Chapter 28 Cleo #2
“Okay,” she mumbled, stepping out of my hold.
Just as they said, she grabbed onto Bishop’s outstretched hand as Lincoln hoisted her up.
She settled right in front of him, a giddy smile on her face as she looked down at all of us.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so tall,” she giggled. “Miss Cleo, why don’t you ride with us? ”
“I don’t have a horse saddled up,” I said, stepping back. “But I’ll be right here watching you.”
“You can ride with me,” Grady said, smirking as he glanced down at his lap.
“Nice try.” I couldn’t help but smile when his lips dropped into an overexaggerated pout. “I’ll catch the next one.”
Stepping back, I let Bishop take the lead with Titan. Sundance didn’t need any coaxing to follow suit, falling perfectly in step with her little boyfriend. I watched from the sidelines as Bishop let Charlie hold the reins, giving her gentle instructions on how to navigate the turns.
Then my eyes shifted to Lennox, who looked like she was ready to melt at her fiancé’s coaching.
It wouldn’t surprise me if they announced a little surprise before long.
They absolutely fawned over Stella and jumped at every opportunity to watch her, even if only for an hour or two while Lincoln and Josie ran errands in town.
In all my creeping, however, I forgot I wasn’t alone. Lincoln walked over and let out a low whistle as he leaned against the railing. “Damn, you’ve got it bad.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, refusing to look at him. I’m sure he had a stupid, goofy smile on his face, which was the last thing I wanted to see right now.
“Sure you do. I see the same thing you did when you encouraged Josie to tell me how she felt. The same thing you see now with the way Lennox is staring at Bishop like that grumpy bastard is the most important person in the world.” He bumped into my shoulder.
“You’re not as cool, calm, and collected as you think you are. ”
I rolled my eyes and turned to see I was right. He was trying to suppress his smile, but his lips were twitching. “He’s not even officially divorced.”
“That’s more of a confirmation than deflection, you know,” Lincoln said.
“But so what? No one said you had to skip down the aisle, Cleo. Just don’t shut it all down before you’ve given it a shot.
” He pushed off the gate and set his hand on my shoulder.
“You should see the way he looks at you, by the way. Everyone sees it except for you. Just keep that in mind.” Then he was gone, making his way across the arena to where Lennox was talking to Josie.
He pressed a kiss to his daughter’s head before doing the same to Josie.
She leaned into his side, the picture of perfect happiness and contentment.
I deserved that, too, didn’t I? I may have told myself I didn’t, may have shut down the prospect of opening my heart because I was scared of getting hurt.
But Grady was different. He wasn’t some random stranger I’d never met.
We had history. Even if it wasn’t all perfect, the bad bits didn’t seem quite so horrible these days.
The day I walked away, he asked if he had a chance in the future, if we had a someday. For so long I thought that door was closed, but I didn’t think it ever really was. At the end of the day, there was always a sliver of space left open just for him.
It wouldn’t be easy for either of us, but if he was open to it, I think I could be, too.
Night had fallen by the time I followed Grady out of the barn.
He was carrying a sleeping Charlie to his truck.
She’d spent the last thirty minutes drooling on my t-shirt as Lennox and I watched the guys try to outdo one another on horseback.
It started after she ran barrels, to which Lincoln and Grady both smarted off they could do better.
Because Bishop was incapable of letting a challenge pass him by, he inevitably joined in.
To absolutely no one's surprise, none of them could beat Lennox’s time. However, that led to betting about who could get the fastest time roping steers, which then led to the best shortstop.
Even though Grady came in last every time, he paid up and promised he’d be winning it back in no time. I didn’t have the heart to tell him there was no way he would be able to win against either of those two con artists, so I just cheered him on with Charlie by my side.
“Oh man, this was great,” Grady said as we stopped by his truck.
“It was,” I agreed, stepping up to get the passenger door as he shifted Charlie in his arms. I laid my head against the door as he buckled her into her booster seat, watching as he carefully laid her braid over her shoulder so it didn’t get caught behind her back.
“Mind turning on the truck for me?” he asked over his shoulder, nodding to the keys in the cup holder.
“Sure thing.” I did so, walking around the vehicle to the driver's side and listening to the familiar hum of his engine as it came to life. There were nights I stayed up with my window open, hoping to hear the familiar rumble down at the gate so I could sneak away with him.
“You know, I’m surprised you still have this thing,” I said, meeting his gaze over the center console. “Figured someone might have gotten rid of it.”
His lips lifted in a smile. “You know, Dad tried at one point. He said if it was going to sit in the driveway, he was going to start charging me rent. Said it was going to waste. I almost agreed, too.”
“But you didn’t in the end.”
He shook his head, closed the passenger door, and joined me on the driver’s side. “How could I? Some of my best memories happened in this truck.”
“Best memories, huh?” I asked with a laugh. “I don’t know, that seems like a bit of a stretch. You’ve lived a whole life since then.”
“I have, and don’t get me wrong… I’ve done some amazing things. But I think the fact my mind keeps wandering back to you and I after so many years means something.”
It made sense. I felt the same way about our time together. Those moments were deeply ingrained in my mind and heart. No matter how hard I tried to carve them out, they burrowed deeper.
“Who knew you were so deep?” I joked. He leaned against the closed door. Our bodies were separated by only a few inches of space. The way he looked at me felt too heavy, too personal. It made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years, a longing I thought I’d never feel again.
“I don’t think that’s getting deep, bluebird.
It’s me being honest. I’ve carried those memories around my entire life, unable to get them out of my head.
” He turned his body, letting his head fall back against the truck, and looked up at the sky.
“It was always you and me in the front seat of this truck. Our first date, our first kiss,” he laughed.
“Remember the day we played paintball on our Senior skip day and you got smoked? There’s still a pink stain on the floorboard mats. ”
“Okay, in my defense, I didn’t know Billy Stevens had such good aim. How was I supposed to know the kid who came in second place for class president was also a sharpshooter champion?” I said, laughing. “And you know you could just get new mats? I’ll even buy some for you if it means so much.”
“You’re missing the point. The old ones mean so much because of the stain. For the longest time, it was one of the few pieces of you I had left.” He let his head fall toward me. “I like having whatever pieces of you I can get.”
I blew out a breath. Whatever was happening between us right now felt monumental.
Walls were down, and honesty was flowing.
It was taking everything I had not to run away.
I looked at my feet, unable to meet his gaze as I admitted my truth.
“I think you already have whatever’s left of me, Grady. And that is terrifying.”
I felt his fingers beneath my chin, gently lifting my head until I was staring into a pair of bright blue eyes. His thumb slowly brushed against my bottom lip, and I let them part on instinct. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispered. “I wonder—”
But I didn’t let myself find out what he wondered, because I wanted to see something for myself.
“Fuck it,” I muttered. My heart was racing as I raised onto my tiptoes and crushed my lips to his.
He paused for only a moment before surging forward and taking my face between both of his hands, deepening the kiss.
He rolled us so I was pinned between his hard body and the cool metal of his truck.
Oh god, what was I doing? I should’ve pulled back, I should’ve stopped it before it ever began, but it felt so good, so right, to have his lips on mine.
When I thought about what it might’ve been like to kiss Grady again, I figured it would be awkward.
Maybe it would’ve been easier if it had been.
My memories, regardless of how vivid they were, couldn’t compare to the real thing.
He tasted like spearmint gum, and smelled like horses and sweat.
It reminded me of the day he asked me out on our first date.
This felt like coming home.
Grady pulled back with a groan. I could feel the hard length of him, how desperately he was fighting to keep his hips from rolling into mine.
Part of me was disappointed with his control.
I knew it was for my benefit. I wasn’t ready for that.
Hell, I wasn’t ready for this. I could already feel the panic settling in the longer we stared at one another.
Raising my finger to my lips, I felt how swollen and sensitive they felt after just one kiss. Cleo, Cleo, Cleo… What are you doing? You’re not thinking straight.
“Please don’t shut me out,” he begged. “I can see it in your eyes, can feel your muscles tightening beneath my touch. Don’t do this.”
I cleared my throat and stepped out of his hold, trying to smile even though I knew it was falling flat. Of course, he could read every moment of panic coming to the forefront of my mind. He knew me too well. “It’s getting late. You should probably get Charlie tucked into bed.”
“Cleo—” he began, fists clenching at his side.
I shook my head. “I can’t,” I said, wrapping my arms around my waist. I just needed some time to figure out what the fuck was happening.
Everything was moving too fast and yet not fast enough.
It would’ve been nothing to let him drag me into the bed of his truck and make love to me all night beneath the stars, but he wasn’t officially divorced, and he had Charlie.
This was more complicated than either of us truly realized.
If this thing, whatever it was, was going to be a possibility, there were things we needed to talk about first.
Even if I did let him back in, I wasn’t the same girl he fell in love with twenty years ago. This new version of me had barely graduated from being held together by duct tape to superglue.
He hung his head, defeated. “Will you ever trust me again?”
“I want to,” I admitted. It was the truth. And I’d come to accept it. But I still needed to protect myself, and I wasn’t quite ready to give him the broken pieces of me yet. “It’s just—”
Grady sighed, running his hand through his hair. “That bastard really fucked with your head, didn’t he?”
I blinked in surprise. “What are you—”
“I’m not scared of whatever it is you’re hiding, by the way.
I’m not scared of your scars, of your fears, of any other bullshit you think you’re protecting me from.
The only thing I’m scared of is losing you again.
” He opened the driver's side door, hesitating only for a moment. “I don’t know what I have to do to show you I’m all in, but I’m going to try.
I’ve lived far too long without you, bluebird. I don’t want to do it any longer.”
With that, he got in his truck, put it in reverse, and slowly drove away. I stood there until his taillights disappeared, and I knew I was actually alone.
I slowly trudged back into the house, barely making it to my bed before I reached for my phone and typed out a message.
Cleo
I need to see you next week.