Chapter 7
7
M en rarely make me flustered, but the guy that just walked up is a different breed. He’s got to be at least six four, with a gray-streaked hair and a salt-and-pepper beard that indicates he’s at least ten years my senior. His rugged, weather-worn light brown skin, and the fine lines that crease around his eyes when he smiles only make him hotter.
It’s unfair. If I had the same amount of wrinkles and grays, men wouldn’t glance my way. Nevertheless, the man is sexy in a way that makes me unsettled. I can’t tell if the strange squirming sensation in my stomach is a good thing or not.
“Declan, this is my friend Grace,” Blair says. Mona grabs my hand as I go to lift it to wave hello to the stranger. Shit, I really wish she’d picked a different pseudonym.
“Hi Declan! I think I’ve seen you around, but it’s nice to get a formal introduction.” Mona smiles brightly, catching me a little by surprise. Sometimes I forget how much her confidence has grown, and I still expect her to have her guard up around men. I know it was a defensive mechanism so she wouldn’t have to deal with embarrassment if they didn’t find her attractive, but I can’t count the number of times a guy was obviously flirting with her and she was oblivious.
No, the Mona sitting next to me knows how hot she is. The man, Declan, smiles back and nods. “A pleasure to meet you, Grace. I’ve been an admirer since I saw you as Bella’s rope bunny, but didn’t know if the man you’re usually here with would appreciate me stopping by to say so.”
Mona giggles. “Yeah, probably not.” Her left hand comes up to her chest and flashes the diamond ring adorning it. I still can’t get over how pretty the engagement ring Max picked out is.
Declan clocks it with an easy smile, then turns his focus on me expectantly.
“This is Rose,” Blair offers, when I’m unable to formulate words under the weight of this man’s gaze. I’m sure I’m turning pinker by the second as he lets his eyes rake down my body and back up to my face.
His lips quirk into an amused grin. “Like Briar Rose?”
I blink back at him, my brain not able to process what he’s asking.
“Sleeping Beauty. You certainly look the part, princess,” he says with a wink that manages to come off as charming rather than creepy—not a small feat .
“Oh! Uh, no, I didn’t even think of that. But that works! I do like to sleep a lot.” Shit, I’m babbling.
Mona snorts. “It’s true. Sleeping is one of her favorite hobbies.”
“Mmm, I love a good nap. Especially when there’s someone there to snuggle up with.”
The genuine way he says that makes me laugh at how incongruous it is with his rugged appearance.
He raises a brow. “Something funny about snuggling, princess?”
“N-no!” I sputter. “I just wasn’t expecting a strange man to come over and talk to me about his love for naps and cuddles at a kink club. But tonight has been nothing like I expected, so that tracks.”
“Call me old-fashioned, but I like to get to know a woman a bit before I dive into more hardcore subject matter. But if there’s something else you’d like to talk about, Rose, I’m all ears.”
“I…” I feel like I’m diving into the deep end, but why the hell shouldn’t I flirt with this sexy older man? I swallow down my nerves and give him a shy smile. “Maybe. This is all new to me, so I’m not sure what to ask.”
“First time?” His eyes spark with interest, and the grin he gives me is filthy. “I’ve been told I’m a great teacher. What is it you’re looking for, princess?”
I bite my lip, simultaneously feeling insane for considering diving into a kinky encounter with this man and thrilled at the potential that he could be what I’ve been secretly hoping for.
My eyes dart to Mona, who is watching the interaction with undisguised glee, then over to Blair, who looks… bored . There’s a sharp pang in my gut when I notice her apathy that deflates my excitement. I thought she’d… I don’t know. Tell me I need to learn more about kink before doing anything? Be protective of me as her friend ?
It’s silly. I don’t need her approval or her guidance.
“I’d love someone to teach me, but I think you were right about getting to know each other better first.” There. I’m being responsible without anyone helping me.
He nods, looking more pleased about my reticence than I thought he would be. “I like a woman who does her due diligence. Would your friends mind if I steal you away? Just to chat.”
My eyes flit back over to Blair, who is completely inscrutable. Devoid of any sign that she approves or not.
I hate it. Why is she shutting herself off when she’s the one whose opinion I’d trust the most in this moment? She’s a professional domme, for fuck’s sake. Why isn’t she saying anything?
With nothing from my unhelpful vampire friend, I look to Mona. She may have been reckless when she first started exploring kink, but at least she knows more about it than I do. She raises a questioning brow at me, exchanging a silent “You need me to tell this guy to back off?”, which isn’t what I was looking for.
I want someone to tell me what to do! Don’t they know I’m a disaster? My instincts can’t be trusted—I married the world’s biggest asshole because he told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen.
Left to my own devices, I choose excitement over pragmatism. “They’ll be fine without me.” It comes out flirty, but inside there’s another stab of discomfort at the statement.
Probably because it’s true. Mona has her partner Max, and her new, much cooler best friend, Blair. Blair has Mona, and undoubtedly a never ending supply of interesting, kinky people at her beck and call. People that don’t have to cancel plans because their body is defective.
Mona smiles, oblivious to my depressing thoughts. “Have fun, Rose.” She grabs my elbow and leans in before I can stand, lowering her voice to a whisper. “I don’t care how hot he is, or how cool Blair seems with it—stay in the public areas. Don’t do anything without discussing boundaries and safewords.”
I nod, my eyes widening a bit at her serious tone. “Of course. I’ll be back in a bit—don’t leave without me,” I say, forcing a light laugh.
She pats my arm. “Never.”
Mona’s assurance bolsters me as I take Declan’s extended hand. His grip is strong enough to help me up, but not crushing, and his skin is callused, indicating he works with them. He places a hand lightly on the small of my back as he leads me away, sparking arousal and nervous anticipation. Up close, he smells like leather and musk, the epitome of what you’d imagine a rugged, older, dominant man would smell like. Or at least, what I’d imagine.
If I’m being honest, it’s a little disconcerting how well this man fits the image I’ve conjured when I’ve fantasized about submitting. Tall, older, toned body and rough hands, dirty smile, and hungry eyes. I don’t normally get flustered around men, but he’s putting me off-balance.
I like it. The only other person who’s made me squirm like this is Blair, but that’s different. She’s a vampire and a gorgeous badass. Of course she makes me nervous.
We don’t go far, only moving to the other side of the main room to a small table and set of chairs. Declan pulls my chair out for me, which seems oddly formal for a kink club, but it makes my stomach flutter.
He sits across from me and I realize he’s positioned us so I still have a line of sight on Mona and Blair. He notices me figuring that out and gives me a warm smile. “In case you want to signal your friends to come save you,” he says with a chuckle.
“Do I need saving?” I ask, returning his grin .
Declan laughs, the low rasp far too enticing. “You’re safe with me, princess.”
“That’s what they all say.”
He nods, unphased by my retort. “Fair enough. I’m just happy you’re giving me a chance.”
There’s a moment of silence that stretches out after he speaks, his eyes assessing me, watching me squirm, waiting for what comes next. I lick my lips and he tracks the movement with focused interest.
“So, Rose, you said you’ve never done this before. That you might be interested in learning. What exactly do you want to learn, sweetheart?”
I can’t stop the furious blush that floods my cheeks at the simple question. Telling this to my friends is one thing, but to a sexy, experienced older dom?
“You look beautiful when you blush,” he rumbles. “Would it help if I ask some questions and you tell me yes or no?”
I worry my lower lip with my teeth and he reaches out and hovers his hand over where mine rests on the table. “Can I touch your hand?”
The question surprises so much, it snaps me out of my nerves a little and I giggle. “Sure. That’s awfully polite of you.”
He places his hand on top of mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Consent is crucial. I need to know that you’re enthusiastic and comfortable with anything we do together. If we do anything together… that’s still entirely up to you.”
Shit, the blush is back with a vengeance. “R-right. Makes sense. Okay, ask your questions. I’m ready.”
“Brave girl,” he murmurs, raising the hair on my arms as the pad of his thumb strokes my wrist. He leaves his hand on mine, soothing me with the weight of it and his soft caress. “Let’s start with the basics. Do you enjoy being submissive?”
“What do you think?” I ask with a weak laugh. He chuckles and gives me a look that can only be described as indulgent.
“I don’t want to assume anything, princess. Do you like to be told what to do? Do you like the idea of pleasing me?”
My pulse spikes and a drop of sweat slides down the back of my neck. “Yeah.” My voice is soft, but certain, and I’m rewarded with a nod and another gentle smile.
“How would it make you feel if I said you’re being a good girl?”
“I’d like that,” I breathe, unable to take my eyes off of him now. Is it normal to feel lightheaded talking about this stuff? Or is that because all the blood in my body is going to my face and clit?
He licks his lips and gives me a filthy smile that hits me right between my thighs. “What about if I told you that you were a naughty girl and needed to be disciplined?”
“That’s good, too.” I laugh again to play off how I’m burning up under his stare.
“You’re being such a good girl, answering my questions, Rose.” He squeezes my hand and I have to suppress another awkward giggle at how fucking hot and weird this whole situation is. “Should I keep going, or would you like to stop for now?”
The question takes me by surprise. Every guy I’ve been with would be asking me if I want to go fuck in the bathroom right now, not checking in to see if his racy questions are making me uncomfortable.
I’m honestly not sure if I want to keep going, so I choose a third option. “Can I ask you a question?”
His eyes go warm and soft. “Absolutely. Whatever you want, princess. ”
“Are you looking for sex or a relationship? If we did things together, would it be exclusive?”
He chuckles, but there’s no derision in his expression. “All excellent questions. We’d need to negotiate the parameters of what our play would look like. I like to start with a short scene or two with no sexual or romantic expectations, for us to feel each other out, then check in and see where we’re at.”
“How would it not be sexual? Isn’t that the point?”
Declan’s mouth quirks at my interruption. “Not necessarily. Sex isn’t always part of kink. I’d be lying if it wasn’t a large component of mine, and I’d certainly get turned on playing with you. But the connection and the responsibility of taking care of my submissive is just as important to me.”
Gosh, he takes this stuff seriously. I’m a little embarrassed about my naivety, so I cover it with a laugh. “You’re saying you want to have sex with me, Declan?”
It’s my first time using his name and his gaze turns hot. “Yes. I’d like to do a lot of things with you, princess.”
Well, damn. My nipples harden, poking against the thin fabric of my dress. There’s no way he can’t tell that I’m turned on.
“To answer your other question, I’m happy to be exclusive during the experimentation phase, and beyond, if we’re a good match. I prefer that, but don’t require it from my submissives.”
His responses are so well-practiced that it dawns on me that he’s done this many times before. On the one hand, it’s nice to know he takes things seriously and has a lot of experience.
On the other… it taps into my insecurities. Makes me feel like whatever happens won’t really mean anything to him. I’ll be one more woman in a man’s list of conquests. Worse, he’ll have a lot of people to compare me to. I won’t be able to hide behind my appearance. He’ll see all my inadequacies in bed.
My excitement cools rapidly as my crappy previous sexual experiences flash before my eyes like a highlight reel of disappointment. I’ve always imagined that being with a dominant would solve my problems in bed, but what if I’m wrong? What if I’m as broken and frigid as Zack said I was?
My vision wavers as my eyes grow watery. Fuck, I’m not going to cry in a kink club!
“You okay, sweetheart?” Declan asks, his brow furrowing in concern as he reaches to take my hand again.
I force a smile and nod. “Totally fine. Just thinking. It’s a lot to consider!” I giggle to try to sell that I wasn’t on the verge of tears a second ago.
God, I’m blowing it. I have a surprisingly kind and understanding man who is the dom of my dreams right in front of me and I’m too in my head to stick the landing. Fucking Zack. Fucking awful men who made me feel this way. This is what I want!
“I’m interested. You seem amazing and I want to try this.”
Declan’s face lights up. “That’s fantastic. I’m excited to teach you, Rose. In case it wasn’t obvious, that’s one of my kinks,” he adds with a wink.
“Guess I’ll need a sexy schoolgirl outfit, then.” It’s a joke, but as soon as I say it, I realize that could be exactly what this man is into. A second later, I realize I’d probably be into it too.
“Such a tease. You look perfect the way you are, princess. A pretty pink confection.” His gaze darkens, and he leans forward to brush a strand of hair out of my face. “Such a pretty girl. It makes me want to make you filthy.”
Oh. Oh wow. That’s… hot? Gross? Which somehow makes it hotter to me?
He shifts back in his chair and goes back to his relaxed smile. “ And now all of you is that lovely shade of pink. Stunning. I was wrong before. That must be why you chose the name Rose.”
I shrug, trying to get my brain to cool down enough to reply.
Thankfully, he takes pity on me, no doubt able to tell that he’s flustered me. “Why don’t I give you my number? You can text me if you decide you’d like to meet up and try a scene. Or just get coffee and discuss things more.”
I hand him my phone and he puts his contact info in. It feels weird to stay here if we’re not going to do anything tonight and I’ve got his number, so I make a feeble excuse about needing to go to the bathroom.
As soon as he says goodbye, I make a beeline for Mona and Blair. Or rather, just Mona. Blair isn’t sitting with her anymore.
Mona tells me that Blair is talking to some friends, then grills me for details, and by the time I’m done recounting how awkward I was and how hot and nice Declan was, she’s practically squealing with excitement.
I wish I could say the same. Instead, I feel off. I wish Blair were here for the debrief. She’d know if the things Declan said were good or not. From what Mona has told me, Blair was practically her kink mentor. So then, why doesn’t she care about me?