Chapter 30 – Rhiannon
“Blech.”
I bend forward at the waist and unload the contents of my stomach into a doubled up, brown paper bag that’s somehow gotten into my hands. My eyes flutter open as I look down into the mess I’ve made and realize I’m moving.
My stomach rolls instantly.
How did I get on the train?
And where did this bag come from?
I glance downward, noting the droplets of vomit that are dotting the bottom of my dress and hands before looking to the other side of the aisle.
Gabriel is seated there, absorbed in a magazine, shaking his head without meeting my gaze. I can’t remember how I ended up here, or why Gabriel and I are on the train together. The entire night feels like a distant blur, slipping through my fingers.
I try to claw my way through the haze, desperate to say something, anything, to my brother who looks as defeated as I feel. But my mouth refuses to cooperate and the words are stuck somewhere deep inside me.
Giving up, I sink into the darkness, my head resting against the seat as I surrender once more to a deep, heavy rest.
Five hours later, I awake again. This time I’m not moving, and the glow of the train car is no longer surrounding me.
I spread my arms out, trying to feel around and instantly meet my comforter.
My eyes flutter open, and I’m surrounded by pitch darkness.
As my vision adjusts, it slowly dawns on me that I’m back home, lying in my bed, tucked beneath the sheets with the old, cracked metal bowl we used to eat popcorn out of as kids perched next to me.
I raise my arms to rub my eyes but pause when I feel a tug at my neck. I’m still wearing the dress I put on earlier today.
What happened?
Fragments of the night begin to stitch themselves together as the fog in my mind lifts.
I remember dinner with Rebel, then him running into someone he knew. I recall receiving a text from Cain and starting to reply, but something felt off, so I decided to go to the bathroom instead.
A flash of memory cuts through the haze—the blonde woman I met in there. She’d said something about Rebel dropping something in my drink.
Rage surges through me like wildfire. I sit up abruptly, but the sudden motion sends a fresh wave of dizziness crashing over me.
I gently lower myself back down, my head spinning, but my mind racing, fueled by fury now.
He fucking roofied me!
I want to scream as memories flash. Gabriel showing up at the restaurant, carrying me from the bathroom, then onto the train where I threw up a dozen times until the drugs were out of my system. He must have carried me from the train station to his car and then upstairs before tucking me in.
Tears fill my eyes as the weight of it all crashes over me.
How badly did I disappoint him this time? How angry is he with my carelessness? How worried was he?
I sit up carefully, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed to realize he slipped on my favorite, fleece covered socks before tucking me in. The clock on the bedside table reads two in the morning, confirming it’s been over eight hours since I left the restaurant.
Thankfully, I hadn’t finished the whole drink, so the effects of whatever had been in it have mostly worn off, though I still felt faintly nauseous and dizzy.
I strip off the dress with shaky hands and pull on my pajamas before quietly making my way to Gabriel’s room. I knock softly on his door, but when there’s no answer, I nudge it open. The room is empty.
Dammit.
I pad down the steps to the living room to find him sprawled out on the couch, his eyes sealed shut, one large, tattooed and muscled arm tossed over his forehead.
For years after our parents passed away, Eden would have nightmares that would cause her to sleepwalk. One time when she was twelve, she’d opened the front door, still completely asleep, and walked out onto the front lawn. She’d been dazed, confused and in tears when she woke up out there.
After that incident, Gabriel had been so worried she’d walk into traffic that he’d started sleeping on the couch every night until she was much older.
A few years later she’d stopped, and he’d gone back upstairs to his bedroom.
Now I’ve noticed that he only sleeps down here when he’s worried about us or stressed.
And seeing him here tonight, stretched out, long legs swallowing up the space, another wave of guilt floods my conscious.
I try to dig through my memories, searching for the last time I found him down here. It takes me a moment, but then it hits me. It was seven years ago, after his new marriage abruptly ended.
His wife had left him, unable to accept that Gabriel had chosen to take care of his sisters alongside her after the loss of our parents.
He’d moved her into our house so that he could manage being a new husband and care for Eden, but she’d said she didn’t sign up to be a mother and promptly filed for divorce.
It’s another thing that’s weighed heavily on my conscious.
And though Gabriel’s reassured me that it was for the best; they were young, and if she didn’t accept his family, he wasn’t interested, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to accept it without feeling some guilt that we contributed to the destruction of his marriage.
“Gabriel?” I whisper.
He lets out a sigh before pushing himself to sit upright. “Hey sis. How are you feeling?”
I pad over to the living room couch and sit down next to him shaking my head in embarrassment.
“I’m so sorry.” I lunge my body forward into his open arms that squeeze me tightly in a hug.
“It’s alright. I’m just glad you’re okay. I’m sorry if I was a little too hard on you on the train.”
“I don’t remember anything you said to me so it’s all good. Maybe you should repeat it.”
He laughs and releases his hold, searching my eyes before raking a hand through his short, dark hair. “It’s probably for the best. I’m just glad that woman was the one to find you and not whoever you were on a date with tonight.”
I want to clarify that it wasn’t a date, but at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter. I’m never going to see Rebel again.
“I feel like a fool.”
“You were drugged; it’s not your fault.”
“Yes, but I shouldn’t have gone out with him. Cain had warned me that the guy has a reputation.”
“Look…” He sighs heavily. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you for a while now.”
I sit up straighter.
“When mom and dad died, we both had to step up to take care of Eden. Seemingly overnight, we became parents to a ten-year-old. We both suffered the loss of our parents and the dissolution of our personal lives in separate ways. I lost Amber, and you lost the chance to just be a young, twenty-year-old who could go on dates and not stress about things like bills.”
“It was a good thing. I wasn’t on the straight and narrow path and look where my recklessness got us.”
Gabriel shoots me a look, reading my mind. “What happened to mom and dad wasn’t your fault, Rhiannon. Getting drunk and going out in the city is what everyone did in their twenties.”
I shake my head and try to change the subject before we go there again. The place I don’t want to go. The place that I’ve refused to go for eight, long years. The night of the accident that took my parents away from our family all because of me.
“I’m just sick to myself that I didn’t see it coming tonight. I thought it was a business meeting. Plus, he’s famous. I didn’t think the possibility of a date drug would even cross his mind.”
Gabriel nods, listening carefully. “You’re alright now. You’ll be more careful next time.”
“There won’t be a next time.”
He chuckles. “Maybe not with him, but there should be with someone else. Don’t let this discourage you from dating.”
“It wasn’t a date.”
“Hm…” he hums softly. “We’ve been so wrapped up in working hard to keep our family home and the thrift store afloat, I think we both need to take my advice and force ourselves to get back out there and act our age.
Maybe we should make space for dates instead of filling every free moment with side hustles and work. ”
“Listen to yourself,” I say, smiling and pulling back to look at him again. “You haven’t been on a date since your divorce years ago.”
He rakes a hand through his hair. “I know. But we need to do better about modeling a balanced life to Eden.”
“Did you know she has straight A’s this year? I logged into her student account to make a tuition payment today and saw her grades.”
The smile that crosses my brother’s face makes all the shit that happened tonight better. Well, almost better.
“She’s doing great,” I say as he nods in agreement.
“She is. But don’t ignore what I said about dating. Maybe you should give Cain a shot.”
I wet my lips and nod. “Let’s have pizza and a game night tomorrow to celebrate her accomplishments and our resolution to do more for ourselves.”
He chuckles. “Okay. But don’t think I didn’t notice how you just dodged my comment about the lawyer.” I move to stand, trying to escape but he stops me. “You like him more than just a little bit, don’t you?”
I nod. “I do.”
He smiles. “Get some sleep and tell him that in the morning. He seems to like you back a whole lot.”
When I crawl back under the covers upstairs, the sheets still warm from sleep, my mind feels clearer. The kind of quiet clarity that only comes after a bad storm. Maybe I’m through the worst of it now.
For the first time in months, I let myself believe my own advice.
That there’s strength in being vulnerable; that Gabriel’s right.
We can’t just preach balance to Eden; we have to live it.
And maybe that starts with me learning to do more for myself and stop stressing so much about getting ahead and making all the right choices for her. There’s growing in the wrong ones, too.
Gabriel’s right, I lost my twenties being her mother. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t time to reclaim my life now. She’s not ten anymore. She’s grown, capable, finding her own footing in the world. I don’t have to hold my breath waiting for something to go wrong. I can exhale a little.
Reaching for my phone, thoughtfully placed on the bedside table by Gabriel, I unlock the screen and open the text that Cain had sent me before I dropped it in the restaurant and blacked out.
Rhiannon: You aren’t the only one who was at fault for what happened the night in your penthouse with the condom. I’m just as guilty for getting carried away and not being safe.
Rhiannon: The truth is that when I’m with you, I feel like I can stop thinking. Like for once, I can let go, shut off my brain and just relax.
Rhiannon: And that’s because you make me feel safe.
Rhiannon: Text me when you’re back in town. I’d love to meet up with you to talk…
Rhiannon: Also, you were right about going on a date with Rebel. That was a mistake.
Then I turn off my phone and fall asleep.