Chapter 14 The Sixties Joint #2
“Oh, and I guess that’s more important than someone vomiting in my car? I’m kidding. I hope everything goes great, Jenny. And if you need me, don’t hesitate to call.”
I hung up and tucked my phone into the pocket of my green shorts.
I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered if they clashed with my mustard yellow T-shirt.
I don’t know why I was so worried, it’s not like I had to impress Jack, and clothing had never mattered much to him anyway.
Plus, I was sure he’d have other things on his mind.
“Jenna!” Will shouted. It was time to go.
I almost skipped out of the bedroom, I was so excited.
I found my roommates sitting there nervously, playing with their phones or watching TV.
Will and I were going to pick Jack up, and that was for the best, I thought: I wasn’t up for an hour and a half of him and Naya together.
They’d barely spoken since their anniversary, and when they did, they argued.
It was bad, and I didn’t have the time or the energy to act as mediator.
In my mind, I was already off on vacation, traveling the world with Jack, leaving all the drama behind us.
There was just one problem: Mary had shown up, too.
That explained why Will didn’t even have his shoes on, and why it got tense as soon as I walked into the room.
Standing near the kitchen, she said a nervous hello, and I greeted her back.
I was so shocked, all I could do was look around and hope someone had an explanation.
But everyone there was as surprised as I was.
“I heard Jack was getting out today,” she said bashfully. “And I thought it would be a good idea if you and I went and got him together.”
That sounded like the exact opposite of a good idea to me, but I didn’t feel comfortable telling her so. She continued: “I know things have been difficult. Bad, maybe I should say. But I need to talk to him, and I can’t think of another way.”
“You could call him,” Will recommended.
“He won’t answer me. This way, even if I make him mad, he won’t be able to wriggle out of it,” Mary said.
I hesitated, looking hopefully at Will, who was always the voice of reason. But he was as helpless as the rest of us. I can’t do this, I thought, and I told Mary it might be better for her to go alone. “It’ll give you guys the space to talk without anyone else being in the middle…”
“No,” she responded. “Jack will feel more comfortable if someone he knows is there. I really think it should be you. If you’re willing, I mean.”
No, I wanted to tell her.
And I almost managed to say it.
But then I saw the pleading expression in her eyes.
And Will noticed the resignation on my face and sighed, and thirty minutes later, I found myself in her passenger seat on the highway, asking myself just how bad an idea this was.
Mary’s luxurious car was racing through the suburbs, air blasting, upholstery soft as butter, and…
she wouldn’t speak a word to me. Was there anything to say?
I wasn’t sure, but if not, couldn’t she at least put on some music?
Something, anything, would be better than hearing her clear her throat, grunt, nibble the nail of her pinkie finger.
Things went on like that for about an hour, and then out of the blue, she asked how I was. There’s the million-dollar question, I thought. “Fine,” I replied.
I didn’t say more. I wasn’t sure what else I could say.
“I’m glad,” she told me. “You looked so upset the last time I saw you.”
She was right about that: the last time she saw me, I was yelling at her husband. But I wasn’t ready to go into that, so I changed the subject: “I’ve been thinking about my grandmother a lot. I never realized how much I’d miss her.”
“I can imagine, honey. If it hurts, don’t feel like you have to say anything.”
“No,” I said, rubbing the corners of my eyes. “It’s not that. I actually like talking about her. But it’s weird, everyone avoids the subject with me.”
Mary smiled with understanding. “I was very close to my grandparents, too. My granddad used to drive me to school every day. He loved to drive, he used to tell me I shouldn’t bother to get a license, that he’d be happy to be my chauffeur forever.
I had this suspicion then that he was being sexist, he was of that generation, you know, they had all these prejudices about women drivers…
but now I realize it was the one time a day we were alone together, and he didn’t want it ever to end. ”
“Is he…?”
“Oh, no,” she replied. “He died ages ago. He was very old. It’s funny, I realize now I haven’t talked about him in years. The poor guy doesn’t deserve that, he should be commemorated more often, but you know, people get weird when it comes to talking about death.”
“People get weird when it comes to talking about anything serious,” I said. I wondered if that sounded too forward, and I wasn’t exactly sure why I’d said it. I mean, I knew she was avoiding something, but even I wasn’t certain what I expected from her.
At any rate, she changed the subject. “How are your parents?”
It was a touchy subject. I stared out the window. “I guess they’re fine. We don’t talk much. It’s OK, though. They do their thing, I do mine.”
“I understand,” she replied. I hated that. I hated how older people always told you they understood everything. And I didn’t want her pity.
“You don’t understand,” I told her.
“But I do. More than you can even imagine. If you’re upset with them, you must have your reasons, but I can promise you, they think about you and they’re worried about you.”
Something snapped in me, and I responded, enraged, “They weren’t worried about me my first year of school, when they kept trying to undermine me so I’d come back home!
They weren’t worried about me when I had to go stay with my grandmother because they’d basically stopped talking to me!
And they sure as hell weren’t worried about me the day of her funeral, when they decided it was better to kick me out than let Jack stay with me so I could have one single day of peace. ”
“I understand.”
“Stop saying you understand!”
I hadn’t wanted that to come out so aggressively, but I couldn’t help it.
She took it well, though. “What I mean is, I understand them. I’m not saying what they did was right—it was wrong, and there’s no justifying it.
But being a parent…it’s not what you think it will be.
When you’re a child, you take for granted that parents have access to some special wisdom, but they’re just like you.
Just as touchy as you. Just as petty as you. The only difference is, they’re older.”
“Are you talking about your own parents?” I asked.
“More about myself, actually. But it’s complicated.
Let me take a little step back here, and I’ll make a confession.
I was worried when you came into Jack’s life.
I’m embarrassed to say that, but we’re being honest here, right?
You brought out something in him I hadn’t seen in a long time, and that was nice, but I was scared where it would take him. ”
“How do you mean?”
“OK…when the boys were little, Mike was…well, what can I tell you, Mike was Mike. He’s always been wild and impulsive, he’s always gotten into trouble.
I love him with all my heart, but he just never grew up.
He’s never been serious, and he’s never cared much about anyone else.
He has a good heart, but he doesn’t know how to use it.
Jackie was the opposite, and that’s why, despite Mike being older, Jackie’s always been the more mature one.
And believe it or not, he absolutely adored Mike when they were boys.
You can’t even imagine, he was his idol.
If he got a good grade, he used to run to Mike’s room to show him his report card.
If he won a trophy, he’d go seeking his approval.
And so, when Mike, um, turned down the wrong road…
Jackie tried everything to help him. But at some point, I think he realized some people just can’t be saved. ”
Wait…was she talking about me somehow? Because it certainly felt like it.
I looked straight ahead as she continued: “Jack’s always had this kind of savior complex, trying to help people who don’t even realize they need help.
He was that way from the time he was a kid.
It only went away when he couldn’t do anything for Mike.
And then you showed up, and that part of him came back… ”
Did she mean that in a positive way? I couldn’t tell, but I was starting to feel attacked.
Mary went on to say she thought it had something to do with the abuse Jack had suffered at the hands of Mr. Ross.
That Jack felt bad for not being able to stand up to his father, and that made him want to stand up for other people.
She finished: “What I admire about Jack is his understanding nature. But he’s not that way with everybody.
It’s something he can turn on or off, you know?
But you bring out that nurturing side of him, and that was why I wanted you to come. ”
I wasn’t sure whether I was relieved or I resented her for using me.
And did she think I was someone who needed saving?
She implied that it was a good thing that I brought out the kindness in Jack, but was I comfortable with how ready she was to use that to her advantage?
It seemed unfair to me, and downright manipulative to Jack.
She added, when she realized I wasn’t going to respond, “But getting back to earlier, if I can give you some advice, Jenna…give your family another chance. I’m not saying everything will ever be perfect, but you’ll have a relationship.
And at least they’ll know you’re all right, and you’ll know that they are, too.
It may not seem like much, but one day, you’ll be happy to have that, I promise. ”