Chapter 31 Cleo #2
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel… Let down your hair!” I stilled at Lennox’s voice coming from below the treehouse.
Shit. How did she find me? Maybe if I stayed quiet, she’d go away.
“I know you’re up there,” she called. I closed my eyes and drew my knees up close to my chest. She might have guessed it, but the only way for her to know for sure was to check for herself.
There was no way she was going to do that, right?
“You’re really gonna make me climb my ass up there, aren’t you? Alright, I guess…”
The sound of creaking wood had my molars grinding together. I guess that answered my question. “I’m not in the mood for company, Lennox. I’ll be back at the house later.”
“Tough titties. I’m coming up anyway.”
Tough titties? Where the hell did she come up with this stuff?
A minute later, her blonde head popped through the floor latch. She scanned the space, narrowing her eyes when she saw me cowering in the corner. “Well, hello, Rapunzel,” she said, batting her eyelashes my way. “It’s so lovely to see you.”
“Sometimes I wonder if Mom dropped you on your head as a kid,” I grumbled. “Or maybe I did, and this is my penance.”
“You’re so dramatic,” she said, rolling her eyes. She pulled herself up and scooted over next to me. “And that’s saying something, coming from me.”
“You did coin the term,” I agreed, letting out a breath.
Having this conversation was the last thing I wanted.
I knew what she would say, but the thought of her over-the-top dose of positivity was nauseating.
“I really wasn’t lying, Len. I’m not in the mood for company. I don’t say that to be rude, but—”
“You’re sulking. I get it.” She bumped her shoulder against mine. “But you don’t have to sulk alone.”
“That’s kind of the whole idea.”
“Well, not here. Not with me. I won’t let you.”
Some days I applauded her stubbornness, but today was not the day. Why couldn’t my family just leave me be for two seconds? “And why not? Haven’t I earned a little alone time?”
Lennox tilted her head, as if she was thinking about it. “Earned it? Sure. But I’m not known for my ability to give people space, and unfortunately for you, you’re not an exception to the rule.”
“God, you’re annoying.”
She laid her hand over her heart. “Oh, sis. I love you, too. Now… Tell me what has you hiding in your tower? Are you, per chance, waiting to be swept off your feet by a handsome prince with a killer singing voice?”
“I was just trying to get a little peace and quiet without someone, or multiple someones, coming by and knocking on my door, or trying to force feed me chicken-fried steak and brownies,” I said, a little exasperated. “God forbid a girl take some time to herself.”
“Wait, who made the brownies? Mom or Josie?” she asked.
I mean, her question was valid; Josie could, and often did, burn toast if left unsupervised.
While she’d gotten better over the past year, I was sure poor Lincoln had been forced to choke down her subpar cooking many times along the way.
“Okay, you’re right. We can circle back to that. ”
We settled into the silence, and I looked down, playing with the fringed hem of my shorts.
Why was talking about my feelings so difficult?
I could give the world’s best pep talk to a random stranger if I needed to, but the moment the spotlight was on me, it was like everything I knew evaporated into thin air.
All that good advice I gave other people?
Yeah, I could use some for myself right now.
And there was something about talking about everything with Lennox that made me feel worse.
It wasn’t because I thought she would judge me.
If anything, my little sister would be my ride or die, but I never wanted her to.
I wanted to be the one she turned to, the one who was there to comfort her when she needed it.
Not the other way around. I always strived to keep my struggles from my sisters, so letting my guard down and allowing her to see all the fucked up parts of me was jarring.
“I don’t know, Len. Things have been confusing ever since Grady came back into the picture.
I thought I was done with love. I thought my time had passed and that I needed to get used to being alone.
Ever since the divorce became final, I’ve been trying to convince myself it was okay.
That I’d be okay. And then poof,” I mimed an explosion with my hands, “he fucked it all up.”
Lennox chewed on her bottom lip. I could tell she was holding back, which wasn’t like her.
Her bluntness knew no bounds, typically.
“Did he fuck it up?” she said, cautiously.
“Or did he make you realize the things you were telling yourself were bullshit? I mean, in what world do you deserve to be alone? You’re one of the best people I know, Cleo.
You deserve all the good shit others deserve. Even more, probably.”
I rolled my eyes. All of this was easy for her to say. She was barely twenty-eight. She still had her whole life ahead of her. “I’m old, Len—”
She held up her hand. “Jesus Christ, Cleo. You’re thirty-six. That’s not exactly Betty White. Even then, you think she’d let her age stop her from taking what she wanted? Fuck no. The idea that a woman’s life dies with each year that passes is so ridiculous.”
“I just mean—”
She barely took a breath before barreling through. “No, I know exactly what you mean. Cleo, look at Bishop. He’s forty. He’ll be forty-one in a few months. Do you think he doesn’t deserve happiness because of his age?”
“Of course not,” I said quickly. “But Bishop doesn’t have two failed relationships behind him.
There are zero expectations for him to marry or have kids, unlike there are for me.
I don’t know how many times I can be asked about my love life or have a pitying look shot my way when someone asks if I have children, and I say no. ”
Lennox let my words sink in before landing a killing blow. “It’s easier to make yourself believe everything is over for you rather than dust yourself off and get your ass back in the saddle. What a miserable existence it must be to live in fear like that.”
I barked out a cruel laugh. “Gee, thanks, Len. Appreciate your honesty.”
She shrugged. “It’s what I do.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t know if I can survive it,” I mumbled.
I felt her reach over, taking my hand in hers, the comforting embrace making my eyes sting with unshed tears. “You want the unfortunate, fucked up truth?”
“Not really, but I don’t see how I have a choice now that you’re here.”
“Look… Even if you live your life in a bubble, never getting hurt again is out of the question. Pain is inevitable, whether you stub your toe or lose someone you love. There’s no way to totally remove it from your life.
What you have to do is make the pain worth it, which means you’ve got to put your cute ass out there occasionally.
Now, tell me the truth… Do you love him? ”
“Love?” I choked. She was giving me whiplash. “Are you crazy?”
Lennox stared at me, unmoving. “I am. Now answer the question. Do you love the man or not?”
Was the answer complicated? Sure. Absolutely. But I didn’t even need to think about it. “Yes,” I whispered. “I do, but it isn’t that simple.”
“Love never is, sis. But you know what? It’s always worth it. If I had listened to all the bullshit going on in my head about Bishop and me… Well, I think I’d be pretty fucking miserable. But now I know what it means to feel true happiness, to know I’m loved for who I am and not just a fun time.”
I stared at my sister, soaking in her features in the moonlight.
She’d changed so much in the past year. I think, objectively, I always knew, but seeing and hearing it was different.
Out of the three of us, Josie and Lennox had always been closer because of their age.
And with nearly ten years between us, I struggled to gain even a fraction of the relationship they had.
Maybe I was no better than all the other assholes who dismissed her because of her age, and yet, here she was, trying to pull me from my stupor.
“Jeez, when did my baby sister get so wise?”
“I think it’s because I’m getting dicked down by someone so experienced,” she said, shooting me a wink. “Maybe some of his wisdom just transfers to me every time we have sex. Like wisdom osmosis. Does that make me an intellectual succubus?”
“God, no!” I laughed, and she joined in with me. We didn’t stop until our cheeks were flushed and our sides hurt. “Please refrain from using ‘dicked down’ in your vocabulary, especially in front of me. That gives me a bad mental image.”
Lennox sighed, rocking forward. “It’s just the truth. If you only knew the way that man makes me scream—”
“Don’t worry, I think the entire ranch has heard you two going at it one time or another,” I said with a shake of my head. The same could be said about Josie, too. Their men were obsessed with them and seized every chance to show my sisters just how much.
“Cleo, some dick would do you good,” she said, blowing out a breath. “Well… It’s a good thing Grady’s been standing right below us the entire time, huh?”
I froze, eyes darting to the hatch in the floor. “What do you mean?”
“Oh yeah,” she said, smacking her forehead.
“That’s what I was coming to tell you. Loverboy showed up at the house looking for you.
Mom went to check your room but it was empty.
I was the kitchen, shooting the shit with Dad and Bishop, and she came back in on the border of hysterics.
Because I’m so wonderful, I said I’d come find you.
Grady, ever the gentleman, decided to tag along. ”
“Um, for the record, I was forced to tag along. I was all too happy to wait at the house,” Grady called up.
Hearing his voice sent me reeling. What did he want? How much had he heard? Oh my god, I told Lennox I loved him. Surely, he hadn’t heard me, though. No, there was no way. No way.
“Goddammit, Lennox! Why would you do that?” I hissed. “And you left the hatch open?” I pointed to the opening in the floor. This was so much worse than I thought. Honestly, if the earth could just swallow me up right now, it would be fucking fantastic.
“Duh,” she said, rolling her eyes. “How else was he supposed to hear my awesome pep talk?”
“I’m going to kill you,” I murmured. “I’m going to freaking murder you.”
“Yeah, yeah, just talk to him. One way or the other, y’all need to figure this shit out,” she said, crawling toward the hatch.
“And listen, if you still wanna kill me after you talk to him,” she trailed off, giving me a smirk as she lowered her body through the opening. “You’re gonna have to catch me.”
“Lennox!” I shouted, watching her disappear down the ladder.
“Love you, Rapunzel!” Lennox hit the ground and waved up at me. Then she pointed toward a figure in the shadows. “Don’t fuck this up, Loverboy.”
When Grady stepped up toward the ladder, the sight of him took my breath away. Fear had my heart rate spiking, making me want to run, but there was something else there, too. Something warm and comforting, like a warm blanket on a cold night. Seeing him here, in this place, our place, felt right.
He looked up, a tentative smile on his lips. “Hey, bluebird. Mind if I come up?”