Chapter 1
Present Day
Madame Xyla
If someone told me five years ago that I would quit my job as a sex therapist to become a domme instead, I’d ask them to pass the blunt. Xyla from five years ago loved her job, helping couples heal and thrive in their relationships. It was an absolute dream, but I still needed more.
I never knew I’d find what I was looking for until a client invited me to Lilith’s Lounge and I never wanted to leave. It felt more like home than home did. I couldn’t explain it nor did I expect anyone else to understand.
We operate differently while the world is watching.
Many of us are hollow shells living in survival mode, fighting to earn a moment of peace at the end of the day.
People often hide their deepest desires out of shame, and grow accustomed to being unfulfilled.
We learn to “live with it,” but some of us aren’t living at all. We’re existing. I was always existing.
As the eldest daughter, I always did what was expected of me, took on every responsibility and always said yes, even when I didn’t want to. I carried every single one of those habits into adulthood and struggled immensely with choosing myself. Sometimes I still do.
My parents were married, but Mom was very much a single parent. Dad worked constantly, and whenever he was home, it felt as if he wasn’t there physically. He somehow managed to feel like a distant memory long before he left us for his coworker.
Mom buried herself in work to cope and didn’t remarry until I was in college. While we didn’t struggle, I jumped right in to help with my siblings, not realizing that it would lead to me putting everyone's needs above my own.
I don’t regret supporting my family, but what was best for them wasn’t always best for me.
I felt so indebted to my mother, that I wouldn’t dare choose a different path.
So many sacrifices I made for them strayed me further from finding what my purpose was.
I still wanted to help people while helping myself.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that domming was incredibly healing for a people pleaser.
Becoming a domme has given me purpose and placed me in a position that’s allowed me to experience the thrill of someone bending to my will.
There’s something about being prioritized, pampered, and worshipped that I will never tire of.
I used to wonder what kind of woman I’d be if I ever found a place where I felt safe to lean into my every desire and what that would look like. My questions are answered as I admire myself in the surrounding mirrors as I wait for my next client.
Who am I? Exactly who I want to be—Madame.
I can say that confidently every day, except for Tuesdays. The standing appointments with my most difficult client are to blame for that uncertainty.
Though difficult may not be the best way to describe him, because his behavior isn’t an issue, but the feelings he evokes are. That and he’s impossible to avoid because he obeys my every word, and I don’t mind his company.
It’s my fault that our year-long streak broke. I haven’t seen him since I had the not-so-bright idea to ride his thigh as a reward. He ran out of here so fast, I thought I smelled burning rubber.
Our sessions are invite-only and I haven’t reached out because I can’t bring myself to explain why I did that or why I don’t regret it. We both needed that session, him more than me. He’s wound so damn tight. So much so that I’m surprised he explored this arrangement.
He doesn’t speak much about work, but I can tell enough by how the stress melts off him that whatever he does, it sends him straight here searching for punishment and praise. There’s an origin story for every one of my clients and he’s no different.
Cassius Vaughn, who insists I address him by name in lieu of the rules at the lounge. You can be whomever you wish to be here, but he wants me to see him, and I do.
He’s a rule-follower, so I didn’t expect him to swallow his pride or request a session.
When our club owner, Lila, pinged me to mention that I had a last-minute session on my books for the day, I bet she scratched her head in confusion.
Lila knows how I prefer to deal with clients, but I didn’t want her to think something was wrong, had I refused him.
This move tests my gangster and he’ll be paying handsomely for it. I decide when my subs are deserving of my time, not them. He may have a very good reason for disobeying me, but rules are rules.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a trying day and wants Mommy’s attention. All work and weeks of no play makes Cassius Vaughn a very needy boy.
Little does he know he’s gonna get exactly what he asked for, I think to myself while securing the garter belt to my stockings. I glance at my reflection as I bend over, worried if the butt plug I plan to torture him with is visible. It’s not. Tonight will be interesting.