Chapter 8 The Flying Knife #3
Jack helped me out of the car, and I told him, “I guess at least I’ll have a cool scar to show my grandkids.
” I thought that would make him grin. But his expression was hostile, and I didn’t know why.
Did he need me to thank him? Was he mad that I wasn’t taking things seriously?
I didn’t know, and that made the ride in the elevator uncomfortable.
All I could think of to say was, “Thank you for taking me to the hospital. And for worrying about me. I’m really grateful, I swear. ”
Jack didn’t look at me, and I decided not to press it. Whatever it was, he’d talk when he was ready. When we reached the apartment, he stopped and turned, leaning against the door. I tried to reach past him, and he grabbed my hand to stop me.
“I need to tell you something,” he said, his voice quaking with anger.
“What you said to me the other day, how I supposedly cope with things by bringing girls home… I don’t know where you got that from, but that isn’t me, OK?
I’m not my brother. I’m not Mike. I would never try to hook up with some random chick just because I thought she might be looking at me. ”
“OK,” I responded. “I mean, I said it in the heat of the moment, like…”
“I hope that isn’t what you think I did all year, just fuck every person who came past. Please tell me you don’t.”
I didn’t think that, but if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t not think it, either. I remembered what Lana and Naya had told me about the person he used to be. That wasn’t the real Jack, I believed in my heart. But what if I was wrong?
“I don’t know,” I answered. “To tell the truth, I’ve tried really hard not to think about what you were doing. It just hurt too bad.”
Jack looked perplexed, and his eyes roved my face as if trying to find an answer to something. I think he was shocked that I could even imagine he’d ever hook up with someone.
“You honestly think after that our breakup I’d feel like hooking up with anyone?”
“I don’t know, Jack…when we’re mad, we do things we wouldn’t normally do.”
He shook his head. “All that time, I wanted exactly one thing: For you to walk through my door again. To just magically reappear.”
That sincerity—without drugs or alcohol to give him courage—caught me totally off guard.
His body didn’t move, but in his heart, I felt he’d taken a big step toward me.
And then he clarified, because I didn’t say anything in response, “Let me give it to you straight: I didn’t sleep with anyone since you left. And I didn’t want to. Ever.”
I could see in his eyes he wanted a response. And thankfully, I wasn’t afraid to give it to him. “Me neither. No kisses, no sex, nothing. I just couldn’t.”
“Not even with Monty?”
I was shocked he’d even ask that, but then I remembered I had used Monty as an excuse when I’d decided to leave.
It was the only thing I could come up with that I thought would keep Jack away.
Looking back, I saw how stupid I’d been, and I wished I’d made up something better.
Jack’s nerves were showing, and I knew I needed to reassure him before he exploded.
“Never. Of course not,” I said.
Jack paused, took a deep breath, and walked inside. I followed behind him. Naya, Sue, and Mike were standing at the bar while Will was portioning out our chicken with vegetables, which they’d somehow managed to cook. It didn’t even look bad, especially given the disaster that had preceded it.
Sue smiled. “I guess it wasn’t fatal?”
Mike must have told the story to everyone.
I held up my bandaged hand and tried to flip a bird as Will explained that he’d taken the liberty of popping our meal into the oven.
I told him I adored him, and he said, “For one day, at least, we won’t have fast food.
That’s already an accomplishment, Jenna. ”
“It’s good that you took the wheel,” I replied. “If my two helpers had stuck around here any longer, it would have turned into a massacre.”
Spencer and Shannon freaked out when I told them about my cut the next day.
Spencer reminded me what a klutz I’d always been and warned me to stay away from sharp objects, and Shannon worried about whether the hospital near school was good enough.
But when I told them how jealous Jack was and how he was acting like a little child, I got them to laugh it off—and it really was ridiculous.
They both informed me of all the goings-on back at home, none of which were particularly interesting.
I was weirded out when I looked at the cut and didn’t want to put the ointment on it myself.
I asked Naya to, but she nearly fainted when she saw the wound, so in the end, Sue came to the rescue.
“This is nothing,” she said, smearing the ointment all over it. “It probably doesn’t even hurt.”
It did hurt, but I didn’t want to let on, so I nodded and tried not to wince.
A bit later, Naya said we should go to the movies.
I was sure she was just trying to come up with something Jack would be into, and he was almost always up for the movies.
But this time, he surprised us by saying no, that he wasn’t in the mood.
Even Will found that strange. Jack turned away, seeming to look for an excuse but not finding one. “Whatever,” he mumbled eventually, and came along unenthusiastically. Will drove, and Jack sat with me in the back, looking like he was falling asleep the whole time.
When we were halfway there, I told him, “If you’re not feeling well, maybe you should go back home.”
He shook his head without looking over.
It was a cold day, colder than usual, and I was wearing my coat and my favorite scarf.
Will and Naya were bundled up, too, but Jack just wore a light jacket.
He’d been doing that a lot lately. It was like he just didn’t care about himself.
His nose was red, and he rubbed it and closed his eyes.
He was stressing me out so much, I decided to just look at the landscape through the window.
Jack’s phone rang. Not wanting to be nosy, I ignored it as he stared at the screen.
“Who is it?” Will asked.
Rubbing his nose again, Will said, “My manager.”
“Shouldn’t you respond?”
Instead of saying anything, Jack just closed his eyes. There was a quick exchange of glances in the car. No one knew what to do.
Will parked far from the entrance. As I was rewrapping my scarf, I saw Jack leaning on the hood to catch his balance. He knew I’d seen him, and he overdid his reaction, standing up very straight. Will had noticed the whole thing, too, and grimaced.
“Let’s go see what’s on,” Naya said, to break through the tension.
Jack somehow made it all the way to the theater, but he was weirdly fidgety, sticking his hands in his pockets, taking them back out, and scratching his scalp.
He refused to look at me, which bothered me, and it bothered me to see him like this.
There was no denying it: something bad was going on.
Jack looked like a shadow of his former self.
For the first time since I’d returned, I asked myself whether he’d always be like this: if every time we took a step in the right direction, he would immediately step back and stumble.
Because if that was the case, I didn’t know if I could take it, if I could just stand by and watch it happening.
Maybe the Jack I thought I knew was a fantasy, and if he was, it would be better to leave.
Because then, at least I’d have my memories.
As we looked at the titles of the films playing that day, a group of girls stared at us and whispered.
Did I know them? I doubted it, but anyway, it wasn’t just them.
Other people were gawking and murmuring, too.
I looked down—was there something wrong with my clothes?
Was there something in my hair? My friends didn’t seem to have realized anything was out of the ordinary.
They just squinted at the posters and tried to decide what to watch.
“How about a romance flick?” Naya said with an innocent smile as Will hugged her from behind.
“Jesus, no,” Jack grumbled.
They turned to me for help, but I didn’t want to be a part of this debate.
I didn’t care. I was just worried about the people there staring at us.
Then it hit me: it wasn’t us; what they were obsessed with was Jack.
It was the same story as with the girl at the hospital the day before.
Jack had been on the news, in magazines, all over Instagram and Facebook.
I had nearly forgotten he had a movie coming out, but it was supposed to be one of the biggest hits of the season.
Of course, people recognized him. Especially here, at a movie theater.
We had walked him straight into the eye of the storm.
Two girls came close, one holding up her phone. They didn’t even bother to ask permission to record him, they just did it and giggled. Jack pretended it wasn’t happening.
“Let’s do the mystery,” I blurted out, trying to put an end to the torture. “Jack and I will buy tickets while you guys get drinks. See you inside?”
Jack looked relieved as we walked in. But that didn’t last long.
No sooner than we’d sat down did people start peeking up from their seats, making remarks under their breath.
Jack sank down and pretended not to notice, but he was clearly about to jump out of his skin.
I couldn’t blame him. Did these people not know how to behave?
It was so rude! Two guys were talking so loud, I was pretty sure they wanted Jack to hear them and join in.
This wouldn’t end well. That much I already knew.