45. Tobias
Chapter 45
Tobias
I t's been two weeks.
Two weeks of the kind of sex that wrecks a man in the best way. Two weeks of Amelia—of her laughter filling the apartment, her legs wrapped around me every night, her body arching off the bed while I claim her in ways I never thought I'd have the right to. But it's more than just the sex. It's her—her fire, her softness, her everything. And now that she's mine, the thought of anyone else touching her—or me—feels like a betrayal of something I didn't even know I was waiting for.
Not that anyone else could ever compare.
The way she tastes, the way she touches me, the way she screams my name—it's not just different; it's a whole other fucking universe. She's this perfect contradiction of fierce and soft, of take-no-shit strength and melt-in-my-hands surrender, taking what she wants while giving me everything I don't have to ask for—all wrapped up in this woman I thought I knew but clearly had no clue about.
I'm not about to slut-shame myself for the number of women in my past—hell, I'd never judge anyone's body count, including hers. But there's this ache in my chest when I think about it, this wish that I'd somehow known she was coming and that everything before her was just killing time.
But the past is the past, and I'd burn every memory of anyone else just to show her she's the only one who's ever mattered.
The door to the tattoo shop flies open, and Levi strolls in like he owns the whole damn world.
"Why are you looking so pleased with yourself?" I ask while setting up my station.
"Your boy's got an actual date tonight," he announces, leaning against the counter with a smug grin. "And it's not with a stripper at a strip joint, thank you very much."
"Bullshit." I snort, organizing my inks.
His face falls, his grin replaced with exaggerated offense. "Dude, I swear! Her name's Sienna. I met her at that little bookstore on Mason Street."
I stop what I'm doing and raise an eyebrow. "What the hell were you doing in a bookstore?"
"Have you been to one lately? That's where all the hot girls with actual brain cells hang out."
"So you're just creeping around bookstores now?"
"Why do you have to make me out to be some kind of pervert?" he shoots back, throwing his hands in the air. "I was browsing."
"Sure you were." I shrug, picking up a stencil.
"Screw you. Istarteda book last night."
"What's it called?" The shop door opens, and Harry walks in, my first client of the day. The timing is perfect—I need someone else to witness Levi's transformation from manwhore to bookworm.
"Hell if I remember the title, but it's basically porn with proper grammar."
"Jen has so many of those books. Everyone's usually got daddy issues or too much money."
"She getting creative again?"
"Yeah, she comes at me with all kinds of wild shit. I'm down for most of it, but pegging? Hard pass."
"Jesus Christ." I set my stencil down, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I really didn't need to picture Jen railing you. No hate to guys who are into that, but you bent over is something I never needed in my brain."
"Dude, she wanted me face-up."
"You vanilla motherfuckers don't know what you're missing. If a woman wants to destroy my ass, I'm putting a ring on it." Levi's got that shit-eating grin, and we all freeze like we've witnessed a murder. "Well, that got uncomfortable real quick."
"Harry, sit down. Levi, I genuinely don't know how to respond to that." I shake my head, laughing.
"I'm going to treat myself to breakfast.I'll leave you guys to it."
"Have fun, princess. Buy yourself something pretty while you're at it."
He flips me off as he heads out, the bell chiming behind him.
"Levi's got a date?"
"Yeah, and she's not a stripper this time."
I start cleaning Harry's wrist, my eyes tracing the lines of ink I've marked him with before. "You're sure about this?"
I have to ask. Getting someone's name tattooed is like tempting fate to fuck with you.
"Positive."
"What ifit all goes to shit?"
"Not gonna happen. I knew Jen wasthe onethe moment I saw her."
I'm tracing the lines of the "J" on his wrist when he asks about the girl who's currently living in my head rent-free.
"How's it going with Amelia? You fixed your little problem?"
I haven't told him yet. We've both been swamped, and this is the first I've seen him. Besides, it's not exactly the kind of thing you text about. Not that I owe him an explanation, but these feelings are eating me alive. I'm not ready to talk to Mills about them—fuck, I can barely admit them to myself—but if I keep them locked up any longer, I might lose my goddamn mind.
"If by fixed you mean am I sleeping with her, the answer would be yes," I say without looking up, focusing on the ink bleeding into his skin. I can feel Harry's silence, but his thoughts are practically screaming. "I'll give you a minute to process that."
"Dude, what the hell?"
"Yeah, I'm not even gonna touch that reaction."I set the gun down, needing a second. "It happened. It keeps happening. And right now, I need less shock and more actual advice."
"Okay…"Harry drags the word out like he's trying to wrap his brain around it.
"It's more than just sex. A lot more."
"No shit. You two go back forever."
"It's like…"I drag my fingers through my hair, trying to wrestle the chaos in my head into something that resembles actual sense. "I've got this incredible woman in my bed. Someone who knows every piece of me. She's also the same girl who walked in on Stacey Wright going down on me sophomore year and laughed it off because we were just friends."The machine buzzes back to life as I work on the curve of the J. "But now I don't know how I'm ever going to not look at her like this again. If it ends, how do we go back? And the worst part is, she raised all these concerns, and I was the dumbass who told her it would all be fine.What if itisn't?"
Harry shifts in the chair, watching me closely. "Do you wanna be with her? Like, out in the open, labels and everything?"
"Fuck."My shoulders tense. "Our parents would lose their shit."
"Not what I asked. I'm asking what you want."
I pause, staring down at his wrist like it's suddenly the most complicated thing in the world. "I feel like if I ever see Amelia in another guy's arms, I'd rip them off and shove them up his ass."
Harry's eyebrows hit his hairline. "Okay, so you're in love with her."
"No."
"Bullshit."
"I love her. Of course I love her. I always have. She's the closest person to me. But I'm not in love with her."
"So let me get this straight—you love her as a friend, but you want to keep sleeping with her like she's more?"
"This is so fucked."I shake my head, dragging a hand down my face. "This is even more fucked in my head now than it was before we started talking about it."
"I'm just saying—at some point, your feelings will hit you square in the face. Because now that you're doing whatever it is you're doing, that friend love will turn into real love without you even realizing it."
If it hasn't started to already.
I ignore the truth trying to tear its way out of my chest as I finishHarry's tattoo.After wrapping his wrist, I walk him to the door.
"You know where I am if you need me,"he says, clapping a hand on my shoulder before stepping out.
"Yeah. Thanks, man."
I close the door, leaning against it and letting the silence of the shop settle around me. For the rest of the day, I do everything possible to focus on anything but the girl waiting for me at home. But it's useless. She's in my head. She's under my skin. And no amount of denial can erase the truth starting to take shape there.