Chapter 20 Cleo #3
I kept telling myself that was what I wanted, but after the other day, I wasn’t so sure.
I’d felt such a kinship with Charlie in the treehouse, and when Grady and I had talked, it hadn’t been awkward.
If anything, it’d been… nice. Which seemed like such a cop-out answer, even to my own ears, but it didn’t make it any less true.
If someone had told me I’d be talking to Grady Wilde again in any capacity, I would’ve called them crazy.
I would’ve told them there was no way in hell the two of us would ever be in the same spot, let alone chatting about going back to that goddamned treehouse like we were two old friends and not brokenhearted fools.
“Well, why not?” Josie pouted.
“I—”
“Because she’s scared,” Lennox finished for me. She waited, begging for me to correct her, to argue with her, but there wasn’t any point. Nothing changed the fact that she hit the nail on the freaking head with that observation.
“I know what that’s like,” Josie said quietly.
“I felt the same after Lincoln came back, and you know how hard it was for me to even look in his direction. It was like walking barefoot on pins and needles, knowing you’d eventually get poked but still wanting to get to whatever’s on the other side. But then—”
“Oh, don’t say it,” I grumbled. “All you needed was a little push, and that’s what I gave you. I don’t need a pep talk, Josie. I need a lobotomy, a time machine, or a memory eraser. Maybe all three.”
“You were the reason I put all the fear behind me, though. You told me you regretted it.” Her voice was stronger this time. “That’d you do anything to have it back, and now you have your chance.”
It seemed like so long ago Josie had cried on my shoulder, not knowing what she should do about Lincoln.
She’d been too damn scared and stubborn to go after what she truly wanted.
In the end, I just had to make her see that—which I should’ve known would come back to bite me in the ass sooner or later.
“It’s different with us, Josie. There are a lot of wounds I don’t think we could heal.
It’s too much,” I stammered. Hopelessness, my familiar friend, settled back into my chest and down into my stomach as I searched my mind for all the reasons talking to Grady was a bad idea.
“For one, he’s married.” When neither of them responded, I added, “And they have a kid!”
“Do you know if he’s married? Has he said that?” Lennox pressed, leaning forward.
I thought back on our conversations, carefully sifting through each interaction. Grady had mentioned the woman in passing, mostly just when referring to something about Charlie, but I couldn’t remember him laying any claim to her while I was around. And he didn’t strike me as the cheating type.
Then again, people changed as life went on. I was no exception. It would be stupid to think the Grady standing in front of me was the same Grady I knew from high school.
“I don’t know,” I said, shoulders slumping in defeat. “I suppose not.”
“Then what’re you waiting for? An invitation? A red carpet rollout? Believe me when I say that man would do literally anything you asked for.”
“He would not,” I snapped back. “He’s just—I don’t know—being nice.”
Lennox raised a brow. “Being nice for what exactly? He has no stake in this game with you, not anymore. It’s been years, and yet he’s standing in our yard every day, damn near panting after you for everyone to see.
” I tried to speak, to argue, to tell her she was wrong, but she beat me to it.
“Girl, don’t even try to tell me you haven’t noticed. ”
“So, what, Lennox? What if he does? It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It means everything, actually.”
I snorted. “What would you have me do? Walk over to him tomorrow morning and kiss him? Or what if I sent him a dirty text right now, would that—”
Lennox’s eyes flashed with trouble. I instantly regretted my choice of words as she said, “That’s exactly what you should do!
Oh, Cleo. You’re brilliant! Where’s your phone?
” she asked, scanning the immediate area.
“We can sort through your lingerie, too, if you’re feeling a little bold. I know all the best poses.”
Lingerie? Did she not know me at all? I hadn’t worn anything outside of cotton staples for years now. They were comfortable, and it wasn’t like anyone was going to see them anyway, so it didn’t matter.
“It was a joke,” I deadpanned. “I’m not actually going to do that.”
She stared at me expectantly. “Yes, you are. Now give me your phone.”
I felt the strange sense of something tugging out from under me and surged forward as I realized Josie had my phone in her pocket. “Give that back right now.”
Josie had the decency to look a little sorry as she gave the device to our youngest sister, who instantly began typing. “It’s for your own good. I mean, I had some of the best sex of my life after talking to you about Lincoln—”
Lennox plugged her ears and shook her head, and my phone dropped into her lap. “Nope, don’t want to remember that.”
“Just because you don’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean it isn’t true,” she snapped, taking the phone back. I sagged in relief when Josie handed it back, mouthing a quick, “Sorry.”
“Hey! What’d you do that for?” Lennox whined. “I was really getting into it.”
I looked down at the screen, feeling both relief and horror at the words on it. Thankfully, Josie had snatched it before she could hit send because I would’ve died if it’d actually gone out.
Cleo
What’re you doing right now? I can’t stop thinking about you.
Just thinking about Grady in that context had my cheeks flushing hot and thighs squeezing together.
The text was suggestive, slightly flirty, but it had thoughts so vulgar, so filthy, so utterly decadent in every wrong way flitting through my mind.
I’d always struggled to embrace sex the way my sisters did, and honestly, I was grateful they didn’t shy away from it like I did.
Most of the time, I was too deep in my head to actually enjoy it.
The only time I’d been able to let myself be free was with Grady because he let me take control if it was what I needed.
Even though my experience was limited, I knew Grady was the best I would ever have, which only made me want him more.
I knew I should delete the words, should tell my sisters they’d overstepped, before heading off to bed and waking up tomorrow with my hangover as my only regret. But as I stared down at the words, something stopped me.
Why shouldn’t I be bold? Why shouldn’t I go after something I wanted for once in my life?
Tomorrow was the last day of camp. If all of this backfired completely, I’d only have to see Grady one last time before he packed it up and went back to Tennessee.
And even if the thought of dirty texting him sent shivers down my spine, it didn’t have to go that way.
Maybe I could just be bold and say what was on my mind.
It wasn’t a lie to say I was thinking about him, that I’d been thinking about him longer than was appropriate.
I could feel Lennox and Josie’s eyes on me as my finger hovered over the send button. Neither of them said anything, for which I was grateful. If I were to do this, it would need to be my decision. No one else could make it for me.
So, with a deep breath, I ignored every single warning bell going off in my mind, closed my eyes, and pressed send.