Chapter 1
panic at the kink club!
Nia
What am I doing here? I think to myself, zoning out as I follow Lila, the co-owner, who’s hosting a tour through Lilith’s Lounge.
Maybe I’m not ready yet. Maybe coming here was a mistake.
I envy the members living out their fantasies all around me.
They’re all so brave and comfortable in their skin.
I wonder if I too could be like this with time.
“You don’t know what’s for you until you try it,” I hear my friend Vik’s voice in my head. She’s offered me a guest pass to see things for myself. I’m nothing like Vik—her boldness is astounding and I wish for even a sliver of it.
I wouldn’t know where to start, but I am here, giving it a try. I haven’t slept with anyone but my ex-husband and I’m not sure that a night with a stranger is the answer. It’s not fair to expect for someone else to fix what’s broken. It’s possible I’m overthinking this, but I can’t help it.
My thoughts race as I clutch the various bracelets in my hand, unsure of which I should even wear tonight. Maybe the black or red to avoid interaction while I get better acquainted with the place.
Lila’s voice calls out behind me, stealing my attention. I hadn’t even realized that she stopped walking until now.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, a concerned look etches across her face.
“Sorry. I was in my head,” I say, shaking my head as I catch up to her.
“No. I’m sorry. I have a tendency to breeze through these tours and I’m so used to them that I can forget how overwhelming all of this is,” she pauses, acknowledging our surroundings. “For someone’s first visit. Especially if you haven’t been to a kink club before.”
She’s being so kind and I can’t help but to feel embarrassed for wasting her time.
“I’m sorry. I’m just nervous. I want to be here. I want to give myself a chance, but I don’t think I know how,” I admit, unable to pinpoint why I’m being so honest.
“How ‘bout we take a moment to regroup? There’s a decompression room up the hall.”
“Really? I don’t mean to take up any more of your time.”
“Oh, please. It’s fine and we’re not busy right now. I’m not sending you out there feeling like this. Follow me.” She continues her quick pace up the hall.
I don’t have much of a choice as my feet follow hers, eventually stopping at a white door with a lit sign overhead that reads “decompression room.” She scans her keycard over the doorknob and holds it out for me.
I feel an instant wave of relief wash over me as I cross the threshold inhaling deeply while taking in my surroundings.
A masculine scent of citrus and spice welcomes us, belonging to the man with his back to the door. The door shuts behind me and Lila breaks the silence.
“Oh. You’re here.” She huffs. “Nobody can relax with this tight ass around. I’ll find you a different room,” she says, turning toward the door.
He scoffs, rising from his seat and turning to face us, smoothing his suit as he approaches. The lights are dim, but his features are unmistakable. This man is gorgeous, with rich brown skin and mossy green eyes that I could get lost in.
I need to stop staring at him. Now. Right Now. And now.
His low baritone and thick New York accent doesn’t halt my staring, but I try to act like I was raised right and avert my eyes.
“It’s all good. I was just leaving. Some of us do more than powerwalk the halls all day,” he teases, shooting a look of annoyance behind me.
He must work here.
“Oh yeah? Reorganizing condoms by texture ain’t work either, but go off,” she quips.
“It is to me.” A laugh escapes him. He stops in front of me, straightening himself and extending his hand to me. “Please ignore her. I’m Desmond. Co-owner of Lilith’s and Lila’s brother.”
“N—” I start, Lila cuts me off.
“Aht. Remember you don’t have to use your names here, unless you’re comfortable.”
She’s a stickler for the rules, I see.
I had given no prior thought to what I’d prefer to be called here and there isn’t a cool nickname to come from my real name, so here goes.
“Right. I’m…Nia, because I couldn’t come up with anything clever,” I say in a hushed tone while his large hand engulfs mine in a firm handshake.
“It’s nice to meet you, Nia.” He repeats my name in a delicious tone that’s going to positively haunt my dreams. “Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything.”
“Thanks. It’s uh—nice to meet you too.”
“I hope you feel better. See you around,” he says, flashing a smile before heading to the exit.
As the knob turns, moans of pleasure creep into the space, reminding me just how quiet this room is compared to the hallway. He spares another look my way, then scrunches his face at Lila and exits, leaving us in complete silence as the door shuts behind him.
I stare blankly, facing the door as I sink into a nearby chair.
Goddamn, Desmond. I hope I do see you around.
The thought of sleeping with a stranger ten minutes ago made me nauseous, but now? I think I could be convinced.
“Uh oh. I know that look.” She says exasperatedly, stealing my attention as she hands me a tiny water bottle.
“What look?” I ask, unscrewing the cap and taking a sip, feigning ignorance.
Though the look on her face screams she doesn’t believe me one bit.
Am I that obvious? God.
“I’ve seen it my whole life. You’re attracted to my brother. It’s fine. I ain’t judging,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “He doesn’t play much. Big on not mixing business and pleasure. Even though we are in the business of pleasure. So do what you will with that information.”
“He’s not unattractive,” I admit, screwing the lid back on and clutching the bottle. “In the hall back there,” I say, pointing my thumb behind me. “Being here has revealed that I still have a lot of work to do on my own.”
Lila grabs a seat opposite me, crossing her legs to reveal a snake tattoo wrapped around her ankle.
“Let’s get to the bottom of your zoning out back there. If you’d like to talk or ask me any questions, feel free. Or if you’d like to be left alone, I'll give you space.”
“It’s okay,” I assure, shaking my head. “I’m probably less likely to be judged here than anywhere else. I married my high school sweetheart and…” I trail off.
“He’s not with you now. Divorce?”
I answer with a nod, folding my hands into my lap.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” There’s sincerity in her tone.
“I’m not.” I chuckle. “Look, I don’t think I’m ready, but I do think this place can help me get over myself and let loose. You know?”
She studies me for a moment, contemplating her response while she nods in understanding.
“I know exactly what you mean and I have a suggestion. Only if you want it, because I hate unsolicited advice.”
“I don’t mind,” I say, though I do. However, I am curious to hear her take, as someone who’s very familiar with the club.
“I’m not selling you on anything. This is just my professional opinion.
If you don’t feel ready to engage, that’s okay.
You aren’t expected to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, but if you feel it would be best to ease into things, we do offer kink courses.
It could be worth it to explore the lifestyle that way instead, at least until you feel ready for more.
” She pauses, giving me a moment to consider.
“Every class we offer in person is available to stream online, so there’s no pressure to attend. We have classes next week about submission, if you’re interested in starting there. If not, we’re covering domination, aftercare, and impact play in the coming weeks.”
That may be just what I need: to have answers to my questions before jumping headfirst into this shit. I think I owe that to myself before quitting.
“That sounds great, actually. I’ll take you up on that.”
“Good. I’ll send you home with an event calendar,” she says with a soft smile. “Oh. And I must warn you, Sir Bald Head happens to be a BDSM educator who sometimes leads demonstrations. So you may see him occasionally being an actual smart ass.” She chuckles to herself.
My eyes widen in response and I resist the urge to ask more, but I’m intrigued.
He’s an expert in BDSM?
“You hide your excitement well.” She cackles. “If you’d like to check out now or finish the tour, we can. Your choice.”
“I’d like that. Sorry again for this detour.”
“Don’t mention it. Happens more often than you’d think,” she says, leading me to the door.
I follow close behind, managing to keep up as we explore the remaining floors, feeling more at ease now that I have a plan. I steal glances at the members surrounding me and their bracelet colors, considering what’s best for me.
The walk back to the lobby is quick and Lila accompanies me to check out, leaving me with a printout of upcoming courses. I appreciate her kindness and support today.
I’ll definitely be back next week. Not because of Desmond, but for me. I wave the thought away as fast as it comes. He’s far too experienced, and while he may enjoy teaching, it’s not his job to fix me.