Chapter 24
24
T he heat of Blair’s words and the filthy look she gives me are tempered by my visceral reaction to the pet name. I grimace before I can stop myself.
“What’s wrong?” Blair asks, her brow furrowing as her dominant persona falters.
“Sorry!” I give her an apologetic smile, trying to shake off the sudden shame and sadness that hit me from hearing one innocuous word. “That’s what Zack used to call me. I loved it at first, but towards the end it felt like he was mocking me with it.”
“Fuck,” Blair murmurs, and I don’t think she intended to let the curse slip out. She evens out her expression and nods. “I won’t use it again.”
“Thank you,” I reply softly. My nakedness feels difficult to ignore now that the reminder of my ex-husband has reared its ugly head. I want to cover myself with my arms and shield myself from the embarrassment of Blair seeing how pathetic I am, getting upset at such a silly thing.
I’d hoped tonight would be different from my other sexual experiences. I’d thought maybe because Blair is a woman, and I trust her implicitly, it wouldn’t be a problem. Sadly, I’m still me. Am I even going to be able to relax and enjoy myself or has my past tainted my thoughts enough that they’re forever spoiled?
“Enough.” Blair’s sharp word cuts through my thoughts. My eyes lift to meet hers instinctively at the command. “You’re not here with him, or anyone else who may have hurt you. You’re here with me. We’re not done yet. Unless you want to use your word.”
I blink back at her in surprise. Her adamance is a sobering splash of cool water across my spiraling thoughts. I nod. “No, Mistress. I don’t.”
“Good. I’m going to bind you to the cross again. Tell me if it causes any strain or discomfort.”
I nod again, and start to turn to face away toward the cross, but she stops me with a hand on my shoulder. “Stay facing me. I want to watch every expression that crosses your face with what we do next.”
A wave of heat washes over my exposed skin at the dark promise her words contain. I want to ask what we’re doing next, but the words won’t come out. Not when she gets close enough that her body presses against my side, and her cool fingertips play along the sensitive skin of my wrist for a moment before she re-cuffs me to the cross. Her face is so close to mine, our height difference minimal with me barefoot and her in heeled boots. All I’d have to do is lean forward a little and my lips would be on hers.
God, I want to kiss her, but I’m terrified to cross that line. What if she pushes me away?
It’s a ridiculous fear, given the way she’s been looking at me all night, but I can’t shake the worry that I’ve misinterpreted her intentions. That, yes, she’s attracted to me and probably enjoys dominating me, but she doesn’t want that kind of intimacy. Blair does this for her job, and gets men she has zero interest in to cling to her every word, coming back time and time again because she’s so damn good at being their dominant. For all I know, it’s the same with me. Any attraction I think she feels toward me could simply be the combination of a well-crafted persona and a friend’s desire to help me get out of my head.
Blair moves to my other side and cuffs my other wrist, and I let my gaze fall to the floor rather than continue to stare at her mouth, silently begging for her kiss.
“Spread your legs wider,” she says as she returns to my front.
My face flames furiously at the command. “Wh-what?”
“Step your feet further apart. I’m going to bind your ankles as well.” Blair says it casually, like she’s done this a million times. Which she probably has. I can’t tell if it’s reassuring or makes me jealous of the people she honed her craft with.
“Right. Of course.” It’s considerably harder for me to get myself to do than any of her other orders tonight because she’s watching me with such intense focus and when I step apart, she’ll be able to see so much more of me. I won’t be able to hide how wet my thighs are from her flogging me and tying me up. There’s a thrilling surge of nerves unlike any I’ve experienced before, forcing myself to do what Blair ordered even though it’s embarrassing, and it only heightens when she sinks down to the floor to cuff my ankles to the cross.
The wicked smile she gives me as she looks up after finishing the task makes my breath hitch. I’m fully exposed to her, and she’s not shy about looking her fill. After a few moments, Blair stands and takes a step back to take in the full picture. She watches me, gaze wandering over every inch of my body in an unhurried drag.
I’m not usually shy about being naked, but it’s a little different when you’re strapped to a cross and being stared at like you’re a feast by the most intimidating woman in the universe. Who happens to be a vampire.
Fuck, why does that make it even hotter?
My breaths are shallow, and every rise and fall of my chest feels exaggerated by the position I’m held in. I’m completely at her mercy. Blair could do anything to me right now, and god, I want her to. I know she’d stop if I use my safeword, but that’s the opposite of what I want. My body aches for her to do something to relieve the overwhelming need that’s coursing through me. Why isn’t there a word to make her give me more?
“Please,” I whisper.
Blair’s eyes snap to mine. “Please what?”
“Please, Mistress,” I say louder.
Her lips twitch with a suppressed smile. “That’s very good, but I want to know what you’re begging me for.”
“Anything,” I say, the word coming out on a shaky exhale.
This time she doesn’t hold back her grin, the dirty, knowing look making me want to whimper. “Anything? There’s a lot I could do with you right now.” Blair steps in closer and strokes a finger down my cheek.
The touch makes me shiver, and I suck in a sharp breath as she collars my throat with one hand. She doesn’t apply any pressure, but she doesn’t need to. I already feel unable to breathe with her hand on me like this .
“I’ll take whatever you want to do to me,” I say, when I’m able to think past the mind-fogging anticipation.
She leans in even closer and her lips ghost against the shell of my ear. “That’s right. You will,” Blair says, her voice taking on an edge that makes my pulse spike.
Kiss me.
Bite me.
The hand on my throat slides down to my sternum, Blair’s fingertips brushing my breasts as she trails her palm between them. My back arches reflexively, begging for her to touch them with more than an idle tease. She doesn’t give in to my body’s demand, instead continuing her descent down my body to slide across my stomach and down to my low belly. She licks her lips, resting her hand there and giving the soft flesh there a gentle squeeze.
“I love this. It’s so sexy,” Blair murmurs, her tone softer than before. Almost reverent.
I let out a weak laugh. “That’s what you think is sexy? Not my tits or my pussy?”
“Those are incredible, too,” she says, matter-of-fact. “Every inch of your body deserves to be worshiped, Grace.”
Fuck me. More of my arousal slides down my thighs, and with the way my legs are spread, it’ll be dripping on the floor soon. I squirm against my bonds, unsure if I’m trying to hide myself or beg for more of her touch.
Blair lets out a low, throaty chuckle at my movement. “So desperate.” She removes her hand and I can’t hold back my whine. “Maybe I should make you wait a little longer. Teach you some patience.”
I open my mouth to protest, but close it again as heat flares in her eyes. She set a trap, and I almost fell into it. I don’t want to be a brat. I don’t want to fight Blair. I want to submit .
“Yes, Mistress. I’ll be patient for you.”
“Mmm, such a good girl,” Blair purrs, stroking a hand through my hair. Her praise wraps around me, teasing my body as much as her light touches.
“Thank you, Mistress,” I whisper.
She watches me for a few agonizing minutes, peppering gentle touches that never stray to anywhere my body begs for. When Blair finally touches my low belly again, then slips down through my damp curls to rest right above my pussy, I gasp.
My body is lit up, more turned on than I’ve been in my life. Blair holds my gaze as we hang on the precipice, silently asking if I want to take the leap.
I falter.
Fuck, I want this so badly, but years of past sexual experiences slam into me, like they always do when things get to this point.
“You don’t have to…” I drop my gaze in shame.
Blair freezes immediately, the pads of her fingers resting on my mound, her hand cupping me without any pressure. An inch lower and she’d be touching my clit. She’d feel how wet I am from her overwhelming presence.
Her other hand grips my chin and lifts it, her touch careful but insistent as she forces me to meet her eyes.
Blair’s stern gaze bores into my soul and finds me… Shit, I don’t even know. Maybe she thinks I’m pathetic. After all, I’m the one who keeps falling out of the scene. I’m the one who keeps sending mixed signals.
I’m hot and cold all over and I could pass out from how badly I want her to touch me more. When I spoke with Mona, I was worried I wouldn’t enjoy being with a woman, even with the crush I’m harboring. That fear has mostly evaporated, but in its place is the sadder reality that even if I enjoy her touch, it’ll be pointless .
“If you don’t want me to touch you here, use your safeword.” Blair doesn’t reassure me that she wants to touch me, only searches my face while I decide.
It’s maddening. I hate not knowing for certain. It only makes things worse.
I shouldn’t have asked our scenes to include sex. It was incredibly selfish of me on multiple levels. Blair told me multiple times this didn’t have to include sex, and I assumed it was because she didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. What if she said that because she didn’t want to have sex with me?
I take a deep breath and force myself not to shut down from embarrassment. I should’ve told her about my issue before we started the scene, and I definitely should’ve asked point-blank if she wanted to have sex with me or if it was a favor as part of her lessons. “I… I don’t want you to stop. But I only want you to touch me if you want to. And I need you to know…”
Fuck, this is so embarrassing. I squeeze my eyes shut, unwilling to see her inscrutable face when I admit my shortcomings.
Her fingers tighten their grip on my chin to the point of pain. “Look at me when you’re speaking, pet.”
Pet? I gasp at both her harsh grip and the name, and my eyes flutter open. “Yes, Mistress.”
“Good girl. Now, speak.” Her command is so absolute I almost think she’s using some kind of vampiric power on me. But no, that’s just Blair.
My knees threaten to buckle at the intensity, but I obey. “If you touch me, I…I won’t come.”
A flash of pain passes across Blair’s expression before she can hide it.
My eyes widen in alarm. Shit, I’m screwing everything up. “Not because it’s you! But because I can’t. I mean, I can, but I never come with a partner. And before you say that men are trash and that you could do better, it’s not like some of them haven’t tried.” I let out a weak laugh. “Believe me, they did.”
To the point that it made things infinitely worse. Zack may’ve been an asshole but he tried using my favorite vibrator on me, and he even attempted to go down on me for over an hour. Multiple times.
I’m the one that’s defective. I’m the frigid bitch who can’t get off unless she’s alone. I’m the person who makes sex a problem.
I’ve learned that anything sexual is better if I don’t bother trying to get off. This would’ve been so much simpler if Blair had bossed me around and used me for her pleasure so that I didn’t have to worry about this exact moment, where all the focus is on me. Now I’m having to face the thing about myself that’ll ruin this otherwise thrilling night.
God, I’m so stupid. Tears well in my eyes, and I have no way of wiping them away while I’m bound. All of my faults and weaknesses are laid bare.
Blair stays silent for a long moment, waiting to see if I’m done talking. There’s no sign of judgment or disappointment on her face, only the same blazing intensity that makes me shiver.
“Then don’t come,” she says.
“What?”
A predatory smile twists her lips. “I’m going to touch you, and you’re not allowed to come.”
The idea is absurd. Why would she bother? “I…I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”
“Because I want to. Because right now, you’re my pretty little pet and I get to do whatever I please with you. And yes, I will do what I want to do.” She emphasizes the word “want” as she holds my gaze, before releasing my chin and stepping back, her gaze a hot brand on my exposed skin.
“Your body belongs to me, Grace,” she continues, moving back in to run a fingertip down my sternum, my nipples pebbling at the faint touch. She strokes down my stomach and wets her lips when she reaches my small thatch of pubic hair. “It’s my right to feel how wet you are for me,” she murmurs, leaning in close enough that I feel her cool breath on my throat.
I stifle a gasp as she slips two fingers between my thighs. Blair lets out a dark chuckle as she finds how slick I am. “Remember—you’re not allowed to come. Do you understand?”
“Y-yes, Mistress.” I gasp again as she circles my clit. She says it like it’s even a possibility and I find myself tempted to believe her. It won’t, but the threat of causing her ire if I miraculously come from her touch is setting me ablaze. “I won’t come.”