56. Tobias
Chapter 56
Tobias
I 've been staring at those cream-colored bags by the front door for the past twenty-three minutes.I'm hopingif I burn holes through the expensive leather with my eyes, they'll disappear. Maybe if I hate them enough, time will fold in on itself and give me back the weeks before this moment arrived.
The kitchen counter digs into my lower back while steam rises from my untouched coffee. My free arm is wrapped around my ribcage—a futile attempt to keep my heart from spilling onto the floor.
Amelia woke up this morning in my arms, her breath warm against my neck and her legs tangled with mine. We didn't say much—what the hell was there to say?
When she slipped out of bed,she leftme with nothing butanache in my chest and the imprint of her on the sheets.
She knows she's leaving. I know she's leaving. And now I'm here, waiting while she finishes gathering her things, trying to figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to do with myself when she's gone.
She appears in the doorway, looking so unfairly beautiful it's like every good thing I've ever had wrapped up in a moment I can't keep.
Her dark hair falls in waves around her face, catching the morning light like she's some kind of avenging angel coming to deliver the final blow. She's wearing those jeans that hug her perfectly, boots laced up, coat zipped—every inch of her ready to walk out the door.
But when she looks at me, I see it. The perfection is a lie. Her eyes betray her; those deep brown pools I've drowned in more times than I can count are filled with everything she isn't saying. She's holding herself together, but it's fragile, and the cracks are visible the closer she gets.
And I can't take it.
"I don't want to do this," she whispers, her voice quivering under the weight of it all.
That crack in her resolve splits me wide open, but I shove my own shit to the side because this isn't about me. Not right now.
I set my mug down on the counter and pull her into my arms. She's trembling, barely holding it together, and when her head falls against my chest, I hold her like I can stop the world from pulling her away from me.
"Yes, you do." The words ghost across her hair as I press my lips to her forehead.
The catch in her breath, that little hiccup of pain, guts me. I haven't seen her cry like this, not since her dad died, and it's ripping me apart.
"This is your dream, Firefly. Don't let yourself forget that. Not for one fucking second."
Her fingers twist in my shirt, clinging onto me like she never wants to let go. "I just… I don't…" she starts, her voice shattering.
"I know, baby. I know." My voice cracks with her pain, and I tighten my hold, pressing her head closer to my chest as I bury my face in her hair. "Fuck, trust me, I'm with you. Every step of this. But this—us—will still be here when you come home."
When she tilts her head back to meet my gaze, her dark eyes shimmer with tears, looking like tiny broken diamonds that are as beautiful as they are devastating.
"It's always been us, right?"
"Yeah. Always," I say, forcing a smile I don't quite feel.
It's always been us, but this time feels different. We both know there will be FaceTime calls and messages, but none of it will replace the way she fills the space around me.
It'sgoing to hurt like hell, but I hold on tighter anyway until the world pries her from my arms. Because that's what love is—this beautiful, brutal thing that bleeds you dry and fills you up all at once. And sometimes loving someone means watching them walk away for a time, even when it feels like they're taking your heart with them.
The knock on the door comes like a knife to the chest, cutting through the already fragile moment between us. She pulls away from my arms reluctantly, and the loss of her warmth is instant.
Logan's on the other side of the door when I open it, wearing that easy smile that doesn't match the heaviness of this moment.
"Hey," he says, grabbing a couple of her bags. "I'll get these in the car. You good with the last one?"
"Yeah, I got it," she replies with a forced smile, but Logan's face shifts, his easy demeanor slipping. It's obvious he knows we're not okay—not even close—and that we could probably use a moment before this goodbye crashes into us.
"See you soon, Tobias. I promise we'll look after her."
"I know." The words come out rough, but I mean them. I don't doubt him, but that doesn't make this easier. "Have a good tour, man."
He nods and walks off, leaving me standing in the doorway. When I turn back to Amelia, she's still standing there, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. But then one breaks free and trails down her cheek.
I step toward her, brushing the tear away with my thumb. "These are rare from you," I say with a soft laugh, trying to lighten the weight crushing us both.
"Don't you dare tell anyone," she says, her lips twitching into a weak smile even as another tear falls.
"Wouldn't dream of it. You'd have my balls."
"Correct." Her laughter fades, and whenI open my arms, she fallsrightinto them.
"I'm so proud of you, Mills. So fucking proud." My voice cracks, but I don't care. She needs to know. She has to know that she's everything to me. That I believe in her more than I believe in anything else.
Neither of us moves to pull away, but I know if I don't let go, she won't either. "Now go," I whisper against her hair. "Fuckingkillit, and then come back to me, okay?"
She nods, a small, tear-filled smile playing on her lips as she steps back.Her hand wraps around the last bag, and when she opens the door, she turns and gives me a smile that breaks what's left of my heart before she walks out. She doesn't look back as the door clicks shut, but I stand there like a fucking statue, staring at it like my world might walk back through.
Standing here barefoot in black sweatpants, I rake my hands through my hair, hating myself for holding back the one thing I should've told her. The one truth that's been eating me alive for weeks.
"Fuck it," I whisper into the emptiness of the apartment.
I'm moving before I can think, tearing out of the apartment and down the stairs like a man possessed, praying to whatever's listening that she hasn't gone yet. I need her to still be here.
When I burst through the foyer doors, she's already sliding into the car, the door slamming shut like the final nail in my coffin. Panic settles in as I sprint down the street, her name tearing from my throat in a sound I barely recognize as my own. The car starts pullingaway, and I stop in the middle of the street, looking like a fucking madman, running shaky hands through my hair as I watch the distance grow between us, taking everything that matters with it.
Just when I think I've lost my chance—just when I'm ready to accept that I've fucked up due to being afraid to say three simple words—the car stops.
Amelia steps out and turns toward me. She doesn't hesitate—neither of us does. We move like we're being pulled by something bigger than ourselves, both picking up speed until we're running. Then she's in my arms, her body crashing into mine, fingers digging into my back as our lips collide. It's not just a kiss. It's a beginning and an ending all at once.
"I love you," I gasp, pulling back between frantic, messy, soul-deep kisses. "I fucking love you, Firefly."
Her forehead presses against mine, and I close my eyes, holding onto this moment like it's all I'll ever have.
"I love you, Tobias. I don't want to leave you. I don't."
I kiss her again, harder this time, not giving a shit about who's watching. Let them. Let the whole world see. Right now, it's just us—only ever us. The world could burn, and I wouldn't even notice.
"If you need me, call me, and I'll be there."I breathe against her lips.
"I always need you."
"Then always call me."
"I love you."
"Say it again." Because once isn't enough. A thousand times wouldn't be enough.
"I love you,"she whispers, and it sounds even truer than the first time.
"I should've told you last night. I should've told you the second I knew."
"I held back too."
"We're stupid, right?"
"So stupid."She chuckles softly, and I hear the relief in her voice, the way those three words have finally set us free.
Her hands cradle my face, pulling me into another all-consuming kiss. I take it from her greedily, like it's the oxygen I've been starving for. My arms wrap around her, holding her so close I can feel the frantic rhythm of her heartbeat against mine.
"You better go…" I whisper, my voice cracking as I pull back, my eyes staying shut because I don’t want to watch her walk away.
"Look at me, baby."Her voice is soft but firm, and when I force my eyes open, she places her hand over the rose tattoo on my heart. "This is where I want to be.This is where I'll stay while I'm gone."
She takes a step back, her eyes as glassy as mine, and turns her face toward the car.
"Gobefore you're so late they make you fly,"I say, forcing a smile.
Every step she takes feels like she's taking a piece of me with her, but I don't stop her. She climbs into the car, and as Logan drives away, I stand there, unmoving, watching until the car disappears. Only then do I let myself breathe again, though it feels like she's taken half my fucking lungs with her.
She's coming back.
I let out a shaky breath, only then realizing I'm standing in the middle of the street like some lunatic who just escaped an institution—barefoot, shirtless, with just black sweatpants riding low on my hips. My chest is still heaving,adrenaline buzzesunder my skin, and I can't decide if it's the confession or the absence of her that's making it worse.
"Tobias?" Relief washes over me as I turn, finding Tessa standingbehind me."What are you doing out here?" she asks, her brow furrowing as her gaze sweeps over my half-dressed state.
"Just telling Amelia that I love her."
Her eyes widen slightly, a smile tugging at her lips. "You did?"
"Yeah, Blondie. I did."She steps closer, and I drape an arm around her shoulders as we start walking back toward the building, my bare feet barely registering the cold concrete beneath them."Did she message you?"I ask, already knowing the answer because that's who Mills is—the kind of person who thinks about everyone elsefirst.
"She told me you might not want to be left alone so soon after she's gone."
My chest tightens, and fuck, I love that girl more than words could ever say.
"I've got breakfast,"Tessa adds, holding up a brown bag, "and I thought I'd keep you company, maybe watchsomeof your movies since you suffered through all of mine when Zane was being an ass."
"Bagels?"I ask, pressing the button for the elevator as we step inside the lobby.
"Obviously."
"Coffee?"
"For you, yeah.Pineapple smoothie for me."
The elevator doors slide open with a soft ding, and I follow her inside, leaning back against the cold metal wall as the car begins its ascent. The reflection in the mirrored walls shows a man I barely recognize—someone who just ran down the street half-naked to tell the love of his life how he feels about her.
"This doesn't feel good."
"I know,"Tessa says softly, looking up at me with understanding in her green eyes."But at least you know she's coming back."
One hundred and eighty-two days.