Nick
Nick
It’s cold, of course. Just like he remembers it always was. The sky is a cloudless blue but it’s a trick. Nature is always one step ahead, leaving you guessing.
He pulls his jacket collar up around his neck. Beth takes the bouquet of flowers from the back seat of the car, adjusting them slightly.
‘Ready?’ she says, and she takes his hand.
He nods, feeling breathless. They cross the street together and he’s relieved that he feels nothing untoward. This city is different from the city he left behind. He’s not being assaulted by memories at every turn. Instead, he has the sensation of having been here before, but in a different life. Which he supposes is exactly what it was.
‘It doesn’t look anything like it did back then, does it?’ Beth says, squeezing his fingers. He’s grateful to have her there, to be so sure of her presence beside him.
‘No. It really doesn’t,’ he says.
‘That’s what makes me angry in a way,’ she says. ‘It’s like they’ve erased it completely. Apart from the sundial, if you didn’t already know what had happened here, you’d never know. But that’s not right, is it? If we rub out the mistakes of the past entirely, then we’ll never learn from them.’
The car park, now garden, is surrounded by low hedging. It stands out only because it’s so immaculately kept, in comparison with the busy road that runs alongside it, all overflowing rubbish bins and clogged gutters, and the traditional back-to-back terraces that fill the streets beyond.
Beth opens the small metal gate in the centre of the hedging and they make their way into the garden. It’s a beautifully landscaped space. Even in November, the grass is clean-cut and green, the borders bursting with late-flowering chrysanthemums.
Beth glances back at the new student accommodation building behind them.
‘I read somewhere that Anna’s parents got the university to promise that the garden would always be maintained. Don’t you think it’s beautiful? Imagine if this had been our view when we were living here.’
There’s a young couple sitting on the bench at the far end of the garden. The boy has his arm slung around the girl, and their faces are close together as they chat intensely. As though they are the only two people in the world.
‘I’m so pleased the students who live here get to enjoy this,’ Beth says, following his gaze towards the couple. ‘They deserve it.’
In the centre of the garden is a small gravelled patch, within which sits the sundial. It’s made from brass, an inscription engraved around its ring.
He reads it twice.
IN MEMORY OF ANNA HOLMES
WHO brOUGHT THE SUNSHINE TO OUR LIVES
7 NOVEMBER 2009
G ONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN
He swallows, a lost memory resurrecting.
Anna, on their first date. The way she got a fit of giggles during one of the serious moments in the film, when the cinema went deathly quiet. He barely knew her, really, but he knew she would have done so much good with her life, had she been given the chance.
Beth gently places the flowers at the foot of the cool stone pillar. There are at least four bunches there already, newly laid. Perhaps her family visit too. Perhaps they have already been, earlier today.
Perhaps the university acknowledge the anniversary. It’s the least they can do.
Beth steps backwards and takes his hand tightly between hers. She bows her head slightly, and they stand together in silence. In the distance, he can hear the hum of traffic, but also the faint sound of birdsong, up in the trees.
He puts a hand in his pocket, his fingers tightening around the small leather pouch he always keeps there. His grandad’s poker dice. A reminder that life is a game of chance. The dice land where they fall and it’s your choice which to pick up, which to leave.
He looks up at the sky, crisp and bright above him. A constant manifestation of the awe-inspiring breadth of life. Of the scope available to us if we’re only courageous enough to make the most of it.
He puts his arm around Beth’s shoulder. The autumn sun is low, but it’s there, and it warms the side of his face.
He turns to Beth. His Beth, finally his. She has made him brave.
For the first time, he’s confident that he will make her happy for the rest of his life. After all, he owes it to Anna, to Beth, to Vaughan. And to himself.
He owes it to them all.