Tessa
Chapter twenty
Of all the things I thought we might do today, going to the zoo wasn’t even on the list of possibilities.
I figured we would spend the day at the park with another picnic or maybe go to one of those family fun centers with an arcade and bowling alley.
The trampoline park was even on the list. It’s the perfect place to let kids run wild while parents sit and relax.
Plus, how cute would it be to watch the two of them play together like that?
I don’t know yet if Logan is the type of man who will release his inner child when the time calls for it, but I would be willing to bet that he is.
The zoo, however, didn’t come close to making the list. I’ve wanted to bring Jake here for a while now. It’s one of the childhood adventures that I knew we would experience at some point, but I’ve been hesitant to mentally cross it off the list of things that Ryan has missed out on.
I don’t know if the thought will ever stop crossing my mind with each new milestone or experience.
Just the other day, Jake brought home a few things from school and showed me where he wrote his name in the corner.
It was sloppy and almost illegible, but he did it himself.
The beaming smile across his face was contagious, but tears bloomed in my eyes as I watched him happily pick out a magnet to pin his art to the front of the refrigerator.
As happy as I was, there was a sadness sitting just beneath the surface.
In that moment, Ryan was standing beside me with his arm wrapped around my shoulder as we watched our son, and for the briefest moment, I was at peace.
I had to quickly wipe the tears away before he spun around.
Today has been perfect, but it has also been filled with more of those moments.
Jake has been practically dragging us around to all of the different animals, some we’ve had to visit a few times.
After we stopped for a lunch of chicken tenders and french fries from one of the zoo’s little restaurants, he was finally starting to slow down.
He complained about his feet hurting but swore he wasn’t ready to leave.
I was worried about how Logan might handle his complaints, but instead, he surprised me.
He asked Jake if he was afraid of heights, and when he shook his head “no,” Logan crouched as low as he could and encouraged Jake to climb up on his shoulders.
Which is exactly where he has been for the last hour.
A red backpack is slung across Logan’s back, still filled with snacks, water bottles, and the bottle of sunscreen I can’t believe he thought to bring, and Jake is perched happily on his shoulders.
His hands are holding on to Jake’s legs as we walk, and he keeps checking in to make sure my son is okay and doesn’t want to get down.
I swear, if anything were going to make my heart burst out of my chest, it would be this.
Watching this man, who started as nothing more than a handsome stranger I spent one blissful night with, treat my son like his own, despite barely knowing him.
And he’s completely letting my son lead the way, going in whichever direction his little heart desires, even if it means visiting the monkeys for what feels like the hundredth time.
“I don’t think there’s anything left to see,” I say, sliding my hand across Logan’s lower back as the other hand settles on Jake’s foot. “Are there any animals you want to see one more time?”
Logan’s gaze burns into me as I keep my gaze on my son, and it takes more self-control than it should for me not to return the look.
It’s been like this all day. He has kept a friendly distance, respecting my boundary of not being ready to have the “I’m dating someone” conversation with Jake, but we have both found subtle ways to be closer throughout the day.
Hands grazing, fingers brushing, and heated looks that linger a little too long for friends.
Jake turns his head from side to side as he lets out a gentle “hmmm,” checking to see what’s around us. “Can we go see the monkeys again? Please?” Jake wiggles with excitement on Logan’s shoulders, and his grip tightens around my son's legs to steady him.
“One more time, and then we’re gonna head home, okay?
I’m sure the monkeys have to go to bed soon,” I say, forcing a teasing lilt into my voice, and he just shakes his head and laughs.
He thinks I’m joking, and I sort of am, but I’m also worn out.
I didn’t realize how exhausting spending the day at the zoo could be, even a smaller one like this.
But the exhaustion and aching feet are well worth the beaming smile on my son’s face.
Despite how tired I am, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day, and I’d be willing to bet that Logan is just as tired as I am, if not more so.
Being a firefighter is an active job, but there’s nothing quite like having to chase a child around all day.
Especially one as full of energy as mine.
“You know, you don’t have to keep carrying him. He can walk for a little bit,” I say as we head in the direction of the spider monkeys.
Logan raises a brow as he looks at me, one corner of his mouth curling with a smile. “I’ll set him down if you want me to, but he seems happier not to be walking. Besides, this is nothing.”
I’m sure carrying around a small child is nothing compared to what he deals with daily for work. Out of curiosity, I looked up some firefighter training and practice drill videos online, and I’ll admit, it was intense.
This man could likely throw me around without breaking a sweat. The thought sends a wave of heat straight to my core, and I glance away as it rises to my cheeks. As great as this little adventure has been, I’m more than ready to head home and have him all to myself.
It took visiting the monkeys and the giraffes one more time before Jake was ready to head home.
We managed to stop and grab something to eat at a drive-thru before he fell asleep, his head tilted back at an angle that couldn’t possibly be comfortable.
By the time we pull up to my house, all I can think about is how I’m going to ask Logan to stay.
Not for the night—I don’t think I’m ready to answer any questions Jake might have—but long enough for us to have a little alone time.
Pulling the keys from the ignition, he rounds the front of the truck before opening my door.
He holds out his hand, helping me down from the truck before he moves to open the back door.
Jake is still fast asleep, his mouth open just enough to let a soft little snore slip through with every breath.
My heart warms in my chest as I watch Logan carefully unbuckle his seatbelt and pull my son into his arms. Jake’s head rests on Logan's shoulder as he wraps an arm around his back and slowly follows me up the front porch.
I’ve been dealing with this all day—My heart warming and kicking in my chest as though it’s fighting its way back to life. And all because of the love and care this man has been showing my son.
In all honesty, I don’t know if there’s anything else that would make me feel ready to give a relationship a real shot.
Between the night we met and the sweet first date we had, part of me was still hesitating.
The idea of letting someone new into my life and allowing them to see every part of me, including the broken pieces, felt daunting.
Then Logan walked into my life.
Or more like I crashed into his.
From that moment, something about him has pulled me in. From what I’ve learned about him, he’s exactly the kind of person I can envision myself with.
Every time I have let my mind wander and imagined letting myself fall in love again and building a future with someone new, I never dreamed that person would be a first responder.
But now that I’ve gotten to know him, I don’t think I care.
It would be ridiculous not to give this thing between us a real chance all because of his job.
As much as what happened to Ryan will forever be ingrained in my mind, I can’t live the rest of my life giving control to that fear.
I flick on the living room lights as Logan follows me down the hall to Jake’s bedroom.
The light pours in from the hall and illuminates the room just enough for us to see.
He carefully lays Jake down and gives me a small smile as he steps back.
Everything about the way he’s looking at me tells me that he’s not sure what he should be doing.
“If you want to wait in the living room, I’ll just be a couple minutes.” I keep my voice barely above a whisper. A smile stretches across his face as he leaves the room.
Sitting on the edge of the twin-size bed, I slowly pull off Jake’s shoes and socks, setting them aside before I run a hand through his blond hair, pushing it back off his forehead.
He looks so peaceful like this, lost in the land of dreams. It’s moments like these, when the house is calm and settled for the evening, that the bone-deep exhaustion usually catches up to me.
Most nights, it sinks in and wraps around my soul, making me wonder how I’ll survive this journey on my own.
I never considered the strength it took to be a single parent until I became one.
I’ve been on this path alone, never having someone to help carry the weight of everything.
Today was different. Today, it felt like I finally had a partner in all of this.
Or at least someone who could potentially be one.
Logan handled everything in stride, and I swear my heart is still a puddle in my chest from watching the way he hoisted my son onto his shoulders and happily carried him around when his little feet got tired.
And the fact that the man thought to bring snacks and sunscreen?
It’s a minor thing that somehow has had a major impact.
I’ve been careful to take things slowly, wanting to make sure we got to know each other better before we dove back into intimacy, despite that being how this started.
It’s still too soon to tell whether or not this thing between us will last or amount to anything more than a few-month fling, but I think I owe it to myself to find out.