Chapter 17 Shrill Sergeant
Shrill Sergeant
My theory is that nobody actually likes September. Kids have to go back to school, summer’s over, the leaves start falling off the trees, it’s back to the grind…and Jack and I had to come back from vacation.
It wasn’t all bad: I had a killer tan, and I’d enjoyed myself in Greece.
We’d been there nearly two months, but for me, the trip had been too short.
Jack being Jack, he said we could just stay there.
Even on the plane, he kept telling me that as soon we got to the airport, we could go to the counter, buy a return ticket, go back, and never return home.
But we had things to do. My semester was starting, he needed to promote his film… Marvelous as just giving it all up sounded, we couldn’t ignore our responsibilities.
Jack had made me a promise when we were in Greece, and when we got back, I planned on making him stick to it. I wanted him to teach me to drive. I didn’t like being so dependent. It was time to learn how to take care of myself.
He was surprised, but not enthusiastic, and whatever goodwill he might have felt about the whole thing vanished when Mike told us he wanted to tag along.
And so one day, there we were, Jack in the driver’s seat and me to his right, with Will in the back seat trying to relax while Mike stuck his head between us and announced: “That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, you are now present for the first-ever driving class of the young and alluring Jennifer Brown!
Will she make it? Will young Jackie still have a car when it’s all over? Soon, all shall be revealed!”
Jack pulled the emergency brake and said, “Stop joking around!”
“He’s just mad because in his heart he knows I’m a natural, I’ll be driving better than him in no time,” I informed Mike.
“Sure,” Jack said snidely. “Just remember, when you need a shoulder to cry on the fifth time you fail your driving test, I’m here for you.”
I rolled my eyes and got out. Jack sighed and did the same. Once we’d changed places, I rubbed my hands together enthusiastically. “So this is what it feels like to be you,” I said.
“I’m already regretting this,” he replied.
“Ross!” Mike exclaimed. “Don’t be such a loser. She’s going to do great.”
Will, who had come along, added, “And worst-case scenario, if she wrecks, you can finally buy a car that actually looks cool.”
Will and Mike buckled up. I think secretly they hoped a disaster would happen.
I’d invited Naya along for moral support, but I think she and Will were more worried about their baby than my desire for independence, and prudently, she decided to stay home.
I was excited, though. Humming to myself, I started touching all the buttons, flipping the levers, putting on the windshield wipers, hitting the turn signal when I tried to turn them off, honking the horn.
The guys mentioned that they’d taken bets back at home on how I would do. Everyone had agreed I’d screw it up—the only question was how bad—so when Jack said he’d taken my side and was sure I’d be great, I knew it was a lie.
“Shut up, y’all!” I said. “Now where’s the, uh, start button?”
Jack buried his head in his hands and moaned, “My poor car…there’s no way it will survive.”
“Have faith,” I encouraged him.
“Jen,” he replied, “I’m begging you. Please, please don’t ruin my car. It’s the thing I love mo—it’s the thing I love second-most in the world.”
“After his bed,” Mike said. Will pulled him back into the back seat and Jack got serious.
“Let’s start with the pedals.”
“Cool, where are those?”
A look of horror crossed his face, and I rushed to add, “Jack, I’m kidding!”
“Get out,” he said. “I’ve changed my mind. I’m driving us home.”
“No!” I responded, grabbing his arm. “It really was a joke. Give me another chance. I’ll be careful, I promise.”
Jack thought it over, then relaxed and told me about the clutch, the accelerator, and the brake.
He must have been the last guy in the world to own a stick shift, but I thought that was for the best. If I could drive his car, then I could drive anything.
As if I’d never been in an automobile before, he pointed out the gears, the hand brake, how the steering wheel worked—all things I knew, but I decided to be polite and listen along.
There was only one thing I wanted: to hit the gas and take off.
But I restrained myself. When the explanations were done, Jack looked down into his lap as though preparing himself for a certain death.
“It’s time,” he said, turning the key for me. The motor roared, and I said, “Let’s go!”
Mike checked his seatbelt and asked, “What do you think Naya and Sue will do if we die?”
“Throw a party,” Will answered. “Just think, it’ll mean twice as much room for the baby.”
“And one less parasite on the sofa,” Jack added. “Now Jen, let’s get this thing going before I change my mind. And take it easy, please.”
I put it in first and stalled out. On my second try, Jack rested his hand on top of mine to reassure me. I knew he was nervous, but he made sure I knew he believed in me: “Easy now. You’re already in first. Let’s start over…”
I did as he said, and slowly, the car crawled forward. I tried to contain my excitement as I squeezed the wheel. Ten miles an hour! I was doing it! I smiled and looked over at Jack. “Am I doing OK?”
“You’re doing great, babe. Now we’re going to try to reach that post over there. Keep your speed up, turn a little, and…hey, what are you giggling about?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous,” I said. “It’s cute.”
As he reproached me—Jen, please—I tried to listen close.
Jack thought I was being too hesitant and cut the wheel a bit.
We passed the post, and he told me to speed up and pull into a lot ahead of us.
We went on turning circles, parking, restarting for what must have been an hour.
When it was done, I felt better, and I think Jack did, too.
Will was the first to congratulate me, giving me an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder. “You look surprised,” I said, mocking him. Mike pretended to pat himself down to check if anything was broken, and thanked God we were all still alive.
Jack shook his head, relieved, and announced, “Now it’s time for the big test: You want to drive us home?”
I was nervous, but I nodded. We weren’t far away.
I wouldn’t have to take any busy roads. I proceeded slowly, nearly stopping at the speed bumps, and when everyone joked that I was being too cautious, I cut loose and sped up to twenty-five miles an hour.
I finally felt relaxed. But then I heard a scream:
“JENNA, WATCH OUT! CAT!”
I stomped on the brakes so hard the car shook and everybody lurched forward. Jack’s arm shot across my chest, and I felt the seatbelt knock the wind out of me. I was gripping the steering wheel so tight, there was no blood left in my knuckles. Of course, there wasn’t a damn cat in sight.
I heard cackling from the back seat. Mike. Jack turned and screamed, “What in the hell is wrong with you?!”
“I thought it would be funny,” he replied. “Anyway, drivers need to be ready for stuff like that. Alertness, that’s the most important thing when you’re behind the wheel.”
“You’re literally the stupidest person I’ve ever met,” Jack reproached him.
“Shut up, man,” Mike said. “I think I broke my nose.” Apparently, he had struck it against my headrest. It served him right.
“I don’t really want to do this anymore,” I told Jack, and he responded, “That’s probably for the best,” switching places with me and speeding off as Mike complained that he was bleeding on his T-shirt.
Jack added: “One more thing, Jen: don’t even think of apologizing to my brother. He deserves it. I hope it’s a permanent injury.”
This wasn’t the first episode of that kind.
Mike had been acting weird ever since we’d been back.
His arguments with Jack were getting more personal, and his jokes and pranks were more annoying than ever.
And every time someone pointed out the obvious, that he was acting like a child, he’d pout and stew for hours.
He wasn’t the only one who had changed, though.
Naya’s pregnancy was making her crazy. And that, in turn, was making Will crazy, because he had to spend all his time with her.
Lana had fallen head-over-heels for some guy.
Curtis had dropped out and gone home, where he was supposedly working in a coffee shop.
And Sue…well, Sue was like a mushroom, you couldn’t expect her to change very much.
Mike stumbled into the apartment holding his nose, and Sue looked up gleefully, saying, “Please tell me someone finally punched you out.”
“It was an accident!” I clarified.
She sighed and looked back down into her book, unimpressed.
As Will joined Naya in the kitchen, where she was cooking up some monstrosity, Jack announced, “I’m proud to say that Jen was driving like a dream until my moron brother scared her.”
“Yeah, he’s actually letting me take the car out tonight on my own,” I told Sue, waiting to see how Jack would respond to the provocation.
Sue and Mike chuckled as he said reluctantly, “Yeah, sure, if that’s what you want.”
I smiled and threw my hands around his neck, kissing him on the cheek. But he turned so that our lips met, and what was meant to be an innocent peck turned into something a little racier.
“Good lord,” Sue groaned. “Like we didn’t have enough cheesiness around here with Will and Naya. Now we’ve got to put up with the two of you.”
“Seriously, guys,” Mike said.
Jack let me go a moment, grabbed a pillow, and tossed it at his brother. “Don’t be jealous, buddy. I’m sure you’ll meet a lovely girl someday. Not.”
Mike went to throw it back, but Sue caught it, smoothed it out, and set it down on her lap. On his way to join Will for a smoke, Jack caressed my face gently. I wasn’t sure where all this was coming from, but I wasn’t going to complain.