Chapter twelve Tessa
Chapter twelve
Tessa
It’s been a few days since I saw Logan, and my mind has been a whirlwind of emotions ever since. I wasn’t expecting to see him again, and I definitely wasn’t expecting to see him while I was out shopping with my son.
He’s a firefighter.
It feels like some sort of cruel joke the universe has decided to play on me.
He could have had any job. Construction worker, bank teller, teacher, grocery store cashier, literally any other job besides something in emergency response.
Even a dispatcher, which is still a huge part of emergency response, would’ve been better than this.
And the worst part is… I like him. I like him despite what he does for a living and the inherent risk that comes along with it.
In my head, I know that plenty of people who have jobs in law enforcement or emergency response live long, healthy, happy lives.
What happened to my husband was an accident, something we never could have seen coming.
Most, if not all, of Ryan’s colleagues are still with the Hartridge Police Department.
As far as I know, Zack is the only one who left town after Ryan’s accident, but he was Ry’s partner.
Knowing Logan puts his life on the line every day he’s at work stirs up an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know if I can put myself through this again. Through developing feelings for someone, only to have them later ripped away from me.
I’m also not the only person I have to consider in this. Jake is my world. He has grown up without a dad, without someone who even resembles a father figure, aside from doting grandparents. If I were to pursue things with Logan, how would Jake feel? How would Logan feel?
“What do you say, darlin’?” Logan asks, holding his cell phone out toward me.
Right.
I’m spiraling, but all he did was ask for my number.
I tried to tell him I’ve only got another thirty minutes before I’m off the clock and need to leave to pick up Jake from school, but he insisted that half an hour was more than enough time.
He followed me back inside, ordered coffee, and has been talking to me for the last fifteen minutes in between customers.
Taking his phone from his hand, I type in my phone number and hand it back to him.
A bright smile spreads across his face as his thumbs tap across the screen, and my eyes dip to the dimple he has in one cheek.
Somehow, that one little feature makes him seem even more enticing.
I must have been too wrapped up in the haze of lust during our first encounter to notice the detail.
My phone buzzes in my back pocket, and I pull it out to find a new message from an unknown number. I sink my teeth into my lower lip as heat rises to my cheeks, and my gaze meets his across the counter. “Really? While you’re standing right here in front of me?”
He shrugs as he slides off the barstool, slipping his phone into his back pocket before he grabs the solid black baseball hat from the stool beside him.
The same one he wore the night we met.
The thought sends liquid heat coursing through my body as the image of him on the couch, me straddling his lap, and his light brown hair curling out from beneath his hat fills my mind.
“Just makin’ sure.” He winks as he holds the brim of his hat and slides it on backward. “I want to see you again and not while you’re working or grocery shopping. This way, I know you have my number and can’t pretend you didn’t get my text.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t think it would be possible to ignore you.” I have a feeling he wouldn’t allow me to forget about him. The universe wouldn’t allow it, not with the way it keeps throwing us together.
“Okay, okay, I’m here,” Liv calls as she opens the front door, walking in with a tote bag full of snacks.
“I wasn’t sure what the vibe was for this, so I brought choices.
” She sets the bag down on the coffee table before she drops onto the couch beside me.
Assorted chocolate and sour candy to deal with matters of the heart, and a few salty chips and cracker options if we’re going to be gossiping.
She swears that different emotions require different snacks.
“Pizza should be here in a few minutes,” I tell her.
“Aunt Liv!” Jake calls, running down the hall from his bedroom. “Are you gonna watch a movie with us?”
“I sure am, little man. But your momma and I gotta have a little girl talk first, okay?” She smiles and ruffles his hair. He scrunches his nose in response to her mention of “girl talk.”
“Hey, buddy. Why don’t you pick out which movie you want to watch while Aunt Liv and I talk?”
The streaming app is already loaded on the TV, and he grabs the controller as he plops down on the floor and begins to scroll through the various children’s movies.
“Okay, tell me everything,” Liv says, nudging my arm with hers.
My cheeks heat as I look away from her and glance at Jake, watching him as he swipes through movies. I do my best to limit his time in front of the TV, so he’s always excited when we have pizza and movie night.
Olivia already knows about the night I spent with Logan—she encouraged it.
I didn’t give her all of the spicy details, but she knows that we slept together.
Before that night, I had only ever been with Ryan, and I hadn’t been with anyone since losing him.
I fill her in on running into him at the store, finding out that he’s a firefighter and has already met my son thanks to the fire safety demonstration at the school, and about him coming into Lori's to get my number. By the time I’m done recounting all the details, she’s smiling.
The pizza being delivered gives me a moment to catch my breath as I step away and tip the driver. When I set the box down on the coffee table along with a stack of paper plates and napkins, the look on Liv’s face tells me what she’s going to say before she even opens her mouth.
“You like him,” she says. It’s not a question. She knows she’s right. I do like him. But that’s the part that scares me.
“I do. I mean, I don’t know him that well yet, but… he gives me butterflies, and that’s not a feeling I thought I’d ever have again.”
Olivia nods her head in understanding. “It’s been six years, Tess. You deserve a second chance at finding love.”
I sigh, leaning back and sinking into the cushions. “I don’t even know how to date. Or flirt. Or do any of this anymore.”
She laughs. “You had that man following you around like a lost puppy at the bar. Full on spilled your drinks on him, and he still wanted you in his bed. And now he’s going out of his way to show up where you work, just so he can get your number?
He’s interested, and he isn’t going to walk away easily. ”
“I still haven’t responded to his text.” He didn’t say much. All he sent was a short message letting me know it’s him so I could save his number, but his text is still taunting me.
“What!” She playfully swats my arm. “You can’t just leave him hanging. You need to text him back.”
“And say what?”
“Just say hi and see how long he takes to respond,” she says. “If he’s as down bad as he seems, he’s probably waiting around with his phone in his hand.”
I swear I can feel the weight of his message every time I pick up my phone.
It only grows heavier as Jake decides on an animated movie about a plane that wants to learn how to fight fires.
As the three of us settle in, I’m doing my best to pay attention to the movie, but it’s one we have watched dozens of times, and I’m itching to finally reply to Logan.
When the movie is over and Liv is gone, I keep myself busy by helping Jake get ready for bed.
He insists he isn’t tired, but his eyes are already halfway closed by the time he’s dressed in his superhero pajamas and crawling into bed.
Our normal bedtime routine includes reading a book every night, with the exception of our Friday movie nights.
He’s usually too tired to keep his eyes open for more than a page or two.
I sit with him for a few minutes, rubbing my hand in soothing circles over his back to help him fall asleep.
I’ve done it since he was little, and it’s a habit I’m not ready to break.
“I love you, buddy,” I say softly, brushing the tousled strands of his blond hair back off his forehead. His soft, deep breaths are the only response I get. I know there will come a day when he’s “too old” to be tucked in, but I refuse to believe that day will come any time soon.
As much as I know I should climb into bed and try to get some sleep, I’m too focused on the thought of texting Logan back to get any real rest. It’s been hours since he came into Lori's. Would it be weird to text him back now? It’s just after nine o’clock, which is probably considered still early to most, but I’m an in-bed-by-eight-thirty kind of person.
Most people seem to keep their phones permanently on vibrate or silent—odd for a generation who spent most of their teenage years trying to pick out the perfect ringtone.
It’s not like I would really be bothering him if I did text back this late.
Pulling in a deep breath, I sink further beneath the blankets and lean back against the headboard as I grab my phone from the nightstand. My heart kicks in my chest when I see the new message notification displayed across the top of the screen.
The timestamp shows the message came in well over an hour ago, and it gives me hope that he might still be awake.
Logan: No pressure or anything, and I know you’re busy, but I would love to take you out sometime.
With as supportive as Liv is, I know if I needed someone to watch Jacob for a few hours while I went out with Logan, she wouldn’t hesitate. She’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and she adores him. Smiling, I scrape my teeth over my bottom lip as I tap out a response.
Me: Hypothetically speaking… What would we do?
There. Simple and to the point. A few dots appear at the bottom of the screen, indicating that he’s typing out a message. I guess he’s awake after all.
If he’s as down bad as he seems, he’s probably waiting around with his phone in his hand.
Logan: Hey there, darlin’. I was starting to think you’d already blocked me.
Logan: Well, that depends.
Me: On what?
Logan: On what you like to do. Would you prefer to keep it casual, or would you want to get a little more dressed up?
I used to love taking the time to get dressed up for a date.
Curling my hair, doing my makeup a little heavier than normal, picking out the perfect lingerie to wear beneath whatever dress I’d chosen for the night.
It almost feels like that version of me doesn’t exist anymore.
Now, I’d much prefer the laid-back atmosphere of a casual date.
My body is different than it used to be.
I’ve always been plus size, but things tend to sit differently after having a child, and I don’t think I would even know how to properly dress up for a date without Liv’s help.
Me: Can we keep it casual for now?
Logan: We can do whatever makes you comfortable.