Chapter 32 Grady #2
It was terrifying laying my heart on the line like that.
If Cleo wanted to, she could crush it beneath her pretty little foot without a second thought.
I wouldn’t blame her if she did. I probably deserved it.
Still, it was a risk I had to take. She needed to know how much she meant to me, if she didn’t already.
“You know, I’ve spent my life analyzing our relationship. I mean, we were only together for a few years. It was high school love. We should’ve been over it by now.”
“Is this your way of telling me you’re over it?”
“No. That’s the problem.” I tried to pretend I didn’t notice the way she trembled, trying my hardest not to take her in my arms, rather than let her collect her thoughts.
“Did you ever stop and think the issue wasn’t that we didn’t love one another, but maybe we were just too young for that kind of commitment?
” Her voice was barely above a whisper as we sat side-by-side.
The cicadas sang their summer song, keeping the silence from swallowing us whole.
“What do you mean?” I asked, rolling my head against the worn wood of the treehouse. I wasn’t going to risk missing a moment of the vulnerability she was willing to show.
Her gaze dropped to her lap, where she fiddled with the hem of her shirt.
“We fell for one another so hard and fast when we were kids. What we had… It felt like that forever kind of love, the type you never wanna lose, but what business did two teenagers have feeling things that deeply? It was terrifying.”
“People feel that all the time, and they make it through, bluebird,” I countered.
“My parents—your parents—they have the kind of relationship others can only dream of. The kind books and movies only hope to convey,” I paused, making sure she really heard what I said next.
“The kind I wrote songs about because I could never get you out of my head or my heart.”
Cleo’s ragged exhale went straight to my aching chest. “We were just so young, Grady,” she said, sniffing. “I thought love was supposed to be easy, but ours wasn’t. Not once we left Ashwood.”
“You didn’t fight—”
I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, but it was too late. Her head snapped up, eyes narrowing into small slits as she turned to fully face me. “What’d you just say?”
“I didn’t mean—”
“How dare you?” she whispered harshly, scooting away from me.
Her hands fisted in the fabric of her shirt so tightly I thought it would rip.
“From the moment we left for school up until that final fucking night, it’s all I was doing.
You prioritized everything over me—over us—and I let you.
I made excuses for you when we had plans with friends, and you never showed.
God, there were so many times you let me down, and yet I kept telling myself it would be different someday.
I kept telling myself it would get better, if I held on just a little longer, you’d show me an ounce of the attention you showed your music.
Sometimes I didn’t even recognize you. Especially not when you stumbled in drunk—”
“I was trying to make a name for myself,” I gritted out.
Her words, although spoken out of a place of anger and hurt, weren’t untrue.
That was the worst part. But it also wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair she saw these things as failures when they led me to some of the most extraordinary highs in my career.
I made something out of myself. Couldn’t she see that?
“I was trying to make sure we would be set for the rest of our lives. That I wouldn’t be some big disappointment you’d look back on in twenty years, but I guess it didn’t matter in the end, did it? I was always going to lose you.”
“We stopped talking, Grady. There was no communication between us. Even when we did talk, it was always about your music, your gigs, the band you wanted to put together… It was never about us or the plans we made. We used to dream together, but I suddenly felt like I was alone even though you were right there in front of me,” she cried.
“You never asked me about school or my grades or even my family. Never asked about what I liked or wanted. It was all about you.”
How could she think that? Despite what we’d been through, how could she not see everything I did was for her? For us? It was irrational, but it pissed me off. “Bullshit. Yes, I did.”
“You missed so many parties with friends, you missed our anniversary, both of our birthdays, but I was there for every gig,” she bit out, jabbing her finger into her chest emphatically.
“Even if it meant giving up studying for finals or an extra-curricular, I was there because I knew how much it meant to you. And yet you dare to sit there and say I didn’t fucking fight for us?
You were the one who didn’t fight, Grady.
You never reached out. You just moved on like I was nothing. Like what we had was nothing.”
“That’s not true!” I said, voice rising. “I was ready to give you everything at that stupid fucking rodeo, and you were with him.” My eyes darted to her hand, where another man’s ring once sat. “You moved on—”
“What? I wasn’t with anyone then—”
“He put his fucking hand on you so casually. Like he’d been doing it for years,” I seethed. “He took my place and then you fucking married him.”
If she hated me after my outburst, I wouldn’t blame her. I hated myself in that moment. I hated that I brought him up when she was finally being honest. I hated that I was still filled with so much anger—at her, at me, especially at him.
Cleo blinked in surprised understanding. “That’s why you left, wasn’t it? You thought I was with someone else?”
I dropped my head. “I wasn’t in a good place back then.
Mom had just found out about her cancer.
I thought we were going to lose her so much sooner than we did.
When I saw you that night… I don’t know.
I thought it was fate. Some big fucking sign this would be our second chance. And then he showed up.”
Her eyes turned to a blazing inferno. “Maybe if you hadn’t let your bruised ego get in the way, you would’ve asked.
Maybe if you weren’t such a goddamn coward, you wouldn’t have left without knowing for sure.
” She shook her head. “God, we are a fucking mess. Look at us, still harboring so much anger and resentment for things that don’t matter in the long run. ”
“Help me understand, then, bluebird? Enlighten me.”
She leveled me with a crushing glare. “Thomas was a drunken, abusive asshole who would rather lay a hand on me in anger than touch me like a husband should. He gambled away our savings and fell into debt with the wrong people. I had to get a restraining order after I filed for divorce because he called me incessantly, and I had to turn my phone off. I didn’t agree to date Thomas until I found out about your engagement, you jackass.
I texted him the night I found out about you. ”
The hate I felt for him and myself grew tenfold. “What?”
She scoffed, wiping beneath her eyes. “He’d been trying to date me for years, but every single time he asked me out, I turned him down. I made sure he knew I just wanted to be friends because my stupid heart still belonged to you.”
Her words smothered the raging fire burning in my veins. I knew I’d been a selfish prick when we were younger, but having her lay it out so plainly was fucking agonizing. Cleo deserved someone far better than me.
“At some point, Grady, love isn’t enough. It doesn’t matter how much of it there is, or how long it lasted. I needed actions. I needed security. I fucking needed you, but you were never there. I had to make that call and break my own heart before you shattered it completely.”
Tears ran down her face as she sucked in a ragged breath. This was worse than losing her all those years ago. Hearing her side of things, watching her break in front of me, was eye-opening in a way that left me feeling empty.
“Bluebird…” I whispered, voice cracking at the end of the word. I crawled toward her hesitantly. If I tried to take her in my arms, would she let me? I didn’t deserve it.
To my surprise, she went willingly. Cleo lay her head on my chest, right above my heart.
Her hot tears soaked through the fabric of my shirt, body heaving with heartbreaking sobs.
I hugged her tightly to me; one arm banded around her waist as the other rubbed circles along her back. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I fucking needed you,” she cried, echoing her previous statement.
“You made everything better until you didn’t.
I might’ve been the one to walk away, but my life has been one disaster after another since that day.
I’ve hated myself for not being stronger for us, for not riding it out, but goddamn it…
” she hiccupped, and I squeezed her tighter.
“I think I hated you, too. Now, I’ve made so many mistakes, and I don’t know how to fix them. ”
I rested my chin atop her head, trying my best to stay strong for the both of us, but that control was slipping with each passing second. “Let me in. Let me help.”
“You can’t. You can’t fix this. You can’t fix me.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I moved quickly, pulling her up to straddle my hips. My hands found her face, and I forced her to look at me. “You are not fucking broken, bluebird. The fact you think that? God, it breaks my fucking heart. You’re perfect the way you are.”
Cleo’s eyes were closed as she pushed at my chest, trying to break free from my hold. “Stop, let me go.”
“Not until you listen to me—”
Fresh tears fell as she tried to stand, but I needed her to understand this. To hear me. “Grady, please…”
“I will fucking kill anyone who made you feel like you aren’t enough—”
“Goddammit, Grady. Fucking let me go!” Her nails dug into my shoulders, voice breaking as a ragged scream tore through her throat.
Cleo moved the moment I let go, clambering away from me. Her chest heaved as she fought to catch her breath. What the fuck was happening?
“Tell me what you need, Cleo. Talk to me, baby,” I pleaded.
She closed her eyes, hands pressed tightly to her chest as tears fell. Every instinct told me to go to her, but what if I made it worse? She was barely holding on as it was. “I can’t—”
Before I could think about it further, I slowly moved forward. Cleo was lost in her head. It was like I didn’t exist at all.
Reaching up, I gently plucked her hands away.
She resisted at first, but the moment I laid her palms flat on my chest so she could feel the steady beat of my heart, she paused.
“Breathe with me,” I whispered, sucking in a deep inhale.
I waited for her to follow, but she didn’t, keeping her eyes squeezed shut. “Come on, bluebird. Breathe with me.”
On the next inhale, I felt Cleo’s body shakily comply as the pain and anger she held onto melted away.
She shuddered through each long breath, but took them in stride.
I did my best to keep my tempo even, giving her something steady to focus on.
“One more,” I said, guiding her through another.
As we let it go, she finally opened her eyes.
They were still wary, but they weren’t wild.
Neither of us spoke, too afraid to dispel whatever this was between us.
Our gazes dropped to where her hands lay flat on my chest. I expected her to pull away, especially after she shied from my touch moments ago.
Instead, her fingers curled into the fabric as if she was trying to claw through my skin for a better hold.
Through our shared breaths, we’d drifted closer somehow.
I didn’t remember moving, but needing to be near her was an instinct I couldn’t ignore.
She may not have said the words, but somehow, I knew she loved me. I knew she loved me despite my fuck-ups, despite my faults, despite the years and broken promises. I could feel it in my soul.
“Grady,” she whispered. Her voice was raw, broken.
“Bluebird,” I said back, shifting forward until our knees brushed. “Are you okay?”
She shook her head. “Not right now.”
“How can I help?” I asked, resting my forehead against hers. “Tell me how to help. I’ll do anything—”
“Kiss me.”
The words hung between us, echoing through my head like the ringing of a bell. God, I wanted to. I wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to love her. I wanted to make up for lost time and erase every bit of pain I had ever caused her.
Her grip on my shirt grew tighter as she repeated herself in my silence. “Kiss me, Grady.”
“I’m so scared to hurt you, Cleo.” My hands ran up the smooth, exposed skin of her thighs until they rested on her hips. “I want to so badly, but—”
“I’m not going to run away again,” she said earnestly. “Give me another chance.”
“Oh, baby,” I whispered, curling my fingers through her belt loop. “I don’t deserve you.”
We moved at the same time, closing the distance between our mouths in a clash of tongues and teeth.
Unlike before, her arms wound their way around my neck, deepening the kiss until I no longer knew where I ended and she began.
I couldn’t get enough of her. Her taste, her scent, the subtle way she fought for dominance, it was all intoxicating.
“Would it be forward to ask you to come home with me?” I murmured against her lips. “I don’t want to let you go now that I have you in my arms.”
“What about Charlie?” she asked between impassioned kisses.
“She’s at the house with your family.”
Cleo pulled back, a single eyebrow cocked. “What do you mean?”
I sat back on my heels, trying to ignore the way my dick was straining against the zipper of my jeans. “Well, I couldn’t leave her at home alone. It’s just the two of us.” I shrugged. “So, she’s my wing-woman, I guess.”
“That’s kind of adorable,” she said quietly, biting her lip.
“She is,” I agreed. “So, what do you say? Come home with us?”