Chapter 25 Cleo
cleo
. . .
I stared at myself in the small bathroom mirror, taking just a single moment to compose myself. With a pounding head and sweat on my brow, I was grateful for how busy the day had been. It meant I didn’t have time to sit and dwell on the humiliating conversations of last night and this morning.
Honestly, once Lennox stepped up, I knew there was no way I was going to get out unscathed. I already felt like I was flayed open, all my wounds on display for the world to see, once Charlie had dropped the innocent reminder of her mom. You know, Grady’s wife.
God, Cleo, you’re so goddamn stupid.
It wasn’t like I didn’t know he was married. In fact, I often tried to remind myself of that so I wouldn’t lose myself in Grady’s gravitational pull. But the longer I spent in his presence, the more that little tidbit of information went to the back of my mind as though it was insignificant.
Well, it wasn’t. It was actually very significant.
There was no way I could keep flirting with a married man, let alone one who broke my heart on multiple occasions over the past seventeen years.
And he had a kid for crying out loud. What the hell was I doing?
This wasn’t like me. It wasn’t like me at all.
And why, oh why, did I agree to give her private riding lessons when Grady was on the way out of my life?
I should’ve told them no. I should’ve referred them to literally anyone else.
It wasn’t like Ashwood had a shortage of people who could teach her.
I knew several people who could use the extra cash and were way better riders than I was.
But there was something in Charlie’s eyes that made me give in.
When it came to that girl, I found it super difficult to say no.
Her father had the same effect.
When I called him last night, I was feeling bold. I thought if I could keep things light I could get this restless feeling out from under my skin, but it backfired. He’d been so intentional with his words. All it did was mess with my head more than ever.
I’d lived with the nickname my entire adult life. Even when he wasn’t in my life, it haunted me. I tried to reclaim it. To make it mine and mine alone. So, while it’d been a shock to hear it on his lips after so many years, I knew I’d be able to move past it.
But there was something about the earnest way he’d said he missed me that had done me in. It was too much. It was too far. How could he say he missed me when another woman was wearing his ring? That wasn’t fair to me. It wasn’t fair to her.
God, did she even know about me? And what did it mean if she did? I was just a blip on the radar, a moment of his past. I didn’t mean anything. Not really. At least, that’s what I used to think.
“I know what you’re doing in there,” Lennox sang, rapping her knuckles against the door. “Stop spiraling and get your ass out here. Parents are starting to show up. Even ones you conveniently left off the email list.”
I sucked in a deep breath and turned to open the door.
Lennox was standing with her arms over her chest, looking far too pleased with herself.
I loved my sister dearly, but I was more than a little annoyed with her at the moment.
“What? You can’t handle some parents?” I asked, brushing past her.
“Seemed like you were doing one hell of a job earlier.”
She laughed. “Oh, come on, sissy. Don’t be mad. You looked like you needed a push, so I gave you one. It’s just that simple.”
“I needed a push?” I asked, turning to face her.
“Just like last night—”
I waved my hand to cut her off. “Len, he’s married. He’s got a kid. Last night was an epic mistake, and inviting him into our home for dinner would be another one. I need to put as much space between us as possible before—”
Lennox raised her brows, waiting for me to finish, but I snapped my mouth shut.
There were some things I wasn’t comfortable admitting out loud, and the fact that I was opening myself to the possibility of getting hurt was one of them.
It sounded ridiculous when I thought about it.
It’d been less than six months since Thomas and I’s divorce was final, and I’d sworn off all relationships until I figured out what I was doing with my life.
Not that I’d expected to jump headfirst into anything this soon anyway.
Not that there was anything to jump into in the first place.
“I just mean it’s inappropriate. That’s all,” I said, shifting on my feet.
Lennox studied me, her gaze all-knowing.
I wasn’t sure how she did it. I was nine years her senior, and yet it somehow felt like she knew so much more than I did.
She was fierce and had the drive I wished I could have.
When it came to what she wanted, she didn’t ask for permission to take it.
She just did. That was why she and Bishop worked so well together.
He needed someone to coax him out of his shell, and she needed someone to keep her grounded.
I loved seeing her so in love, but this side of her made me feel small.
It was my own insecurities, I knew that much.
But I should’ve been the one urging her to follow her dreams. Not the other way around.
“Inviting someone to a camp potluck isn’t inappropriate, Cleo. It’s a fucking camp for kids, not a sleazy nightclub. No one said anything had to happen. Plus,” she gestured behind me to the crowd of people milling about, “It’s casual. A chance to hang out without the pressure of all the bullshit.”
“Nothing can happen,” I stressed. I was choosing to ignore the rest because even though we may have been hosting a little party for the parents and the kids, there wasn’t a chance in hell I would get out of this night unscathed. It’s why I’d tried to avoid it altogether.
Lennox looked down and bit her lip. “But do you want it to?”
“Of course not,” I said, shaking my head. No, that would be insane. It would be crazy. Grady was a thing of my past, not a moment in my future. We’d had our chance, and it hadn’t worked out. Plus, he was married.
Married, married, married.
I hated the word. Hated everything it represented. But I especially hated it when thinking about Grady.
Lennox hummed but didn’t say anything else.
Instead, she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and led me from the barn into the afternoon heat.
Cook was at the chuckwagon dishing out grilled hamburgers and hot dogs to everyone in line as music filtered through the speakers of Bishop’s truck.
Kids ran back and forth from table to table as parents chatted about their weeks.
Everyone seemed to be having a great time.
Up ahead, I could see my parents by the wagon talking to Cook.
Dad’s hand was tucked into the back pocket of Mom’s jeans, and she was leaning into him like he was the only thing keeping her up.
Even as a kid, before I truly knew the meaning of love, I always admired their relationship.
They loved each other like they were in some epic romance novel.
It wasn’t always perfect. In fact, they were often messy, but their love never wavered.
Not even when they fought like cats and dogs.
Sometimes I wondered what their secret was, how it was possible for two people who seemed so different to fit together so perfectly. Everyone always said opposites attract, but I didn’t believe that much. Grady and I had been opposites, so had Thomas and I. Neither of those relationships worked.
The reason Thomas and I broke apart had more to do with the abuse than our differences.
If things hadn’t turned dark, I knew we would’ve still been married.
We’d been content with one another, or at least, I had been.
It was easy, convenient. Love had never been a factor in our marriage.
After Grady and I broke up, I’d vowed not to seek it out again.
I couldn’t let myself be hurt like that. Not by him. Not by anyone.
I needed to remember that vow.
“They look happy, don’t they?” Lennox said, pulling me tighter.
I smiled, though it felt weak. “They do,” I agreed. “It’s good to see them smile like this. The past year has been hard. I think it killed Dad not to do the clinic in June.”
“This was a good call, though.” She gestured around at the people around us. “Not just for what it added to the community, but for all of us. I think we’ve been so preoccupied with Dad’s heart and Josie’s pregnancy we forgot what it’s all about.”
There was a subtle upturn on Lennox’s lips as she scanned the scene in front of us.
She was made for this life. Both of my sisters were.
Of that, I had no doubt. It felt good knowing my parents could pass down their legacy to people who were worthy of it.
I certainly wouldn’t know what to do with it, nor did I want it.
I bumped her shoulder. “You’re gonna run the shit out of this place someday.”
“Someday?” she asked. “I run the shit out of it now.”
We both laughed. “Bishop may disagree,” I said, nodding in the broody man’s direction. He was leaning up against the fence line, talking to Lincoln, posture relaxed, even though I knew he’d been working his ass off in the heat all day.
Lennox smirked as Bishop glanced over at us, eyes narrowing at his fiancé’s expression. “Oh, he knows it, too. Although I let him take control in the bedroom. It’s so much more fun that way.”
“I swear to god, Lennox,” I muttered, shoving her out of her little daydream. “I don’t want to think about that!”
Lennox shrugged. “Might do you some good to submit a little sis. If only there was a very willing and eager participant.” She turned, tapping her lips with her pointer finger until she made a triumphant little sound. “Ooh, like that one!”
I turned in the direction she pointed and nearly stopped breathing at the sight.