Chapter Three #2
Baby: If we meet, we must maintain anonymity.
She paused. Her teeth clenching together.
This was a red flag. She knew it. She was insecure about her looks, and it made her want to keep this anonymous, but she had a feeling that her arrogant counterpart didn’t suffer from insecurity. If he was asking for anonymity it could be for a very damning reason.
There was a question that had hovered around the edges of her mind for a long time.
A concern. And she had pushed it away. He was talking about meeting and maintaining anonymity, which meant he was talking about the two of them meeting and not talking.
He was talking about the two of them meeting for sex.
The very idea sent a rush of physical attraction through her.
Yes. She wanted it. She wanted him. She had never been with anybody because it had never been right. But this was right. She knew it. And yet she was also very worried that it was wrong.
Kid: Forgive me. I have to ask you this. You don’t want to stay anonymous because you’re married, do you? And I need you to be honest with me about that.
There was a pause. Her stomach sank all the way down almost to her toes.
Baby: Sorry. It never occurred to me that you might think I was married. I am not married. I’m the furthest thing from married. I have never even been close. My reasons for wanting to keep this anonymous are my own. But I promise you it is not because being with me could hurt someone else.
It was just the perfect answer, and she chose to believe him.
Because she needed to. Honestly, a person had to have a little bit of naivety to fall in love.
She was certain of that. But her real concern was that most of her naivety wasn’t an intentional choice, but a fact of her lack of experience.
So she was trying to be canny here. While she knew that if she told any of her casual work friends about this situation they would judge her.
But they were only casual work friends, and casual work friends were all she had. He was the closest thing to a real friend that she possessed.
But he was also…a sexual fantasy. She felt a little bit chagrined that what he wanted was the sex in person when she had been wanting… Well, she wanted the sex, she had just wanted emotion as well.
Kid: This is silly. How in the world can we meet but stay anonymous?
Baby: We will meet in the penthouse of The Luxe. The lights will be off, and we will not turn them on.
She stared at the text. She felt like he had been thinking about this for a long time because it was definitive and fast.
She didn’t hate the idea. The idea of making love with him in the dark. Of finally having his hands on her body, of having half of what she wanted.
Of what she’d dreamed of.
She sat there. Half.
No. It wasn’t half. It was an opportunity to have anonymity and closeness. It was an opportunity for their bodies to prove their compatibility before they took it any further.
It was a chance for them to maintain this fantasy, and whatever his reasoning was, she had a feeling it was close to hers. A desire and need to make this sacred. To keep it separate.
Kid: When?
Baby: Tomorrow.
Her heart thundered hard. And she knew this was her opportunity. To say no, to say yes. She thought about it. About how tomorrow she could have his hands on her body. About how tomorrow they could be together.
She needed this. Now more than ever. She needed him.
Kid: Yes. 8 PM. Send me the room number.
Baby: I will.
Did they continue to talk now? She didn’t know.
Her stomach was a mass of nerves, her body on edge.
She felt like she was dying, but she also felt like she was coming alive.
Everything with her company was a travesty.
It was painful. It was the worst it had ever been.
Christos Onassis was seeing to that. He was breaking her life into pieces, and he didn’t even care.
That had been the worst part of all of that. Looking into his eyes and not seeing triumph, not seeing rage, seeing nothing but the bottomless black pit that seemed to exist inside of him.
He was a man without a heart. A man without a soul.
She had never hated another human before.
She hated Christos Onassis.
And she needed something, someone, to take that pain, to take that unending worry, anxiety and sadness, and turn it into something good. This man was the only one that had ever been able to do that, and now she was going to get to touch him.
Even if she didn’t see him, it didn’t matter.
They would see each other eventually, this would only be the beginning.
Everything would be fine.
They would have this night, and they would finally get to experience the reality of this thing between them, and then they could work toward the rest.
Then they wouldn’t need this shield.
Yes. She was certain. She was resolved. She almost told him the truth. That she had never done this before. That she was a virgin. But she decided to keep that to herself. That, she reasoned, was one of the many gifts of anonymity. She was going to hang onto it.
Kid: Good night.
She typed it quickly because she didn’t know what else to say. And as she went about her evening routine, it wasn’t her work tragedy that dominated her mind.
It was the potential to take her life and make it something more than it had been. Not the business, her.
She had neglected herself all this time, and that was really what this text relationship had shown her.
It was what he had shown her.
That she needed more.
And this was the beginning of more.
She had thought that she had nothing to look forward to except dreading tomorrow.
But now? Now she was anticipating it with an eagerness that took her breath away.