Chapter 5 Cleo #2
I wish there were two of me so I could snap myself out of this spiral. I wanted to shake myself, to scream at the poor, pathetic woman I was being and say, “My god, girl, get a grip! It’s been twelve years. You’ve got to move on.”
It didn’t matter how many times I repeated the mantra in my head, it seemed lost on me. I was always destined to be a fool.
My twenties had been wasted thinking about him. How much I loved him, how much I hated him, how much he’d broken my heart. My relationship with Thomas had been driven by my need to move on from Grady, and that’d been a terrible disaster.
Maybe listening to the voicemail was a good start. That’s what Rachel and Laura would say. “Just listen to whatever he has to say and move on for good this time. Let your heart rest for once.”
I stared at the red circle until my eyes ached and my vision blurred. The sun had set, leaving me alone in the dark save for the glow of my screen. In the distance, I could just make out the silhouette of the party tents, lights from the stage flickering as they played a slow song.
“Just do it,” I whispered. “Get it over with.”
As I was about to press play, the music came to a screeching halt. Shouts rang out, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying. I pushed to my feet and peeked out of the small window to see what was going on.
My instincts were to run toward the fray, to make sure neither Mom nor Dad had to worry about taking care of whatever had happened. I reached for the hatch, pulling it open and carefully climbing out. The moment I landed on my feet, I heard a familiar, gut-wrenching scream.
Lennox.
I didn’t think. I just ran, pumping my arms and legs as fast as they would go. I rounded the corner of the fence, nearly falling on my ass as I took the turn too fast, but I caught myself before I landed fully.
My eyes scanned the crowd as I sought out the problem.
Had someone gotten too drunk and rowdy? Had there been a fight?
It wouldn’t have been the first time fists were thrown at Black Springs Ranch, nor would it be the last. But there was no continued screaming, no shouting for help or the push-and-pull of people trying to separate two drunken idiots.
I caught conversational fragments as I pushed through the sea of sweaty bodies, but nothing made sense. As much as I wanted to turn and ask them what they meant, I only fought harder to get through the crowd. Whispered words became nothing but a dull roar in my ears as I made it to the center.
My eyes dropped to the ground where Lincoln was hunched over an unconscious body. His back was to me, concealing their identity, but I didn’t need to see it to know. Somehow, I’d felt it in my bones the moment I heard my sister scream.
She was one of the toughest people I knew. Nothing ever rattled her. I’d seen her go toe-to-toe with a man twice her size because he called one of her friends a bitch, and she was ready to make him eat his words.
But there was one person who could make Lennox crumble. My youngest sister was the strongest out of all of us until it came to our father.
We were all close with him in one way or another, but each of our relationships looked different. Lennox, true to her birth order, was the baby. He looked at her like she was his entire world.
When we first found out about his health issues, Lennox had been a shell of the woman she normally was. She didn’t come out of her room for days, refusing to eat at all. I had to force her to drink water so she didn’t end up in the hospital for dehydration.
I was the only one around the day she broke.
She’d laid her head on my lap and cried for hours.
I let her, trying my best to create the safe space I’d never had so she could process her emotions in a healthy way.
I wanted her to know that no matter what happened, I was there for her. I’d always be there.
That was what big sisters were for, after all.
So, I knew without a shadow of a doubt the only person who could make my sister scream like she was losing her entire world was our dad.
Only this time, I didn’t know how to fix it.
I didn’t know how to calm her fears or tell her it was going to be okay, because for the first time in my life, I didn’t know if it would be.
My sisters both turned to me at the same time, their eyes red-rimmed and full of fear. Our mom clung to Josie like she was the only reason she was standing. She stared down at Lincoln as he performed CPR on our father. Her husband.
Oh god, I didn’t know if she would survive if he didn’t. He was the center of all of our worlds, and now he was lying unconscious and not breathing on the land he loved so much.
Lennox surged forward, breaking free of Bishop’s hold. I barely caught her, rubbing my hand up and down her back as she wailed. “Talk to me, Len.”
“S-Someone’s already called 911,” she sniffed. “They said they were on their way, and I-I told them he had issues…” Her words trailed off as she pulled back and looked up at me. “Is he going to be okay?”
I swiped my thumbs beneath her eyes, but it only made her cry harder. My silence made things worse, her heart breaking more than it already was. “I don’t know.”
Bishop came up behind Lennox, his eyes wide with fear. “What can I do?”
“Get your truck,” I said, pulling Lennox closer. “And have someone grab Lincoln’s, too. We’ll need two vehicles to head to the hospital.”
“Alright,” he mumbled, keeping his eyes on Lennox’s back. “Yeah, I can do that.”
He didn’t move right away, his eyes lingered on my sister like he wanted to take her from my arms and bring her with him. With a shake of his head, he grabbed one of the workers and they headed toward the house.
I felt the eyes of our guests. Every partygoer stared helplessly as our world imploded, but none of them made a move to do anything. They just watched like this was a trainwreck they couldn’t look away from.
The sound of a microphone flicking on came from the stage, garnering the crowd’s momentary attention. “Alright, I know there’s a lot going on, but we’d like to ask everyone to clear the area and give the Hayes family some room.”
My gaze flicked up, seeing Grady pointing toward the other side of the pasture. His sweat-soaked hair clung to his forehead as he stared out at the crowd. No one had asked him to do that, but he did it anyway.
When people didn’t move fast enough, his voice filtered back through the speakers.
“We’re all concerned for Doug, but I’m begging y’all to move and give them room.
They don’t need you gawking at them.” Grady leaned over, talking to the people on stage with him.
They nodded and jumped down, jogging our way.
He scanned the crowd before following, making his way straight toward me.
“What can I do?” He raised his hand like he was going to touch me, but it fell to his side. I hated how much I ached for his touch. How much I wanted someone to comfort me in the way I was comforting others.
“I’ve got it,” I said, sucking in a deep breath to stave away the tears. I didn’t want to cry, especially not here when everyone was looking at me to hold them together. “Thanks.”
“Cleo—” he began, but I shook my head.
“Please, don’t. Not right now. I can’t—” My voice broke, but I pushed forward. “My family needs me.”
And I need you.
The words were right there, right on the tip of my tongue, but they never came. I forced them down, down, down until I could breathe again. Because even if I voiced them, it wouldn’t change anything.
He had a wife. He had a kid. And me? I was on the verge of losing it all. It would’ve been selfish to drag him down with me. At least this way, even if I drowned, I’d drown alone.
Grady looked like he wanted to push things, but he didn’t. Instead, he backed away and joined his bandmates in redirecting the crowd. I didn’t want to watch him walk away again, but anything was better than focusing on Lincoln’s quiet, muttered curses as he tried to keep Dad’s heart beating.
As the faint sound of a siren wailed in the distance, I let a single tear fall before wiping it away, and did what I did best.