us with sexual innuendos and questions. Our friends are going to make it impossible to forget what happened between us during the next leg of our journey.